I slowly make my way up the steps when I notice the neighbor's pumpkin. I barely have time to reflect on the premature celebration when I see the Christmas light hanging from the roof. The flock of cats peering out the window completes the cliché of a lonely woman and I can only shake my head. Somebody shoot me if that ever happens to me.

The lonesome pumpkin with its crooked grin stares at me and I'm reminded of the only time I went trick or treating.

I was a teenager by then, probably too old to go in the first place, but I didn't care. It was such a welcomed sense of normalcy that I didn't mind people shunning me because I was already taller than most adults. I knew it was most likely my last opportunity and I couldn't bear going into adulthood never having experienced it.

Trick or treat? It still sounds foreign to my ears, but I'd take either one at the moment, along with a hefty dose of courage.

I look down at my new shirt, smooth out an invisible wrinkle and wonder once more, why I'm here. I'm dressed as a 34-year-old desperate woman with no common sense and I might be making the biggest mistake of my life. But what other choice do I have?

I take a deep breath and lift a hand to the door, but my sweaty palm is back in my pocket before I can bring myself to knock. I need more time, once I tell him there's no going back.

There are moments in your life that depend solely on the decision that you make, or don't make.

It's so easy to let life take its course and let people mold your path, that you forget you have the power to change it all.

In that moment, when you're standing at a crossroad and the very choice you make might change your fate, the easiest thing to do, is nothing. You can wait indefinitely for the perfect job to fall in your lap, the perfect man to fall into your bed, or you can take a leap and go for what you want; consequences be damned.

You might not always get what you want, but you'll always get an answer. I might have gone to my prom alone, but at least I don't have to live with the regret of never asking someone out. Although in retrospect, I just asked the wrong guy.

So here I am, at Grissom's doorstep, my sanity holding by a thread, thinking this might be one of those instances where I might be barking up the wrong tree.

After all, I already got my answer; it was a resonating 'no' that should have crushed all my hopes, except the answer came too quickly to be genuine. Call me foolish but I have to make sure he really meant it before I can keep going down the path where he's only a boss, a friend if I'm lucky.

If he rejects me one more time, then I end up in the same place. Nothing gained, nothing lost, just my last shred of self-respect. On the other hand-

"Sara?" His voice startles me and the railing is the only thing that keeps me from falling flat on my face.

Damn, I wonder how long he's been standing there… say something Sara.

"Sara? Anything I can do for you?"

So many things, you have no idea…Why does he have to look so sexy with his tousled hair and pajama bottom? I wonder if he's wearing anything underneath. Stop it Sara, just keep breathing. Why is he staring at me? Does he look… amused? Fuck why can't I speak?

"Well…I'll leave the door open if you feel like coming in-"

"I was just in the neighborhood…" Smooth Sara, very smooth. "I mean, I was wondering if you…If I…Yeah I'd like to come in, thanks." There you go, it wasn't that bad. Just keep breathing.

"Trick or treat?" He turns on his heels and I bump into him. For a few delicious seconds we stand inches from each other and I pour my soul into one look: I'm in love with you and I have reasons to believe you feel the same.

But he looks away and I have mere seconds to compose myself before he shoves a handful of candy in my hand.

"My neighbor." He says with a shrug.

It's not the kind of treat I had in mind, I want to say. "The one with the pumpkin and the Christmas lights?"

"Yeah, the Christmas lights…I would offer to take them down but then I'd feel obligated to offer to put them back up and-" He releases a breath, his eyes squinting slightly. "Sometimes people say things they regret but are too proud to take back."

"And sometimes people have to swallow their pride, show up uninvited and hope they haven't just thrown away their last bit of dignity." I can't help the bitter laugh that escapes my lips and I try to turn away.

The warmth of his hand against my cheek stops me in my tracks and again I have to remember to breathe.

He holds my gaze and I try not to interpret the emotions I see in his eyes: I do feel the same. "I respect the people who are able to do that, it takes a lot of guts-"

"Or stupidity." I hate how weak my voice sounds.

"Maybe…" He wipes away the tear we're both pretending didn't fall and I wonder if I could lift the fingerprint off my skin and keep it as evidence of his touch. "But not in this case."

"Don't say anything you'll be too proud to take back."

"It really is too early for a pumpkin."

I can't help but muffle a laugh as his lips brush against mine.

Sometimes you just have to take a chance and remember it can be too early but never too late.