Author's Note

This is a silly that story takes place after the events of Lightning Returns. However, it is in an alternate universe, where the characters have stayed in their original world. Enjoy!

Disclaimer- I do not own the rights to Square Enix's Final Fantasy XIII franchise.

Hope grasped the makeshift letter in his small hands, his eyes scanning over the puzzling proposal. Why had Snow asked to meet him alone- and in a strip club of all places? Hope, who had just recently gotten his emotions back, was not sure what to make of this unexpected invitation. After trying to assess the situation with all of his new indefinite feelings, Hope decided to go through with the meeting, but also decided to bring some backup- okay, A LOT of backup. In other words, Lightning, Fang, Vanille, Sazh, Dajh, Serah and Noel- who were all just as worried as Hope was.

As he approached the front of the building, Hope tried to find his "courage." He thought back to his past, where he had exhibited much bravery and faced many daunting opponents, such as trained soldiers or vile beasts. But in all honesty, Snow was much scarier and far more unpredictable than any of those. As he pushed through the ornate doors, the others slipped inside, attempting to be as inconspicuous as possible- not that it really mattered considering how oblivious Snow could be. Even so, they decided to hide themselves behind a bar near the entrance of the club's main room, and poked their noses out over the bar top as they watched Hope walk hesitantly forward. He entered the middle of the empty hall, his footsteps reverberating off the myriad strip poles, which sent the echoing sound and his apprehensions shaking upward toward the raised ceiling overhead.

"Ummm…." Hope began, timidly gripping his hands together.

"Hooooooooooooope…"

It was Snow's voice- singsong, taunting… seductive?

Hope looked up.

Snow. Sliding down one of the tall strip poles, his eyes fixated on Hope as he promptly hurtledtoward him. "Hoooooooooooooope," he repeated, his bulky boots slamming against the tiled floor, its shock almost knocking Hope to his knees. "My loooooooooooooove," Snow cooed, holding his gloved hand out to Hope.

"What are you doing?" Hope asked, clutching his hands together even tighter and playing with his fingers. Without answering, Snow began singing again and, to everyone's horror, dancing on the strip pole. He twirled around it, one leg bent to the side, one finger pointing at Hope as he worked his way around the pole.

"My loooooooooooove…"

Mimicking a typical stripper, Snow slid down the pole and rose back up again, twerking. Hope stood stationary, unable to take his eyes off Snow, unable to process or define what was going on in front of him.

The others had much more pronounced reactions-

Gagging, Lightning facepalmed herself while Fang smirked, and, squeezing Lightning's hand, teased, "You like what you see, love?" Jumping up and down, Vanille squealed, "Great performance!" as she giggled and frantically clapped her hands together with unabashed enthusiasm. Sazh was not as amused; he turned away in embarrassment and made sure to cover Dajh's eyes who (thank Etro) had no idea what was going on. Holding her face in her hands and whispering into her palms, Serah mumbled, "I always knew he was gay… I'm so glad we decided not to get married." Noel, on the other hand, could barely contain himself, fighting the urge to both punch Snow in the face and run into his arms at the same time.

Before they could imagine the scene becoming any more ridiculous, something entered behind Snow (who was still attempting to dance sexually). It was a group of Anubys,arranging themselves into a single file line. They had lank legs, disheartening stature, yellow eyes, and… top hats and canes? Kicking their spindly limbs, they started doing a rather well-synchronized can-can routine. Hope's skull could barely contain his large, oval eyes.

"Hooooooooooooooope, my loooooooooooooovvvvvveeeeee…."

"My looooooooooooooooooove," the Anubys echoed, swinging their canes.

Hope analyzed the dancing beasts and the brawny man, who was singing and sauntering in front of him like some kind of Broadway-stripper reject. His voice irresolute, Hope interrupted the charade and asked, "Are you serious right now? What is the point of all this?"

"This is all for you, Hope," Snow replied, pausing and stopping his striptease (much to the relief of the others). "I wanted to make you laugh and ease you into this since you just got your emotions back. I didn't want to overwhelm you."

"Honestly, this whole fiasco is pretty overwhelming," Hope said, tracing his eyes over Snow and his sideshow. "But… overwhelm me with what exactly?"

Snow swallowed, looking uncertain, which was unusual for the boasting warrior. "Well… I always say that heroes never die and… well… neither has my love for you." Hope's pale face turned the color of Vanille's hair, as he truly felt powerful emotion for the first time since he had gotten it back. Seeing his discomfort, Snow went back to his dance. "Hooooooooooope, my looooooooooove. I'll make you feel all kinds of emotion. Youuu caaaannnn be my king, and I'llllllll be your Snooooooow queen." He winked and threw his momentum around the pole, his gloves squeaking against the taut metal. The Anuybus resumed their kickline and Snow copied their movements, kicking his legs and shaking his palms. "Jazz hands!" he yelled.

The courage, the confusion, the incomprehension- all of the emotions he had felt for the first time in centuries- undulated inside Hope. It pored through him, to the ends of his silver hair to the tips of panicky fingers. All at once, the subdued shell that had encased him for so long, like the mighty Cocoon, fell to gravity's weight, crashing down in a sea of dust and crystal. Hope stamped his foot against the floor (although very weakly compared to Snow), and burst out laughing.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Snow halted his salsa and looked at Hope, unsure if the laughter was a good sign or an omen of rejection. The others were just as perplexed: was Hope enjoying himself or had his new emotions combined with Snow's display caused him to completely lose it?

"You made me laugh, alright," Hope said finally, composing himself. His arms fell to his sides where they swayed loosely, all tension gone from his body. "You made me feel laughter, along with many other emotions: embarrassment, shame, pity. You really are a fool." The others let out a collective sigh of relief that made both Hope and Snow glance in their direction. Hope could only see the top of their heads (mostly Sazh's and Dajh's), but he could imagine them whispering. He knew that they were judging Snow, and that they were going to judge his next decision. Hope looked back at Snow who looked as if he lost all of his cockiness and confidence. He stepped down from the strip pole and started lightly hitting his fist against his palm.

"However…" Hope continued. "I am starting to remember how I used to feel all those years ago… And I remember… liking you, having a certain passion toward you." Wide eyes watched from behind the bar, as well as from Snow's anxious face. "Somehow… I think we can make this work." Snow smiled and held out his hand. The entire group's mouths fell open as Hope looked back at them and grinned. He eagerly took Snow's hand. Together, they walked off into an unknown section of the club, the only sign of their presence their distancing shadows of different lengths and height.

Unfazed by Hope and Snow's actions but disappointed that their dance was over, the Anubys shrugged and kick-lined away to wherever they came from, throwing their hats and canes to the floor.

"Didn't see that one coming," Sazh said, rubbing the back of his head. He removed his hand away from Dajh's face, who was the only one unharmed psychologically.

"I know he didn't have any emotions, but he did a damn good job of hiding that side of him," Fang remarked.

"Hope, you bitch! You man stealer!" Noel cried as he ran out of the room, his baggy pants tripping him. No one noticed him his exit except for Serah who chased after him yelling, "At least you have a chance considering he's gay!"

Vanille placed her thumb against her complacent chin. "Ummmm, did they forget about us?" She scanned the room with her hand pressed to her forehead.

"I don't care if they forgot us or not," Lightning answered, unusually unnerved. "My concern is if that really just happened."

The group fell silent, not sure if they should stay or go.

"You know," they heard Hope's voice echo. "I might physically be a teenager, but technically I am now over 1000 years old. I am not just a kid anymore. Who's the bitch now?"

"I aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmm."

It was time to go.

In fact, it was time to run.

Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it. Please leave a comment if you did! :3 -Rai