Author Notes: Hello everyone, ShinobiMagus here. This will be my first foray into writing, so feel free to be critical when you review, I'll try and learn from it. I suppose I ought to let you all know now, I do not own Naruto. If I did, he'd never, ever, in a million years wear that orange jumpsuit. He'd sooner light himself on fire. Then he'd dance in his own ashes, the whole time exclaiming about how impossible that really is.
Anyway tl;dr version: I don't own Naruto, I'm a n00b, I want (constructive) reviews, and I hope you enjoy the story.
War Games
Chapter 1: Formation
A plume of smoke rose up through the air of the Hokage's office, floating gently from the tip of a lit pipe, the man smoking watching it as he tried to block out everything else for a moment. Sarutobi Hiruzen sighed deeply, watching as once again his 'elite' Jounin began bickering like children. Some were debating the merits of one student over the other, and a few were fighting over the right to teach the last Uchiha, but for the most part they were all trying to force a particular student off onto someone else.
That student was, of course, the village pariah Uzumaki Naruto. Naruto was infamous as a student, with his chronic tardiness, absenteeism, defiance of authority, and unwillingness to cooperate. Not to mention the fact that he was the vessel of the Kyuubi no Kitsune, a massive monstrosity the sheer power of which could only be compared to a natural disaster. Naruto's status as a jinchuuriki had made many of the villagers superstitious about him, and most people avoided and ignored him, even going so far as to refuse him service at their establishments.
Being unwelcome in nearly all restaurants, as well as being overcharged by most grocers, had driven Naruto to survive mainly on ramen, which had severely hampered his growth. In taijustu drills, even students a year or two lower would have an advantage over him in reach. Lack of access to quality supplies had damaged Naruto's abilities with kunai throwing, since he'd learned to throw with a set that was off balance. During tests he used standard issue kunai, and always threw far from the center. The most glaring example of Naruto's economic issues was his wardrobe, which consisted entirely of 'please notice and kill me' orange jumpsuits.
Hiruzen was freed from thinking further in this vein when the door opened once more, revealing not only Hatake Kakashi, the last Jounin to arrive, but also the Chuunin academy instructor Umino Iruka. Kakashi waved slightly at the Hokage, and sat at the end of the table, slouched over, and pulled out his pornographic little book, making sure that Hiruzen could see the title.
Icha Icha Love Fest Volume 6? How did Kakashi find such a rare item? I'll have to borrow it sometime… his cheeks blushing at the thought, Hiruzen coughed loudly, drawing the attention of everyone in the room. "Now that we're all present, I'd like to begin this meeting. Iruka, if you will?"
Standing quickly and bowing to his leader, Iruka turned to the assorted Jounin and cleared his throat. "Before you begin selecting graduates for your three man cells, Sandaime-sama has asked that I present you with a little information on each of my students."
Iruka placed a sheet of paper on the table before them, with a picture of a rather rotund child smiling on it. "This is Akimichi Chouji. He scored extremely well in taijustu, being much more difficult that most of his classmates to knock around. While he lacks much of the finesse required for casting genjutsu, he does a fair job of detecting and dispelling them, and his clan jutsus put him ahead of the pack in regards to ninjustu as well. Chouji's primary weakness is his speed, which is quite a bit lower than most of his classmates."
Iruka proceeded to discuss the strengths and weaknesses of each of his graduates at length, causing many of his audience to drift off and get bored; at one point Asuma even began snoring. Iruka, who had been explaining Yamanaka Ino's short attention span at the time, instinctually hurled the piece of chalk he'd been holding at Asuma's head, forgetting for a moment that Sarutobi Asuma was not only the Hokage's son, but a Jounin, his superior.
"Pardon me, sir, but we are nearly finished here." Iruka said, trying to both glare and look apologetic. Asuma managed to look sheepish while at the same time stretching, and signaled for Iruka to continue, blushing as the other Jounin snickered at him. "I know it's out of alphabetical order, but I'd actually put this presentation together before the last student graduated. I'd like to present to you my report on Uzumaki Naruto. Naruto's test scores were very low across the board, and in fact I decided to fail him originally. However, he later proved to me I was incorrect in my assessment."
Iruka proceeded to explain in detail what had occurred merely hours before, in the forests surrounding Konoha. Many of the Jounin scoffed, stating that he was embellishing, when Sarutobi put his foot down.
