Another day, another au.

Single parent au that no one asked for but I'm writing anyway. It includes show events but it's not really on the same timeline so ignore everything you know about timelines. It was meant to be a one shot then I decided I was really, really invested in this so now it's not. Updates when I feel like it. I also detest short chapters but anymore sad Nathan brooding would be too much for us all.

He's late.

Not technically.

Not when he's been in the Middle East for far too long, longer than they told him he would be. But when did the Army ever tell the truth? Rarely, if ever. It matters little as he's finally back in the States and itching to see his daughter. The only reason he wants to be back at all, otherwise he's sure he would be out there until he simply couldn't anymore.

It's still a feeling that tears him. There's a certain sense of being close to Megan when he's out there, in the never ending summer, practically feeling like he's about to die if he has to spend five more minutes under the sweltering sun. It's the only thing that lessens the ache when he's out there, away from the one girl he manages to have to left.

Megan was it for so long. From the moment he met here there was something about her. Something that annoyed him but something that made him fall in love with her. Things twisted and turned until she's out there telling him she's pregnant and their whole world turns upside down. Hasn't been the same ever since and he doesn't want it to be. He won't ever trade anything for that little girl they had.

It's what brings him back to Seattle with a sense of urgency. It's a surprise, his arrival. His schedule put him out there for another few weeks but he couldn't take anymore. He didn't really care what that said about him. He pulled enough strings to get him out before someone else, someone he'll owe a favor to later, but those guys are the closest thing he has to brothers anymore. They share an understanding that won't ever be replaced by anything or anyone else. No matter how the rest of their years unfold.

Only Evelyn is aware of his return and when he calls she directs him to the hospital. He wants it to be a surprise, a good surprise, they have so few of those anymore. He'll never forget the day he stepped foot in that house only to attempt to explain to his toddler daughter that she'll likely never see her mother again. He was right... neither of them have seen Megan since.

It's late by the time he actually makes it to Shepherd Sloan Memorial. The sun is starting to set and the night air is cooler than anything he's felt in months. It feels good. It's unimportant. Instead he walks through the halls still in his uniform and grateful that he's even there alive to return home seemingly out of nowhere. He's been grateful to Evelyn since he can barely remember and remains grateful as he is there now. Hasn't spoken to his own parents in far too long, nor has much desire to. Probably should find the courage to call them and at least tell him he's alive and that he has a daughter. He wonders if they would even care even if they didn't care all that much about him.

When his eyes lay on that little girl with the red curls and bright blue eyes all thoughts of his own parents simply disappear. He pauses, as if glued to the tile, just looking at her. She hasn't turned her head yet so he takes the moment for himself. Never thought it was possible to love someone as much as he does her. Never thought he could love someone so much and still be so utterly torn because just how much she looks like her mother.

If he ever put much stock in God he might say it was designed this way and the world is a cruel place.

At least part of that is true.

"Daddy!" The shriek is loud as the little six year old runs and jumps straight into his arms.

She's bigger than he remembers, something that makes his heart near ache, more so than he already is aching. Megan is there for none of it and he's missed too much. She wraps herself up in him and he holds onto her a little too tight for either of their own good, placing a kiss on the side of her head. "I missed you."

"I missed you, too."

When he sets her down, after nearly taking all of the air from her little body, does she beam up at him. "Do you like my braid? Teddy did it." She asks, pointing to the french braid in her hair.

"I love it." He places a kiss on her forehead and just takes a moment to look at her. Actually look at her. Kids grow so fast and she was living proof of just how true that is. He remembers holding her for the first time after Megan performed a goddamn miracle in pushing a whole other person out of her body, and now, as he looks at her, she's still the same but so different. Before he knows it she'll be a teenager trying his patience. He's in no rush.

"Are you okay, daddy?"

"I'm perfect." He promises , meaning it for the first time in a long, too long. "Where's Uncle Owen?"

"In surgery. He said I could play with Zola."

"You can." He smiles, giving one last kiss on her forehead, standing.

"Are you home?"

"I am." He hopes to every god in the damn universe he's not lying to her.

Her little arms wrap around him once last time before running off to play with Zola. He figures it's not real, not yet. It's not really for him either. Not as he stands there in an actual, functioning hospital that is the cleanest thing he's been in in months. He lets out a soft breath, wondering, waiting, and doing his best to not be some overbearing father just because he was there in the flesh. She is only six and their reunion went off rather well. Kids are kids and some things seem more immediate than others. Like finishing out a game after a small meet and greet with someone who isn't around as often as he should be.

