A/N: ok so this is the first time I ever post anything online…. I'm nervous but I wanted to share this story with all of you… let me know what you think ok? Thanks! Also every chapter will have a song that goes with it. You can look it up on YouTube. Have fun reading! So after a very long day at school… I re-read this and edited… so enjoy!!!

Disclaimer: We all know who these characters belong to…. Stephenie Meyer you are a genius!!!

Chapter Song: No Love – Simple Life

No Love

"There's only hate,

There's only tears

There's only pain,

There is no love here"

BPOV:

"You promise?" he asked as he looked at me with a serious face but with eyes full of hope. In my mind, all I could hear, and all I wanted to answer was I hate you, I hate you! But what I verbalized was something soothing and soft. "I promise honey" I said as I pretended to look at him in the face. I was really looking at the door that was at the end of the hallway just behind him.

As usual, I promised him that I would change the way I was acting towards him because according to him, I needed to change "a few things" to prove to him that I loved him. Yeah… as if! "Ok, thank you" he said. I felt like crying but I knew better than that.

I was used to the gut wrenching feeling that I felt when he touched me, when he told me he loved me. I expected that feeling, and when I felt it, I knew that at least he was, if not happy, calm. When he was calm, it meant that the storm was over, even if it was just for a few hours or even minutes.

I noticed that not one of the members of my family was aware of the argument that had just taken place in that sofa. We were sitting in the sofa "watching a movie" with my parents and obviously they were really into it if they hadn't noticed anything. I tried to joke to keep the tears from spilling "You got it dude!" I said, referring to the Full House line delivered by baby Michelle. That got a laugh from him and I produced a tight smile. "Well I have to go, I'll see you tomorrow ok?" he asked, getting up from the sofa to leave. "Ok" I said keeping that stupid smile plastered on my face. "Walk me out" he said. I followed quietly behind, hating the next part of the routine.

The little hallways that led to the front door of my house was dark and I immediately wanted to turn the lights on, but I knew that I would have to walk back towards the living room and he would get mad at me for "walking away", so I just kept on walking. He stopped before he reached the door and turned to look at me with a soft smile on his face. "Good night" he whispered.

In my mind I wondered if he thought I was happy, or if he saw through the show that I was putting, or if he even cared about my happiness. I also knew the answer to those questions… but I still wondered.

He leaned towards me and puckered his lips. I closed my eyes and stayed in place until his lips came in contact with mine. I hated him with all of my heart and I wanted to slap him for having the nerve to touch me, but I just stood still, closing my eyes, and let him kiss me. Might as well get it over with I told myself. As his lips touched mine, I stood with my hands at my side, and my fist closed tight. He has GOT to know that I hate doing this… he's just playing stupid! He felt me unresponsive, and he wrapped his arms around my waist trying to deepen the kiss and at the same time picking up the t-shirt I was wearing. I immediately felt the bulge grow under his jeans, but this was no surprise. It was what happened every night.

I immediately pushed him off and scolded him "stop, my parents are going to catch us!" he laughed and didn't even looked preoccupied. I opened the door and led him outside. "Good night" I said trying to sound sleepy and tired, just as I did every time he came over. "Bye" he said and he turned to leave. I didn't wait for him to even get to his car; I just closed the door and let out a sigh.

I said good night to Renee and Charlie, my parents, and I ran upstairs. I went through my night routine, blocking all thoughts from my mind. As I hummed to "Here It Goes Again" by OK Go, I brushed my teeth, washed my face, put on my pajamas, which consisted of neon pink and orange boxer shorts and a black spaghetti shirt. As I walked in my room I turned on the light leaving everything ready for the next day. (Not that my outfit needed any planning!!!). After that I hit the lights.

I sat on my bed, grabbed my cover, laid it on top of me, and pulled my laptop on my lap. As I typed the log in password and lay back, I released another sigh. Finally I was back in the comfort of my room. I was finally happy as I peacefully read a short story about a girl whose parents had died in a car accident and was now all alone without any relatives. When I finished I closed my laptop and lay in bed as I analyzed my own life.

I wasn't a normal teenager. I was 18 years old and still lived at home. I wanted to move away to go to college, but of course my mom had freaked when I took her with me to a campus tour of the university I wanted to go to, I can only imagine what she would do if I actually left. And let's not even talk about James! I really think he would rather see me dead than away from him.

So here I was, the only girl from my graduating class at Forks High School who didn't move away from home. Instead, I went to Port Angeles Community College, which sounded fancier than what it really was. It looked just like another high school, nothing like a college, making me feel even more of a loser for being stuck there. Yeah… welcome to my life!

Even at this age, my parents had full control of my life. To say that my parents were strict was an understatement. I wasn't allowed to go out without their permission, not that I ever went out, but I used to. When I could. I was also responsible for chores at home, which included cooking, cleaning all the rooms, dusting, cleaning the restrooms, and lets' not forget, also cleaning the backyard. I had a car but only used it to go to school and come back home, and I had to be at home 35 minutes after my class ended, otherwise they thought I was skipping school and would come home a pregnant teenager. If I ever drove out to Port Angeles, I had to notify them of it a week in advance so that they would think about it. Yeah… it was that bad!