"I watched the whole thing with my crystal ball. Iruka did not lie to you, and when I consider that it took me nearly two days to learn Kage Bunshin, I am very impressed with young Naruto. Now, if we can begin selecting the teams, I'd very much like to finish this meeting before dawn."
Kakashi immediately stood, not bothering to look up from his book. "Hokage-sama, I would be honored to teach Uchiha Sasuke to unlock and harness his Kekkei Genkai. As the only remaining loyal Sharingan user, I am the only person qualified to do so," Kakashi said in an almost bored tone, as though he were quoting something.
Hiruzen took a deep pull on his pipe, blowing out a dark cloud of smoke before he spoke. "I believe Koharu and Homaru said the same thing, word for word, to me earlier this week. I presume they put you up to this?"
"Yes, Hokage-sama. However, the fact remains that I am best suited to teach him." Kakashi replied, this time looking his leader in the eye.
Seeing the determination in Kakashi's one visible eye, the Hokage had little choice but to agree.
Kakashi immediately picked up Sasuke's report, along with two students he was pretty sure Iruka had said were strong in taijustu. Of course, since he'd been reading a pretty hot threesome scene at the time, he couldn't be certain. He stuffed the dossiers in a pocket on his vest and went back to his book.
Asuma, being the next most senior Jounin, walked silently to the table, snagged the first three files from the table he saw that had prominent clan names on the front, and sat back down, lighting up another cig. "I'm sure these kid's families will be teaching them plenty. I'll just have them practice together and everything will work out perfect." he said, kicking his feet up on the table and stretching again, ignoring his father's disapproving look.
After getting the final three from Iruka, Yuuhi Kurenai, the newest Jounin of Konoha, immediately set off for home, intent on learning as much as possible about her new students. Hmm… Haruno Sakura, Nara Shikamaru, and Uzumaki Naruto. A brilliant girl with little physical skill, a lazy genius, and… a complete enigma. How can someone unable to even perform Bunshin no Jutsu possibly master Kage Bunshin, even if they were given days, much less in a few hours?
Realizing that she'd never be able to figure out this child based on his school records, Kurenai eventually set the documents down and began to plan out personalized training schedules for her students, hoping to maximize their development.
Naruto was in absolute heaven, swimming around in a giant bowl of ramen with Sakura-chan while Sasuke-teme and the rest all watched jealously. Naruto was having a great time drinking all the broth, lowering the liquid from shoulder level slowly but surely, revealing more and more of Sakura's pale skin. He was finally getting to the good part when, without warning, Naruto woke up.
"Crap! Why do my dreams always end at the worst time!" Naruto pouted petulantly for a moment, scratching his head and rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He took his time getting out of bed, stretching and yawning quite a bit longer than necessary, before he finally stole a quick glance at his clock. Immediately he began swearing and running around his apartment, tossing clothes around and making a huge mess.
"I missed my alarm, so I'm freaking late to the team announcements! Man, Iruka-sensei is gonna kick my ass." Naruto managed a minor miracle that morning, slipping on his regular orange jumpsuit while at the same time eating a cup of ramen, brushing his hair and then teeth, all without dropping anything or hurting himself. With one shoe on and the other held in his mouth, Naruto sprinted out the door, barely remembering to lock up on his way past. He jumped onto the neighbor's roof and set off at a breakneck pace, managing to slip his other sandal on along the way to the Konoha Shinobi Academy.
Making sure that his hitai-ate was firmly in place, Naruto slipped in quietly and took a seat in the back row of Iruka's lecture hall, trying not to disturb the speech Iruka was making about the 'responsibilities and expectations of a genin of Konohagakure.'
"Now that we're all present," Iruka said, looking pointedly at Naruto, who blushed and ducked his head embarrassedly, "we can officially assign you to three man cells. Remember, you will be a part of this team for your entire genin career, and some teams even stay together for life. So everyone do your best to get along and work together!"
With that, Iruka began announcing teams, and Naruto's attention drifted away from the droning of Iruka's voice. Very soon after that, Naruto found himself comfortably back in his Ramen Jacuzzi with a very friendly Sakura-chan. She swam over seductively, placing her hand gently on Naruto's bicep, and bashed him over the head with her other hand while shouting "Wake up Naruto you moron!"
Suddenly the scene changed drastically on poor Naruto. The hot ramen bath was replaced by Iruka's stuffy classroom, all of Sakura-chan's clothes were back on, and her lustful expression was replaced by the typical expression she showed him, detest. Naruto rubbed his eyes and grinned up at her, saying "Hey Sakura-chan, what's up?"
