Do not own, warning: This is a deathfic, so, don't sue me… This is a tear jerker, too… maybe a little shonen-ai
What I couldn't give you
I could not bear it. I couldn't. I left that place with a burning rage and guilt. How could they be happy of such an ending? I killed the only friend I had… Mikko was waiting for me outside and I jumped on him, riding away to where my heart wanted. That's how I ended here, in the crater. And that's how I found him. Upon entering a cave to rest, I heard some feeble moans and ventured deeper. To my surprise…
- Seph…, I whispered in a awe.
I fell to my knees and touched his cold features, realising with dread that he was going to die if I didn't warm him up. I called Mikko and together, we went back to Nibelheim. He woke up on the way, but only to ramble on the fact that I should not take care of him, that he was not worth the trouble.
- Shut up, Seph… whether you want it or not, I'm going to take care of you.
- You don't… understand, I heard him whisper, With JENOVA *cough* arghh… gone I… I am… dying, Cloud…
What? He was dying? No way, nooooooo fucking way! I immediately scooped him, running inside to muffle him into my bed, under a mount of heavy blankets. He was shivering all over and I had to admit he did not looked very healthy. Putting a hand on his forehead just proved his saying, at least, a part of it; he was literally burning up. I told him not to move, that I would came back with the doctor…
********
I couldn't help myself as I collapsed on floor, crying and cursing the stars above. Why were they so cruel to me? I lost my father that way, too, and now my only real friend, the only one I have left who'd really know me, would die because of an illness too? It was just too much for me, why me? Why did the stars chose me? I felt myself picked up, but I don't know why, I guess I needed the comfort, I just grabbed the nearest thing and clung to it as if my life depended on it. I don't remember what happened after, I was exhausted.
- I don't want to look like I'm intruding, but… What is going on?
I looked up and realised that I was sitting in someone's lap, Vincent's lap. He called my name once again and I finally gathered the strength to stand up. He was looking at me with his strange red eyes, quietly asking what was the matter, but he knew, already. I felt it, he could feel it.
- He's dying… I wanted him to live! I wanted him to live for once! He never had the chance, and now he's dying!, I cried, hysterical.
- Can I see him?
I nodded, then we both went into the bedroom. The doctor had taken care of Sephiroth's wounds, but we could easily see the dark patches on his skin. His breath was unsteady and laborious, but he was conscious. Looking at us with a strange, quiet gaze, maybe due to the drug he had been injected with to neutralize the pain. His silver hair had lost the shining halo that made it so beautiful…
- I… don't deserve any kindness. I don't have the right to be treated so… humanly.
- You're wrong, son.
That made me startle. Vincent, Sephiroth's father? We all thought it was Hojo… but I understand that he did not want to tell that secret to us. He came closer to the bed, and, naturally, as a father would do, sat down near his son and took his pale hand. His claw was laid gently to the side of Sephiroth's face.
- You are wrong, son. Every child of the Planet has the right to die with dignity. I forgive you, son, and Cloud too, I guess.
I nodded. Sephiroth closed his green eyes and a tear leaked out. Vincent bent down gently to kiss his forehead.
- I will go and try to find your mother, so she can hold you once before you pass away. Until then, please, my son, hold on.
Then he left. I was alone now with Sephiroth.
- Why you?, he said softly, why you? I caused you so much pain…
That was too much for me. Sephiroth, the Sephiroth I knew, the General of the Shinra army, was blaming himself for everything that had happened? He, who'd been manipulated from the first day of his life by Hojo, by the Shinra and driven mad by JENOVA, was blaming himself? I kneeled down the bed and caught his hand, forcing him to look at me. I was so upset…
- Stop! Stop it! It was not your fault! Don't you see I'm about to loose the only friend I have left? Please, can't you put all this behind you and take the forgiveness I give you? Can't you live your last days happy?
I just let my head fall on the mattress. And then, I heard a faint reply.
- I… I'll try, he said, taking a sharp intake of breath, I will accept your forgiveness… *cough*, that I will… Help me…
********
Sephiroth needed a lot of morphine just to sleep, and the pain was sometimes so intense that he wanted me to hold him tight. He said it was helping. Sometimes he was seeing things… like the Lifestream, and it frightened me, because Vincent hadn't come back yet… he kept saying that Aerith was there, watching him.
