Description: What happens when Caitlin drunk dials Harry
AN: This just randomly came to my head while I was watching Bad Moms:D All it took was their drinking scene LOL Also, with Shades of Yellow coming to an end, I am on the lookout for some longer fic snowells inspiration, maybe some AU, no powers or some other earth… any ideas?
And yeah, you may find hints of Lose Yourself recently published episode description in here.
Caitlin truly thought she was losing it.
She'd been worried about Harry for quite some time now as he'd been distant and on edge ever since he'd come back from Earth Two. Then with Jesse coming over, it got better. In fact, it was so, so much better and she was happy to see him relaxed and somehow at peace with whatever he had to figure out regarding his daughter. Once the girl left, he surprisingly asked Snow to go grab some coffee. She truly couldn't hide the smile appearing on her face just then. Could it actually be? She wondered. Could it be that he was asking her out? Like on a date?
They had a pretty good time, being at ease with each other, talking and smiling and she couldn't help but stare at him, enjoying that he seemed to have misplaced his glasses, because it gave her a better look at his eyes. And she loved those eyes so much she might've watched them a little bit too long. He was the first and actually only person she felt like confessing what she discovered about Killer Frost to and then that strange girl just had to spill her coffee all over their table and… they seemed to be back at square one.
Harry distanced himself after that and Caitlin truly didn't know how to reach him anymore. He quickly came up with the solution to DeVoe problem that was the thinking cap and she was terrified out of her mind for him, but knew that no matter what she or the team said, he would go through with it anyway. Honestly, she wasn't sure anymore that her opinion even mattered to him. She managed to convince Cisco to keep the older man in check, but she didn't know for how long he would actually manage that and now that they discovered a way into the Thinker's den, it only got worse.
It was Joe who actually said it aloud first. He pointed out that something bad was happening to Harry, but Snow had already seen it coming. She just didn't know what to do. In fact, she was beyond confused with the whole situation because one moment Harry made her feel like she truly mattered to him and in a way that had nothing to do with just being co-workers or friends, in a way she hoped to matter to him and then he seemed not to even see her anymore, just becoming obsessed with stopping DeVoe for all cost.
She tried to talk to him. She tried to talk to Cisco. But in the end Harry always got agitated and left, saying he was fine.
Well, he most definitely wasn't fine and she wasn't either, feeling helpless that she'd somehow managed to invest all of her feelings into a man that didn't even care. It was just her luck, right? She just wasn't meant to get her happy ending. She'd lost Ronnie twice. She'd tried with Hunter, which was a freaking disaster and maybe a way for her to move on from Ronnie. She wasn't sure what even possessed her then.
There had always seemed to be something between her and Harry, though. She'd seen it from the moment she'd met him, but hadn't let herself admit it. When she finally did, he was already gone, returning to Earth Two, not caring about the heart he was breaking on his way there, not caring that he was leaving his friends, now his family behind.
So she tried with Julian, but that might actually be more like calling for help, like a way to punish Harry for not seeing her. She wasn't sure anymore, hiding her face in her hands while thinking about it all and actually moaning quietly at the mess her life had become.
A strange and scary metahuman was living inside her and one that recently started to care for her like for family. She could feel it. And she had feelings, very strong feelings for a man so much older than she herself was that she was afraid he would never see her as anything more than something unattainable.
She couldn't care less for the age difference. She truly couldn't. In fact, she was simply impressed by this man, loving the way his mind worked, loving the look in his vivid blue eyes, loving every single line on his face, loving who he was inside under that gruff and obnoxious façade. Well, obnoxious to everyone but her, because he'd never actually been mean to her. In fact, with her he seemed to be his true self. He could show her his weakness and his strength and she would take it all in. In fact, she would be there to support him, to be his anchor if only he let her.
Was this all in her head? She wondered, rubbing on her eyes. Was she insignificant to him? Whereas he was everything to her and he didn't even know it? She herself didn't even know when it started exactly. Maybe she'd fully let herself fall for him when she'd found out that he was staying on Earth One. At some point she just stopped fighting it and decided to accept it and her life got so much easier.
Only now she was facing an actual possibility of losing him forever.
She couldn't seem to help him.
She couldn't seem to get through to him.
She didn't understand Killer Frost and had no way of talking to her alter ego.
