Ace: Hey, to all of you who thought this might be something important, ie, the sequel to Chimeras, it's not. I'm sorry. Instead, this is a humor fic with the rather over-done theme of our world people in FMA. The only difference is, my people are all FAR funnier than whatever you may think. And this time, if anyone calls them Sues, I will digress, Sierra may or may not be a Sue. I just really wanted her to yell stupid things at random people, so... Anyway, this went way longer than I wanted. Just read on, you pathetic people. I'll introduce everyone later.
Chapter 1- Sierra Meets the Best God-like Thingy Ever
Sierra knew skipping class was highly frowned upon at Francis Private High School, but she didn't care. She kicked her motorcycle to life, drowning out the cries of her best friend Kay, who had just arrived on the scene. Kay was the only one who was aware of the seven pills in a small bottle in the pocket of her favorite black jacket and the list of seven reasons for taking a pill, one for each sin. She could remember the list perfectly well without even looking at the stark paper, the lines of its creases standing out sharply on the blank page, and the writing that covered it, all penned by her. Gluttony- I have no reason to eat. Pride- I no longer look in the mirror because there is nothing about myself to love anymore. Wrath- I can only scrounge up any reason to live, petty or otherwise, when I am angry. Sloth- the sole reason I haven't yet killed myself. Greed- I long for there to be something more to my life than what there is. Lust- I am perfectly willing to let myself be carried away by my own carnal urges and would have likely done so by now if I hadn't been attending such a school with such a strong Christian population. Envy-
But that was the thing. She had no envy, no reason to justify that last little pill, and without that, she would end her life prematurely. She may have been an atheist, but she did know that unless she could come up with that last reason, there would always be that one little glimmer of purpose, of reason, in her dark existence. She tread a slender line, searching for that final sin while remaining unwilling to leave Kay behind to the torments of their classmates. She was, after all, the only real support the boy had now. His parents hated him. His peers scorned him, casting him from their order. All over the little fact that the boy had a sexual preference for other men.
Her cell phone rang, the theme song for FullMetal Alchemist sounding from her pocket. She liked the series; in fact, it had been where she had found the idea to find her sins before she ended it. She and Kay both kept up with the series and would often argue over their differences of views. Kay was very fond of Roy and his team but also had a special soft spot for what he called a "drop-dead smexy blond alchemist". Sierra, however, preferred the chimeras and Xingese and harbored a strong connection to the homunculi, mainly a certain homicidal cross-dressing gender-confused palm tree. The pair spent countless hours on reading stories and running around the romance section. Lately the two had been reading a lot of what one author, Ace5980, had put up. Sierra's favorites were Foxy, Ice From the Mountains, and The Eighth Sin, while Kay's were Eternal and all of what was involved in Chimeras Plus Alchemy Equals Love?.
After what felt like forever, the phone shut up, only to start ringing again no more than a moment later. Recklessly, she took one hand from the bike to turn on her earpiece. "What the hell, Kay?" she yelled, fully certain only the queer would call her now.
"Do you have any idea what you're doing, Sierra? Ending your life will only-"
"I'M NOT GONNA KILL MYSELF, KAY, I JUST WANT A FREAKING DONUT!"
"Oh. You probably shouldn't have left school anyway though."
"Screw you, Kay," she snarled, disconnecting the call. A moment later, she hadn't even had the time to drop her hand back to the motorcycle, the phone rang again in her ear loudly, causing her to jump. The startled movement of her arm made the whole bike move, compromising its balance. She swayed back and forth unsteadily, unable to maintain full control of the cycle, and drifted out of her lane dangerously.
After getting her into that dangerous position, the motorcycle spilled her out onto the road right in front of a sedan. Staring straight into the face of her oncoming death, she thought, how ironic. I can't think of a reason for envy until now, when it doesn't matter. I envy those who had more time to live their lives. I'm sorry, Kay. Looks like I couldn't keep my promise to you after all.
Kay couldn't believe it. When Sierra had just hung up on him, he hadn't thought before he'd speed-dialed again. Since her phone had been connected to him not a moment earlier, it had pushed him through to her, just in time for him to listen in horror to the sound of his best friend losing control of her motorcycle and careening into incoming traffic. He felt numb, in shock. He did not move again until there was the sound of another voice, unfamiliar, coming from his phone. "Hello? Is anyone there?" He let out a strange sound, almost like he was choking. "This is Inspector Sofia Morales. Do you know what happened to the girl you called?"
He swallowed hard. "Yeah. Sierra got in an accident because of me."
Sierra groaned, shifting. She didn't know if she was alive or not; she'd like to think she was alive since she didn't want to believe death was quite so painful. "Oh good," a voice said gleefully, "you're awake."
She knew that voice, sort of. "If you say you're the Truth, I will happily murder you when I find the energy."
"What if the Truth is only one part of my name?"
