Disclaimer: I own none of the characters from Neon Genesis Evangelion, they all belong to Gainax. Don't try to sue me, I'm broke anyway. There will also be random lesbian bits in this story, because... well, it's one of MY fics. Heh.

The Realistic Evangelion Self Insert Fic

Part One

As a mysterious rip in reality winked shut, the handsome, blonde haired and blue eyed man looked around in wonder.

"I did it!" Gary Stu exclaimed, "I'm in Tokyo-3!"

There was no one to hear him, only echoing silence as a deserted city stretched out around him. No birds chirped, no crickets sounded, all was deathly quiet.

"Hey, where is everybody..." Gary started before a shadow fell over him. He looked up and only had the chance to mutter, "Fuck."

SPLAT!

Back in NERV headquarters bridge bunny Maya Ibuki declared, "The angel has STEPPED ON HIM!"

Ritsuko calmly finished her smoke, "Eh, it was just another damn Mary Sue. Hey, Maya, wanna come back to the lab for some... research?"

Maya's cheeks went pink, "Oooh, yes senpai!"

"When did a self insert story become a lesbian sex fic?" Misato complained as the two women hurried off.

"Well this IS a Shanejayell fic," Makoto shrugged, showing a worrying amount of genre awareness for a side character.

Part Two

"Awk!" with a yelp of surprise a soaking wet Shinji Ikari dropped into the control room.

"What happened?" Makoto got up, helping the boy up.

"I dunno," Shinji admitted, "A girl who looked JUST like one of the chicks from Harry Potter appeared in the entry plug, waved a wand at me and here I am."

"Mary Sue?" Maya asked.

"Mary Sue," Misato agreed. She turned to the screen, "How is she doing?"

Ritsuko took a LONG drag of her smoke, sexily. Maya made a soft whimpering noise. "Apparently, she can't synchronize," Ritsuko noted.

Everyone watched in awe as the Angel bodilly picked up the motionless Unit-01 and threw it across Tokyo. "Can we access the plug?" Shinji asked hopefully.

"Sound only," Maya managed to sound professional despite her wet panties.

"AAAAAH! Why won't it go!" the female voice screamed.

The Angel picked the Evangelion up again, then started to use it like a kockey stick, sending cars flying by hitting them with Unit-01's head.

"Oh god kill me now! I wanna die!" the girl wailed.

"The LCL is cushioning her, right?" Misato asked thoughtfully.

"Yeah," Ritsuko agreed.

"And the inert Evangelion is keeping the Angel occupied and happy?" Misato asked.

"For now," Maya agreed as the Angel was pogoing the giant abomination against man and god.

"Take five, everybody!" Misato yelled, "We'll come back later if the Angel actually tries attacking NERV again."

"What about the pilot?" Shinji had to ask.

"I HATE THIS! I WISH I HAD NEVER CAME HERE!" she wailed in the background.

"Eh. We can have Rei save her. Later." Ritsuko purred, rubbing a hand along Maya's neck.

"Could you two get a ROOM?" Misato sighed.

"Don't mind if we go," Maya got up, taking Ritsuko's hand and dragging her off.

End

Notes: Yeah, short. I was gonna add a third bit where Gendo has been catching self-inserts/Mary Sues and carting them off to a camp but it struck me as a bit too creepy.