- Then you should relax…, I said weakly, She's watching you so you don't have to be afraid…
- I don't want…
- What?
- I don't want to die…
I came closer to the bed and wiped the tears with my hands gently. So much pain, so much regrets… He started to tremble and cough, Vincent was gone since three days now, three days in which Sephiroth's state only went worse. Maybe he wasn't realising it, but I was staying with him all the time, even during the night, I was too afraid to wake up one morning and find out he was gone during his sleep. Sephiroth…
- Hold on…
I grabbed the syringe lying on the bedside table and jabbed it in his forearm, pushing all the medicine in. It took several minutes, and his body became totally limp in my arms. I looked down at him; all those years passed at Shinra couldn't have prepared him to that… The fight for his own life, the only fight he was bound to loose. The dark patches were covering most of his chest and upper arms, as well as the left side of his face, now. He was so thin, too…
- Please, Seph… try to sleep.
I think I never saw him so weak. I watched him as he closed his eyes, and closed mine. And I dreamed.
********
The sun was so high, the sky so blue… That's the Nibelheim I wanted to remember. The people there were walking freely and seemed happy. I saw a brown haired woman walk up to me with her child, who jumped down and ran to me. I caught him and brought him up, letting the small boy hug me.
- Cloud! I'm so happy! I'm so happy, now… everything is like it was supposed to be…
I looked down at the silver hair and realised that I was crying and held Sephiroth tighter. Lucrecia came closer, too and embraced me from behind.
- Don't be sad, Cloud…
- I wish I'd done more… I should have given you the support you needed, to return those feelings you were hiding for me… I'm sorry. Don't go, please, don't go… Don't leave me alone!
- Cloud…
********
I opened my eyes suddenly woke up by something amiss, though I knew very well what it was. He was there, illumining the place with his glorious presence. His wings were enveloping me and his physical body. His very cold, unmoving body…
- Sephiroth… No…
- It's over, Cloud. Sadly, I did not want to go. Your forgiveness was all that I was yearning for. Thank you, Cloud. Please, tell father I really love him, and mother tells him to live his life for himself, now. Farewell…
The light faded, and the warmth left my limbs as I clutched Sephiroth's hand, burying my head into the sheets. I cried so much that night, for so long… Vincent came back at dawn, he looked like hell, as I was. I lead him to the bedroom, and all I could say was a feeble 'sorry'. I heard him run to the bed, and for the first time since I met him, I saw tears glistening in his eyes.
- Your mother came for you, he whispered, Tell her I goodbye for me, my son.
It took him an eternity, I don't think I saw the time pass, but when he joined me in the living room, he promptly collapsed on the sofa.
- Cloud… Would you mind me staying with you?
Vincent? Wanting company? Maybe he was more shaken than I thought he would be… I wanted to, but I needed to know why. Vincent never did anything without a good reason. He lifted his head and looked straight at me with a kind smile.
- You are his clone, therefore, his brother… My son. As far as you can remember, you lived without your father… Would you let me… Cloud? Are you alright? Cloud? Cloud!
********
I still don't know what happened, then. I don't remember. I woke up in a hospital, Vincent at my side. Without even knowing it, I was plagued by the same illness that took Sephiroth away, only, since I was a failed clone, I would survive. But I was unrecognizable; dark patches covered my body, partly my face, too. That's what I was told. I lost the ability to talk, walk and see. The worst was the dying of the Jenova cells in me; depending on how much there was in certain spots, the more pain it produced. Now I could understand why the medicine wasn't enough to soothe Sephiroth. The core of his cellular structure were of Jenova cells. Avalanche cam too, but when Tifa saw me… well, I had expected her reaction, and to this day I didn't saw her. Vincent took me to Wutai with him, we are living near the Padoga and Yuffie often comes to visit with her father. I will never forget Sephiroth. Vincent told me after I went unconscious, and after taking me to the clinic, he came back to my home to take care of his body. He buried him in Lucrecia's cave. For now I try to live for both of us; for me and for him. Like Vincent said, I am his clone, so if I can be happy, then a part of him will be too. I couldn't give him the freedom he deserved, but from where he is, I hope he will be proud of us.
Please welcome me into your Promised Land…End
Author's notes
Go ahead, I give you the permission to throw heavy things at me because I'm a meanie!!!!!!!!!! Letting Sephiroth to die!!! *Got buried under a pile of junk* *gasp* Can't breathe!!!