A/N: Hi all! I am so happy to be a part of CSSNS and since I was asked I knew I just had to write something with shifters (humans who can turn into some kind of animal). It took a while to craft an idea but eventually I stumbled on this story. This story as of now looks like it will be about 15 chapters, and though there will be a bit more angst than my stories usually have (mostly in the flashbacks), we will have all the same CS cuteness as in my typical stories. Hope you guys enjoy and thanks so much for trying this new AU with me!
Looking at the all of three boxes that held every one of his belongings, Killian Jones didn't know whether to laugh or to sulk.
It was pathetic to have so few possessions of matter, and since most of this clutter constituted essentials he didn't want to waste as opposed to anything of sentimental value, it was an even drearier situation. At this time in a normal life, a person should have belongings and keepsakes. They'd have roots. They'd have some kind of driving motivation and a want to make things stick. All Killian had was a restless spirit and a tendency to look over his shoulder like the past might come barreling back in at any moment.
"Hey, new guy!"
Killian recognized the voice that called to him immediately, and he barely suppressed a groan of irritation. He didn't have anything against his upstairs neighbor per se, but Killian wasn't a fan of idle curiosity, and he certainly didn't like it when it was aimed at him. His intention by leaving this early in the morning was to avoid encounters of exactly this nature. He'd come into this apartment complex with no fanfare and he expected to leave the same way, but the man who called to him didn't take the hint. Instead he moved closer to Killian, ignoring the basic signals Killian was giving off that usually deterred people and continuing to talk in a grating and persistent tone.
"You moving out already?"
Killian mumbled out a noncommittal noise even though he very much was leaving. He could have been polite. He could have offered a smile and some small talk, but it wasn't his style. No, Killian was what movie-making romantics called 'the strong silent type,' heavy on the silent, and he wasn't about to change for some nosey bloke who still dressed like he was ready for a frat party six years out of university.
"So where are you headed now?" Killian heard the query but he did nothing more than meet the man's eye and arch a brow. That did the trick. Now the neighbor was intimidated, though he held his ground long enough to offer some parting words. "Forget I asked. But you might want to check the mail before you go. It just came in"
Killian grunted at the thought as the frat boy scurried off. Check the mail? When had he ever gotten mail in his two months living here? That was the perk of moving as he did. He never locked into contracts and he rarely even used his real name. It would make tracking him easy, and Killian didn't want anyone to be able to find him with ease. There were two people the world over who stood as an exception to that rule: his cousin Ruby and her Granny. But when the time came to reconnect, they rarely used traditional means of communication. Why would they when they when there was still a pack bond between them?
Just the word 'pack' thought aloud in his mind had the wolf inside of Killian stirring. It was something he resented, something that he'd tried to tamper down. Not his wolf of course – for that would have been fruitless. Killian was a shifter by birth and by natural right, and denying the animal in him, the part that was definitely more beast than man, would only cause trouble and more isolation than he already felt. Still that instinct to want to belong, to rejoin a group, to establish a home even if it was with new family, was primal and basic. His wolf craved connection, but his wolf was dreaming if it thought Killian had any interest in that plan at all. There could be no making packs with humans, and Killian had situated himself in cities filled with only ordinary people for what felt like forever to keep himself from any sort of temptation.
Living so fully in the human world was a strange choice for a shifter. Truth be told, shifters had been around just as long as humans had, and their history was rich with intrigue, but they'd been hiding their true natures for centuries, choosing to keep their secret for fear of persecution. Legends remained, whispers circulated in more paranoid or observant parts of the world, but the thought of people who were part animal and part human had become nothing more than a myth to the vast majority of people today.
That being said, it was hardly easy for shifters to be around humans with prolonged frequency and not give something away. The urge to shift into animal form was a constant, and when the moon was full it was nearly impossible to ignore. As such, most packs built their own towns or villages and established safe spaces where they could live in relative obscurity. Those communities spanned the globe and spanned species. Not every shifter was a wolf like Killian, but the common thread they all shared was a wish to keep the peace and to roam free in wide-open spaces. There was a counsel and a sort of makeshift government that oversaw things in the shifter world, as well as a force to keep packs from exposing themselves to human eyes, but Killian didn't bother with them any more. He didn't heed any man's rules but his own and that was exactly the way he liked it.