Sakura sighed, a look of utter defeat carved onto her face. "You fell asleep during team assignments. I got teamed up with you and Shikamaru; we meet our Jounin sensei tomorrow morning. At least Ino-pig didn't get teamed up with Sasuke-kun either," Sakura stated dejectedly, clearly distressed that she was not teamed up with this year's Number One Rookie.
Naruto sat up abruptly, looking around and noticing that Chouji, Shino, and Ino were already gone, and that Sasuke was brooding near Hinata and Kiba; the latter of which seemed to be hitting on the former. "Wait, so I got teamed up with you, Sakura-chan?" Naruto asked, finally realizing just what that meant. When she nodded tiredly, Naruto barely managed to stop himself from jumping around the room and cheering.
Instead, he stood and walked as calmly as possible over to Shikamaru, who was still napping. "Hey Shikamaru! Wake up! Wanna have lunch with Sakura-chan and me? We can get to know each other as a team, right Sakura-chan?" Naruto asked at a very Naruto volume, which for other people would be considered shouting. Shikamaru, having been awoken by the first syllable, yawned and stretched a great deal before slowly turning to look at his two team mates. While Naruto was bursting with energy, more cheerful and excited than ever, Sakura looked withdrawn and upset, but she was nodding dejectedly at Naruto's offer.
The group leisurely made its way to Ichiraku Ramen, since neither Shikamaru nor Sakura had cared enough to sway Naruto to select a different venue for lunch. Most of the conversation that took place along the way was Naruto's incessant babbling about their new genin status, with the occasional monosyllabic response from Shikamaru or Sakura.
As they seated themselves at the bar, the newly formed Team 8 was immediately greeted by a cheery Ayame, who relayed to her father that Naruto had arrived. Teuchi laughed happily and started preparing a massive batch of noodles before shouting a greeting to his favorite customer. "Naruto! I'm surprised to see you back so soon, considering you ate enough for three days last night. Miso ramen again today?"
"Hey Old Man Teuchi! I only had, like, maybe twenty bowls yesterday, and besides it was on Iruka-sensei's tab, so I had to eat up! Yeah I want 5 bowls of miso ramen, and then whatever these guys want on my tab too!" Naruto shouted, not noticing as Shikamaru and Sakura looked at each other behind his back confusedly at the conversation between the chef and their teammate.
After ordering a bowl of pork ramen for Shikamaru and a half-bowl of low fat diet veggie ramen for Sakura, the group settled into a slightly awkward silence, the only sounds coming from Naruto's terrible table manners; his slurping and chewing could probably be heard at the tailor's across the street! Sakura tried her hardest to contain herself until they left the ramen shop, but as Naruto grabbed his eleventh bowl and just dumped the entire contents into his mouth, not even bothering to chew at all, she'd had enough.
"You moron!" She exclaimed, punctuating the cry with one of her fists crashing into the blond's skull. "Use some manners, for fuck's sake!" She allowed a look of satisfaction to briefly cross her face as Naruto's head slammed into the bar, causing him to fall off his bar stool and spray his jumpsuit with blood from his clearly broken nose.
So accustomed to abusing Naruto without consequence in the Academy, Sakura was shocked when her actions were met with swift retribution. She found her hands moving outside of her control as she heard Shikamaru successfully cast Kagemane no Jutsu, though her hearing was quickly enveloped by Teuchi's rusty baritone demanding that she leave his establishment immediately. The most startling, however, was the sharp pain she felt across her cheek as Ayame backhanded her, eyes blazing furiously at the blatant disrespect the pink haired girl had shown Naruto.
Allowing his shadow to recede, Shikamaru helped Naruto to his feet and led him out of the booth after setting money for both his and Naruto's meals on the bar. Without turning around, he told Sakura to meet him and Naruto the next morning at Training Ground 11 to meet with their Jounin sensei, assuming that she could contain her violent impulses long enough to participate in the team meeting.
Sakura turned back to the bar to finish her ramen, still confused about why everyone was so upset. She'd kicked the crap out of Naruto all the time, and no one had ever been bothered by it before. Heck, an old merchant gave her a discount one time for 'teaching that brat a lesson.'
Teuchi had returned to the kitchen to clean up, still visibly angry. Ayame, on the other hand, was far from done. Though she was aware of the way Naruto was treated by the village as a whole, she'd never seen such blatant abuse heaped on the boy before, and she was incensed.
