Jess gazed over the heads of her students and out of the window. There wasn't the slightest breeze in the air, every leaf on the trees was motionless as the sun bounced off them. She could smell it in the air, summer vacation was fast approaching. Although the current studious demeanour of her class would have suggested otherwise. Exams were over, freedom was just around the corner but still they sat and silently completed the random, inconsequential quiz Jess had found on the internet to pass the time. For a moment she worried her mood was rubbing off on them, she hadn't exactly been her usual, cheerful self lately and she didn't want that having an impact on her students. She was only two weeks away from the end of her probationary period at Banyon Canyon and she wasn't about to blow it.

She shook her head slightly, a chuckle dying on her lips. Students did not pay that much attention to their teachers, she was fine. Dropping her shoulders she let out a huge sigh and pressed the tips of her fingers into the middle of her chest, making a circular motion to try and ease the dull ache which had been sitting there for the past two weeks. She inhaled more fresh air from the open window and widened her ribcage enough to draw the attention from two snickering girls in the front row, but still the ache stubbornly remained. She was bored of the feeling now and frustrated as hell that she couldn't just shake it off.

The bell rang and the world around her became a sudden blur of colour and noise as the children dashed by her and out of the classroom door. Her own movement was glacial. She remained at her desk until the last small voice in the hallway had faded into nothing and resumed looking out of the window. She was in no rush to go home to an empty apartment so she lingered just a little longer, watching as each kid got on the school bus in a flurry of noise and laughter and longing for the day when her life had been that simple.

With a sigh that blew her bangs away from her forehead she eventually pushed away from her desk and collected her bag from the floor. She checked her phone as a matter of habit although the only texts she'd had in the past couple of days had been from her mother who'd felt compelled to call her every day after Jess has accidentally cried down the phone and blamed it on PMS. Apparently Joan knew better and had relentlessly tried to get to the bottom of it.

Jess had refrained from texting Cece or Schmidt, they were still away on their honeymoon and she didn't want to bother them. Her and Winston had been like ships in the night, meeting for fifteen minutes in the morning before she went to work and him to bed. Whenever he wasn't at work he was with Aly. Nick had been in New Orleans for two weeks. He'd called her twice, once at her request to let her know he had arrived safely and another time to see how she was handling her breakup with Sam. Both calls had been brief. Jess' worry that she would give herself away had left her uncharacteristically monosyllabic which hadn't made for the most enthralling of phone conversations. Luckily Nick had taken the hint and settled for sending her a few funny pictures of local animals in funny outfits instead and a message with THANK YOU in big bold letters. It was a sentiment shared by Reagan who had sent her the same message an hour later. It made Jess mad that she couldn't hate Reagan, it made her mad she was a nice person, if she wasn't Nick wouldn't be spending his summer with her. The most Jess had been able to muster in reply was a simple. "You're welcome." But she wasn't welcome at all. She wasn't welcome to just take the man Jess had come to realise she was still deeply in love with. But there wasn't much to be done about it.

Jess groaned and fought the urge to stamp her foot like a child. She had promised herself she would stop thinking about him, that she would accept he was with Reagan and move on, but every minute she found her mind wandering back to him. Dammit she had suppressed her feelings for two years, she could do it again! She just needed that tenaciousness back, or blind ignorance, whatever it was that had made the pain go away. She needed to do something, she needed to keep herself busy to stop thinking about him, about them, about what they were doing, about how fast they were falling in love, or how much they were making love, or how it compared to when he was with her. She squeezed her eyes shut as her stomach turned. It was a slow form of torture and it was going to kill her, she was sure of it. Slamming her hand down on her purse, she pushed her chair back vigorously with a loud scrape on the floor and headed home.

The loft was silent yet again except for distant traffic and the hum of electricity from the sparsely stocked fridge. She had told herself she would make the most of the time alone, she would read, knit, listen to music and figure out her life. But the last two weeks had been night after night of collapsing on the sofa with a romantic comedy and an early night just to get to the next day a little faster in the hope that, in the morning, the aching might be just a little less. It never was. If anything it was getting worse.