"I was beginning to think you weren't real."

He turns around at the voice and instantly curses himself for finding her attractive. It happens, not often, but it does. She's blonde and still in her scrubs, undoing the braids of her hair as she looks at him. He won't really admit he does have a type. It's usually not her. He'll take the chance in pace. "In the flesh."

"Meredith Grey."

"Zola's mom." He recognizes her more than that.

"Yeah."

A soft smile is given as he turns to look at the girls playing, almost fearful if he turns around she'll disappear. It's never happened. Not when he's the one running in and out, changing their lives in ways he's not really prepared to deal with. Might never be. He's there, though, that's the important part. He's there and they won't leave. He's paid his dues and they can do what they want with other men. Surely there are other men and women without kids, starting their lives, that will gladly take the opportunities being offered. They'll never find the chance to be normal but it's as normal as they'll get.

The Army was something he only ever did for Megan anyway. It was her idea and she paid the biggest price for it.

"How long have you been back.?"

"Two hours and," he glances down at his watch, turning so his focus is on Meredith, "forty seven minutes."

"Hence the uniform."

"Like it?"

She pauses for a brief moment. "No."

"I think you're lying."

"Are you flirting with me?"

"Do you want me to be?" Half honest question, half him just being cocky. He's pretty sure that she does like the uniform and is unwilling to admit it. Also aware she's Zola's mom and maybe pulling back a little for the sake of his daughter's friendship is a better idea. He leans against the counter instead, casual while feeling anything but casual, more out of place and lost.

"I think I liked you better when you weren't real." Meredith put her pen down, giving him a glance. "Savannah, where did that come from?"

"Megan chose the name. There were no arguments. Megan and Nathan are boring names. She wanted something different." He shrugs but ultimately smiles at the memory. They had a million and one fights over it. "Zola?"

"Her name when we adopted her. Didn't bother to change it."

"It's nice."

"Yeah." Meredith smiles before returning to her chart.. "I was supposed to take the girls for the night but if you want to take her..."

"Let her have tonight." It's the least he can do and maybe he can find where his own head is at.

"I'll drop them off at school."

"Thank you."

Things move in something of a blur from there. It's all so new and the adjustment is anything but easy for him. Savannah seems just like her mother in that way, the exploration of the unknown something she loves, all the while eager to branch out into anything in front of her. He worries that one day that will come to bite her but he reminds himself that she's six years old. Her biggest worry is the other kids on the playground and making sure she gets to see Zola no less than five hundred times any given day.

Teddy hugs him the first time she sees him and it's sad that all he can think is how much comfort she gave him within seconds. She's familiar, while bringing up painful memories, but she's there. Owen avoids him and when they do run into one another it's nothing pleasant. Thinks if he didn't have a niece they probably wouldn't speak at all.

Would probably be better that way.

He takes the open position under Teddy when Bailey offers it to him. It's nice, fine. A sense of detachment still exists inside of him and he wonders if it'll ever disappear. He really doesn't want to be stuck in Iraq forever. He's fine, he thinks. He's seen worse in others and heard of Owen's own troubles from Teddy herself. It's not like that for him but the world doesn't feel all that real and the only thing keeping him moving forward is his daughter.

His happy, larger than life, really should have been named after Megan, daughter. She's the happiest person he's ever met and wonders how Owen can be so grumpy when she's running into his arms and demanding to see the inside of an operating room. One of these days she'll win and he's fully willing to admit that it'll be him who shows it to her. She'll probably cry, seeing that sensitive streak that is all Owen inside of her, and he'll give her ice cream to feel better. Maybe it's bad parenting but he doesn't think she can go longer than a few weeks without getting something she wants. The charm is all Megan and he was putty in her hands more often than not.

One day he hopes that when he sees her Megan isn't the first thing on his mind.

The blur manages to fade as he's back in real life. They find something of a new normal. New house and finally giving Evelyn something of a break. He knows she loves all of them. She loves him like he is her own son and loves her granddaughter endlessly, but she has a life of her own. He's willing to give that back to her and live in Seattle, not the Middle East. He can't be lost out there forever like Megan is.

Savannah needs at least one parent.

It takes him a few days to learn Owen got divorced, Teddy's husband died, and Meredith doesn't dare mention Derek ever so to not bring it up. Seems a lot of people have their fair share of relationship issues so he just lets it all sweep under the rug.