"How dare you hit Naruto? How would you like it if I kicked your ass every time you made a faux pas? What the hell is your problem?" she shouted at the girl, getting closer and louder with each question, until she was practically screaming in Sakura's ear.
Mumbling an apology, Sakura got up to leave. She was certain these people were overreacting, and just wanted to go home and write some sad poetry about losing her chance to be on a team with Sasuke. Before she made it out, however, Ayame had latched onto her shoulder, nails digging slightly into the skin.
"Excuse me! First you attack one of our regular customers, and then you try to walk out without paying? You must be crazy!" Ayame had pushed her sleeves up, almost itching for a chance to throw down. Of course she was forgetting that the little girl before her was a fully trained genin, but in her defense she was pissed off and not really thinking.
"Naruto said everything was on his tab when we got here, miss. Now if you'll excuse me, I would very much like to go home. Thank you for the meal." Sakura knew that being polite would be the best way to deal with this clearly deranged girl, and she was telling the truth, Naruto had offered to buy her lunch.
"You think I'm gonna charge Naruto for your food? I don't think so. You don't deserve even one ryo from him. Now pay up!" Teuchi said, as he gently put his hand on his daughter's shoulder in an attempt to settle her down.
"I don't have any money with me, since Naruto was supposed to be paying!" Sakura exclaimed, starting to lose patience. "Can I just open a tab and pay next time?"
Teuchi refused, and forced Sakura to wash all the dishes as repayment for her meal. This gave Ayame the afternoon off, and she was certain to rub it in several times as the day progressed.
This is all Naruto's fault. That jackass… I won't forgive him! He'll pay for ruining my day, and my manicure. Oh and my hair is gonna stink like ramen for a week! That asshole Naruto is in for it!
Shikamaru sighed deeply as he walked with Naruto back to the Academy to gather their things. He was relieved that Naruto was alright, it would have been a pain if the blow to his head had made the hyperactive blond too dazed to walk back without his support. Speaking of hyperactive, the boy was being uncharacteristically quiet. After weighing the pros and cons of asking about it, Shikamaru decided striking up a conversation was worth the effort, albeit barely.
"Are you alright, Naruto? I know women can be a pain, especially girls like Sakura." Shikamaru sighed again, comparing the pinkette to his mother, who was also loud and bossy.
Naruto was silent for a second, but then he turned to Shikamaru with a big grin on his face, all the hurt and dejection gone. No, not gone. Just hidden very well. Shikamaru realized, for the first time paying complete attention to his new teammate.
"Yeah I'm fine! Sakura hits me like that all the time, don't worry about it." Naruto said with a laugh, wiping the drying blood from his upper lip and chin. This harmless action was carefully analyzed by the usually lethargic genius. The bleeding had stopped, but a broken nose should still hurt, shouldn't it? But Naruto didn't even flinch while he was wiping the blood off… Can his nose have mended? It was definitely broken before, but now it doesn't even look crooked. Strange… and troublesome.
Naruto, a little uncomfortable with Shikamaru's silent stare, decided to speak up again. "I'll race you back to the classroom! Ready, go!"
"What a pain… no way in hell am I running after him. Oh well, I guess I'll just…" Shikamaru trailed off as he settled down on a nearby bench, lazily casting his gaze upwards, into the clouds.
Naruto really seemed ok with Sakura hitting him. Perhaps he gets treated that way a lot? I know a lot of kids avoid him, and lots of adults seemed to glare at us while we were walking through town together. Why? Is it just the pranking? How troublesome…
Author's Notes:
Well there you have it, the first chapter of War Games. Like I said up top, I'd appreciate any feedback you have to give. My goal is to have at least 2 chapters posted per month, but we'll see what sort of response this gets first.
For those of you who are not fans of Sakura bashing, bear with me. I am a big fan of Sakura bashing fics, but this isn't one. She'll come around, die, become a civilian, be abducted, or something. Guess you'll have to wait and see.
Another note, I'll try to avoid using Japanese outside of Jutsu names and honorifics (no using baka, hai, nani, etc. in conversation). I just feel like the story flows better if I stick to one language as much as possible. If that doesn't settle with you, just let me know and I'll be happy to reconsider in the next few chapters.
Anyway, look forward to the next chapter in about 2 weeks, barring a terrible injury, family emergency, or nuclear war. Or if I get sidetracked. Or if the men in the black vans steal my brains again.