She had masterfully hidden her melancholy from Winston, or perhaps she hadn't been so masterful and he was just too distracted with Aly to notice any change in her mood. Part of her wanted to talk to him, to get his advice. Sometimes, underneath all the puzzles and cat hair, Winston could be pretty wise. But if she told him then it was really real. Cece had been her best friend since they were kids, confiding in Cece was like writing in a padlocked journal, Jess knew it was safely tucked away and it wouldn't go anywhere. Not even to Schmidt, not this time. But if winston knew it would be a matter of time before Schmidt found out and then it would surely get back to Nick and she would be humiliated, their friendship would be ruined.

No, she had to keep this to herself. She had to keep quiet until the feeling was gone. There was no other alternative. Nick wasn't in the same place as her and that was that. She was sitting on the couch being all in love with her best friend while he was drinking Daiquiris with his beautiful new girlfriend on the other side of the country. For the fourth night in a row she changed out of her work clothes and shuffled straight into her pyjamas. She knew this wasn't conducive to her emotional state but a little wallowing felt justified. Walking out of her room she couldn't help but glance through the open door of his bedroom, it was right there, it was unavoidable. It was eerily tidy, his bed made and the clothes that were usually strewn on his floor had been hastily packed into a suitcase the night he left after the wedding. A pair of earings sat on his nightstand which Reagan had left behind and she swallowed down a thick lump of emotion as they sparkled in the light which shone through his window.

It was hard to believe she wasn't going to see him for another two and a half months. She could never have comprehended the void he was going to leave in her life. It was only now she realised just how much she turned to Nick, just how much his presence made her feel safe. How had it taken her so long to realise it? Feeling like she had outstayed her welcome in a room she had once called 'theirs', she headed into the kitchen. Contemplating a glass of wine, she swung the fridge door open and leaned tiredly on the frame. But its usual allure seemed as absent as her happy spirit and she decided against it, resorting instead for tea and cookies.

In spite of the warmth from the hot L.A. sun which had been beaming into their south facing loft all day, she lit some scented candles to create an air of cosiness and flopped back on the couch. She figured feeling cosy was the next best thing to a hug when there was nobody around to actually give her one. Flicking through the TV channels she opted for some mundane trash that wouldn't absorb too much brain power or heighten her emotional state in any way. Inanely pressing buttons on her phone, she glanced at nothing in particular, there were no more message, no more calls. After glancing through a few knitting patterns and cake recipes, she idly scrolled through her Facebook page.

What had once been a stream of pictures from crazy nights out in the hottest bars and pictures of people with their heads in the toilet the next day was now babies sitting on blankets in the park, pictures of superhero birthday cakes and homemade plates of food, the perfect projections of domesticity from girl she remembered doing body shots off of bar young tenders. She wasn't even friends with most of them, the photos of their lives were just there to taunt her and remind her what she didn't have.

The only people's lives she was actually interested in hearing about were the people she saw everyday. Her actual friends. But all Cece had managed was a status update of a love heart emoji and a photo of a palm tree. Schmidt's picture of the sea lapping over the sane wasn't much of an advance on that. Winston last update was from a year ago. He'd ditched it when he joined the force, she still wasn't sure if that was a rule or not. Nick, well Nick believed someone would steal his identity to order themselves a Russian bride or something to that effect so he had deleted his page approximately eight minutes after Schmidt set it up. She set her phone to one side with a sigh but then something dawned her. She knew it wasn't sensible but the compulsion was strong.

Reagan's page.

She knew she didn't really want to look, it would just be asking a question that she really didn't want the answer to but the masochist in her found herself searching for Reagan's name. It didn't take long to find her, her photograph was predictably eye-catching. Jess' thumb hovered over Reagan's name. No good could come of this. She thought. In no way, in no universe was this going to make her feel better in any way or give her any kind of catharsis. This was nothing but torture, cold hard torture.

She clicked.

There were a few articles Reagan had posted on the latest asthmas drugs, Jess nodded, that was to be expected. A couple of responses to inquisitive friends who wondered when Reagan might be back in their part of the country. 'Soon I hope' Jess thought to herself and then immediately felt guilty.

