Chapter 1.You And Me (prologue)
There is no easy way to unwind after a day from hell. A ferry-boat crash comes under that tidy heading. It's a hurt you can't let go of by ripping the band-aid off. Holding tears from your eyes long enough to escape the hospital and going to your soulless hotel only delays the inevitable out burst of anger. Hurt for what you witnessed when he went in that room. The way a long standing friendship suddenly healed that extra inch it ached for. Knowing you've got a Jane Doe patient who is a mystery. Outside the realms of performing a miracle you can do no more to help her find an identity. You can do no more, except perhaps wait and give time a chance.
It's a waiting game right now.
As you walk along the water front, surveying the still smouldering wreck with glazed eyes you picture yourself in the position of the 100 still lost. You wonder if anyone, less Alex or Mark would recognise you amongst the injured. Somewhere within you hope that your work hasn't gone un-noticed that somebody would catch a glimpse of your fiery red hair and claim you.
All of a sudden you feel the chill in the air, as if you know he's around, like a smell you sense him before seeing his figure appear. The leather jacket and well fitted jeans make your knees go weak and buckle. You can feel the fall coming. "Thought I might find you down here," he draws up close, leaning on the railing holding you up.
"Yeah, what a day" you stare steadfast to the water, looking through the reflection of the city for some kind of miracle cure for the ache plunging through your heart.
"They'll make it," he sighs, cupping his hands tight against the cold February air. You can barely hold back the tears as he moves in closer, silently trying to protect you from the whole tragedy.
"It makes you think," you respond eventually, wiping away a stray curl long dropped in the myriad of surgery and running around you've done today.
"Yeah, when I saw Derek..." he pauses, coughing to hide the sniff you saw him elicit "when I saw Derek I pictured myself in that situation. You where Meredith was with me in a heap on the floor and I couldn't…" he tails off, referring in part to his broken friendship with your ex. To the grudge he's held for nearly a year now without a crack or a crumble.
"You couldn't hold him in contempt anymore for breaking me," you smirk satirically dredging you mind of the history you share with the man stood beside you.
"Yeah, which is insane because I'm Mark Sloane," he puffs his chest absent-mindedly as you rub your hands together, attempting to avoid the gesture as he reverts to his macho façade you've worked with for years.
"Did you mean what you said?" you pause, your heart skipping a beat "outside Meredith's room, did you mean what you said?" he turns and gives you that look, that smile that makes your insides dance a merry jig. Yet you find yourself cursing for the hope siphoning into disgust that you may well be falling into another trap; another broken heart that won't mend right second time round.
"Yeah, we're a couple of train wrecks who've been stuck in denial for far too long," you shake your head vehemently, denial suites you to a tee. Last time you removed yourself from denial you got damaged.
"I can't get hurt again Mark" you protest as he takes your hand in his forcing your body to turn and face him. You mind haphazardly follows as he cups your face close to his.
"I won't hurt you, I can't hurt you Addison," he drags his thumb to wipe your tears as they begin to torrent down you cheeks, "I've loved you since the day I set eyes on you, the geek stuck at the front of organic Chemistry. I watched you turn into this beautiful butterfly that could do no wrong. I helped Derek choose your engagement ring all the while loving you more than he could. The sex, a coping mechanism please just allow me to catch you" by now your face is burning with a mix of desire, loathing and admiration.
"You tell me this now, Mark. Do you really expect me to believe this? I'm too damaged for you, I've spent my life with Derek and now, now it feels like I'm loosing it. Every night I spent alone in that double bed and I feel so alone, where the hell were you? We had college, internship, dammit you've had half my lifetime to make a move and you choose now?" flinging his affections by the way side you storm up the sidewalk, heading for the hotel as tiredness envelopes your anger and vulnerability.
"Addison. Wait…" he tears up behind you, thrusting your shoulder back he spins you off balance as you turn round ready to slap him. "I'm not letting you do this, I'm not gonna let you hit self destruct. Please"
"Why Mark, why do you want this?" you motion to the wreck you've become your trembling legs shivering against the cold breeze as your green dress catches at your thinning body. You're face is tear stained, mascara streaks in two ravines. "I'm damaged, I'm broken. You've got your perfect life. Leave me be"
"I want you Addison, we can get through this," you protest vehemently.
"No Mark, I can get myself through this" with that you run off, drifting into the horizon on your way back to the hotel. Part of you wants to reach your solace, down the bottle of champagne sat on ice whilst you soak in a bath but something inside you hopes he'll come that for once you'll be the one who deserves to be saved.