Disclaimer: I don't own jack.
A/N: Ok, the NBA Playoffs take most of my time off DW fanfictioning. Kingdom Under Fire: Stallion Fury chapter 9 is still working in progress, so here's a one shot that crosses my mind.
At Koei Building…
Everyone gather at the meeting room quietly and all exchange looks at each other. Zhao Yun, the soon to be former posterboy of Koei by the time Yukimura Sanada takes his place is leading today's meeting. The topic is about the state of Koei itself and the Dynasty Warriors.
"Now that everyone is here, we've been working together for years arguing the same debacle and supporting other people's opinions on the current situation. As the leader of Team Dynasty Warriors, I'm thinking about quitting Koei," Zhao Yun announced.
This came out of sudden. Zhang Fei is screaming like "WHAT THE HELL!?" Cao Cao give his supervisor a suspicious look, Gan Ning is surprised by the announcement and it didn't occur to him that the fearless, disciplined, unselfish leader of Team Dynasty Warriors will quit Koei, the very same game company that made him posterboy of Dynasty Warriors.
"You're quitting? Well, don't let the door hit you on the way out," Cao Pi scoffed.
"Zilong, popularity indeed pressure the truth about your history. But, if you quit right now, how will the Dynasty Warriors franchise continue without a leader that can represent the overall concept? I'm not the Ryu of Dynasty Warriors," Zhuge Liang said.
"Can a postergirl be the leader of Dynasty warriors," Sun Shang Xiang asked.
"Koei doesn't like me, but I've been getting posted with Zilong in the new Dynasty Warriors mobile game," Zhen Ji told Shang Xiang.
"So, what you're saying is that I must be paired with Zilong in order to be the female lead of Dynasty Warriors? It never happened…" Sun Shang Xiang crossed her arms disappointed.
"Then I will take Zhao Yun's place. He's not even worth being the posterboy because the greatest warrior is historically me and I'm the strongest," Lu Bu stood up ignite his pride in the entire room again.
"You are not one to speak of 'The Greatest'!" Cao Cao urged.
"I agree, a rebellious dog is not one to lead us!" Sun Quan seconded.
"You infeadants! I shall lead Team Dynasty Warriors! Because it is my Yellow Turbans that started it all," Zhang Jiao said.
"Lead by a loser who dare oppose the Han….I object," Dong Zhuo raise the finger.
"Look who's talking, Mr Tyrant," Yuan Shao glared at Dong Zhuo waving his hand.
"Yuan Shao…The Leader…Hell No…" Wei Yan shook his head.
Everybody continue talking who should be the next leader of Team Dynasty Warriors and Koei's posterboy. Suddenly, a knock is heard on the door and it opens.
"Dynasty Warriors are arguing on leadership, this is too rich. Even the Samurai Warriors are laughing now. How much Koei has made all of you weaker than the Samurai Warriors in Musou Orochi 2," Da Ji chuckled evily.
It's Da Ji….
"You again….gosh, of all people…" Sun Shang Xiang muttered.
"Foxy woman, what do you want now?" Zhu Rong asked.
"It better not be about that last female fighting tournament we talked about," Yue Ying groaned.
"Hmm? What Female tournament you're speaking of, my wife?" Zhuge Liang asked. It took him to surprise.
"Da Ji, this is not the time to be in here toying with us," Cao Pi dreadfully said.
"Oh, but I'm not here to amuse you, my dear Pi Pi," Da Ji smirked.
Zhen Ji had enough of the unwanted introduction.
"Pi, take the flirting with the fox whore somewhere else…" Zhen Ji scowled.
"What do you mean by flirting?" Cao Pi confusingly asked.
"Don't play innocent with me! I know all about your secret relationship with her and that porn tape of you two having sex," Zhen Ji angrily revealed.
"Ew, Da Ji and Cao Pi…" Xiao Qiao felt sickened.
"Hahahaa, is the sex great?" Gan Ning asked, then Shang Xiang elbowed him hard.
"I have no idea what you're talking about?! But, I did not have sexual relationship with an annoying demonness!" Cao Pi urged.
But it's hard to believe Cao Pi because he is just like his father, a womanizer.
"How many wives, Cao Pi has?" Liu Bei whispered at Zhang Liao.
"Four," Zhang Liao answered.
"Argh, this meeting is a waste of time! I don't care that Zhao Yun is quitting Koei because his character is already boring and Koei run out of ideas for him. In the meantime, I'm having better results with my leadership in Warriors Orochi and got a spotlight in the new intro in the sequel," Cao Pi said.
"Yes, leading with the foxy whore…" Zhen Ji glared.
