As we all know, they're not mine!
SLEEP
Starsky.
God I'm tired. I can't remember why but I'm so god-awful tired. I wish I could sleep; why can't I sleep? And why am I so cold?
I miss you so much honey, so much. Why couldn't I save you? I never saw it coming, I swear, but I should have shouldn't I? Yes I know you don't blame me, but I do and that's why I can't sleep I guess. I hate being alone in this bed even though I can still smell you but it isn't enough. I wish you were here, with me.
Shall I call him? Shall I ask him to come over? We could play monopoly, that would make the night go by sooner than just lying here and staring in the dark. No, I can't do that again. It would be the fifth time this week and what's the use of being awake together? He must be as tired as I am. What time is it? Shit, it's just past three o'clock; that means at least three more hours of staring in the dark. What is it with me and women? They leave me or they die. Or both. Helen, please take care of my baby! I know you're so much stronger than she is, so keep an eye on her, will you? God, I'm sorry Helen for treating you the way I did. I should have let you do your job and not have interfered so much, but I was so scared I'd lose you and see what it brought me. I lost both of you and you know what? I would never have been able to save you or Terry. No matter what I did or tried to do, it was destined for you to die! That's what I've been told anyhow, I don't know if I can believe that. It would make it easier to accept but …I don't know.
It's still too dark, maybe when I turn on the light…stop it Davey! You're not a kid anymore; you can sleep in the dark. No, I can't, too many images and too many thoughts. I should have killed him, the bastard! Why didn't I kill him? Why didn't I just kill him?
Hutch, I'm sorry…I can't go on like this…I need to…
'Starsk?'
"Hutch…please help me."
'I'm on my way Starsk, hold on another twenty minutes ok?'
"No, no, don't come here. You're tired too, so please stay at home. I shouldn't have called but I didn't even know…"
"Don't move buddy, I'm on my way."
"No…shit."
Aw Hutch, why did I call you? I'm such a mess; I can't even remember that I called you. Should I get up and make coffee? I don't think I can get my legs moving…maybe I'm paralyzed. Stop that idiot, you're not paralyzed, you're just tired.
Now, get your tired ass out of bed and start making coffee. Hutch is on his way and you can't stay in bed like the tired, lazy bum you are.
Hutch.
Why can't I sleep? You know why, you're waiting for the phone to ring. You're waiting for that call, aren't you?
Well, all right then I admit, I am waiting for the phone to ring. I know you won't be asleep and I know you won't call until you're so messed up that you're scared of doing something drastic. Shit, maybe you won't call because you're thinking of….NO, I can't even think it.
What time is it? Two thirty, that means three and a half hours staring in the dark. I don't know if I can do that. Maybe I should take a book and read for a while. Taking my mind off things. Or I should call you. No, what if you're asleep after all, wouldn't want to wake you up. I could go and see if everything is all right. I wouldn't wake you , just take a quick look.
Can't you tell me what to do Terry? I promised you to take care of him but it's not easy honey. He's not an easy man to protect from harm but I guess you know that. Is that why you asked me to take care of him? To never let him change? Maybe you asked the wrong guy; maybe I'm just too stupid or too weak to do that. Hell, I couldn't even protect and save Gillian. How do you expect me to protect Starsky? Please Terry, take care of Gillian. You're such a strong lady and I'm sure you two will like each other. Maybe women are stronger than men, mentally I mean. You were so sure what you had to do and so was Gillian. Now look at me, tossing and turning and wondering what to do to keep my best friend safe. He's not doing anything stupid, is he Terry? You'd warn me if he did, wouldn't you?
I'm not staying in bed; I'm getting up and see if Starsk is all right.
The phone! Finally, there you are.
"Starsk?"
'Hutch….please help me.'
"I'm on my way Starsk; hold on another twenty minutes, ok?"
'No, no don't come here. You're tired too, so please stay at home .I shouldn't have called, but I didn't even know…"
"Don't move buddy, I'm on my way."
'No..'
I'm on my way Starsk, don't do anything stupid. Please, wait for me, please, please.