Her life was a big mess.
She needed a drink, the pressure just being too much.
Harry was working late as usual those days, the intelligence booster for a change put aside while he was using his good old brain. He didn't need anything more when it came to equations he was familiar with. Just then, his phone vibrated and he seemed surprised to see Snow's name pop up on the screen.
Without hesitation, he picked up the call, asking, "Snow, is something wrong?"
"Oh, yes," she answered to his shock. Ok, she definitely had his full attention. "Something is very, very wrong." Her voice seemed changed somehow, but he couldn't pinpoint the cause just yet.
"Well, tell me!" he demanded when standing up. "Caitlin, what's going on?!"
"You!" she said to his astonishment. "You, Harry, is what's wrong!"
He frowned, not getting her.
"What do you mean by that?"
"I'm just so worried about you and you don't even care!"
"Um… where are you right now?" he asked when swallowing, actually starting to get what was going on. The music he could hear in the background kind of gave him the picture.
"Oh, who cares?! Because you clearly don't! Not really!" Caitlin argued. "We care about you, you know?! I care! And you don't give a damn! What's gonna be next? Are you gonna use the dark matter and let your body deteriorate?"
"What?" He frowned. "What are you even…?"
"Oh, don't tell me your superpowered brain hasn't figured that one out yet! If you boost it even more, then your organs will eventually fail! Maybe once you defeat DeVoe, you can actually take his place!" she provoked him.
"Snow, where the hell are you?!" He was pissed now and sure she was drunk and in a bar.
And then he heard someone else's voice. A male. Calling her a babe.
"Snow, damn it!" he screamed. "Tell me."
So she finally did.
"But I was having fun!" Caitlin complained when Harry managed to fish her keys out of her purse that he was currently holding anyway because she'd dropped it on their way to her apartment. In moments like those he truly wished he'd had a car in this world, but he'd run from the Labs to the nearest bar that she stumbled into, in such a hurry that he didn't think of even taking the S.T.A.R. Labs van.
"Yeah, fun," he mumbled under his breath, sticking the key into the lock a little bit too harshly and then turning it, letting her in first. "That guy was hitting on you so strongly that I wouldn't be surprised if he forced himself on you."
"Well, maybe I wanted him to!" she answered back when stumbling over the threshold of her apartment and he had to catch her, his hand now over her arm. He let go as fast as he made sure she was going to be fine, the touch scorching him. He also winced at her answer and then hesitated before walking inside and closing the door after himself. He'd never before been in her place and it felt kind of odd now, especially with her being so intoxicated. Still, he didn't want to leave her alone in fear she might harm herself by accident.
"Come on, Caitlin," he said then when facing her and folding his arms over his chest. "We both know you're not like that."
"How can you know?!" she suddenly raised her voice.
"I know you," he simply said and shrugged.
"No, you don't. You claim to, but you don't. If you did… if you really did know me…" God, those words were so hard to say even when she was drunk. She took a deep breath. "If you'd really known me, then you would've figured this out already."
"What are you talking about?"
"I care, ok?! You can't just ask me to coffee and treat like air the next day! I have feelings! I am a human being who cares!" she kept on screaming and his eyebrows rode high up on his forehead.
"Snow…" His voice sounded low and husky and it only turned her on more. Added to that the loosen control caused by the alcohol she'd consumed, she was already by his side, grabbing the lapels of his jacket and pressing her lips against his.
At first he froze, too stunned to act, to do anything beside just standing there and feel her mouth on his. Despite her being drunk, it actually felt amazing to be kissed by her and then suddenly, she licked his lower lip and pressed her body against his own.
A sudden jolt of arousal ripped through him and he needed to remind himself that she was drunk. Despite her actually admitting there was more to it than simple drunken need for sex, he still placed his hands firmly on her shoulders and pushed her away.
"Caitlin…"
"Aha! You must be serious if you call me by my first name!" She raised a finger up and he rolled his eyes at that.
She saddened, her shoulders slumping. She looked like a deflated balloon, as though all the energy was sucked from her and she stumbled, his hands immediately reaching for her.
"You don't really care about me, do you?" she asked him before turning around and walking towards one of the doors in the hall. "You never really did."