Loading the last of his belongings into his truck, Killian settle behind the wheel ready for the long and laborious journey. His new temporary dwelling was some twelve hours away from where he had been living the last few months, and it stood in stark contrast to the last ten places he'd inhabited. Instead of settling on a city with a high enough population that he could easily get lost in the shuffle, Killian had this strange internal need for something smaller and more specific. Instinct had been pointing him towards Maine for years, but he resisted the urge every time he had to move again. This time, however, he'd finally relented and secured a place in a tiny town on the coast that could offer him both proximity to the sea and to large expansive forests where his wolf could roam without detection.
When examining a map to try and find exactly what place he should start his new life in, Killian had dozens of villages to choose from. There were a number of townships that would provide the change of pace his wolf had been craving, but one name among the group stuck out – Storybrooke. It sounded too cheesy and quaint to be real, but sure enough such a place existed, and though at first Killian doubted the merits of choosing a town with such a name, he eventually reasoned that anyone from the past who might look for him would know of his aversion to such a cutesy sounding dwelling. It might ensure him a bit more safety in the end, and it never hurt to stack the decks in his favor.
The journey from Richmond up the coast was largely monotonous and undeniably fatiguing but it was nothing Killian couldn't handle. One of the advantages of his shifter status was that he had the ability to be alert for longer periods of time. He also had more stamina and he could put off sleep and still function far longer than most humans could. But even with those abilities, Killian would have given anything for a shift and a good long run in the woods by about eight hours in. Instead of allowing himself to indulge though, he settled on fueling up at a small, unremarkable diner along the highway.
"Can I get you anything else, hon?" the waitress asked Killian after he'd downed the meal he ordered in under ten minutes.
Killian spared the woman a glance for the first time since he arrived and chose a corner booth to sit in. She was young, pretty, and chipper, exuding far more excitement than the three-o'clock hour at a rest stop diner deserved, but Killian knew why. She was interested in him, and that wasn't his ego talking. It was indisputable fact. He could smell her interest and excitement since he walked in the door, but he didn't need to be a shifter to know that she wanted him. This woman had attempted to flirt with him throughout the meal, but she was wasting her time. For one thing, she was human and thus off-limits, but for another she wasn't right for him. If she was then his wolf would have taken notice, but that part of him remained quiet, proving this woman would never be anything more than a passing stranger.
"Just the bill, love," he said – using the endearment as casually as he always did having grown up abroad, but he regretted it the second the word was out of his mouth. Bloody hell, now the girl was going to think he cared, or at the very least try to start a conversation about his accent and where he was from. He hadn't any interest in engaging with her so he made a last request that extended the truth more than a little bit. "And I'm in a bit of a rush. Trying to make it home before nightfall. You know how it is."
"Mhmm" she affirmed with a nod and a lingering light in her eyes that spoke to her not having fully given up hope. "You're racing against time. Only question is, what's got you so afraid of the dark?"
The words were meant as a passing tease, signaled by the fact that the waitress left then to get him the check as requested, but it hit Killian hard and caused a rush of emotion he'd been staving off for years to surge again. In this moment he was ill equipped to fight back the memories that came with such feelings, for everywhere he looked there were things that set him off. The décor on the wall was quintessential Americana, harking to small towns like the one he'd grown up in. Then there was the music playing on the jukebox in the corner, the time-warped throwbacks that were too old to be the songs of his youth but featured prominently in his memory because they were what his parents liked to listen to. Yet the most triggering part of the diner was the other patrons, most notably a large party in the other corner. In the fray were two young boys, brothers with dark hair and light eyes who were laughing and enjoying themselves tremendously. And as Killian watched them interact, it set off a slew of remembrances in Killian's mind.
There was once a time when Killian had a large and bustling family, a clan of people just like him, who walked the world as men and women but had a propensity for more. His immediate family was much smaller, just Killian, his parents, and his brother Liam, but since their father was the leader of their pack and the alpha in charge of the communal land they shared, there'd always been others coming in and out of their home. From the outside it probably seemed like a perfect little life: they were a cookie cutter family with two growing boys and a thriving, engaged community of neighbors they could count on. The whole shifting into a wolf whenever the fancy struck thing… well that was just a bonus. But appearances were never what they seemed, and in Killian's case it was all an illusion with a darker, more sinister truth tucked underneath. That harmony the world might have imagined in the Jones family was nothing but a lie, and it had been decades since he'd left that life safeguarded by his mother and his elder brother Liam.
