"Oh hell no!" Yang shouted, smacking the credit card out of the customer's hand and taking away their drinks away.
"What the hell?!" The customer protested in surprise, his arms thrown up. "What's your problem?"
"My problem? Well, my problem is that the bar is seven people deep, there are only two bartenders behind the bar, and you're using your card! FOR TWO FUCKING DRINKS! It's taking me twice as long to use the machine than it did to pour out your order," Yang let an exasperated sigh, typed in the total for the card machine, and tapped the card against the machine after picking it up from where it landed on the bar. She picked up the pint and vodka mix, handing it to the customer. "Pro tip, if it isn't more than three drinks, use cash next time!"
The customer walked away with their drinks, still shell shocked. You are a little bit surprised too. You've known Yang for a while, and when she offered to get you a job here, you had no idea this is how she reacted. As soon as you finish completing that thought, she turns back towards you.
"Honestly, I'm not usually like this. But we are woefully understaffed and you are gonna have nights when this happens. May not be professional, but at this point, I am past the point of caring. Especially when these folk don't know basic bar etiquette. Look-"She grabs you firmly by the shoulder, looking straight into your eyes. "it's going to be a long hard night, but I'll try and teach you what I can, but I'm sure you'll be fine" . She flashes you a casual wink of confidence. "This is just more for reference. Seriously, I could write a book on this" she turns away, as though making a mental note to herself.
Oo0oo
Yang's Guide to Bar Etiquette Rule Number one: Try to use card payments as little as you can. Using cards wastes time for the staff and fellow patrons. Use it for a big order if you must.
Yang's Guide to Bar Etiquette Rule Number two: Don't order one drink only if the bar is busy.
Oo0oo
You flash Yang a smile as you pour a customer some cider. She smiles back in her patented way, as though to say 'you're doing fine'. She finishes her current customer's order, and tries to call the attention of a nearby group who are chatting amicably amongst themselves, ignoring Yang in the process.
"Excuse me!" Yang calls out a second time, grabbing some of the group's attention. When they descend back into conversation, you can see Yang has lost her rather short patience.
"EXCUSE ME!" Yang shouts, grabbing all of their attention. The young man closest to the bar walks up, flashing the tall blonde a casual smile, but Yang clearly has lost her polite façade.
"Hi, can I get a…hmmmm…" The young man considers for a moment, ticking off Yang more, who starts tapping her fingers on the bar impatiently, her nails clicking. "I'm not sure what I want, what do you guys want? Oh, you're all good? Ok…um… just a vodka coke!
You notice Yang fish a small glass under the bar before setting about her business. She quickly makes it with rehearsed ease, and plants it on the bar. She opens her mouth to speak up, but is soon quickly cut off by the man.
"Could I also get a pint of Guinness?"
Yang turns to you, making brief eye contact as you go towards the till to process your customer's order, her face going slightly pink. She fills her pint glass two thirds full, waits for it to settle, and then tops it off, making brief conversation with her customer before he and his friends return to their table.
Oo0oo
Yang's Guide to Bar Etiquette Rule Number three: if you are going to order Guiness (or any other stout for that matter) on draught, make sure to order it before anything else, order it first. It needs time to settle properly.
Yang's Guide to Bar Etiquette Rule Number four: Know your order before going to the bar.
Yang's Guide to Bar Etiquette Rule Number five: Manners cost nothing. The occasional 'please' and 'thank you' goes a long way.
Oo0oo
"Yo champ! I'm next!" You hear a snap of someone's fingers, followed by a clearly pissed off Yang.
"Listen here, dickhead! There's a queuing system, fucking use it! But since you've decided to give me cheek by snapping at me, may as well get your shit because I think you've had enough," you turn around to see the customer attempting to protest, but there's a security guard nearby who as clearly overheard the whole thing. Despite him being built like a tank, you notice he talks and acts politely to the offending customer as he asks him to leave.