He does ask Teddy about Henry once but she all but dismisses him. He doesn't blame her since talking about Megan is his least favorite topic ever.

Owen isn't as smooth and he doesn't expect it to be. They argue more often than they don't and are close to throwing punches in the hallway before Teddy stops them. It's then he realizes they are together and the bit of jealousy that courses through him is that someone got their happy ending while he's anything but happy.

Something he only realizes as he watches them walk down the hallway and he feels as lost as he ever did.

Work consumes him during the day and at night it's his kid that makes everything better. That's the best part, she just makes everything better and no matter what happens during the day...just sitting with her while she goes on about her day is perfect. Kind of wishes that her little six year old problems were his own problems.

As it turns out Zola isn't just a friend, she's her "best friend in the whole wide world, daddy" and they're inseperable. Something noted when he gets a call one day informing him how disruptive his daughter can be and dragging Zola into it. He gives a false promise that she'll be better. He knows it's a lie but tries to talk to her anyway. Her big, blue eyes widen to innocence and it's then he realizes she'll be a handful until the end of time.

He decides she's not dating until she's forty because of it.

The next time he sees Meredith she just laughs about the call, explaining to him she's gotten one a few times. Nathan finally feels like things are settled and normal.

Normal as can be when Meredith manages to infect his thoughts more often than not. Thinks there's something to her, about her, driving him mad. He sees her a lot. Between work and Savannah's constant need to do nearly everything with Zola. He doesn't mind, not really. Finds that he likes her most when she smiles, finds her alarmingly hot when her shirt rides up just enough to see the curve of her hip, finds her just there and ruining anything strictly professional in his mind.

Except coworkers is messy so he doesn't even bother. It's not the only reason why. Not when he can't just think about himself.

He considers his time in Iraq to be something of free reign, where he could do whatever he wanted, with whoever he wanted, within some kind of reason. It's not necessarily the most pleasant to feel like he's being burned alive and only getting hotter, but it's a release. He needs those more than he needs anything else.

The pent up tension only makes him more snippy with Owen. He waits for the day they come to blows.

It comes a lot later than he thinks it will but when Owen punches him in the face outside a patient's room, causing a scene, he can't say he would have wanted it to come any sooner.

Admittedly, it's his own fault. He may be the one punched but he does instigate Owen by asking if he feels the same about seeing Savannah, the spinning image of Megan. All but taunting him. He doesn't really know what he's thinking, only to decide that he simply isn't. There's only so much fighting he can take from Owen. If he wants the family to remain fractured then so be it. Hell if he cares.

They're pulled apart by someone. He doesn't care who. Bailey is scolding them as he bleeds and can feel his face swelling. They both mumble they'll be nice like they're dumb kids who can't get along but even when they were dumb kids who couldn't get along. Except the one time the door that should have been locked wasn't and Owen got an eyeful of his baby sister in a way no brother wants.

Megan always did manage to put a wedge between them.

Bailey tells them to clean themselves up and as he walks down the hall all he can think is his hand hurts. It hurts more than he could remember it hurting in recent memory, the adrenaline wearing off as he comes to his senses, but is glad to deal with the pain knowing he hit Owen straight in the jaw. He didn't deserve it, but neither did Nathan.

"Hey," Meredith catches up, reaching out for him, "let me. You can't bandage up your own face."

"I'm a surgeon."

She doesn't take no for an answer as he ends up sitting on an edge of the exam table and she's catering to him. His face hurts even more than it did before and he's trying not to wince when she cleans him up. "I know you want to pry."

"I don't." Meredith dismisses with ease. "I kind of know. Evelyn filled me in one night when I dropped of Savannah."

"You're still here."

"You didn't kill her."

"Is that the bare minimum?" He tries to laugh but she puts pressure on the open cut on his cheek that causes a surge of pain to find him.

"Lately, yeah."

They remain quiet until she moves to bandage his hand and he looks at her, just watches her. The impulse strikes but he just sits there quietly as she cleans the blood and then wraps his hand. He thinks if this was ten years ago he would do something different, in a world where he wasn't with Megan.

"How did your husband die?" The question blurts out and he goes against all advice given to him.

She tenses, pressure applies to the wound on his hand. "I don't want to talk about it."

