Studies have shown that emotions and experiences can be stored in your muscle tissue.
When an action is performed on a repetitive basis, it becomes familiar, gets lodged in your bodily storage. Smell, touch, the way someone was to say "hold on tight," or the laughter that erupts from your partner's chest. All of these small things can be overlooked by the brain, but not the body.
You see her smile as she does an aerial flip from rooftop to rooftop. The warm feeling that prickles in your gut, the slight widening of your eyes; you can't help but let your mouth drop open ever so slightly so that you remember to breathe. You are very used to feeling this way.
Many times you dove into the brawl to rescue her from danger's path. She grips your shoulders tightly and tucks her head to protect herself from any obstacle that could harm her. But like hell would you let anything so much as touch her. You hold her around her waist as tight as a mother would hold a child. You'd never put too much pressure on her, but you were nowhere near being lose with any risk of dropping her. With her legs swinging behind you as you ran, you could smell her from where she is pressed in your shoulder. It wasn't intentional, you remind yourself. The way her hair feels in the breeze as you dart for safety. There was never any doubt that you'd remember those moments.
Time goes by and those moments mold together. Your brain has muddled those clear memories. It frustrates you at the oddest of times that you can't remember each moment singularly. You'd sit in class staring at the blank test or full chalk board—just thinking about those times. They'd come up a blur and you'd give up thinking in frustration. Each time, a piece slips. You start to believe that you can only remember the feelings you felt when you saved her day after day.
Many of the Parisians put Ladybug on a very high pedestal. You are her pawn in the eyes of the town. "What is she doing" A villain whispers to herself when you execute Ladybug's plan. You couldn't help but overhear the constant doubt people have for Chat Noir. Even the statue they erected commemorating your partnership with Ladybug has her standing on your back. Most of the comments slide off like water on your back.
You adore your partner. She was the entity that even the sun was jealous of. On days you saw her, the sun made the effort to shine brighter.
Although, Ladybug disagrees with every word. She would say time and time again that it was a partnership…that she couldn't have done it without your help; your destruction; your bad luck. This bad luck works in more than one way but always winds up the way you want it to. Your partner is the epitome of good luck. If you were to throw yourself in front of her to save her, her luck would protect her and redirect the trouble to you. In turn, that is what you want. You want to protect her from hurt. Your bad luck guarantees that you would get injured if you made the jump instead of Ladybug. Fate has it rigged Ladybug's and Chat Noir's powers as such—past, present, or future. The fate of every hero is already written. You are Chat Noir so of course you made the jump. You do it every time. There is no hesitation. There never will be.
So the day when the memories started to just feel like one big slide show of clips instead of films—it crushed you. How could you admit that you loved her if the moments she was in the utmost danger; you forget about it? You continue to jump in front of her with a protective outstretched arm and every time you are met with a yelp accompanied by a harsh scolding. It brings the feeling back to the moment. It is no longer just a memory but your whole body is overwhelmed with the rush of familiarity of the situation. You've done it more than the sun has waved goodnight to the moon. Your body reminds you that you've sacrificed yourself for her more times than you've said her name…and you've said her name a lot. When she looks your way, even when she's mad, you feel her warmth in the darkness.
You were okay with that. There was no light without any darkness. You were practically responsible for her success from the shadows. It's cold there but looking at her brought summer to your winter.
Today was just the same heroism. Ladybug is running late and you see the villain yelling down at a civilian from his tall mecha. Your eyes tune in onto the civilian and you recognize the ponytails. The shy girl from the class you are too distracted to pay attention in. She is huddling behind a trashed car destroyed by the recent attack. Her mouth is moving and your ears could catch the voice even though she whispered it. Your name. You rush over to her and before snatching her away; give her a cocky smile. It is what you did. Damsel in distress meets charming leather clad prince.
As you sweep her away, she wraps her arms under your biceps to grab a hold of your shoulders tightly. A burning sensation disrupts your stomach. She neatly tucks her head like she knew every inch. Your eyes widen a little more than you're willing to admit. The smell of brown sugar and vanilla fill your finely tuned nose. You clench your mouth shut hard and have to constantly remember to breathe. Her hair, the feeling of every curve, her presence, everything fits perfectly together between the two of you. It was the puzzle piece that finishes the puzzle. The second you had picked her up, everything in the world was brighter.
You feel warm.
You run a little longer than it is necessary to hide her. You admit that you got distracted by every detail of your classmate's body. You let her go on a random rooftop and try to crack a joke. She laughs. You know that laugh. You try your hardest but with every word—all you see are red and black dots. The shy little Marinette, the girl who can't form more than two sentences in front of you, the talented, the beautiful, the unmistakable feeling your body gave you when you were close to Ladybug. It is her. It was her all this time. You have found her.
She begs you to find her friend amongst the crowd. Your mind screams to let her know it's you. It's Adrien. Your mouth slips into a sly smile and you flirt your way out of the temptation. She sighs in relief knowing that her friend was also safe. You want to jump as far away as possible as to give your partner time to transform in privacy. As soon as you get back into the action, to your satisfaction, your partner bounces into the scene.
