So I know, I have two others Stories waiting for an update. My dog is still sick and this Story was on my mind for a week. I am always listening to music when I write (and every other time I can), so this Story will be a "Thank you" to all the great musicians out there helping us all in so many different ways. This story will only be a Romance one (there will be no crime), not quite sure how many chapters it will have, but a few more, I do promise.
For my other Stories – I will update all of them as long as there is no "complete sign" with them. I write my updates without plans – who is the longest without update, who the shortest – I write them as I "feel" them. So please be patient with me.
Thank you and enjoy.
Oh and you should play the Songs when you read this Story. ;)
Everybody Hurts - R.E.M.
Keep holding on - Avril Lavigne (Glee Cast Version)
I'll see you again - Westlife
I'll be missing you - Puff Daddy
The Last Goodbye - Billy Boyd, Chris Carter - Hobbit Theme Song
YouTube Playlist for it: playlist?list=PLA0YJW2ygi_n1L8AyJMde3_GKG8149UoG
Disclaimer: I do not own the Songs, the Lyrics or the Characters.
Music's the medicine of the mind. ~John A. Logan
Luke was desperate. He didn't know what to do. First he thought Penelope disliked him, then she accepted him. He wanted her, he needed her. Her laugh, her gentleness, her caring for all of them. He wanted to be the man she would fall in love with.
Luke was not a man who could openly tell her what he felt. He had neither the words to tell her, nor the courage. He was afraid she would say no. And then his heart would be broken. He knew he could not handle it, seeing her every day and knowing that she did not feel the same way.
He was lying in his bed, sleep just would not come, just like in the last weeks and months. He kept thinking about Penelope and what he could do to win her heart.
And now she is heartbroken. Stevens death hit her hard. Harder then all of us.
Not that they were not as disturbed and sad as Penelope, but she was the heart of the team. Worried about all of them.
Luke would give everything to make Penelope feel better, at least a little bit. She closed off on all of them. She would not even let JJ in on her feelings.
What can I do? What can I do? Think Luke.
And then an idea began to form in his head. Luke knew that Penelope loved music, he'd heard that during a conversation in the office. He also loved music. Songs could often express his thoughts and feelings if he could not put them into words.
He switched the light on, stood up to get a notebook and a pen, got back to bed and started to write down his idea. Maybe, just maybe this will comfort her, and maybe, just maybe I can win her heart along the way.
Two days later, on the first working day after Steven's tragic death and the death of Scratch, Penelope was in her office, checking her emails. Many e-mails. She did not want to read them while she was away from work. She needed some distance. Actually, she still needed distance.
As she sorted them out, deleting some, answering others, she came to a mysterious one. First she wanted to erase it, cause she didn't know the name where it was coming from.
But then her noisiness got the better of her. It had some attachments and the subject was "Music says it all". The senders name was "Musicsaysitall " also.
Strange, who could that be? But I can easily figure that out later, but first I want to know what's going on. So she opened the mail and started to read:
"Penelope,
I know you are in a lot of pain at the moment. You are hurt. I'm not the one you want to be comforted by and I do not have the right words to say as well. But Music says it all. And since I know you love music, let me tell you through this songs what I want to say to you.
In the attachment you find the Lyrics and the songs. I have marked some phrases in the lyrics, they say what I can not.
Have a wonderful day.
With love,
Someone who cares."
She checked the attachments for viruses and other threats before opening them, but didn't find anything wrong with them.
She downloaded the songs and the Lyrics. The songs were in a Playlist. She just wanted to start playing it, but then she got an alert. There was a case. This must wait a bit. Shoot.
She pulled everything together for the new case and started to go to the conference room.
After she presented the newest case to the team she went back to her office. The team said their goodbyes, Luke was the last one of them. He stood in her door sill for a moment until he started to speak. "Everything okay Garcia?"
Penelope turned around and snapped at him.
"No, nothing is okay Alvez. We lost Stephen just two weeks ago. You really think that there is something okay about that?"
She was sorry for her outburst at the same moment, but the last months, the last year, it was just too much for her.
First Derek gone, then Hotch and now one of theirs dead. Killed. A father, a husband, a friend. She didn't had any tears left. Not since that night when she saw Stephen in the car. Dead. Motionless.
So she was trying to distance herself from all of them, and locked her heart tightly. She just couldn't take another loss. But only two weeks after she promised herself not to care so much anymore, she was already failing. Her team, her family, they were going on another case, to another danger, and she was worried beyond words.
"Uhm, sorry. I didn't mean... I was... I just wanted to know if you will be fine here on your own. Sorry." Luke turned around and started to walk to the elevator, his travel bag in one hand, the other closed to a fist.
Penelope let out a loud sigh and shouted after Luke.
"Luke wait. I am sorry. I know you mean it well. I just can't... I... Goodbye, come back safe."
She turned around and focused on her monitors. Penelope did not see the small, sad smile Luke had when he left. And Luke did not see Penelope trying to hold back her tears.
A few minutes later when she was calmed down, she started some research for the team. So when they would call her from the plane, she would maybe have new information for them. She knew she had work to do, but couldn't help herself. She was too curious for the Playlist from this mysterious person.
So she opened both the Playlist and the text file.
The first song was Everybody hurts by R.E.M.
I love this song. While she was listening to it, she started to read the highlighted phrases.
"[…] When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on. Don't let yourself go. Cause everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes. [...]