"You okay there, sugar?" the waitress asked, pulling Killian from the thoughts and making him jump slightly. He turned his attention to her and nodded, not bothering to look at the slip she delivered as he dropped a few bills to the counter. Then he muttered something like a 'thank you' as he left, putting on his jacket and heading out again.
The drive from that point on was much more difficult, and Killian admitted he was rattled and on edge. Usually he was an expert at shutting down wayward thoughts, but as the sun sank lower and lower into the sky he began to lose the battle. By the time he crossed the border from Connecticut to Massachusetts he'd given up completely, keeping his eyes on the road but really only seeing the images of a past that was better off forgotten.
"Killian, my darling, wake up. Wake up, love."
His mother's voice was soft but insistent, rousing him from a dream he couldn't quite remember, and as Killian came awake he could feel the tension in the air and smell the sickly sweet scent of fear. Instinct took over as his body went on the alert. His muscles tightened as he propelled up to a sitting position and his eyes darted around the room before settling back on his mother.
"Mom?" he asked, frightened by her anxiety but calmed by her presence and the fact that she appeared unharmed. Her dark hair was braided down the side in familiar fashion though some of it had come lose and framed her face. Her blue eyes were fixed on him and though there was uneasiness in them, there was also the love Killian always received from his mother. She bore no visible bruises or scars, and Killian exhaled automatically at that happy fact.
"We have to go, honey. Here, put these on," she whispered handing him clothes warm enough for the elements outside as he got out of bed. "We don't have much time."
"Where are we going?" Liam asked, as he appeared at Killian's door already changed. His elder brother was nearly fourteen, a whole seven years older than Killian was, and even he seemed uneasy at what was happening. Killian hurried to fulfill his mother's request as she packed a few small things form around his room into a small sack.
"Away," she said and when her voice cracked she cleared her throat. "Far, far away."
"And Brennan?" Liam asked as their mother came back around the bed to button up the last few spots on Killian's coat. It wasn't unusual for Liam to call their father by his name. He made a habit of it whenever their father wasn't around. It was a form of defiance Killian admired even if he didn't fully understand it. Their mother, meanwhile, looked surprised at the bold use of such a disrespectful address in front of her.
"Your father won't be coming," she said before taking Killian's hand and leading him out of the room and down the hall to the back door. "We'll have a new life, and a new start."
"But he'll find us," Killian whispered just before she opened the door. "He finds everyone."
"Not this time," his mother said crouching down to look him in the eyes and offering him a brave smile. "I promise you Killian, your father will never find you or your brother. I swear it by the moon and the stars and the night sky. I will never let him hurt you. Never again."
The memory of their escape faded away, skipping ahead through the years that they had known of safety. They'd left the country entirely by means both magical and against the human laws of the world. They had new names, new identities, a whole new story and a made up past, but those lies bought them a kind of freedom none of them had ever known in his father's house. It was a quiet life with a fragile peace that kept it all together, but Killian's mind didn't linger on the good times for long, instead careening towards the night years later when the past caught up to them once more. It was a night that would forever change the course of his life and leave him broken, angry, and hell bent on revenge.
"Enough of this," he muttered aloud to himself as the toxic thinking of his past filled his thoughts. His hand reached for the radio dial, searching out something, anything, that would take his mind off of this.
The music helped for a while, and his method of blasting it loud enough that coherent thoughts couldn't linger for long proved well worth it all things considered. But as he made his way steadily up the coast and found himself passing more and more signs for Boston, another memory struck. This one was different, having far less to do with his family but not packing any less power of feeling or emotion. It was a one time thing, a freak happenstance of chance, but all this time later he'd never forget it.
"Alright, lad, it's last call. You good to get yourself home?"