Then there it was, the thing she didn't want to see. Reagan's outstretched arms angling the camera at her smiling eyes and sparkling teeth while Nick kisses her cheek. His eyes closed, his hand tangled in the back of her hair and the corners of his mouth turned up in an undeniable smile.

She felt her stomach drop further than it had before. He looked so lost in her. He looked so happy. She could feel the violent sting of tears burning behind her eyes but she didn't look away. She analysed his face looking for some small sign that something was wrong, that it wasn't going well, that life with Reagan wasn't what he'd hoped. But that didn't happen. The more she stared the happier he looked. It was all she'd ever wanted for him, that he be truly happy but she'd be lying if part of her hadn't prayed he would come rushing back through the door saying it was all a mistake.

The image suddenly blurred as a tear fell on to the screen, a tear she had been holding back all day. She hated crying, she was so tired of it, it was exhausting. But crying was the only way to ease the anger she felt at not figuring out her feelings before it was too late. Finally she pressed the button on her phone hard and sent the picture back it to the ether, but it was already seared on to her brain. Peeling off her glasses she swiped her pyjama sleeve across her eyes and sniffed. She really needed Cece.

Nick splayed his toes wide, letting each joint satisfyingly crack. Noticing his feet were a little grubby he threw a t-shirt underneath them so he wouldn't get any marks on the crisp white bedsheets, the kind of crisp white you only ever got in a hotel. He and Reagan weren't at the point of comfort yet where she could be exposed to his inexplicably dirty feet. He massaged the dull ache in his thighs from all the walking he had done around the city, he couldn't remember the last time he had exerted himself enough to cause physical discomfort. Then again there had been a lot of 'exerting' with Reagan over the last two weeks. Nick smiled to himself and glanced at the clock to see how long it would be until she came home.

The first few days has been like a vacation, it was all food, cocktails, sightseeing and sex. But then Reagan had eventually had to go back to work, that was why they were in New Orleans after all. Not that Nick was complaining, he couldn't remember the last time he'd taken any time off from the bar, he never took time off work. But he figured, being the boss and all, he might as well take advantage. So he'd pooled all his vacation days together, and left the bar in the capable hands of Big Bob, to be overseen by Schmidt of course once he returned from his honeymoon. Schmidt had jumped at the chance to play a more 'hands on' boss. Nick didn't have the heart to tell him the staff would probably eat him alive. Nick kind of missed the bar and the loft and all his creature comforts but the change of scenery was doing him good. It gave him a weird sense of pride that he had actually gotten off the sofa and done something for once in his life and Reagan had been a more than adequate temptation.

He couldn't truly believe he was just living it up in New Orleans like it was nothing, like it was something he just did because he was that guy, he was that cool. And all of this with a girl who was insanely hot, but when all was said and done, he hardly knew. It was so unlike him, in fact it was so far removed from his character it scared him a little, but in a good way.

Getting up from the bed he began to make himself a cup of coffee in the teeny tiny machine that he'd found the time to marvel at every day since they'd arrived. As he listened to the steaming gurgle he gazed out the window at the colourful, bustling street below and he let out a subconscious chuckle. He felt like he was finally going to have a story to tell. In those conversations with old acquaintances that usually had him clawing at the exit, he'd be like... oh yeah one time I moved to New Orleans for 3 months with a hot girl I hardly knew...that's what he'd slip into conversation casually and people would know that he was a guy who did stuff. He wasn't the guy on the beach holding the wallets anymore.

Jess had spent years convincing him he could do it and now he could prove her right. He smiled at the thought of her, he missed her, he was only here because of her and he would never be able to thank her enough for that. He hoped she was proud of him, he hoped she could see that there was a little more to him now than the hopeless guy she broke up with two years ago. He so badly wanted her to see more. He wanted Reagan to see it too. He wanted her to find him fun and exciting, he wanted her to know that he was along for the ride wherever that ride was going to go, he didn't even care where they were headed. Reagan was outgoing and vivacious and he was desperate for her to believe that he was a good match for her, that he could be all the things she wanted him to be. As he stirred his coffee, images from the last two weeks floated through his mind and he beamed from ear to ear. But the freshly made coffee was ditched as he heard a key rattling in the lock.

