Toons
Toons! By DeansBabyBird
Alert! Season three finale spoilers!
OK so this is completely crazy and apologies to all you cartoon fans out there but we do wanna get Dean outta there don't we! Thanks to Lou and Kirsty as always for pretending I'm sane, and to Jane also for input on this one. Sorry Mr Disney and Kripke, I only borrow them to play with they are as always yours!
Dean shifted uncomfortably in his demonic cat's cradle; setting the wires that held him suspended in Hades twanging like the steel guitar in a country song, and he felt the familiar tug of the barbaric fish hook that skewered his shoulder clean through. Normally the grind of metal on bone would have torn a growl of pain from his parched lips but today he was too distracted to notice. He looked into the faces of the assorted creatures before him and shook his head slowly in consternation and wonderment.
It was near impossible for him to judge if he had finally gone insane, as he suspected it was just a matter of time, but he recognised that the vision before him should not actually be. However, it felt real and looked for all the world genuine, and the fact that Snow White had addressed him by name kinda added authenticity to the whole thing too.
Or did it?
Maybe the fact that a cartoon character knew his name made it more likely that he had finally lost it and succumbed to madness? Dean gave a one shouldered shrug. How the devil was he supposed to know? As he endured fuck knows how long in this (literally) God forsaken place, the more he thought his eventual craziness was inevitable. And, after all, his take on reality had always been a little cockeyed anyway. So that was it...he was now officially the full bucket load of crazy?
Only, the thing was... he really could hear them... They were talking as plain as day and what they were saying made sense, of a sort. Well it did a bit if he pushed away the fear and pain and horror and concentrated really hard.
He licked his cracked lips, and focussed intently on the pretty face before him.
"So, Dean, Sweetie. That's the plan. What do you think? You up for it?"
She smiled encouragingly at him like he was some sort of idiot savant and his fiery green eyes flashed briefly with their old vivacity. She saw some recognition and carried on; encouraged that she was at least getting through to the poor lump of meat before her on Lucifer's butcher's hook. Damn, it was a shame to cut him up like this as she suspected he was a real fine figure of a man when he wasn't quartered up for roasting!
"We don't have all day, Sweetie. We gotta hustle if we're gonna get ya out of here and have everything back in its rightful place by midnight! Ain't that so, Cindy?"
As she spoke, Snow White flashed her great big baby blues at Dean; crossing her legs as she perched on the taught hawser to his left hand side. The thermals from the pit below wafted her blue dirndl, flashing an intriguing inch or two of thigh, and Dean found himself thinking that the look she was zinging his way was anything but sweet and virginal.
"Sure is, Snow-Hunny. There'll be the devil to pay if I have the coach out after midnight again. You know what Fairy Godmother's like, and after what happened last time...turned her baby into a pumpkin didn't I? All the same, the language outta that dear sweet old mouth of hers was choice...would have made Rumplestiltskin blush; and you know that man knows all there is to know about cursing."
Snow White chortled a remarkably knowing laugh.
"Anyway, while this heat'll bake us a delicious ole pumpkin pie, that ain't gonna get our Sweetie here outta Hades, is it now?"
Cinderella tossed her long golden hair and Dean found his concentration waver as he was distracted by the blue birds singing sweetly at her shoulder and the big eyed bunny chasing along the wires at her dainty little feet.
He screwed his eyes shut, thinking maybe that would help him concentrate on the matter in hand, but then the gentle 'Hi ho, hi ho we gotta get Dean outta Hades, ya know!' reverberating in his ears was equally as off putting. Disbelieving emerald eyes flew open and met 'toon-wide', flirtatious blue. He felt obliged to respond.
"OK, so I think I get the bit about the bolt cutters but could you just run the whole Dumbo angle by me one more time?"
Dean nodded his head towards the flying elephant as the show-off pachyderm did a loop the loop round the cable suspending Dean's right leg, trumpeting happily as he buzzed the assembled throng.
Snow White pursed her rosebud lips and fluttered eyelashes as long as Dean's as she prepared to speak; but she didn't get the chance as an irritated voice chimed in from stage left. All eyes turned to the two little guys sitting on the gently buffeting magic carpet, where it rode the warm currents of Hell, Aladdin doing his best to keep it in place.
"Jeeze, Boy!"
Little flecks of spittle flew from the snaggly little creature's pinched lips as he raged.
"It's true what they say then? That good looks and brains don't come as a package?"
Dean looked vacant and the dwarf harrumphed.
"Yup, you might be the Winchester pin up boy but that brother of yours must ha' got the smarts 'cause you sure didn't!"
Vacancy gave way to annoyance and the wee creature flipped him the bird.
"We don't got all day you know and here you are second guessing the plan. Don't look like you've made too many in-roads on getting your well barbequed ass outta the pit so far does it? So what cause you got to go diss-ing my girls' plan here?"