You have no idea how anyone could fight someone so light. The way she ricochets off the building and finds the best way to bring peace without violence is stunning. She has to be one of the first Ladybugs to be this benevolent. Your stomach starts searing your organs from the inside and spreads like wildfire.
Your brain clicks in the moment that your body refurbishes those old moments between you and your partner. When you fell head over heels for her, when you won your first fight, your first patrol with her, all these feelings pile next to a small new pile of memories. The new pile reminds you of the times you heard that laugh in your classroom and thought nothing of it other than it was cute. The time when you touched her shoulder and she turned bright red. The time when you played video games with her during the after school tournament. The pile is small but it's there. No mistaking it, every bit of her is one in the same. You could never find Ladybug's identity because you'd never find someone so pure in the shadows. Everything looks darker when the sun resides behind you.
You never consider yourself the bringer of bad luck because- next to her? You were the Earth. Always orbiting around her and idolizing her at every possible moment. You relish the light bestowed upon you and its seems your luck is just as good as the next person…that is…if the person won the lottery every time they stood facing the sun.
You were her Earth when Marinette was the Moon and Stars. You saw more stars in her eyes than you saw in the night. You would feel rejuvenated in the moonlight and could run miles beside her if that is what got her to stay around. The Moon felt just as right as the sun. It was just as bright but you saw the calmer side in her now. Nothing shone brighter than her.
You understand her a little more now.
You'd like to understand her to the point of people thinking you were the same person.
You'd like to tell her everything and leave nothing left unsaid.
You know that's what you want. You know that was the opposite of what she wants. You've seen solar eclipses and you aren't willing to lose the Sun at any point. Deep down you've realized you should have just gotten her to safety by guiding her into the closest building by hand. Being the hero to the people of Paris, there is no reason that you went above and beyond to get her out of the way of the wrath of the gamer.
This isn't the first time you had an inkling of suspicion. Ladybug gave the mission and she was there. She was there turning your cheek when you flirted with that 'random' citizen. Your cheek knew then but couldn't convince the rest of your limbs.
Now here she is returning the favor. Her smirk of confidence as she ran towards the extinct animal; lucky charm in hand. The Earth held his breath in dire fear that the world would lose their greatest source of light. Originally it had been you and your luck would have gotten you killed. It was Ladybug's desire to save you that turned the tables. Her luck countered yours and she ran towards the enemy like you've done for her countless times before.
You just got her to talk to you naturally. Now you've lost her. Throbbing went from your chest to your throat and everything else drops to your stomach. Before you could even blink, your staff elongates and in your hand. Your feet are weightless and lurching forward in an undefeatable thirst for vengeance. Then it all stops.
She cranks the jaws of death open and crawls out. It took two seconds to release the man from his spell and she looks at you expectantly for congratulations on a job well done between the both of you. You didn't raise your hand to meet hers. Her fist is in the air awaiting for confirmation that you feel the same way. You don't meet her like you have many times before. You just had to jump and envelop her with your arms. The smell wafts through your nose and relieves every muscle in you. You know she is surprised when she doesn't move til you have had your fill. The feeling your body has recorded as necessary for survival. It was definitely her.
The days that follow cause you to be a little more protective of your lady in both of her lives. The relentless Chloe had to be stopped a few times and Ladybug slipped up a lot as per usual. Surely she had overlooked it. Everyday heroes do not have time to pine after girls. In the eyes of the town, you aren't the hero but the sidekick to the femme fatal heroine of Paris. If luck would have it; that gave you time.
Nothing has changed in the eyes of Paris. The world continues to orbit the Sun and admiring the Moon. It is her wishes to stay anonymous. When she is ready, when she comes up to you with her heart in her hands, you will smile and gratefully take what she entrusts to you. Your heart will feel as light as the burning white light she radiated.
Giving her your identity will be completely voluntary. If she wants to know, you'd tell her. No longer did you feel the need to pressure her into revealing herself…even if your intentions were pure.
She turns to look at you. She babbles whilst dropping everything in her possession, clambering around to pick it up, and apologizing. Before she looks up at you, you feel your heart heat up.
I can already see them. You think. She looks up at you with her crooked smile. Trying her best to form words—she fails.
"Stars." Escapes your lips.
"I'm sorry? D-did you say something Adrien?" She panics with her fingers gliding all over her book and her eyes searching for her friend Alya.
"Oh, I was just thinking about how I love Stars." You admit.
You said it. You'll say it again. You'll wait for her to want to hear those words. She jokes about how she didn't know you liked astrology. If only she knew.
The whole Earth continues to stand still. The sun never stops shining and the moon always came back regardless of the circumstances. And like the shadows, you will always be there behind her awaiting for you to protect her once more. No matter how many miles she runs, you'll never be too far behind. Because she is your sun, your moon, your stars, you gentle Marinette, and the benevolent Ladybug. If her wishes are to be a secret then you refuse to let that fact be revealed. Yes, there will be a struggle between calling them by their name.
There is no doubt you will ever forget a single encounter with her, your lady and princess, even if your mind does.