The old man at the counter of the Irish bar Killian had nestled into tonight asked the question with a hint of uncertainty. Killian held back a snort of indignation. Of course he was all right. It would take a whole lot more to get a twenty-one year old shifter drunk than the six glasses of whiskey he'd had, but since 'Old Patty' as everyone had been calling him smelled completely human, Killian couldn't fault him the question. Instead he nodded and shot back the rest of his drink.
"Well I suppose I'll be seeing you tomorrow then," Patty stated, already knowing the answer. Killian had been here the last four days. Chances were he'd be back again.
"Seems rather likely," Killian replied and the man looked him over as if sizing him up. Killian remained impassive, assured that he had learned at this point how to give nothing away unless he wanted to. Finally Patty gave him some parting words.
"Be safe out there."
It was a strange thing to say given Killian's experience with this city so far. Certainly there was crime, but Boston was a mild place as far as cities went. He'd walked the streets late at night a number of times and never been bothered before by anything but the chill that came with nights this far up north. In fact, Killian found it almost amusing that the old man would say something. He walked out of the bar, completely certain that it was about to be another boring, uneventful night, until the wind shifted and his senses pricked up. There was a scent in the air that was familiar and foreign all at once and instantly his wolf knew another shifter was nearby. More than that the shifter was on the hunt, but why in the world would a shifter be hunting in the city? The question sent a cold chill down his spine and though Killian questioned whether or not he should stick his nose in this at all, his mind was made up when he heard someone cry out seconds later.
Prompted by the signal that someone was in trouble, Killian sprinted down the length of the street he was on before finding the side alley where the scream had come from. What he saw once there stopped him dead in his tracks: there, standing before him, was a girl with shining blonde hair and fear in her eyes that couldn't be denied even from the distance. There was also a giant dust-colored wolf snarling at her and poised to pounce at any moment. Killian's instincts screamed at him that this girl had to be saved and protected, even though rationally he knew it wasn't his job to save her, and there was no room to question it as his wolf pushed to the surface almost of its own volition. It was the first time he'd ever shifted where so many humans might happen upon him, and there was no way he wouldn't be seen now by the girl in need of help, but it didn't matter. All that mattered was fighting off the other shifter and making sure she was safe.
With all the quiet of a top predator, Killian moved towards them, only giving his position away when he'd already lunged for the other wolf, sending them both sprawling away from the girl. In the back of his mind Killian hoped she would run to safety and get the hell away from here, but he had to focus on the fight. Whatever was happening with this wolf it wasn't normal – Killian could feel it in the air and see it in the beast's eyes. They were a sharp and throbbing scarlet color that was unnatural. Wolves usually had gold or silver irises, and other species had their own colors that made them distinct, but Killian had never heard of any shifter kinds with eyes like these. He tried to mentally push out to this other wolf, using the common telepathic link all shifters shared, but to no avail. There was nothing but rage and malice flowing off of this unknown assailant, and that made him a powerful opponent and a deadly foe to face.
As their fighting commenced, Killian sustained more bites and more hits than he expected. With alpha-lineage, Killian was stronger and more capable than the average shifter could ever dream of being, but the power of this unknown wolf was unexpected. Again his wolf's inner instincts told Killian there was something wrong. This wasn't natural and somehow this animal was tainted in ways Killian couldn't understand, but that manic, violent energy gave the beast power. There was even a moment where it looked like this would end badly for Killian, but then the other wolf looked back at the girl who was still shaking in fear and trapped against the wall and Killian somehow found the strength to overcome. He took the opening that distraction had created, gaining the upper hand with sheer force of will, and though it hurt him to do it, there was no reasoning with this animal. He wouldn't submit, he wouldn't admit defeat, and the only way to keep him from continuing to charge at the young human was to kill.
When the deed was done Killian waited for the nausea and sickness that came with taking a life to wash over him. He took no satisfaction in killing another, no matter how justified it was. But when he turned his gaze back to the girl he felt strangely at peace. Seeing her better now he could tell she wasn't quite as young as he once thought, even if she was still too young to be appreciating her as he did. She had fair skin, wide green eyes, and a face so beautiful it was fit for an angel. The alleyway light cast her in this kind of glowing way, and Killian could see that she'd stopped shaking. Somehow she didn't seem so afraid now, but that was madness. He was a wolf and she had just witnessed something that would be traumatic in any place, never mind a city such as this.