Oo0oo
Yang's Guide to Bar Etiquette Rule Number six: NEVER SNAP YOUR FINGERS AT A BARTENDER, LIKE EVER!
Oo0oo
As the bar finally starts to calm down, you and your new colleagues take this breather as opportunity to restock the fridges and spirits, as well as cleaning up any mess and making the bar look more presentable.
"Excuse me?" You hear a small voice come from behind you, and notice a tired looking but well dressed man. Though he's had a few, he isn't too drunk and you decide to serve him.
"Yes sir, how can I help you?" You ask in a firm, but polite voice, making sure you are heard over the booming jukebox.
"Hi pal, what ciders you got?" He asks simply, smiling up at you.
You rattle off the list of ciders you got, ranging from the sweet Rekorderlig you have on draught to drier ciders which customers rarely buy.
"Can I get a Kopparberg?"
You internally sigh in frustration. Out of the long list you rehearsed, that was clearly not something you had. However, this is a new job you aren't eager to lose anytime soon, and you quickly revert to your practiced smile.
"I'm afraid the closest thing we have is Rekorderlig. They are very similar though, if you would prefer that."
"I'll have a pint of lager then,"
"What kind?"
"Just a Tennents," As you nod, and go over to the tap serving the Scottish drink, you wonder what the hell this customer was thinking going for an insanely sweet drink, and substituting it for a slightly bitter one.
Oo0oo
Yang's Guide to Bar Etiquette Rule Number seven: Know what the bar has on offer before making an order. Don't make them read out the full stock list if you are only going to end up going for something mundane.
Oo0oo
It's getting much closer to closing time, and the bar is slowly but surely starting to empty out. You haven't had very many customers in the past hour, which has given you plenty of time to pack up the bar on your end. Things are looking good when an older woman between her thirties and forties comes up to Yang.
"Hello, darling, could I please have a double measure of Hendrick's gin, with some ice?" She asks in a posh accent, her voice a violent contrast to her casual attire.
"You got it!" Yang replies, flashing a casual wink and going about her business. She goes to slice a cucumber until the customer stops her.
"Um, what do you think you are doing? I asked for a gin, not a cocktail with garnish," She says, her polite tone all of a sudden harsh and defensive. Yang turns around, confused.
"Uh… sorry, but Hendrick's is made with cucumber, so it's customary to serve a slice of cucumber with it,"
"Don't peddle off that crap to me, that's not true!" Yang grins to the annoyed woman, and passes her the bottle in one hand, flipping it to the show the label on the back, and the poured gin in the other. The woman reads it, then laughs nervously when she is done.
"oh… haha… it was simply a joke!" The woman laughs before handing over a note to Yang, who is smiling snidely. "Keep the rest as a tip!"
Yang rolls her eyes before ringing the bell by the edge of the bar.
"Alright, folks! Bar is closing! You have fifteen minutes to finish off your drinks, then you'll be asked to leave," She turns to you, and grins, wrapping one arm around your shoulder blade, and pulling you into a hug. "So, first shift go alright?"
You nod a couple of times, genuinely smiling.
"Good! By the way, we usually have a drink during clean up, what you after?"
You say your order to her, while she pours a Bunnahabhain whiskey into a glass for herself and your drink, passing it over to you before taking a sip of hers.
"Here's to your new!"
Oo0oo
Yang's Guide to Bar Etiquette Rule Number eight: Don't tell the bartender what to do. If there is a particular ingredient that you are allergic to, then that's totally fine, but don't outright control how your tender is doing things. They have been taught a certain way to do it for your pleasure. This goes ESPECIALLY for cocktails.
Yang's Guide to Bar Etiquette Rule Number nine: Tipping nice, REALLY nice, but so is treating your tender like a decent human.
(Notes: So this was an idea I had after a particularly rough shift. It is just written for humor but, yeah, this is a thing. This was also my attempt to write at a second hand perspective. What did you guys think? Lemme know! Thanks for reading, and ADIOS!)