Love You Like Crazy
Disclaimer: Sadly, I own neither Saving Hope nor Daniel Gillies
Pairing: Joel & Alex (Jalex)
Rating: T
Summary: A Jalex twist on the final scene in 01x04: "The Fight."
Author's Note: Some snippets of dialogue are taken from the actual episode. References events that occurred in 01x05: "Out of Sight" as well.
Joel Goran watched helplessly as Alex Reid stared back at him wide-eyed, and pale mumbling something about Charlie.
She looks exhausted.
His heart ached for her.
All he wanted was to take away her pain.
Well, that wasn't the only thing he wanted.
But he knew that easing her pain was as close as Alex would let him get.
She had every right to be hurt.
Of course she was going to push him away.
After all he had cheated on her.
And in his absence she'd fallen in love with someone else.
With Charlie.
But none of that changed what he wanted in that moment.
He wanted to touch her.
He wanted to kiss her.
He wanted to comfort her.
But he'd lost his chance.
He'd screwed everything up.
If he were honest with himself Joel would admit that the only reason he'd come to work at Hope Zion in the first place was to try and get a second chance with Alex.
He missed her.
He needed her.
He loved her.
Sure, now he was supposed to be with Maggie.
But she was just a distraction the one thing he really wanted.
The one person he really wanted.
Alex.
And she was right in front of him drowning in her own misery.
And it broke his heart.
Alex, I'm sorry I hurt you.
And if it takes the rest of my life I'm going to make it up to you.
I'm going to get you back.
But not right now.
Right now, she was just struggling to keep her head above water.
She was just trying to make it through the day.
And no matter how hard she pushed him away, he was going to help her.
He'd failed her before.
But he wouldn't fail her again.
He refused to.
That was the reason for all the pep talks he gave her in the corridors of the hospital, in the scrub room, in empty patient rooms.
In her apartment full of people over Chinese food after she'd triumphed in the O.R.
After Kinney had taken her off the surgery and she'd almost given up.
When she smiled and laughed at Dana's joke in the kitchen he'd thought she'd finally succeeded in compartmentalizing her pain.
She was laughing.
And then she was crying.
And all he wanted to do was pull her close to him and hold her.
But in the end he'd given her another pep talk and she'd thrown herself into her work with even more vigor than before.
He knew she was working too hard. And he'd told her as much. But Alex was just as stubborn as he was.
It was one of the many things he loved about her.
He hadn't seen her since they'd argued in the lounge over his treatment plan for his patient with the spinal cord injury.
She'd walked away angry but he wound up taking her advice.
When he came to talk to her about it, he could tell that she'd had a rough day.
Before he's operated on Irene, she'd grabbed her husband and whispered, "I love you like crazy."
Joel Goran knew the feeling.
Alex Reid, I love you like crazy.
He thought to himself as he stared at her while she looked lost staring up at something only she could see.
And suddenly she was back on her feet, her eyes dancing back and forth with uncertainty and shining with tears as she whispered, "Charlie…Hi…"
Strands of her beautiful dark hair had come loose from its usually impeccable topknot.
Her usually flawless lipstick was faded as if someone had kissed her and smudged it away.
Joel wished he'd been the one to kiss her.
He hadn't realized until now how lucky he'd been.
And he'd thrown it all away.
But he'd get her back.
Because he loved her like crazy.
There were dark circles beneath her eyes from lack of sleep.
And he could tell she'd been crying because her face was stained with tears,
It took everything he had not to reach out and brush them away.
He hated seeing her in so much pain.
"Are you okay?" Joel whispered, taking a step towards her. "You look like you just saw a ghost."
"Charlie…He was…" She whispered, her voice trailing off because in her rational mind she knew just how crazy it sounded.
"Charlie," Joel asked softly, taking another step closer to her, "He was what?"
Joel knew it sounded crazy.
But he didn't care because he loved her like crazy.
Alex shook her head, and replied, "Nothing…I…um…Nothing…" She repeated, shaking her head again.
"Alex, love" He whispered, the endearment slipping from his lips unbidden. "Maybe you should rest. C'mon. Why don't you lie down and get some rest?"
"Yeah." Alex agreed, sinking slowly onto the couch.
"Yeah." Joel repeated, watching her gaze drift off just as her voice had in her exhaustion.
"Try to get some sleep," Joel urged softly, as she slowly pulled her legs up onto the couch and he gently covered her with a soft pale blue hospital blanket.
His hand brushed her wrist as she snuggled under the blanket.
"I'll come wake you in half an hour," He whispered, getting to his feet, with every intention of leaving the room.
"Okay." She whispered.
"Okay." He agreed.
But the drowsy smile on her face and the sound of his name on her lips made him pause.
"Joel?"
"Yeah?" He whispered, turning around to look at her.
"Will you stay with me until I fall asleep?" She asked softly.
"You got it," He answered stepping back into the room and closing the door.
He sat on the end of the couch and Alex was asleep within seconds.
But he stayed with her even after she'd fallen asleep.
Because he loved her like crazy.