This story is set after episode 6x13 so there may be spoilers if you haven't seen it. I am a huge Caryl shipper so if that's not your thing you may not want to read this story. Enjoy.
Carol sat on her porch in the dim light of the moon, taking a long drag of the cigarette she held limply between her fingers. In her head she was trying to process the string of events from her encounter with The Saviours. One by one the bodies on her kill list were piling up, and with every person she killed a small piece of her soul died along with them. She was almost at the point where she no longer recognised the face staring back at her when she looked in the mirror. What had she become? At first, she thought she was doing what was right. What was necessary. But now? Now she didn't know what to think.
They all thought that the Walkers were the monsters. But were they really any better? Was she any better? The walkers killed because that's what they did. That was their natural instinct. Why did she kill? She thought it was to protect. To survive, at least that's what she had told herself in the beginning. It was the only way to get through it. They could have just avoided Neegan and his people. They didn't have to go after them. They didn't have to slaughter them in their sleep. Burn them alive. Feed them to walkers. Yet, here she was, torturing herself in the aftermath of all that had happened. She felt like just as much of a monster as the Walkers.
Tears slipped from her eyes as she remembered the moments that she killed people she knew. People she loved. She hadn't been the same since Lizzie… That poor confused little girl. Was killing her really the only way? She was a danger, she knew that. Maybe, maybe she could have helped her. Made her understand that Walkers were dangerous. Instead she killed her, and that was something she was going to have to live with for the rest of her life… however short that may be.
She heard his quiet footsteps as he approached, and rushed to wipe the tears from her eyes and put on a brave face. "Hey" he said in his gruff voice as he took a seat next to her.
"Hey" she whispered back.
"Mind sharing?" he asked as he nodded to the half smoked cigarette in her hands.
She gave him a small smile and handed it to him, watching as he took a long a satisfying drag before passing it back to her. She took another puff as she stared off into the distance.
"You wanna talk about it?" he asked.
"What is there to talk about? What's done is done" she replied somewhat coldly.
"Hey…" he whispered. "Ya know ya don't gotta be like that with me".
"Like what?" she asked.
"Hidin' how ya feel. Pretending like your fine, when I know ya aint" he said in a matter of fact kind of way. "Ya forget that I know ya Carol".
"Do you? Do you really? Because I don't think I even know me anymore" she stated.
"This life… it aint easy. Running from Walkers. Running from people… Fighting… Killing. It takes its toll.
"It sure does"
"You did what ya had to, to survive. Aint nothing bad about that"
"I killed people Daryl"
"We've all killed people… hell even Carl has killed people and he's still just a kid"
"That doesn't make it any easier" Carol sighed.
"I don't think anythin' is gonna make it easier. Ya just have to know that ya have done it for the right reasons so that ya can sleep at night" he told her.
"This is all very deep of you. Have you been hiding this softer side from me all this time? Next thing I know your gonna start reading me poetry" she chuckled.
"Shut up… smart ass" he countered as he gave her leg a wee shove with his own, just like old times. "I just need to know that ya gonna be ok. And I need ya to know that I'm here" he said, the vulnerability clear in his voice. Daryl never really was one to show that he needed anybody but himself.
"I will be"
"Good" he replied. "Give me another puff" he said as he gave her another little nudge. They sat in comfortable silence as they shared the last of her cigarette. As he extinguished the butt Tobin wandered past and called out a friendly 'Hello' to Carol and grinned widely at her. Daryl eyed him suspiciously then looked back over at Carol.
"You got somethin' going on wit him?" he questioned, the jealousy evident in his tone.
"Not really" she replied. "I mean… we get along. He sees me differently than everyone else".
"Different how?"
"He told me that I'm a mother… not in the sense of having children, but the way I care for everyone and look after them"
"I can see that"
"But that's all anyone sees me as"
"That what he told ya?"
"No… that's what I see when everyone looks at me".
"And him… when he looks at ya?" he asked sounding a little angry.
"He doesn't see me that way"
"He into you?"
"I think so"
"Oh hell no!" Daryl exclaimed as he stood abruptly and began to stalk after Tobin.
"Daryl what are you doing!?" she yelled as she got up and took off after him.
Daryl spun round to face her, his eyes wild with jealousy and rage. "Ima give that sum' bitch a piece of my mind" he growled.
"What is wrong with you? Why are you acting like this?"
"What's wrong with me? What's wrong with you woman!? Ya so worried about how people see you, thinking that you aint nothing but a mother to everyone, but did ya ever think about how I see ya? Huh?" he said before he turned to follow Tobin again.
"Daryl… just wait" she cried as she grabbed onto his arm. He spun back around to face her, a whirlwind of emotions washing over him.
"How do you see me?" she asked.
"What does it matter now? Not like ya even care now that fuck face is in the picture right?"
"Daryl… you know I care about you, I always have. But I thought you saw me like everyone else does"
"Well you were wrong!" he shouted.
"What do you mean?"
"Forget about it"
"No… please Daryl, talk to me".
"I don't see ya how everyone else does okay! Ya more to me than that!"
"I see that now. Can you please just calm down" she asked as she placed a gentle hand on his chest. That act alone was enough to bring him back down to earth. She always did have the magic touch.
"M' sorry" he mumbled as he looked down at the ground. Embarrassed about his outburst".
"You have nothing to apologise for. I should be apologising to you. I never thought about how this would make you feel. I didn't think that you saw me that way"
"Well… now ya do" he said as he ran his hand through his hair letting out a deep sigh. By now a few people had gathered upon hearing the exchange between the two of them, and Daryl felt even more embarrassed.
Carol took a chance in that moment and closed the gap between them. She placed her hand on his cheek and slowly pressed her lips against his. As she drew back she searched his face for a response.
"Carol…w… what?" he stuttered out, not sure what to say.
"I've always loved you Daryl" she stated simply. "I just never thought that you loved me the same way".
"That's because ya don't see what I see"
"So what do you see?"
He cupped her face in his hands and looked into her eyes. With all the strength and courage he could muster he spoke the words before he could even register that they had come out of his mouth. "I see a strong, courageous woman, who fiercely protects those she loves. She don't take no shit from no one. She's tough. But deep down she is soft and gentle with the heart and soul of an angel. And she's the most beautiful woman I ever seen".
The shock on her face said it all. Clearly she had never thought that much of herself, but Daryl thought the world of her and he was done hiding it. It was about time he finally showed her what she meant to him. Fuck what anyone else thought. And fuck Tobin. Carol was his, and he was going to make sure everyone knew it. He leaned in a kissed her softly. As he withdrew they looked at each other and confirmed what they both felt. And now that he had kissed her he never wanted to stop. He pulled her close and kissed her passionately, he poured all his emotion into that kiss, and gave everyone watching one hell of a show… including Tobin.
Please leave me a review and let me know what you think. I've always wanted Caryl to happen... sadly I don't think it will but I can still dream :)