Flagrante Delicto

Jim, being Jim, barged in Bones' quarters without being invited to.

"Hey Bones, you got to hear this! I was in the mess and…"

"Goddammit Jim!"

Now, this warm-hearted greeting was not so different from the usual welcome the Captain got when pointedly ignoring the doctor's boundaries, but it was the first time he caught his best friend with, well, his pants down, really. One would think it surprising considering they have been roommate at the Academy, but Leonard was a very private person, so. A mischievous smirk formed itself on Kirk's face; this was gold!

Bones was on the receiving end of a spectacular blow job if the flush of his face and his disheveled hair were any indication. Well, had been on the receiving end of a spectacular blow job, since the person under the cover had stopped her up-and-down motion.

"Dammit Jim! No one taught you about that thing normal peoples call privacy!"

The Captain just smiled some more.

"Stop it! Stop fixing me like that! You've got enough of an eyeful! You know, when you walk in on someone having sex, you're supposed to apologize and GET THE FUCK OUT!"

"C'mon Bonesy, you walk in on me all the time!"

"That's because you fuck everything that moves at every fucking hour of the day!"

"Not everything that moves. For example, I didn't fuck you… yet."

An angry growl came from the doctor pelvic region.

"Bones, did the cover just growled?"

McCoy rolled his eyes.

"Yes Jim, that's the cover growling and not the person underneath!"

Kirk nodded pensively.

"And who is that person who is having the privilege to be personally acquainted with your dick?"

"None of your goddamn business!"

"I ask that because that growl was not really… lady like."

A pause, during which the Captain ignored the glare his best friend was sending his way.

"It was more… manly like."

"Now, you listen to me, because I'm going to spell it out for you: NONE-OF-YOUR-BUSINESS, you overgrown child!"

Jim pouted at that; a very distinguished pout, not childlike at all.

"How come I didn't know you swung both ways?"

"Dammit Jim, can we have this conversation another time?!"

"I'm your best friend, I should know about those things! Why didn't you tell me?"

"So you could try to get into my pants? No thanks!"

"Aw, c'mon Bonesy, it's not like that with you. I would not have… well, maybe. Anyway, I won't try now… probably. Maybe if I'm drunk, but…"

Another growl could be heard, more threatening this time, then the bump in the bed moved, until a mutt of black hair appeared from under the cover, followed by pointy ears. Jim gaped as his First Officer tried to burn holes in his head.

"Captain, Spock said, stressing the title menacingly, you will never attempt to bed the Doctor, am I clear?"

Jim blinked.

"He is mine."

"Now, you green blood hobgoblin, I'm not a thing that you can possess, I'm…

The half-Vulcan muffled his lover's next words with one hand. Jim then saw something switch in Bones' eyes. A second later, Spock was moaning above him and withdrawing his hand quickly. The Doctor was now smiling smugly.

"Holy shit! This is hot!" Kirk exclaimed.

"Out!" Spock and McCoy both commanded in chorus and Jim understood it was in his best interest to follow order. As the door closed on him, he got a glimpse of Bones taking two of Spock's fingers in his mouth.

The Captain smiled; he will never let them live this down.