MAJOR SPOILERS!! MAJOR SPOILERS!! MAJOR SPOILERS!! MAJOR SPOILERS!! MAJOR SPOILERS!!
(Don't read beyond this point if you don't want to read any Fullmetal Alchemist series spoilers.)

Introduction: Okay, this isn't my first shot at Fullmetal Alchemist but it is the first posted piece for FMA that I've written. I'm really in love with the series. I've seen all 51 episodes of the series fan subbed but I've only seen the first DVD of the series in English. I've seen the Conqueror of Shambala and finished the Broken Angel PS2 game as well. I've read the translated manga up to the sixth volume but I've read from there to chapter 43 of the scan-translation and I have to say that while I think the manga is more interesting I know the anime better so this is based off the anime. The entire point of this story is that I didn't like the movie's ending, although the Elric brothers were able to stick together. It just didn't make me happy with the movie as a whole so this is my version of a perfect ending... though it isn't really perfect.
Basics: There are MAJOR SPOILERS for a lot of different episodes in this story and in this chapter alone. I'm disregarding the movie and anything that showed Ed when he got to our world the second time. I'm taking artistic license with some alchemic theories and practices and I'm hoping that it all seems like it's possible based on what is known about Alchemy in the FMA universe.
Rating: I'm bad at ratings. For now this chapter of the story is rather mild but I'm aiming for NC-17 overall...
Warnings: Yeah, if you didn't know from my other works or whatever, I'm a yaoi (male homosexual relationships for those of you who don't know this term) girl. For fan fiction I write yaoi and so far only yaoi. My original works are different but I haven't posted anything original yet. My aim is to somewhere along the lines make this story explicit. I don't write PWP but really my stories are just vehicles for me to get to the sex. Yeah, I'm a pervert and I know it so you don't have to tell me; I'm proud of it. And in FMA I'm a complete RoyEd whore. Meaning, the main pairing in this and probably every other FMA story I write will be RoyEd.
Notes: When I get stuck on angst I really get stuck so if I'm trying to change moods I have to cut off chapters and reset my own mood. This chapter is all angsty and the first half is pretty depressing but the over all story is going to be of a lighter mood, just so you know.

There was rain and there was quiet. It was night, the sort of night when Roy Mustang's eye would ache because there was nothing to keep him from the memories. Oh, he had tried to find salvation from those ghosts of the past at the bottom of a bottle. But in the end he always felt like that would be running away from his punishment, the one he deserved for all he had failed to do, and he was the one who brought them to the foreground of his mind.

There were people missing from his life, people who were very important, people he cared for so much it hurt to remember them and to not be near them. It hurt to not be able to see them, to know they were okay. Three truly stood out in his mind, three in particular. Maes Hughes was the first. The man had been as a brother to him, his closest friend who knew all his secrets and who had been a proud and doting father and husband. The second was Alphonse Elric. Though he could have gone and visited him whenever he wanted it was too hard for him to see the boy. Al reminded him so very much of the third person he missed. It seemed wrong after so many years of seeing them together everywhere to see one without the other, one without the memories of all the other had done for him. The third was, of course, Edward Elric. As much as Roy hated to admit it he had become exceedingly attached to the boy genius he had and there was no getting around it.

The Ed shaped hole in his life was the most painful, most unforgettable, because while he knew that Alphonse was running about in green fields watched over by the Rockbell family and Maes was not a question mark, as much as it hurt though the ache had dulled, Edward's whereabouts were unknown. No body, two empty graves for the Fullmetal Alchemist, and Roy wanted to believe that he was alive somewhere. He wanted to but he didn't know. Knowing one way or the other might hurt but it would also bring relief. And that made him angry. Ed had always run around without telling him where he was definitely going to be, had always exploited the unusually long leash that the Colonel had allowed him and he had been left to make excuses to his own superiors about why he allowed it. And now, now when Roy needed most to just know, he had yet again disappeared for some place unknown.

But this time there was no reassuring phone call from whatever place he ended up in or some train station while he was in transit. There was no letter or report delivered to his desk that documented at least where he had been or where he thought he would go next. And the black haired man was angry for that though he wasn't sure if he was angry with Edward or at himself for how he had let the blond walk away when it had been clear that, as much as he would never ask for it, he had needed help or even just a little support that last time they had talked. He hadn't even been allowed a proper good-bye.