"Caitlin, that's not true!" he called after her, feeling the sudden need to make it clear because damn it, he did care and he didn't want her to be hurt because she thought he didn't. "It's just… complicated!"
She turned to him in the door and through it he could see it was the bedroom. He swallowed hard, reminding himself why he couldn't just take her there.
"Why?" she wanted to know, her voice sounding normal, sadness clear in her eyes. "Because you're from another earth? That doesn't seem to stop Cisco and Gypsy. Or maybe because you're so much older than I am? And so what? We're both damaged. And I actually think you're the one man that can truly make me happy. It's just so damn hard to see you wasting away when trying to stop DeVoe. Where's the line, Harry?" she suddenly asked, seeming sober out of the sudden and it only terrified him more. "Where's the line? When does it stop? With you becoming a vegetable that can't even move? With you dying?" she asked just then, a bitter tone in her voice.
"I… I don't know," he admitted, his voice sounding tired. "God, Snow, I truly do not know."
"Well, then you better figure this out, Harry, because…" she came to a stop and then she sighed heavily. "I can't lose another person, another… man in my life. I just can't lose you."
"You won't," he suddenly promised without even thinking about it, surprising even himself. "You will not. I promise you that."
"And what good is that promise?" she asked. "Maybe I don't believe you anymore. I did at first when you said you could handle the booster, but I don't anymore."
What he did next might've been crazy, but he still covered the distance separating them and cupped her face, crashing his lips against hers, kissing her lovingly, deeply when letting go of all the boundaries, of everything that had been holding him back before. In fact, he was just showing her the magnitude of his own feelings towards her.
When the kiss came to an end and she was rendered silent, he just pressed his forehead against her own, closing his eyes for a moment. Then he finally said, "Just so you know… all of this, keeping myself busy, working myself up over DeVoe… it was all to stop myself from thinking about you, from wanting and… oh, God, Snow, you have no idea how much I need you."
"Then show me," she said breathlessly. "I need you, too. So much. I am just so tired of us dancing around each other, Harry. Can we just let go and be together?"
He didn't say anything, but he nodded, finally accepting this. He'd known it would happen from the moment he'd actually opened himself up to his daughter about her mother. The truth was that he was simply scared of moving on. He'd already been nursing strong feelings for Caitlin, but he was afraid. He was afraid this wouldn't work in the long run and that he would lose her. He was afraid something might happen to them, to him or her and then he had to worry about Killer Frost hurting her as well…
"I already told you she was worried about me. I think… I have a very good feeling about her, Harry. We can and will figure everything out, but we have to start somewhere. How about by actually admitting we can do this? That we can have this together?" Caitlin asked, her hand resting on his chest just above his heart and he covered it with his own, just now realizing he'd said all those things out loud. Maybe he was meant to.
Finally, after a long pause, he simply nodded, locking his radiant blue gaze with her hazel.
"Where do we start?" he then asked in a hoarse voice, his heart beating so hard she could most definitely feel it with her hand.
"How about you stay with me until I fall asleep?" she suggested. "Or better even, never leave me again."
"You got it." She smiled right there, hearing the familiar and hot note in what he just said. "But tonight I am only going to hold you. You're still a little drunk."
She smiled at him. "Always the gentleman. Well, at least when it comes to me." She slid her hand down his chest and to the side, eventually taking his and lacing their fingers together. "My mind isn't so hazy anymore and quite frankly, I am horrified that I called you, but in the same time exhilarated that we got everything out into the open. Still, I don't think I'm up for anything tonight except sleeping."
He nodded with a smile, walking after her inside her bedroom, realizing that despite the fact that they were not going to have sex tonight, this would still be groundbreaking since he would get to lie down in her bed and hold her. And he was so looking forward to it, choosing not to fall asleep at all. In fact, he wouldn't be able to even if he tried when seeing her peaceful form cradled at his side. He couldn't believe what just happened. He couldn't believe they could actually do this and they would. And above all, he couldn't believe that the answer to all of his problems was this simple. That it wasn't defeating DeVoe for all cost or improving the intelligence booster – it was this. This was peace. This was all he truly needed.
And next would come a very hot and explicit morning he didn't even know yet that he would have with her, the beginning of their life together. And that life would be extraordinary.
Because once they figured out this, the rest would follow.