"You saved me," she whispered, the words so low a human would have missed them but they struck Killian with more impact than any blow he'd just sustained from his opponent.
Her tone was so sweet, the words so genuinely grateful and filled with awe that it made him feel this strange warmth seeping through him. He longed to approach her, to get closer and understand what it was about her that could seem so perfect and so pure, but then a noise came from inside the building beside them. Only then did Killian realize it was a hospital. He hadn't noticed before, too busy trying to save this lass who intrigued him and who called out to him on such a basic level, but now good sense returned once more. He took one last look at her before darting away, concealing the other wolf in the shadows of the alleyway until an authority member could come and contain the scene. Then Killian started a plan to get out of Boston before trouble could catch up to him and in turn maybe catch up to her too.
In all the years since that night, Killian had never had another similar interaction. There was the occasional run-in with another shifter, but never one so out of control or hell bent on killing a human. Other shifters like Killian who had gone rogue in some way might not operate within the traditional pack lines, but they also didn't have vendettas against humans as that shifter had. Messing with humans was the best way to get yourself killed by the counsel or thrown into some kind of shifter detainment and no one sane had any interest in either of those options.
There was also no other person who compared to that girl. No human or shifter Killian had met in the years since intrigued him in that way. He'd been curious about her and drawn in so immediately that it still puzzled him even now. She was so young, too young even, no more than seventeen he would guess, but she felt incredibly important and vital to the fabric of his life. To this day there were nights that Killian dreamed of her or where his mind wandered when sleep would not come. In those moments he would wonder about what the last five years had been like for her. Was she still in Boston? Had she managed to put that night behind her? Did she ever wonder if it was more than a freak animal encounter? These were questions he'd never have answered, but they were safer thoughts than the ones plaguing him so far during this drive. As such Killian allowed himself to linger in them the whole rest of the way, only letting go of them when he saw the 'Welcome to Storybrooke' sign just as the sun was beginning to set.
The drive into town led Killian to believe that there was all of one main roadway in this place. A few more minutes brought him to what must be the center of Storybrooke, one single strip with shops, a market, and a couple of places to eat. To another long-time city dweller such a place might be unnerving, but Killian didn't mind it so much. It certainly made finding the small real estate office he needed to locate that much easier, and as he parked his truck along the road and got out to fetch the keys to his new rental he thought he might even enjoy this place. He couldn't see the ocean from here, but he could hear it well enough and feel its cooling breeze as well.
The coastal ambiance was complimented by the chirping of crickets readying themselves for the summer night ahead, and the chattering of people who lingered on the street in the after dinner hour. This was clearly a town that was close knit and connected, and it dawned on Killian that this could be an issue down the line. He had no intention of connecting with his fellow neighbors, only plans to shut away in the cabin he'd procured and try and find some peace before moving on again. That probably wouldn't go over well in a town as small as this, but Killian didn't care. Let them all be angry or concerned – it wasn't his problem. All he cared about was surviving and resting up before eventually hitting the road again in the hopes of staying ahead of the demons that followed.
With that conviction in hand, Killian crossed the street to the realtor, barely casting a glance to look for non-existent traffic, but out of the corner of his eye a flash of gold caught his attention. When he made it to the sidewalk he caved to curiosity and glanced back over only to stop in his tracks at the sight of a beautiful woman. The gold he'd seen had come from her hair, which was pulled back in a yellow ribbon but still hung long enough to entice him. He wanted to reach out and feel those silky strands, to see if they felt as decadent as they appeared. At the moment she was facing the other direction, not offering him a glimpse of her face, but in that time Killian took in her figure, seeing she was lithe but still blessed with curves that poked at a desire he hadn't indulged in in years. In the dress she wore, he had a clear view of her long legs, and without so much as seeing her face she knew she was a knockout – but when she turned and their gazes clashed he never imagined what lay in store for him.
It's her! Killian thought to himself, unable to fathom how that could be possible. All the same he was certain. The girl from Boston, the one he'd saved years ago, this was her! Only now she was grown up and even more tempting and alluring than she had been back then.
