So what happens when you don't have internet for a couple of days? Well... You write a oneshot!
This story is actually based off a video on YouTube called "Kid Screaming At Black Ops PART 4", where this one kid is getting angry from playing Call of Duty, while his friends are not happy that he's not helping them with a project. I thought an idea like this would work pretty well with South Park.
Just a fair warning... If you haven't seen the show, there's some explicit language and offensive material in here. It's not because it's how I write, but it's how the characters act. I mean, it's important to keep the characters in character, right? Hopefully I did... Just don't take this story too seriously, OK?
Anyway, enough rambling. Just enjoy this story!
School had passed in South Park Elementary, and Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny had reached the front door to Stan's house. However, all of them were less than thrilled. Then again, being in this town was never so thrilling to them.
"God, this sucks," Stan groaned. "I can't believe we have to do a report on another thing that Mr. Garrison bitches about in class."
"Yeah, this whole assignment is pretty retarded," Kyle added.
"Mrm mrrhhrm mm mm mrhmm mfm mrffmh?" Kenny asked.
"I don't know, you guys," Cartman mentioned. "At least this time, all four of us are working together for this schewl assignment."
"More like three, since last time we worked together, you just sat down eating Cheesy Poofs on the couch, fatass!" Kyle growled, casting a glare toward his nemesis.
"Oh, look! A Jew accusing someone!" Cartman announced. "You guys don't see that every day, right?"
"Grrrrrrrr!"
"Kyle, just let it go," Stan intervened, opening the door to his house. "The same thing happens, and the results are usually the same. Let's just do this dumb report and be done with it."
"Mrmh," Kenny nodded as they passed by the couch made their way over to the staircase. Cartman, however, began to slow down until he was at the back of the group. This did not go unnoticed by Kyle.
"What the hell are you doing?" Kyle asked.
"No no, don't worry. I'll get back to you guys." Cartman assured, although Kyle didn't look convinced. "I seriously need to take a shit."
"Oh, no! You're NOT making up another excuse!"
"What? You want me to remain upstairs and crap in Stan's room? I didn't know you were into that kind of thing, Kahl!"
"That's not what I meant, you fat sack of shit!" Kyle yelled.
"Kyle, please," Stan started, trying to prevent him from charging at their fat friend. It took him a bit, but Kyle finally backed down and went upstairs with Stan and Kenny.
When the coast was clear, Cartman walked away from the staircase, but rather than heading to the bathroom, he went to the couch.
"Screw those fags," Cartman thought. "I'd rather play the Xbox One all day!"
As Cartman searched for the console, there was something by the TV that caught him completely off guard.
"The fuck?"
Rather than an Xbox One, there was a Playstation 4 in its place.
"I thought we agreed to get Xbox Ones on Black Friday?!" Cartman growled. "That fuckin' son of a bitch! I bet Kinny got one too! ...No, wait, he's too poor to afford it."
Sighing in defeat, Cartman got the PS4 controller and turned on the system. At least there was some Call of Duty to play.
A few hours later, Cartman lazily leaned back on the couch. Only now, he had pizza crust on his lap and a box of Cheesy Poofs to the side.
"What kind of fucking players are these?!" Cartman yelled through the mike. "God, we're already losing after a minute!"
"Who invited this whiny kid?" one of the players through the headset asked.
"Fuck yew, I'm like twenty-fahve years old! I could probably kick your ass!"
"If you're twenty-five, then you sound like you've never got laid!"
"I don't need to get laid. The chicks already think I'm super kewl. Even mah mahm knows that."
Eventually the other three boys came downstairs and spotted Cartman raging on the Playstation 4. Needless to say, they were far from pleased.
"Oh, God..." Kyle growled, he and the other two approaching Cartman.
"'AY! I made the shot on him first!" Cartman complained. "Fuck this controller! Fuck this system! And these goddamn players can suck my balls!"
"Cartman, it's just a game..." Stan groaned. "And stop blaming the controller! It's probably you! In fact, you shouldn't even be on my Playstation!"
"Stan..."
"What?"
"Did I ever tell you how much you fuckin' suck? We were supposed to get Xbox Ones, but you just had to get this gayass system!"
"I got it for Christmas," Stan replied, glaring at Cartman.
"Mmm mrmm mrrph?" Kenny asked, noticing the pizza crust.
"Yeah, it's pizza. I already ate it all, except for the crust. But I'm not giving it to you, Kinny."
