We lay together, face to face and legs intertwined, just staring into each others' eyes and enjoying the peaceful – no, blissful – moment between us. He gazed at me with those soft brown eyes as if I was his whole world. I finally felt special, finally loved… truly loved and unconditionally so.
"What's the time?" I asked him quietly, barely raising my voice above hearing level. In the dim light, I saw him raise his beautiful eyes to check. "1:58am," he replied, no louder than my question, and returned his gaze to me as if it pained him to look away.
He loved me. I could see it.
His eyes held it, but it was more than that… It was the way his lips were always on the brink of twisting into his bright smile when we were together like this. It was the way his brow was completely smooth and relaxed, not a care in the world – the only thing that mattered was us.
Everything in his expression screamed 'I LOVE YOU!' I only hoped mine showed the same. Several more minutes of comfortable silence passed and then he said, "I love you. I love you so much. You're the most important thing to me and – I could never imagine saying this to anyone else, but I never want to be apart from you. I always want to have you with me. I'll never want anyone else, I promise you that."
I smiled softly. I knew that was a promise that, while he fully intended to keep it, he wouldn't necessarily be able to. I decided not to point it out because it would only cause trouble and this moment was too perfect to shatter.
"I love you, too. I never want to be apart from you either and you're more important than anything else. I love you," I replied softly. The conviction in my voice made me realise that no matter what happened, that fact would never change.
~BrokenKlainebows~
It was the end of June. I'd finished college for the year and I was on a plane back to Ohio. I was so excited to be back I wanted to run. Forget security and luggage, I just wanted my boyfriend. I restrained myself, however, and walked, following the rules and blah blah blah.
I got a cab outside the airport and told the driver the address. He smiled at me in the rearview mirror. I think he could tell I was excited. Pulling up at my destination, I quickly got rid of my mode of transport and inhaled deeply.
Fresh rain never smelled quite the same in the big city. Just then, the door opened and out rushed a whirlwind of bright colours, bowtie and dark hair. We held each other tight, to the point of pain, but neither of us cared.
We were too happy to see each other. I thought I heard a sob and felt a wet tear against my neck, but the thing that I noticed and remembered most?
His heartbeat.
It was racing, pounding in his chest just like mine was; I could feel it. We were together now, arms around each other like we'd never let go. Nothing else mattered.
~BrokenKlainebows~
That was a long time ago, now, although it feels longer than it actually was. At the present moment, I was sat on my bedroom floor in my most humble abode, the thick, fluffy carpet offering me no comfort.
I had hold of all the clothes he'd left at my apartment when he'd visited me; it had been so long but they still smelled like he did. Just that unmistakeable scent of him, the one that intoxicated me and drove me crazy whenever I was near him. I clutched his clothes tighter and let out a dry sob.
I'd lost him.
I'd let him go. I let him go and I've regretted it every second since. I missed him. I could still feel his arms around me. I could still remember how he used to smile at me. I could still recall our first kiss and how much it felt like flying.
Another sob forced its way from my raw throat. I wasn't charming or confident like he was – at least, I couldn't act it as well as he could. I wasn't charismatic and unforgettable like him. I couldn't make anyone want me with just a wink. I wasn't something he could miss, apparently. I didn't know how to make that happen. I wasn't enough for him.
I knew that it would come.
I knew he'd made promises he couldn't keep but that didn't do anything to lessen the pain when it happened. I choked again and brooded on how I had never really savoured our kisses because I never really thought we'd stop having them. I was aware of what could happen but I never thought it would. I had never really treasured him like I should have done because of the unknowingly limited time with him that was only to be expected.
He had so many places to go in life and I'd always trusted that I would go with him. I hadn't really believed that we would ever end and I'd never have imagined that it would be in the volatile, heartbreaking way it did happen if I'd thought of it.
I couldn't help it.
"Blaine," I whispered, reluctantly allowing the silent tears to roll steadily down my pale cheeks. There would never be anyone else. It would always be his name in my heart, always his name in my dreams, always his name on my lips, always his name. I sniffed, and with his scent came another torrent of memories.
~BrokenKlainebows~
We moved along the sidewalk together, I walking, he… well, it was some kind of jovial movement that could most closely be compared to bouncing. It was a slightly (okay, very) exaggerated version of the usual confident swing to his step.
It was also amusing and mildly worrying to watch.
I suppose it could be called the strangest dancing in the history of the art. He simply grooved down the asphalt to his own little beat, not caring what anyone thought of him. I wished I could have that confidence.
Several hours later, he had more of it than he'd ever need in a lifetime. Alcohol tends to do that to people. The thudding music of the party we were at was still going strong and all in attendance were either passed out drunk, making out with someone (whether it stuck to their proclaimed sexuality or not) or dancing.
I glanced around.
I correct my earlier statement. Everyone was passed out drunk, making out or watching him dance. Yes, he was dancing on a table at a party, completely out of his head drunk.
He was showing off again, pleasing the small crowd with his 'newest moves' and wiggling his (rather exceptional, if I do say so myself - but no checking, ladies) tush in my direction before turning around to grin at me.