With a final swig from the suddenly emptied bottle, he damned himself again. He had lost count of how many times he had told himself he deserved this hell that was his life and he would be thrown into the actual hell when his life was up but it didn't matter. It was true, as far as he was concerned, so it hardly mattered how often he said it. He often entertained the thought that maybe he was already in hell and that's why everything seemed to drag on forever and he didn't seem to look his age. He wondered if he had died in Ishbal. He wondered if the boy had killed him instead of the other way around and everything else he remembered from that time and all the other times since were other people stuck in hell with him. But then he remembered Gracia, Elysia, and Maes and knew they could never be in hell. And then he has to face that it was all real.

And he's angry still but for another reason. As adult as he was, as mature as he has always been, he wants to shout that it's not fair. All that has happened isn't fair. It wasn't fair that the people of Ishbal had been subject to such slaughter or that the very art they feared and hated was the very one used to destroy them and scatter their people to the winds. It wasn't fair that he had been made to kill a child just because he had red eyes and just because of where it was that he was born. It was unfair that he had killed two compassionate doctors who treated wounded no matter who the wounded were. It wasn't fair that Winry had to lose her parents and Pinako had to lose half her family.

It wasn't fair that Hughes had died and Ed had actually blamed himself for it. It wasn't fair that in the end Maes had been doing such dangerous things just so he could help Roy rise in the ranks. Or that Elysia's only thought at the funeral was that Maes couldn't go to work if he was buried and they had to stop because her daddy had work to do. It wasn't fair that Gracia, the kindest woman Mustang had ever known, had to bury the man she loved more than anyone but their daughter.

It was unfair that Edward and Alphonse had lost their mom after their father had abandoned them for who knows that reason. It was unfair that they had had enough talent to be able to draw and activate such a complex transmutation circle but not enough to make it work despite all their good intentions. It was unfair that Al's whole body had been taken and Ed had been left without his leg and with the guilt that he hadn't suffered the same as his brother. It was unfair that Ed had to sacrifice his right arm to save Al when it should have been more than enough that he was willing to sacrifice everything to save his brother and was only given his soul. It wasn't fair that Roy manipulated Ed into joining the military just for his own gain. It wasn't fair that the colonel had decided to let Edward go rescue Alphonse alone so that he could go and have his own vengeance. It wasn't fair that the four years that Ed and Al had traveled together on their quest and Edward himself had been taken from Alphonse so that he could have his body back.

Roy Mustang didn't see any of it as equivalent exchange. He couldn't see how it all came out even. He looked at it over and over and always came up with a negative number, never a wash. How could such suffering and loss ever be set right?

There were far too many injustices. There were far too many things he could have done differently. And he hated hind sight. He hated being able to look back and regretting the things he had done, the things he didn't do. And the only reason he didn't end it himself is because he knew Edward would hate him for it, using him as an excuse to run away. So he didn't do that irreversible and selfish thing that would only send him to some place marginally worse than where he was because if there's one thing he didn't want it was for Edward to really, honestly hate him.

And maybe that was enough. To know that Ed had let him know that for all he said and shouted that he did, he didn't hate Mustang. Maybe he even grudgingly respected the man. As much as others might have told him he was only guessing and self-justifying or whatever, not that they ever did, he knew the elder Elric brother well enough to know how to read his eyes, how to look past the posturing and the aggression. He could see every single insecurity laid bare as if the boy wanted him to see them and it was that night, with the rain and the quiet that he realized that Edward had wanted him to see, wanted to share that part of himself with Roy. And he cried to himself as he sat holding an empty bottle by its neck in one fisted hand, legs drawn up with the other arm laid on his knees, and his head resting on his wrist wondering why it took him a year to see it.