The little dwarf's red face thrust aggressively towards the impaled hunter; where Dean vibrated gently on the spider's web of wires, the dwarf's rant buffeting him gently backwards and forwards, and Cinderella's tiny bunnies and butterflies dove for cover frightened by his angry little tirade.
"Grumpy!"
Snow White scolded, wagging her finger indulgently at the ugly, grizzled creature.
"That's no way to speak to this fine, beautiful man! Apologise right this minute!"
She rested her hand in apology on Dean's taut thigh as she spoke and he could swear he felt her fingers caress his sooty jeans.
The second carpet-borne dwarf laughed loudly with a childish delight as his scolded companion harrumphed and blustered.
"And that's enough from you too, Dopey."
The dark haired beauty chided and the laughter receded to an occasional giggle and guffaw as the younger dwarf elbowed Grumpy in the ribs, and waved delightedly at Dean.
This was getting them nowhere fast so Cinderella shed her glass slippers and tippy-toed like a tight rope walker along the wires to Dean's side.
"Look, Dean Hunny, you gotta concentrate babe! I know these things must sting..."
She waved a delicate hand toward the cruel hooks piercing Dean's shoulder and side and Dean nodded absently as he looked into her mesmerising toon eyes.
"This is how it's gonna go down. Snow and me and the dwarves are gonna be stationed all around ya and on my word we're gonna simultaneously cut the wires holding ya. Understand?"
Dean looked out to the four corners of his entrapment and saw Grumpy and Dopey on their carpet, bolt cutters in hand. Grumpy snapped the blades at him aggressively; whilst Dopey blew him a kiss and giggled and Dean couldn't help but smile in return, the innocence in the creature's face reminding him of Sam as a child. The other corners of his wire pen had Bashful and Sleepy supported in a hammock suspended below the Ugly Duckling; Sneezy and Happy peeping over the edge of Chip, the flying teacup; and finally Doc sitting comfortably in King Louis' arms as the Jungle Book orang-utan hung from a vine like hawser. They all jiggled their wire cutting equipment in his direction and offered him a cheery thumbs up.
Dean nodded and Cinderella put her hand on his blood stained bicep and rubbed comfortingly.
"There, you go, Hun...now you're getting it! So we cut ya loose..."
"But, Cinderella...Won't I just fall straight down into the fiery depths?"
Dean was aware how dorky that statement sounded as soon as it left his cracked lips but seeing as he was saying it to a plethora of insubstantial cartoon characters who were, no doubt, figments of his unhinged imagination he didn't feel as bad as he could have about it.
"Call me Ella, Hunny, and no, you'll be fine because..."
Dean wiggled his fingers in the direction of the two unrealistically pretty heroines, trying to get their attention, halting Cinderella in her tracks. She sighed and rolled her eyes at Snow White who just laughed and squeezed Dean's thigh again. She seemed to have a penchant for his long legs and he was getting the distinct impression that she was ready for something taller than her usual companions.
"Hang on a minute, Ella. Now I come to think of it, how did you guys get in here at all? And how come you don't just burn up to little crisps like everything else does?"
Dean's fierce green eyes latched accusingly onto the girls'.
Snow White laughed and fluttered lashes to rival his own.
"Dean, Dean. We're cartoon characters, hunny! No one pays attention to toons. Hell, it took us days to get you to acknowledge that we were really here. Do you really think someone who thinks he's as important as Lucifer does is gonna pay attention to a load of animated characters?"
Dean's disbelieving velvet green eyes held hers and she nodded gently. He glanced around the other creatures and they too nodded and smiled indulgently.
"So you were just able to...walk in here?"
Snow nodded, sideling closer along the hawser so that her warm thigh pressed against his.
"Sure, babe. No one, including the Big L himself, thinks toons are worth a damn so we decided we'd show him! And when we heard Sammy praying for help we thought we'd oblige..."
"Wait!"
Dean rocked forward urgently in his restraints, a twinge of pain fleeting across his face.
"Sammy prayed for help...for me...?"
Velvet green eyes aching with loss and loneliness widened in a face paled with unendurable hardship and Snow White felt her good toon heart grieve within her carefully illustrated body.
"Well of course he has, Dean. Sam is wearing himself ragged trying to get your sweet face outta the pit child. But Lucifer is one devil to deal with...but I don't have to tell you that now, do I Hunny!"
Dean laughed with the assembled creatures. No, that was real true and if he never heard the world 'deal' ever again it'd be too soon.
"So..."
Snow White put her soft hands on Dean's stubbly cheeks and drew his tired green eyes to hers.
"We cut ya loose. OK Babe?"
Dean nodded, tears needling his eyes at the near forgotten touch of another creature, albeit one conjured from an illustrators pen.
"And this is where the little elephant comes in. Remember?"
She stroked his face and he leaned into her cool touch, the terror in his heart stilling for a second or two as his tears evaporated from his pale cheek in the arid atmosphere. She could see that he did not remember and she kicked herself for thinking that he would when he had been driven to the point of madness by endless, merciless pain and loss and grief. She smiled gently at him and explained again patiently.