"I told you, I have nothing to do with her!" Cao Pi pointed at Da Ji as he shouted.
"Oh, I'm heartbroken….ahahahahahaha, Luoshen mad because Zihuan cheated her," Da Ji laughed.
"That is not the case, but you can have him," Zhen Ji said.
"What?!" Cao Pi look shocked.
"She's better off with her dead god than the traitorous usurper," Sima Yi said.
"Speak for yourself, Emperor of Jin," Cao Cao glared at Sima Yi.
"Aw screw it, you Cao idiots are nothing but perverted, arrogant, rich morons who don't know how to conquer the entire land, thanks to my grand children. I should be the new posterboy of Koei and leader of Team Dynasty Warriors," Sima Yi shouted at Cao Cao.
"If I seen through your ambitions, you and your brothers will all be executed!" Cao Cao said.
"Too late now because of Cao Pi and Cao Rui's incompetent," Sima Yi laughed.
"Who you're calling incompetent!!" Cao Pi choked Sima Yi, but Zhongda stood behind Zhen Ji to make Cao Pi accidently attack her.
"You don't want to hurt your beloved wife, wouldn't you?" Sima Yi grinned.
"Ex wife, but we're still playing the role in the game and I'm much worse match up against him since he can't take a good hit because of how powerful I really am," Zhen Ji stood up out heighted Cao Pi.(She's historically a tall woman for Chinese)
"We're getting off topic here, but that's why Da Ji the queen of spoiling the moment," Pang Tong said.
"I don't mind, Shiyuan. Isn't it obvious of what Koei been doing since Dynasty Warriors 6 crapfest? Well, quitting will make Koei lose money and not quitting, they'll make more money because of my crazy fangirls," Zhao Yun said.
"Yes, making fun of us all because they're Japanese and Japanese tend to make fun of Chinese," Pang Tong nodded.
"We should quit while it get worst. I mean, look at what they're doing to me and Bofu," Zhou Yu said.
"I'm still beautiful, but Koei doesn't know me as a WARRIOR," Zhang He sighed.
"I'm an friggin idiot," Sun Ce scratches his head.
"We know both of you are historically better," Pang Tong said.
"The villainess role never cease to amuse me as I continue making money for being the bitch in place of Guo Wang, but now it's better Da Ji and Cao Pi are a couple in Warriors Orochi," Zhen Ji said.
"I heard Cao Pi is making it out with that Kunochi woman," Diao Chan said.
"……" Cao Pi can't find away out of this because his role in Warriors Orochi when overblown.
"So, you're quitting Koei because you've been tired of being portrayed as a Chinese Samurai?" Taishi Ci questioned.
"More like a inferior version of Yukimura," Ling Tong added.
"What's wrong with Yukimura? I think he's awesome," Xing Cai said.
"I admit, he's friendlier than Zhao Yun," Xu Huang said.
"No comment" Zhao Yun thought. It's obvious, Yukimura easily made friends with the Wei officers.
"Oh come on, that guy been bragging about being stronger all the time. I talked with Tadakatsu and he said Yukimura never beaten him yet," Zhang Fei said.
"The number one samurai of all Japan…" Xu Zhu said.
"A God of War," Guan Yu whispered.
"I don't give a damn. Shall we end this meeting now?" Xiahou Dun groaned.
"Why not? Because you're having problems being compare to Masamune Date?" Cao Cao teased.
"Ugh, not that brat…."Xiahou Dun stressed the comparison of one eye freaks. Not only that, but his Tom Cruise look alike.
"The Last Samurai, HAHAHAH!!" Gan Ning laughed and Shang Xiang elbowed him harder.
"I felt like playing too much Mega Man," Cao Ren remarked.
"Oh my god, the DW 6 look!! HAHAHAHAH" Gan Ning's laughter goes out of control. It can't be helped.
"They still cut me out!" Pang De cried.
"Yeah, because you're not interesting," Guan Yu arrogantly taunted.
"I've beaten opponents and done more deeds than you have and my son too. Why can't there be any new fans of me and I want a makeover!" Pang De complained.
"Blah blah blah, unimportant," Guan Yu ignored.
"More important that your death will ever be," Lu Meng coughed.
"…." Guan Yu sweatdrop as he stare at his rival.
"I agree with Pi, this meeting is a waste of time," Da Ji said.
"With you in it, I'll concur," Zhen Ji glared.
"If Zilong quits, then I'll quit too," Sun Ce stood up.
"Same here, Bofu," Zhou Yu stood up to bring the attention.
Wei Yan did the same and so did Pang De.