Well at least I was allowed to have a boyfriend. Not that I wanted this one anyways.

For 2 years and 5 months, I had been dating James, a member of my church. I think that that was the only reason why Renee and Charlie didn't say much about him. He was a boy who went to church, had a job, and seemed pretty nice and formal when talking to other adults. I started remembering how we had met and how everything was at the beginning. I had thought he was a very caring guy and the fact that he loved carrying babies and playing with them at church, only made my heart melt. I always thought that guys who were single and still carried babies were the cutest ones and the ones more apt to be good husbands. We would greet each other at church with a smile. He was always a gentleman and seemed very polite. After that it was all simple really; he came to talk to my parents without even telling me of his plans. We got the blessing from my parents so that we could date, and that was that. I now knew how much I regretted ever laying eyes on him. He would be the death of me for sure. I would die a slow and torturous death and the only one to blame would be him. Only I know who the real James is.

As the night went on, the memories started getting darker and darker. I thought about who James really is. Let's begin with the physical aspects. Yeah he's good looking. He is the average Abercrombie model from head to toe. He has blonde hair and light skin color, his arms are strong and he has a soft smile that makes girls turn to goo when he uses it upon them. Personality wise, he's amicable and gets along well with everybody. He has many friends, and easily makes new ones. He's charming and well-spoken when needed. But those are the qualities that everyone sees. The person I see every day is a monster.

James is a jealous person, and that's putting it in soft words! He acts more like a needy baby if you ask me. He's controlling, and manipulative, when he doesn't get what he wants; he throws a fit the size of Texas to say the least. I'm sure he had a problem with alcohol at some point in time, since he was fired from a job for drinking the Vodka he was supposed to be serving the customers. He had also been a womanizer before he met me. Sometimes I wonder if he still is; not that I care if he finds someone else, as a matter of fact, that would be a blessing from heaven. He is so well-spoken that he has the ability to twist any demand of his to make it look like a soft plea, or a soft, loving request coming from a caring boyfriend. James also thinks I'm the most beautiful girl he's ever come across, but he doesn't fool me. He is not in love with me as he swears he is. He is clearly in love with the girl I am in his head.

That girl that James loved didn't need anyone but James. That girl could not breathe without James. She was submissive and did everything he asked of her. She only wore t-shirts, hoodies, jeans, and tennis shoes. She wore little or no make-up at all. That girl never got a haircut because short hair was a disgrace to a girl and made her look like a man. That girl didn't even look at other guys. As a matter of fact that girl didn't acknowledge anyone but James.

Yeah, that was the girl James was trying to turn me into; and he was slowly and painfully succeeding. I was a completely different person from the one I used to be. Even through my strict parents, I still went out to hang out with the girls, now I no longer had friends and I never went out. My relationship with my parents that had once been one filled with laughter but now seemed to diminish right before my eyes. Back then, I was always talking to my mom or hanging out in the library we had at home, but now, when I wasn't cleaning, I preferred staying in my room the whole day just listening to music or reading. My mom now thought I was boring and that I should socialize more, but I didn't care. Nothing was really worth the effort.

As I lay there, the tears started spilling. I wondered how I could have been so stupid. How it had all come to this and what had I done to deserve the life that I lived now. I had lost my grip on life and now I didn't know what to do. James had me in the palm of his hand with his threats of letting everyone know the truth. He knew that I would stay with him. That secret would break my family apart and it would kill me. Where none of his harsh words or his continued mistreatments was able to break me down, the disclosure of that one secret surely would. I was mentally and physically tired and every night as I lay back and analyzed my life, I hoped for his death or my death. Yeah… you know it's bad when you want your boyfriend dead.

I closed my eyes and I thought instead about the future, trying to forget that James existed. It was spring and I was starting my second semester of college tomorrow and I was nervous. My insecurities always got the best of me and for that reason I had always hated the first day of class. I specially hated the whole "introduce yourself" thing that I thought was so elementary school but whatever. I also hated the feeling that people were staring at me. Back then, I'll admit, I enjoyed the attention, but not anymore. I was sure that what everyone saw now was this ugly girl who clearly didn't have a sense of style. I quickly changed my thoughts to something more positive. I thought about the classes I was taking this semester and I silently prayed that none of my professors were too full of themselves to help me if I had problems. But of course I couldn't forget about James even if I tried. I just knew that with the new semester, came a whole new set of fights with him, and I really wasn't looking forward to that. I knew that the moment I talked to him tomorrow after school he would bring on the Spanish Inquisition about who was in my classes and if I had talked to anyone. I could already hear all of his questions and I would bet anybody a hundred bucks that he wouldn't disappoint.

Through the sea of tears, sleep finally got to me and I didn't wake up until the next morning.

A/N: So what did you guys think? Should I keep going? I have one more chapter finished but before I post I want to hear what you have to say about it.