A Vampire in Konoha

An AU Oneshot Fanfic by PikaFlash

Disclaimers: As usual, all characters, scenes, songs, ideas and famous speeches belong to their respective owners.

Note: A warning to kids reading this fanfic: do not open the door to strangers.

A/N: This fanfic is a parody of Naruto AU fanfics involving Vampires and stuff. Its humor is in the same vein as Hyuga Mansion, so don't take it seriously if you expect a serious fanfic. Also, there is implied SasuSaku if you do not like that pairing.

Kakashi (wearing 19th Century clothes) was seen writing on a book when lightning struck. Kakashi looked out the window. Then when he turned back to his book, only to see a well-dressed Vampire wearing a red cape standing in front of Kakashi.

"Good evening," said the vampire.

"Can I help you?" asked the surprised Kakashi.

"I'm tired of this place," said Sasuke. "I'm tired of this endless quest for Human Blood. Tired of living this life because my brother turned me into a vampire and I killed him for it. I just want to start afresh, to be reborn and leave behind my unspeakable past with that crazy snake man."

Kakashi opens his book and looks through it. "Well, there's a place in Fire Country called Konoha where the Local Ninja Academy is in need an assistant Soccer Coach. Are you interested in that?"

Sasuke smiled as he reveals his fangs. "Perfect."

Sasuke evilly laughs.

As the sun rises, Sasuke was drinking some coffee and looking at the map while sitting on the bonnet of his car.

Sasuke takes a photo of himself with the scenic background behind him, showing off his vampire fangs.

Sasuke fills up the petrol into his car.

Sasuke was attempting to replace a flat tire. Then, as he picks up a cross-shaped tire wrench (those things that removes the nuts holding the tire to the car) from his toolbox, he sees it and screams, dropping the wrench.

Sasuke is seen stranded with so many things as he is tries to hitchhike a ride as a car stops for him.

Sasuke arrives at his rental home as he puts down the stuffs he brought with him.

Shikamaru and Sasuke were watching some Ninja Academy Students playing soccer.

Sasuke was yelling at the players. "Come on! Mark him! Mark him!" Sasuke catches his breath. "So, wanna have a break?"

Shikamaru nods. "Sure."

Sasuke blows the whistle. "One more lap, everyone! Except for you Lee, you've done enough. Hit the showers." Sasuke gives Lee a drink bottle and slapped Lee in the butt.

"We're going for a drink at the bar, want to join us?" asks Shikamaru.

Sasuke smiled. "Now you're talking."

"Need a lift?" Shikamaru asked.

Sasuke shakes his head. "Thanks for the offer but the academy has been generous by giving me my own mode of transportation," Sasuke said.

Sasuke was riding a small scooter to the bar.

Lee, Shikamaru and Sasuke picked their beer mugs, although Lee has an empty mug with a grasshopper in it while the others have actual beer.

"Here we go," said Shikamaru, handing a mug to Sasuke.

Sasuke takes his mug. "Cheers. And bartender, some potato chips."

Bartender Choji: Sure.

A woman with pink hair walks up to the bar between Sasuke and Shikamaru.

"Oh, Sasuke, this is Sakura, a doctor at the hospital. Rumors say that she drinks the blood of 4th Graders."

Sasuke bows to Sakura. "Charmed to meet you." He takes a potato chip out of a bag. "Chip?"

"You certainly are a gentleman, Sasuke," Sakura said as she accepted some chips.

"It is actually pronounced Sas-kay," said Sasuke.

Sasuke, Shikamaru, Lee and Neji were at the pool table and Neji was chosen to play first.

"Here I go."

Neji knocked all the balls into their pockets without letting Sasuke have a turn. "I win. Now drop them."

Sasuke dropped his pants and started to jump around the room with the other guys laughing.

Sakura and Ino were watching.

"What do you think?" Ino asked.

"I don't know," said Sakura as she watches Sasuke. "I feel a special bond coming from him."

"How humiliating," mumbled Sasuke as he continues to suffer the penalty.

Sasuke and Naruto were sitting on a rock doing some casual fishing in the sunset.

"You know, Sasuke. If you take a fish out of the water, it will flail helplessly until it dies," said Naruto.

Sasuke looks at Naruto. "Your point being?"

"Sasuke, you're like a fish out of the water here, but somehow you've adapt and you know why?"

"Tell me."

"You don't have gills," said Naruto.

[The End]