"That makes me and Zilong. I too wanted to quit because the days of Koei's masterpiece is fading like a lighten candle about to blow out," Pang Tong said.
"Fine, quit, we don't need a bunch of boring characters in the next Dynasty Warriors, right guys?" Da Ji said.
"I thought I was the boring one," Meng Huo said.
"Moron, that's because I overshadow you in every scene we're in," Zhu Rong sighed.
"Oh, right. I'm still a fun character with my wife," Meng Huo smiled.
"Wouldn't it be fun if I beat you in Go," Zhuge Liang waved his fan.
"No, just no…I give up on that game!" Meng Huo shuddered the thought of that foreign game.
"He's a boring character too. I'm glad Koei cut him out," Da Ji said.
"Da Ji, shut the hell up….," Zhu Rong ready to take out her knives when ever Da Ji annoys her.
"But, without the Nanman Campaign, there's no depth in stages and storytelling," Yue Ying explained.
"See! And Koei got the nerve to take us out! We're part of the Three Kingdoms story!" Zhu Rong urged.
"So quit ugly whore," Da Ji mocked.
"That's it, I've had enough of your meddlesome!" Zhu Rong stood up and prepare to throw the knives, but Zhen Ji stopped her.
"Just let her be. She had nothing worth her time as long as her dear Orochi is dead," Zhen Ji sighed.
"Luoshen, remember we're pals as long as I'm here. Oh and Nu Wa said hi," Da Ji winked.
" I want nothing to do with my spirit mother, let alone I'm Lady Zhang's daughter not Nu Wa….." Zhen Ji groaned.
"Is it really true, you're the daughter of Nu Wa? She never spoke to me about that, but I do want her as my collection of wives," Cao Cao smiled.
"Father, she already has a husband…." Cao Pi shrugged.
"Oh, damn…" Cao Cao grumbled.
Zhao Yun tapped his knuckles on the table trying to make up his mind about quitting. The next game is going to be Musou Orochi: Rebirth of the Demon Lord, but Dynasty Warriors 6 dilemma continues to be a castrosphe.
"Come to think of it, Zhao Yun. Koei left you out of the story in the Warriors Orochi sequel," Pang Tong said.
"I know and I don't care," Zhao Yun replied.
"I heard movie critics are bashing your movie," Ma Chao filled.
"Because of the stupid costume designs and they retell the part in the novel that never happened in history. An alternate version of my encounter with Xiahou Mao," Zhao Yun said.
"Hahaha, Xiahou Mao is a bad idea, Wei don't even like him anymore," Gan Ning laughed.
"He's not my son, he's not my son," Xiahou Dun banged his head on the table ranted.
"Why are they doing this to us? We're being made fun of in the media and Koei because of inaccuracies. And everyone spoke ridiculous assumptions of me being a cross gender fag who wants to kill Zhuge Liang," Zhou Yu said.
"Maybe, we are a bunch of jokes. All of us…" Xu Huang said.
"Sanguooo Moooorons," Da Ji teased in a singing tone.
"For the last time, shut the hell up! Gosh…" Zhu Rong scorned.
"Always loud," Da Ji continued teasing.
"Sis, lets leave. Da Ji is ruining the meeting just because she's part of Dynasty Warriors. Can we goo now," Xiao Qiao complained.
"….." Da Qiao been speechless the entire meeting. She could only glance at the hysterical scene of annoyances.
"Make it stop!" Sun Shang Xiang plugged her ears. Can't bear to take Da Ji's annoyances any longer.
"Sweet 16 angst biiittchies!!" Da Ji sang.
"I think Gongjin and I had enough teen drama in the game…I want out, OUT NOW!! I'm not a dumbass surfdude! I'm the Little Conqueror!" Sun Ce shouted.
"Son, but you're still awesome," Sun Jian said worried.
"Don't you get it father?! Koei made us a bunch of jokes. We're like the Chinese Brady Bunch! We should quit while they continue to make Wu wrong!" Sun Ce protested.
As Da Ji continue singing, everyone argue over Koei's treatment and quitting. Zhao Yun slowly walk out to the door and left the meeting. He soon found Yukimura decorating his Posterboy office. First day being the official Koei posterboy in replace of Zhao Yun.
"How did the meeting go? I bet everybody is getting alone well. Keiji, Kanetsugu, Mitsunari, and Sakon are starting a party and we like the Dynasty Warriors to join us. What do you say?" Yukimura asked.
"I say take your phony Samurai party and stick it straight up your arse!" Zhao Yun uncharacteristically replied. He soon left the Koei building driving his Porsche.