Take comfort in your friends. Everybody hurts. [...]
If you feel like you're alone. No, no, no, you are not alone. [...]
You are not alone."
As she was reading and listening, her sight become blurred. She heard the song at least five times, finally able to cry. Finally able to let some of her feelings go. When she cleared her head, she stopped the song, closed the Playlist and went to the bathroom to refresh herself. Then she focused again on her work, promising to herself to play the other songs later.
Soon after, the team called her from the plane. She activated the video feed and asked what she could do for them.
"Penelope you alright?" Emily asked her as soon as she appeared on the monitor. She did not cry anymore, but her eyes were swollen and red, and everyone who would see her face would know that she had been crying recently.
"Yes my lovely Cupcake, I'm alright. Just had something in my eyes a few minutes ago. What can I do to help?"
"You sure? If you're not up for it, I can give you a few more days off." Emily was worried, like everyone else. Penelope was not really Penelope the last weeks.
"I am fine. I swear. So what do you all need? I'm waiting to search the never ending web for you."
Penelope spent the rest of the day working on her research and helping her team with their requests.
After work was done for the day, she drove home, with her Laptop beside her so she would be able to help them if they needed something late that night or early in the morning.
When she got home and was comfortably sitting on her couch, she started the Playlist. Again she heard the first song on it. She was eager to find out, what the second song was, but she she just loved "Everybody hurts". When the song was over, she did not pause or press the back button. That's when the second song started softly
Penelope had heard the song before, but only once or twice. She liked it, it comforted her.
She opened the lyrics to see what it was called. She giggled a little when she saw what version of the song it was.
Keep holding on by Avril Lavigne (Glee Cast Version):
"You're not alone, together we stand, I'll be by your side you know I'll take your hand. [...]
Keep holding on. Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through. Just stay strong, cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you. […]
So far away, I wish you were here. […]
Nothing you can say. Nothing you can do, there's no other way when it comes to the truth.
So, Keep holding on
Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through."
Whoever sent her this Playlist knew which songs would make someone feel better. It worked. She still felt sad and heartbroken and alone, but it was not as bad as yesterday. She thought about stopping the list so she would have new songs tomorrow, but she could not bring herself to press the stop button.
Soon the next song began to play. She did not know this song, had never heard it before, so she scrolled down to the right lyrics.
I'll see you again by Westlife:
"Always you will be part of me. [...]
You're gone now, gone but not forgotten. I can't say this to your face, but I know you hear.
I'll see you again. [...]
I tell myself I'm so blessed, to have had you in my life, my life. I'll see you again. [...]
No, this is not goodbye."
Wow, that song is heartbreaking, why didn't I never heard of it before? Penelope played the song again, she could see that there were only two more songs on this Playlist, so there was no rush. Since she never heard of the song or the band before, she decided to read up on them.
No wonder I didn't know them. And old Irish Boyband, famous more or less in the early 2000's. Penelope made a mental note to hear some other songs from them in the near future, to find out if there were any other good ones.
Then she pushed the play button for the fourth and second to last song.
This song everybody knows. It was different then the songs before, but nevertheless the highlighted lyrics related to exactly what Penelope was feeling deep inside.
I'll be missing you by Puff Daddy:
„Yeah, this right here goes out to everyone, that has lost someone that they truly loved. [...]
Life ain't always what it seem to be, words can't express what you mean to me, even though you're gone we still a team. [...]
Every step I take, every move I make, every single day, every time I pray, I'll be missing you.
Thinking of the day, when you went away, what a life to take, what a bond to break, I'll be missing you. [...]
Everyday we pray for you, till the day we meet again, in my heart is where I keep you friend […]
Still can't believe you're gone. […]
Somebody tell me why. [...]"
Penelope let out a loud sigh. She was sad. She missed Derek and Hotch. She mourned for Stephen. But after she heard this songs, knowing someone out there knew precisely what she felt, she started to feel something else again. Hope. Future. Friendship. Care. She couldn't quite put her finger on what exactly she was feeling, but it was definitely something positive.
She started to write Emily and JJ. Apologizing that she was so distant the last weeks and that she neglected their friendship. She tried to explain what she felt, writing about this mysterious email and this beautiful Playlist that has already helped her so much. After she finished the message and send it to them, she hit the play button one last time.
She knew, she had heard that song before. Not in the radio. In a movie. Yes. But what movie?
Penelope just could not remember where she knew the song from, so she opened the Lyrics.
The Last Goodbye from Billy Boyd, David Carter (From the Hobbit: The Battle of five Armies)
"[...] Under cloud, beneath the stars, over snow and winter's morn, I turn at last to paths that lead home.
Though where the road then takes me, I cannot tell, we came all this way, but now comes the day, to bid you farewell.
Many places I have been, many sorrows I have seen, but I don't regret, nor will I forget, all who took that road with me. [...]
To these memories I will hold, with your blessing I will go, to turn at last to paths that lead home.
And though where the road then takes me, I cannot tell.
We came all this way, but now comes the day, to bid you farewell. [...]"
Penelope sat on her couch, pressing a pillow to her chest and listening again and again to the songs. After a short while she moved from sitting to lying, cried for a while and then fell asleep exhausted. But this time her sleep was peaceful, deep and restful.
Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent. ~Victor Hugo
So, I hope you all liked it so far. What's your thoughts about my choice of songs? There are so many perfect and good ones out there, it was hard to decide. Next update will come. Have a good week. And happy Halloween.