He sat in the corner of his dorm's study/living area, back curved and bones obvious beneath skin that was stretched tight over his too thin form. His sobs were muted by his clenched jaw, lips drawn back from his teeth in an anguished grimace. The loudest noise was from his unsteady and erratic inward breathes through his slightly runny nose and sucked through his gritted teeth. He knew that in the morning his subordinates would know that he had had a hard night and they would try to help, offering companionship and/or hook ups with beautiful girls who were dying to go out with him. He hadn't dated since he had gone out to Eastern Headquarters and then went to chase down Fullmetal and he really didn't care to ever date in the way he had before ever again. He no longer suffered from a large sexual appetite and there was also the fact that he just wasn't interested. He didn't need or want their pity though he thanked them when he turned them down. After all they were just trying to show him the support they thought he needed.

However, it wasn't their support he needed. It wasn't their encouragements and condolences that he wanted. They could never give him the one thing he wanted more than all else, the one thing that he'd sacrifice himself for if only he knew how: Edward Elric. He'd use himself to transmute the boy back but he had spent his time when he had learned alchemy focusing only on fire and neglecting all else but the basics. He seriously regretted it. But then again, he surmised that if a genius had to go about it very carefully there was no hope that he could do it and he would never subject the memory of Edward to being ruined by some homunculus with his looks but not him in all the ways that counted.

And for all the thinking of how to get him back, Roy hadn't come up with a single lucid working plan or idea or theory, leaving him exactly where he had started... without Edward Elric to annoy, to anger, to order around, to look after, to protect, to keep him safe from himself as he had wanted to do from the time he had seen the boy broken and half dead without a right arm and without most of his left leg. And he wept even more openly at that.

(Scene break to the next evening...)

The haggard look on Brigadier General Roy Mustang's face had nothing to do with his frustrating and yet normal day of work and everything to do with the emptiness of his dorm. As much as he didn't wish to date just for a fling, just for sex without commitment, he was lonely. He had come to admit a lot of things to himself since his life had become so empty, things that he would only admit out loud to the proper audience and no one alive or in his immediate vicinity matched that description. He was alone when he went to his small but seemingly cavernous dorm and so he usually stayed late at the office those days, putting off paperwork until the close of normal work hours and then he would "stay behind to catch up". His staff all knew that he was avoiding going home for as long as possible.

Some nights he didn't go home at all and instead he slept at his desk or on one of his couches. Riza hated finding him like that because then he would half asleep all day and his state of dress was usually unacceptable in both appearance and odor. She had demanded that if he was going to keep doing it then he had to have a spare uniform, a clean one, in his office so that he could change in the morning and that he also had to have toiletries so that he could look at least half decent should any superiors have any reason to see him. But he knew she hated that he slept there because he couldn't sleep comfortably on those couches and she wanted him to take care of himself. He however, didn't care any longer for him own well being.

As much as he had wanted to stay at the office he knew he needed to sleep in a bed and it would be the first time in a week that he would. The night before he had fallen asleep on the wooden floor and it had put all sorts of kinks in his neck, back, arms, and legs. He had been one giant walking knot of irritated muscles all day. He was dimly grateful that he was too exhausted and aching to try a repeat of the drunken mess he had been just twenty some hours earlier. He went to take a shower first, hoping that would somewhat alleviate the pains in his weary body. When he emerged, with only a pair of sleep pants riding low on his hips he was struck with the feeling that he wasn't alone.

He stopped dead in the doorway between his bathroom and bedroom and stood, his face not showing the shock he was feeling, nor the small niggling instinct to fight or flee. His eyes swept over the dark room. He cursed himself for having not turned on the lights on his way to the shower. Without any further thought and without warning he lunged at the bedside table and reached underneath the top to get at the spare gloves he kept taped to the underside. His face did show his shock and slight panic as he found nothing. ((They're gone?!)) And he knows the person is in the room watching him. His fear is confirmed by the good natured chortle that escapes his uninvited guest but his fear and surprise fades into relief tinged with confusion. "You really should just call to tell me you're coming or even use the door bell as a normal person would," Roy's flat tone spoke of his annoyance.

"Ah, you just don't like being caught unawares, eh, Mustang?" The voice was definitely female and young yet authoritative like Hawkeye's but lighter sounding and more carefree in tone. "It's been a while, hasn't it?" And as his gloves came sailing at him from somewhere over by the window which had the curtains drawn he caught them deftly by sound. He pulled one on and snapped his fingers, lighting the lamps around the room. There stood Colonel Isana Geli Ebba, the Midnight Alchemist who had been missing and presumed dead for the last year.