The third time this happened, I just rolled my eyes. I think he was offended by that as he jumped down from the table, wobbled slightly, was steadied by his slightly disappointed audience and made an indirect beeline for me.
He grabbed my hands and tried to pull me to the dance floor that was filled again now that he'd given up his show, laughing drunkenly. "You know I don't dance!" I protested loudly over the music. He laughed again and showed me the puppy-dog eyes he knew I couldn't resist.
"But you will for me, right?" he pleaded, still trying to tug me away from the sidelines. I would do anything for him. I rolled my eyes again and sighed heavily, allowing myself to be dragged into the centre of the dance floor.
~BrokenKlainebows~
Gathering myself up as best I could – not very well, that is – I moved to my bed. Lying back against the mattress without relinquishing my grip on the only pieces of my first love I had left, I remembered the little things about him that I loved the most.
I loved how he used to walk around like he was king of the world, whether other people viewed him as such or not, just strolling along to wherever he was going, relaxed, laid-back, hands in his pockets, not a care in the world. I knew that was all an act. I still couldn't help but envy it a bit.
I loved how confident he'd acted when he'd met my father. He'd shaken his hand like a grown man although he was only seventeen at the time. To my father, he'd seemed very self-assured and charming; I knew he was trembling inside, given away by the nervousness in his eyes that was hidden well but not sufficiently for me, and the slight tremor of his knees that no one but I had known him well enough to look for.
I loved that he would kiss me in the middle of a sentence; never anything important, he always listened when he knew I needed it, but if I was rambling about something that I was particularly passionate about, he always claimed that he couldn't help himself. I believed him every time. Now I'm not so sure, but that didn't mean that those interruptions weren't missed every day I was without them.
Releasing myself from these memories, I allowed myself to really look at the items he'd left even though I had no need to. I knew exactly what he'd left: a pair of grey sweats that he wore during our movie marathons; a navy hoody from his first year at college; and the black and white striped bowtie that I had bought him for our first year together. That last one hurt the most.
I'd kept everything he'd ever given me and yet he didn't. There were several other things as well, but I wouldn't let myself go there because my heart already hurt enough. I simply pulled on the navy hoody and drowned myself in the scent of him that still lingered in the fabric.
Why didn't he miss me? Was I really that worthless to him? The idea shattered my heart further, dragging me back into the longing depression I had been fighting to get out of since he'd left.
~BrokenKlainebows~
I knew that I had tortured myself since he'd gone. I stalked him on Facebook, always staring at new pictures for hours, wishing I could be there with him, smiling, laughing, kissing his cheek like we did way back when.
I watched him through the pictures, my heart breaking further as his was repaired. I saw his smiles gradually become more genuine, I saw the pain in his eyes diminish and disappear, I saw the lines on his face become fewer.
I could almost feel him forgetting me through these images, a single second captured on camera, yet another second without being beside him, yet another second in which the times I had felt him breathing next to me faded into the past. I still spoke to Nick and Jeff on occasion, and sometimes even Wes and David.
They knew what I wanted every time I called them, and although I felt bad for using them as I did, I knew that they felt heartbroken for me and understood. I was so grateful for that. I couldn't have lived if I didn't know that he was okay because even though he left me, turned me into this pathetic shadow of who I used to be, I wouldn't, couldn't wish him ill.
I just couldn't.
He meant too much to me, whether the feeling was mutual or not. I couldn't help but wish it was a beautiful day in eternally-summer LA. I couldn't help but wish he would be happy. And although I wanted that for him, I also couldn't help but wish that something would remind him of me. Something would make him think of me and make him wish that he had stayed.
I had never planned on staying in New York forever. I loved the place, but I knew that one day we'd move away. I never realised I'd be moving away from the city on my own.
On my own.
Without Blaine.
~BrokenKlainebows~
With this revelation in mind, I finally allowed myself to give in to the wet, noisy sobs that had been fighting to be free from the moment I entered my apartment this afternoon.
A/N: Well? It actually broke my heart to write this, so I'd love to hear your opinions. I couldn't believe that I was so cruel to poor Kurt! I thought '~BrokenKlainebows~' was an appropriate line breaker, too, don't you think?
So far, this is unbeta'ed but I'm sure Sophie will change this bit when she gets around to checking it for me.
As you may have guessed it's a song-fic to Taylor Swift's 'Last Kiss.' For those of you in despair right now (apparently this will happen - I don't believe it...) don't worry, I am planning a second chapter/sequel.
Also, I have two, maybe three more chapters of 'You Name It, Trent Ships It,' part written to draft stage and part typed, so they'll be up soon.
And I have a slightly angsty - cough, very angsty compared to my usual, cough - Niff oneshot coming soon. I think that'll stay a oneshot, though.
I won't give dates or anything as I've started college this week - UK college, not the American version - and I'm starting my new job this weekend so I can't promise anything definitely at a certain time because I just don't know that I'll be able to do that. So I won't give dates, just soon. Sorry, guys!
Anyway, let me know what you think and I'll see you guys again soon! Love you all! (: xxxx