"... Yep, definitely murdering you later." She fought an uphill battle against her eyelids and somehow won, forcing them open. There wasn't much to see, just white, the faint outline of the Truth, and the imposing form of the Gate behind him, but it was far better than staring at the inside of her eyelids. "Dude, what the hell?" she yelped, suddenly realizing she was naked.
"Relax. Just envision the clothes you want and they will appear." Hastily, she pictured a knee-length black velvet skort and clingy black tee, and they manifested themselves onto her vampire-pale skin. "Now that you're calmer," the Truth said, startling her out of her thought process, "I have a process for you."
"I'm listening."
"You see, I know you were dissatisfied with the ending of FullMetal Alchemist-"
"You kidding?" she snorted, "I threw the books at the wall."
"Like I was saying, you disliked the general tendency of the author to kill off characters you felt didn't deserve to die-"
"Dang right I didn't. Wanting to throw reading material out of a twenty-story window is generally not an indication of liking something."
"Then why don't you change it?"
"But I don't hold any legal rights to the story-"
"Sierra, FullMetal Alchemist is more than just a series. It's an entire universe ripe for me to change."
She was floored. "Does that mean you can push Harry Potter off his broomstick?"
"Yep."
"Help Team Rocket finally steal Ash's freakin' Pikachu?"
"Sure, why not?"
"Force Jacob Black and Edward Cullen to kiss each other and like it?"
"I don't see why not."
"HOLY CRAP, YOU'RE THE AWESOMEST GOD-LIKE THINGY EVER!"
He smiled. "Enough about me though. We're getting off-track. What I brought you here to do is to have a chance to change the storyline of FullMetal Alchemist for the better."
"Dude, I have problems changing classes at my school, and you're trusting me to change a hit series? I'll probably end up blowing us all up!"
"Sierra, that doubt is exactly why I am trusting you to do it. Set your goals right and you'll find yourself making more of a difference than you know, but I won't force you to do something against your will. The only prerequisite I make of you if you take on the task is to defeat Father before the Promised Day."
"Wait!" she said, remembering something important. "Kay. I can't leave him. I want to help, but he really needs me."
"The boy doesn't even think you're alive!" he cried, exasperated, but she didn't budge. "Fine. I will erase you from your side of the Gate. Happy?"
"It'll do," she amended absently, steeling her nerve. "I'll help you."
"Excellent!" The wide smile in the middle of the empty space eerily reminded her of the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland. "Just go through the Gate then. Your toll's already pre-paid, and everything's been taken care of for getting you there."
"Wait!" she cried as he began to fade away. "What side will I be joining? TRUTH!"
"You'll figure it out," he replied cryptically before disappearing completely, leaving her alone.
"Great," she grumbled. "I've been given an impossible task with absolutely no recommendations and no help whatsoever!"
"Not true," he pouted, magically reappearing behind her. "If I were you, I'd try to change the homunculi. If they're on the side of good, nothing can go all too horribly wrong, right? And as for help, if you need it, just ask. Remember, I'll be watching."
"Creepy," she muttered darkly, "but fantabulous." She then turned to the Gate, letting the black arms grab her and drag her beyond its depths, listening dully to the booming thud that meant she had left behind both her world and the Truth's strange realm.
Ace: Okay, I won't pull in the boys yet, but loyal fanbase, this is Sierra and Kay. Sierra and Kay, loyal fanbase.
Kay: Hi.
Sierra: AM I ON TV? HI MOM!
Ace: *facepalm* Now say something interesting about yourselves!
Kay: Well, originally, my name was to be Kain, but then she realized Fuery's name was Kane, so I became Kay, the first of King Arthur's Knights of the Round Table and his adopted older brother. I was, however, entirely meant to be gay.
Sierra: My name was based off Ace's friend (NAME AND ADDRESS WITHHELD), along with my replacement.
Ace: Good. Now, do the usual crap that comes with the fanfictions!
Kay: Ace5980 does not own FullMetal Alchemist, Harry Potter, Pokemon, Twilight, Alice in Wonderland, or Spongebob. They belong to their respective owners and not Ace.
Sierra: Those who review will get a delicious fudge brownie Ace made this weekend because she survived her first week of high school, which is why she's having a harder time finding a moment to write and update and all that jazz. If you review and leave a name for one of your stories that fits the required pairings of EnvyxEd, EnvyxOC and EdxOC, you will get a mountain of brownies. If you review and leave a name for one of your stories that is EnvyxGreed, EdxRoy, or only one of the Ed/EnvyxOC, you will get only a small plateful of brownies.
Ace: Remember my dear loyal fanbase, I will be checking if they are your stories since they must be in a SIGNED review, and if they are left for me, they will likely make guest appearances in later chapters. After all, I did say Sierra and Kay frequented this site a lot...
Kay: We do. We really do.
Sierra: NOW GIVE US THOSE REVIEWS PEOPLES AND GOOD NIGHT!