Scars

There he lay. On his bed in his messy room. It had been weeks since he cleaned the place. He didn't care. He just couldn't bring himself to care. He placed the bottle at his lips. A large amount of whiskey poured down his throat. His eyes were closed. Yes, there he lay, feeling sorry for himself. Banned from Garden, failed knight, no friends. He was alone.

His thoughts were haunting him. All the faces he'd seen during the war. Scared faces. And her… fighting for the other side… against him…

How he had tried to be with her. It just wouldn't work. Maybe they were just too different. It just wasn't meant to be.

He thought back of the times when they were happy. Forbidden love. She was an Instructor. He was a student. And she could hide it well. No-one ever knew. He always tried to get on her nerves, trying to let her drop her guard. She never did. For the outside world he was just an annoying student.

But then came the nights. Oh, how he loved those nights. A smirk on his face. She was so passionate.

Thinking back of those days he came to the conclusion that to her it was just physical. Their talks were superficial. They never discussed their feelings. If there even were feelings… He began to doubt it.

Of course there were feelings… I loved her… Did she love me?

The bottle went to his mouth again. The soothing taste of alcohol…

Of course she didn't love him. Maybe she was just looking for physical comfort after the many rejections of mister Squall Leonheart, he thought bitterly. Of course she tried to talk about her feelings, but only with him. It was never me.

This explained why he couldn't stand the guy.

So I gave up on her… Big deal… Again with the whiskey.

And then he met Rinoa. Maybe… Just maybe he could get over her. Maybe he could care for someone else.

And the came Squall again. Anger rose up inside him. Every time it was Squall that messed things up for him. Quistis, Rinoa, being a knight…

He threw the bottle against the wall.

And then on their way to help Rinoa, Quistis was seeking his comfort again. At first he was too mad because she chose Squall over him… But then he thought about Rinoa doing the same. And he needed to feel some sort of comfort too. Another moment of their messed up relationship. And from there on… everything went wrong. He was alone.

---

She couldn't help thing how different things could've been. Maybe she should've opened up more to him. But no… Instead she had treated him like a student and a boy toy. She couldn't forgive herself for that. If she hadn't acted so cold, he would've never had to run straight into Rinoa's arms. And we wouldn't have gone on that stupid mission. She had tried to get him back on their way to Timber. But still she couldn't bring herself to opening up to him. She just couldn't talk about it. Feelings. Confusing feelings… They had their moment on the train. But there were no emotions involved. And as soon as they had gotten off the train, he had rushed to Rinoa. And from there on… everything went wrong. She was alone.