He winces, instantly, hoping she'll let go. She doesn't but he doesn't tell her to either. Doesn't bother to talk at all. No one was really willing to tell the story. Decided about a week in the into the job that he wouldn't really break into their little circle. Doesn't blame them either. Not when he has his own group like that. Might be a million miles away but they exist. Used to include Teddy and Owen but they really managed to form their own group, finding each other after everything.

"Do you want to get a drink?"

"Not after you asked about my dead husband." Meredith all but snaps, pulling off her gloves and throwing them away. "Try not to get in any more fights. You'll ruin your hand."

Striking out twice really should have hit him harder than it did. Instead he finishes his paperwork for the night and ends up in the new house he bought. It's nice. He's not picky. Savannah likes it and he thinks Megan would like it. She has her own room she is demanding being painted green, to which he'll oblige and pray her lime green phase is more than a phase.

"I miss mama." She tells him when he's cleaning the kitchen and she's following him around.

He doesn't really know what to say to that and wishes there was a handbook for it. There probably is but he doesn't really need to order ten books from Amazon to tell him that it's hard. She probably doesn't even really remember her but misses the figure that should be there. Sometimes he misses his own mom so he understands. Even if his is alive and well somewhere he doesn't know or really care too much. He has Evelyn but Savannah has no one, no one but him. He's not quite a mother. He's a father.

When she gets older she'll have a million questions that he can't answer, going through things he'll be technical on, and just hope it all turns out alright. In reality, it hurts him.

He drops the towel onto the counter before picking her up and setting her on it, running his fingers through her natural curls. "I miss her, too." An honest answer to an honest statement. Some days he misses her more than others. Sometimes she's barely a thought and other days he can barely going a few seconds without thinking of her. It'd been a good day but as he looks at her it's quickly turning into a bad day. "She would love you, more than you know."

"She's gone."

"Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do and then things don't work out the way you plan." The best way he could put it. Megan would never put herself in danger just for the fun of it, not anymore, at least. He remembered before everything they were always testing each other and he couldn't count how many times he thought something happened to her. He's pretty sure that's how they ended up with a daughter.

"Don't leave again." Her eyes soften, there's no smile, and the words are something of a plead.

"I'm not. I promise."

If he says it enough it's true.

Savannah gets the lime green room she begged for and he's nearly certain she'll hate it within a week. Already decided she's keeping it regardless though. At least until he gets tired of listening to her go on about how much she hates it. So far, she loves it and enjoys playing in there when she's supposed to be sleeping.

It's the little things like that he likes the most.

Just kid things.

Not eating her vegetables, suggesting they have ice cream for dinner, trying to stay up late because she's not tired. It's all so pure and frankly, he could use a little bit of pure in his life.

It's late when he still hears her playing and is a few seconds away from telling her that she needs to go to bed because they both have to go to work and school when there's a knock on his door. Caution would tell him to not blindly answer it but instinct tells him it's not someone there to murder him.

"I'm sorry to drop by but can you take Zola for the night?" Meredith fires off. "My babysitter has the flu and the hospital called."

"Uh, yeah." He agrees as she all but shoves a bag of stuff at him. "No problem."

"Thank you. Don't give her anything too sugary and get them to school on time and…"

"Grey, stop. I know what I'm doing. My kid is alive and all in one piece."

"You're right. Thank you."

It's as genuine as he's ever heard her and takes it for what it is. When he guides Zola to Savannah's room he saw just how awake she was. He vaguely thought of putting Zola in the guest room but knows they'll sneak to be together and he's not fighting two six year olds over it. Exhaustion has to hit eventually.

Again, maybe not the best parenting but it is what it is.

The house manages to still for the night until his phone is buzzing, dangerously close to falling off of the nightstand at four thirty in the morning. Earlier than anyone should actually be calling him but when he sees it's Meredith he's not really all that surprised.

"Your kid is alive."

"How do you know?"

Nathan rolls his eyes near instantly but gets up out of bed and pads down the hallway to check in the obnoxiously colored room to see both girls fast asleep. "Your kid is alive, like I told you."

"Okay."

"You don't trust me." A fact, not a question.

"I do." She lies without even trying to disguise that she is lying.

"You owe me a drink."

"I watched Savannah a thousand times while you were gone."

"Not for the babysitting."

"For what?"

"The lying."

"I...wasn't lying." She pauses but then scoffs, "Fine. I lied and fine, I'll get a drink with you. You're paying though."

"See you at work, Grey."