Beating her to the punch and flinging the door open wide he dragged his eyes keenly up her body until they landed on a smile as wide as his. He closed the gap between them, moving his arm over her shoulder to close the door with his fingertips. Sliding her bag gently from her shoulder he dropped it to the ground and enveloped her in his arms to kiss on to her lips how much he had missed her that day.

"Well hi." She said seductively as she traced her fingers over his soft scruff. "I'm really getting used to this kind of welcome home"

"Yeah?" He kissed her again.

"Yeah, I like it."

"Well, I like you." He smiled against her lips and slipped her jacket over her shoulders as she stepped out of her heels.

This was pretty much how their day went. Wake up, make love, Nick would wait for Reagan to home, a little more sex, dinner and a couple of drinks in the evening, rounded off with some more late night passion. They almost had sex more than they talked, but it was a new relationship so Nick figured that was just fine and it wasn't like he could keep his hands off her even if he tried. When they did talk Nick was still in the process of trying to overcome his nervous mumbling, sure it made her laugh, but sooner or later it was going to have to progress into a complete, adult conversation. They had another two and a half months together and there was still so much to learn about each other. They were going to have to work on that he thought to himself as he popped open the buttons on her shirt while she kissed his neck.

They hadn't discussed what was going to come next, it was too soon for that. Reagan already knew her next post was in San Francisco and he pondered the workability of it as he moved his hands over her ass and walked her back to the bed. He'd never been a fan of long-distance relationships in the past but he was willing to rethink it, he had a car, he was making better money now to be able to travel here and there and Schmidt had done a great job teaching him of the wonders of technological communication so he could keep in better touch with his Mom. Bending his elbows he lowered himself over her and kissed her, feeling her legs circle around his waist and her fingers make light work of his zipper. Yeah he was an adult now, he could make sacrifices, he could make grown up moves, he conceded as he pulled down the front of her bra and kissed his way down her chest. He was ready for this, he concluded as lost himself in her for the second time that day.

Reagan had a habit of waking up in the night, one of the many things he was learning about her. He could usually sleep through anything but he would find himself awake at around three a.m. as Reagan disappeared into the bathroom or into the hallway to work out the restlessness in her legs. Glancing sleepily to his side he could see the shadows of her feet under the doorway pacing up and down. He closed his eyes again but he knew he wouldn't fall asleep until she came back in so he plucked his phone from the nightstand to check his messages.

Three voicemails from his Mom who he really needed to respond to in the morning before she called out a search party. She had that stern tone where she used his full name. Even as a man in his thirties it made him wince. There were a couple of photos from Cece of Schmidt buried in the sand while taking a nap which made him chuckle, nothing from Jess though.

He felt bad she was pretty much on her own in the loft, he knew how hard she had taken her breakup with Sam, she had looked so sad when he left. He found himself texting her, he knew she wouldn't reply, she would be sound asleep with her phone on silent but what the hell. She'd get it in the morning and maybe, just maybe it would cheer her up. If he could at least help her start her day with a smile then he'd be happy. He thought of the silliest most random thing he could think of and began to type, making himself laugh in the process. Content it would be enough to lighten her mood over breakfast he pressed send and set the phone back on the nightstand, rolling over and trying once again to close his eyes. To his surprise his phone beeped.

Squinting his eyes a few times he adjusted to the light of the phone and saw a message from Jess. With a pre-emptive smile he opened it.

Jess: You're an idiot :)

He began to type.

Nick: It made you smile though right?

Jess: Yeah you got me.

Nick: How come you're up so late?

Jess: Can't sleep. Thinking too much about stuff

Nick: What stuff?

Jess: Just stuff, I don't want to bore you. How come you're awake? Actually, scratch that, I don't think I want to know.

Nick: You've got a dirty mind day. I'm just awake. Thought I'd send you something inappropriate to make you laugh.

Jess: You're a dummy Miller :)

Nick: Yeah you miss me though right?

Nothing

Nick: Right?...

Nothing

Nick: Oh thanks a lot Day! I guess you're asleep. Goodnight honey.

Jess sat on her bed with her knees hugged up to her chest as she gripped her phone tightly. He had no idea.