A/N - So this is a ficlet of mine that I wrote as an alternative or precursor to Remus and Harry's fight at Grimmauld Place at the beginning of DH. Hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer: If Potter was mine, would Remus have died? A clue: no.
"Snape's been here." Harry explained, standing with Remus on the threshold of Sirius's bedroom. "I don't know what was here to begin with, so I couldn't say if he'd taken anything of importance."
"Sirius didn't have anything Snape could have wanted." Remus reassured him, stepping into the room for the first time in what felt like an age. "Would you mind if I looked through it? Sirius had a wonderful collection of old photographs, as I recall."
"Of course." Harry said eagerly, "I've been meaning to look for that sort of thing – Hagrid left a few spaces in the album he gave me in First Year. There aren't many picture of Sirius in it, or you, so it doesn't quite seem complete."
Remus was touched by Harry's enthusiasm and sat down next to him on the floor to shift through the heaps of Sirius's possessions. After a few hours they had found several loose pictures: of Sirius and James, fighting playfully in what Remus recognised as third year, of Lily hexing James rather spectacularly in fourth, and of the four Marauders by the lake on a hazy summer afternoon after their OWLs.
"What's this?" Harry asked, pulling a dusty old shoebox, clearly untouched by Snape, from underneath Sirius's bed.
"There's only one way to find out." Remus smiled, removing the lid and revealing hundreds of old photographs, tied into bundles and labelled by the year they were taken.
"This is fantastic." Harry breathed, taking out the top few bundles of pictures and carefully removing the elastic bands from around them. Remus couldn't help smiling as he looked at his eleven year old self, waving happily out of the top picture. Something about remembering was painful, but it was a good pain, somehow.
"You all look so young." Harry said as he flipped slowly through the pictures, eyes drinking in the slightly faded images that danced and waved and pushed each other about in his hands.
"We were." Remus laughed, flicking through the pile that had been labelled The Christmas Caper '74. "We thought we were invincible, and I daresay we almost were, then. The Weasley Twins are the only ones who've come close in recent years… Harry?"
The sound of rustling paper had ceased, and now Harry was staring at just one photograph. Remus watched his expression go from shock, to confusion, to something akin to hurt. Eventually, he spoke,
"Why didn't you tell me?" Harry asked simply, turning the photograph so that Remus could see.
They must have been in sixth year, by the looks of things, laughing at something off camera. Sirius's arm was draped casually around Remus's waist, and as the camera flashed, he grinned before touching his lips to Remus's. Remus watched as the younger version of himself blushed, looked sheepish, and finally smiled, hiding his face in Sirius's neck.
Remus was speechless. He'd forgotten that Lily had even taken that picture, but suddenly the memory flooded his mind; the day had been warm, but Sirius insisted on looping his arm around Remus and holding him close as they walked through the village. Remus hadn't objected, after months of furtive looks and palpable tension it was wonderful, liberating, to acknowledge to himself and to the world that he was in love with Sirius Black and for some unknown reason, Sirius loved him too.
Then he remembered Harry, and forced his mind back to the present, stammering for something to say, something that would make his young friend understand.
"We didn't think… we didn't imagine it would ever matter." He muttered eventually, putting the photograph back on top of the pile, trying not to look at it.
"How could you ever imagine this wouldn't matter?" Harry exclaimed, leaping to his feet, angry now as he paced around his Godfather's bedroom.
"I'm sorry, Harry. Truly. Mostly, I'm sorry Sirius isn't here to help me explain, because it's difficult…"
"Well try, then." Harry insisted, and for a second Remus could see James standing in his place, the exact same look of shock on his face. In a matter of seconds, though, James had grinned all over his face, slapped his best friends on the back and said, "About bloody time!" Remus knew it would take a little more effort to bring Harry around.
"Please, Harry. A moment to gather my thoughts," he begged, "this is important, and I want to get it right."
Remus struggled to find the words, but was glad that Harry had decided to let him explain without interruption.
"Sirius and I… we had never been quite as close as Sirius and James, never felt the same sort of brotherly affection. It bothered me for a few years; that we couldn't be as easy around each other. I thought I resented him for being able to get girls, thought he resented me for disapproving of it. Eventually, we realised all the tension and all the resentment was because we couldn't express what we really felt."
"That isn't the point, Remus. I don't care that you were together, if you loved each other then that's amazing, brilliant, but why did you keep it from me?" Harry insisted, and Remus found himself at a loss.
"I don't know what to tell you Harry. We just never thought."
"Evidently," was Harry's curt reply.
"Look, we didn't think it would matter because it was different when Sirius got out of Azkaban. We still loved each other, but it was different, more mellow. I think we discovered that easy companionship that James and Sirius had always had, without all the tension. The years changed us, Harry. We could love each other that way when we were young, but when we met again we were both old men, emotionally, at least. Trying to recreate the past would only have destroyed us, and we knew it."
There was a long silence while Harry considered Remus's words, but eventually a half-smile crept onto Harry's face.
"I suppose you're right. And it doesn't change the way I think about you, you know."
"I'm glad, Harry. Truly I am." Remus smiled, though he sensed that Harry was still troubled. He seemed to be fighting with himself, before venturing,
"Remus, could I ask you one more thing?"
"Ask away."
"What about Tonks?"
That surprised Remus, but he supposed it was a sensible question.
"If you mean 'does she know' then yes, she does. I couldn't keep that from her, especially as she and Sirius had grown close in the year they knew each other. If you mean 'is she just a substitute' then no, she isn't. She's made me feel more alive than I have in fourteen years, and I love her with all my heart." Remus told him, and
Harry let out a sigh of relief.
"Good." He said. "She deserves it. You both do."
A/N - I do so enjoy reviews *flutters eyelashes*