Roy frowned as he looked at her. She looked exactly the same as he had seen her just over a year ago. Her black fury feline ears and tail twitching and proving themselves to be real to the contrary of her official military records which state they're automail. She was still just as young looking as ever, her body seemingly unwilling to look any older than a mature fifteen of sixteen despite the fact that she was twenty three. Mustang could relate, his own appearance having not really aged since he was about twenty two. "Where the hell have you been? You know that your Lieutenant Colonel and Major have been going crazy don't you?!" He really shouldn't have been surprised. She had waded through hell before and made it alive. He began to wonder if she was capable of dying at all. With a shake to his head he glared. "And why are you here, in my dorm of all places?" That really was the million dollar question.

Isana sighed and shook her head. "You've changed a lot! Used to be you put business off for a while and actually pretend to be a gentleman," she faked a pouted. There had never been anything besides friendship and professionalism between them but Isana was a natural flirt when it came to the people she knew. He supposed it was the interaction that she longed for, having to go months sometimes with only the companionship of Sylvia Wolfe, a mothery-type, and Wynter Crisis, a serious and somewhat cold woman.

"Well, a lot has changed, has it not? Such as, the revolution of the government, the new Parliament, the inquiries into the military... and it's been assumed that you died. They gave you a grave..." he trailed off at that, staring pointedly at her.

With a shrug the woman headed out of his bedroom, into the living/study area when there were chairs. "I'm going to sit down if I'm actually going to tell you my story because I'm going to fall down if I don't," she called over her shoulder. She didn't try to mask her slight limp, knew there was no point, because Mustang was too discerning and he had learned a lot about footsteps from having been Fullmetal's superior officer. He followed, staring curiously at her legs, especially the one she favored. "Yeah, I'll tell you about that too when I get to it... Do you happen to have anything to drink? It's been a long journey." She didn't bother trying to play the helpless female act with him like she might have with almost anyone else. He nodded and put some tea on for them, letting her rest a minute while he got it together for them.

He handed her a mug and kept one for himself. "Lots of sugar?" He gave her a bland look and nodded slowly, as if she had insulted him by asking. She gave him a brief smile of thanks and took a sip. "Well, where should I begin? You were here where the real action was. And I know what your part was so don't bother playing dumb with me. I was tailing Edward at the time and... well, I saw many things. I'm only back now because the inquires into the military and all are over. You know how it is with me being a chimera and all... I didn't want to end up in a lab again so I hid myself away for the duration," she shrugged as if to say it was no big deal.

"More importantly," she began, turning slightly more serious, "back at that time, I followed him under the city down into this underground cavern. I've since studied it and found it stretches under the whole of Central. But the most shocking thing isn't the cavern... it's the city that lies on the cavern floor," she stared at the table that that separated them, it's polished surface shining in the light and she traces a pattern on it with her forefinger.

Mustang had been interested from the beginning but he was pulled even further into the explanation. "... There's a city under Central? And what of the people there?" He leaned forward and put his mug aside, lightly laying his elbows on the edge of the table, fingers laced, with his chin resting on the bridge his fingers created.

Her eyes were made for seeing in darkness with little light to help and so, in the moderately lit room her pupils were pin pricks of black surrounded by wide blood red irises and she narrowed her eyes on him still tracing some pattern on the table with her finger tip though no longer watching. "There weren't any... Aside from Edward, Alphonse, and a few others who I'll tell you about soon enough it was empty... and has been for over four hundred years." She finished her drawing on the table and held her mug with both hands. Roy's eyes fell and looked not at anything but through everything, his mind working hard. When his head snapped back up, a look disbelief bordering on shocked dismay was etched on his face. She spoke before he could find words to. "Yes, it was one of the two cities that vanished in a single night." Isana's eyes though very odd always held a warmly indulgent look in them. It was a front, they both knew it, and she let it drop then. She was going to tell him everything...

(Will continue with chapter two...)