In the five years since he first saw her she'd grown up substantially, morphing from a teen to a woman in the best possible way. He could see changes in her, differences from the girl who had haunted his dreams, but her eyes were exactly the same. He'd never forget that shade of green, or the feelings that came the first time they looked at each other. The same light he saw then was clear as day now, but somehow, the power it held over him was even more profound. He swore in that moment that she could see him, really see him, and for a second he thought she would recognize him too. Only after a moment did he realize that was crazy. That night she'd seen him as a wolf, not a man. It was impossible, but in the face of this miracle of finding her again Killian felt a shift within his chest. It felt like his world had finally come into focus. This was more than a mere attraction to a gorgeous woman, but what it was Killian couldn't rationally explain. The only thing he could think was an instinctual response from the recess of his mind:
Mine! His wolf said. My love, my mate.
Mate? But that couldn't be right. She was a human – definitely a human - but then again she was also so much more. She was a siren calling to him, begging his legs to propel him forward. He wanted to go to her, to talk to her, to see if her voice was as he remembered or if it had changed as the years went on. He had this need to hear her laugh, to see her smile. He craved the chance to touch her, to really know her, to see if she was what he imagined, or, as he was starting to suspect, if she was so much more than that.
As their gazes remained locked in the span of seconds that felt simultaneously like a lifetime and all too swift and fleeting, Killian knew she felt the pull too. This wasn't one sided, not if the flush that came to her cheeks or the widening of her eyes said anything. But what could he possibly say to her? "Hi, I'm Killian. I have a fuck ton of baggage, a constant need to run from the past, oh and I think I'm in love with you largely because I can turn into a wolf and have semi-magical tendencies?" Uh, no.
"Emma?" an older woman asked, drawing his human's attention away from him.
Killian felt the loss as she looked at another instead of at him like a swift punch to the chest, but it was settled by the fact that now he knew her name. Emma. Her name was beautiful, just like her, and it resonated at a level in his heart that should frighten him. This level of recognition and of wanting was so foreign to him, but it couldn't have been more natural. Nevertheless, he had to get his bearings back or risk her thinking he was crazy, or stupid, or something of the like.
He couldn't seem to draw his gaze from her, try as he might, but when she looked back at him she smiled, and it felt like sun on a perfect summer day, and a full moon at the height of winter. He and his wolf were both basking in what felt like perfection itself, and Killian could tell he was already addicted to this feeling. For the first time in a long time he felt his own lips curve into a smile, and he felt a surge of pride when he saw her response. Her expression brightened, her eyes spoke of wanting to come towards him too, but alas, it wasn't to be. Much as he might want to cross every obstacle to get to her, it wasn't in the cards. At least not tonight. Instead Emma returned her attentions to her companion, breaking the moment and the connection between them.
Killian was still caught up in her spell a while later. He stood there, rooted in place, for too long, trying to understand how fate could be this way. There was so much unanswered, so much that couldn't be mere coincidence happening all at once, but the promise of seeing her again now that he was here filled Killian up with a tremendous relief. His old plan of staying shut away was gone now – for he knew he couldn't be here and not seek her out tomorrow and every day thereafter. In her presence, he'd been granted a tremendous gift. He felt able to breathe for the first time in forever, and the weight of his world had been lifted. It was powerful and magical, and Killian carried the dazed but elated feeling as he gathered the keys to his new cottage and made his way to his new home.
Post-Note: Okay, so there is my first chapter and as you might be able to tell I am walking a new fine-line with this fic, a line between a very painful past for Killian (and some painful moments for Emma which we will see next chapter) and a fluff-filled, insta-love, shifter romance. Even by the end of this chapter you can see I couldn't stay situated in the angst. I need the hope, I need the promise, I frankly need the love, and as such you guys can trust that you will find this here. I also promise I am not delving super deep and detailed into the traumas of the past. There will be painful emotions and memories, but descriptively I cannot handle going too dark. I leave that to better angst-writers, some of whom are also doing CSSNS. As such, you should prepare yourself for a largely fluffy endeavor with some twists and turns along the way. There will also be more action coming, as this chapter had some world building to do to get you all caught up with some basic shifter things. Anyway, I hope you will all join me on this new adventure, I thank you so much for reading, and I look forward to hearing what you think and sharing with you next time!