"So, Dean, then Dumbo will fly up under you as you tumble and fall, catching you on his back and you'll fly..."
Dean started and Snow felt his terror ricochet into her as he jolted away from her soft hand.
"Fly?"
Dean's eyes were so wide with irrational fear that were it not so real, it would have been laughable.
Grumpy's 'Jeeze...what a wuss!' was silenced with a strict glower from his mistress and Cinderella nodded to her sister to pass the baton to her.
"Dean!"
Her tone was commanding and for a moment Dean was convinced there was an element of Winchester in her.
"If you wanna get your very sweet little ass outta here and go to the ball, hunny, then the flying elephant route is the only way to go. It's the only way to get ya to the pumpkin coach and that's how we all get back to Sammy. And you wanna get back to Sam, don't ya hun?"
She patted Dean's hawsered leg, the authority in her voice giving him something to hold onto. Dean nodded, tears brimming in his emerald eyes
"But, Ella, I really don't like to fly..."
The statement was a simple one but held an eternity of fear and Ella leaned forward to hold him but even that gentle contact made him writhe with pain and she leaned away, inked tears falling from her eyes.
"You won't even know you're flying, hun."
Her smile was utterly reassuring.
"I won't?"
Ella shook her head and reached her hand into the shimmering silk bag that Snow White extended towards her. She took a handful of the dust within and looked up into the limitless wonder of palest jade before her.
She hated this bit! Always made her feel like a freaking idiot!
"Promise you won't laugh?"
He nodded a long forgotten sparkle of mirth firing within him.
"What is it?"
Dean tipped his head towards her clenched hand. Ella's cheeks reddened and she glanced at Snow to see a similar flush of embarrassment. Gee, who wrote this shit anyway? Once they'd finished this job they hadda see about new writers!
"It's pixie dust, Dean."
She braced for ridicule but was pleasantly surprised that none was forth coming.
"Uh, huh."
Dean deadpanned, his credulity stretched as tight as the wires that suspended him, but as he had no better plan to go with it was 'in for a penny in for a pound' time.
"And it's gonna help get me outta here?"
Snow and Ella nodded and Dean smiled.
"And I won't remember dwarves and shit...?"
The impossibly pretty toons nodded in unison.
"And I especially won't remember a freaking flying elephant flying me outta Hades?"
All the toons joined in the chorus of confirmation and Dean bit his lip as he closed his eyes.
"OK then, girls...throw ya pixie dust, fire up that elephant and let's get my sorry ass outta this dump and to the ball!"
wWw
Snow reached down to the tiny bunny at her feet and gently accepted the handkerchief that the doe eyed creature offered to her. She noisily blew her nose and, draping her arm around the shoulders of her sister toon, Ella, offered the damp square to the similarly weeping blond.
"We did well here, Cindy."
Ella nodded, her hiccupping dying away as she dried tears from her still perfectly-drawn face.
"We did, didn't we?"
The girls looked at the ensemble before them, and proudly observed the 7 dwarves standing arm in arm with King Louis, simian royalty and Arabian warriors hugging wide eyed bunnies as overhead blue birds and dragon flies fluttered the wonder of the achievement for all to see.
"Where's Dumbo?"
Snow cast about looking for the little grey pachyderm only for Ella to gesture to the sky where overhead a trumpeting jumbo flew in graceful and celebratory formation with an Ugly Duckling turned beautiful swan.
wWw
Sam registered the toons presence only vaguely as his eyes were blurred with tears and his arms were full with Dean's brutalised body, as he held his brother tight to his chest and rocked him unconsciously.
Bobby knelt beside the boys he had come to think of as his own; his arms around them holding onto them like he would never let go, his face alive with happy disbelief.
Words failed them all, though when he thought back on this moment afterwards, as Bobby frequently did, he would remember hearing Dean's soft sob of 'Sam' whispered over and over again.
Sam would tell those who asked that his broken heart restarted that day when he felt Dean's weak hand rub small circles on his back as tears from his velvet green eyes soaked Sam's shirt front.
And Dean?
Dean would say little of that moment, as was his way. Those who knew him a little though would see the world of love for his family shine in his eyes at the memory of his unusual ethereal redemption.
He pressed his hand against Sam's chest, leaning away from the long armed embrace of his sibling and looked up into hazel eyes, wet with tears.
"Y'OK, Sammy?"
Sam smiled the wide wonderful smile, the memory of which had sustained Dean for his short eternity in hell, and he mumbled softly.
"Who the hell would have thought freaking Disney'd save my sorry ass?"
Sam laughed, hauling Dean to his feet and moving him towards the door of Bobby's house, and home and safety.
"Sam. Look out!"
The younger Winchester reacted instantly to his brother's shouted command and Bobby ploughed into the back of the pair of them as they halted abruptly.
"What is it, Dean?"
"Whatever you do, Sam. Don't step in the elephant shit!"
Ends.
OK, so it was stupid but maybe it made ya giggle? Tell me I can take it!