"Wait, you ordered pizza without asking us?" Stan gawked.
"Uhhhh... Yeah."
"How did you even pay for it?"
"I just found some money in one of the drawers."
"Dude! You can't go stealing my parents' money like that!"
"See, I told you guys we shouldn't have let Cartman join us," Kyle said. "He's doing the same thing as before!"
"No, last time I was sitting on the couch eating Cheesy Poofs. Now I'm sitting on the couch eating Cheesy Poofs and pizza while playing on this dumb console." Cartman corrected.
"It doesn't matter. It's still the same thing!"
"Yeah, Cartman, you need to get off the system and help us with the project," Stan suggested.
"No way. Like I'd ever want to help yew guys."
Kyle grabbed a hold of Cartman and tried to pull him away from the couch. But because he was so fat, it made it difficult for him. Stan had found himself trying to pull Kyle away from Cartman, while Kenny just watched the scene commence because he found it entertaining.
"Get off of me, you Jew!" Cartman cried. He ended up losing the grip on his bag of Cheesy Poofs, and it ended up bouncing off of his fat belly and spilled all over the floor. "Oh my God, you knocked over the Cheesy Poofs!"
"Sorry about that, Stan," Kyle apologized.
"Mmrrpph mrrrffpph," Kenny said, looking down at the spilled Cheesy Poofs.
"Good going, Kahl! Thanks to yew, Kinny's going to go after them!" Cartman complained, pointing at Kenny. The latter stopped laughing at this and gave him a cold glare.
"Mrph mrm!" Kenny yelled, punching Cartman in the arm.
"'AY! Quit it, you poor asshole!"
"Guys, my mom's not going to be happy if she sees this mess on the floor," Stan noted.
"Well, then why don't you and Kahl go get a broom and clean this mess up before more poor people start showing up," Cartman suggested, receiving another bad look from the poor kid.
"That's YOUR mess, though!" Kyle growled.
"It's not my house!"
"You're just making up bullshit excuses as usual."
"OK then, if you find this mess to be a big problem, why don't you do it all yourself, Kahl, since that's all Jews are good for these days!"
"All right, that's IT!" Kyle let out a battle cry and tackled Cartman to the ground, making him drop the PS4 controller. For once, Stan chose not to pull Kyle away.
After Kyle had punched him enough times, Cartman let out one last grunt before finally getting up.
"Fine! That's fahne! I don't need yew guys for the project anyway!" Cartman whined, approaching the front door. "I can do this dumb project myself! It'll be way kewler than yours! Screw you guys, I'm goin' home!"
"All right, then get out," Kyle said bluntly.
"Then I will!" the fatass declared, giving the three each middle fingers. "Fuck yew, Stan! Fuck yew, Kinny! And fuck yew, Kahl!"
As soon as he shut the door, Kyle immediately locked it. Cartman ended up knocking after realizing that it was dark, but no one bothered to open it.
"Yew gaaaaaaaahs... It's dark out heeeeere..." Cartman sniffled.
"We're not letting you back in, fatass!" Kyle yelled.
"You don't live too far from here either!" Stan added.
"But I'll freeze before I get baaaaaaaack!"
The rest ignored him and began to back away from the door. Cartman kept knocking, but he still got no answer.
"C'mon, yew gaaaaaahs! I'm seriousleeeeh!" Cartman cried. When he got no answer for the last time, he backed away from the door and started to go home. "Maaaaaaaahm! Meeeeehhhhhhmmmmm!"
"Phew... Well that's a relief..." Kyle sighed. "You know, I've learned something today..."
"What?" Stan asked, looking curious.
"Never let Cartman join us in another assignment again."
Stan pondered for a moment, but like before, he gave that usual smile. "...Yeah."
"Mrph mm mr mrrfm mm mrm mrf mmmffff?" Kenny asked after realizing something.
"He got pissed off by us many times in the past, and he didn't do that to us," Kyle recalled. "I wouldn't worry about it, Kenny."
"Mrfh..." Kenny sighed.
"Come on. Let's just finish up that assignment."
Agreeing, Stan, Kyle, and Kenny returned to Stan's room to resume on the project.
However, just before going up, Kenny headed back downstairs to the spilled Cheesy Poofs. He made sure nobody was looking before he quickly stuffed a few on them into his mouth. It wasn't much, but for him, it was better than nothing. For the rest, he put them in one of his parka's pockets.
As soon as he was done, he headed back upstairs to catch up to the other two.