Summary: Mikan used to love the Christmas season, that was until she was left by the man of her dreams and with the biggest present of her life. When a child's only wish is for her father, just how far will Mikan go to find him?

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Her Only Wish: Prologue

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I used to love Christmas, but that was before he left me. I used to love him, but that was before he left me, too. What am I saying, I still love him. I absolute adore him. Yet I despise him at the same time. I loathe his very existence for what he did to me. How do you get up on a Christmas morning and leave the person you have been with for almost five years without a single word? He just left in the middle of the night, after he used me. After we made love, I fell asleep in his arms like I always did – our naked bodies pressed against one another.

I woke up in the morning by myself. I wasn't worried at all. He was a restless person while I could sleep through a herd of cattle rampaging through our apartment. Sometimes he went out and got some fresh air, or even started breakfast for us. That day was different. I didn't hear him walking around or the television on. I didn't smell bacon or eggs cooking. The apartment was dead silence.

I had grabbed my robe and wrapped it around my tight – it was a cold winter morning. The apartment was pitch black minus the colored Christmas tree lights in the corner of our living room. I could see our presents under the tree – we only had four or five down there. The rest of our presents we had given out to our friends and family already.

Sitting on our kitchen counter, separating the kitchen from the living room was a small, folded white piece of paper where he had written in it in his almost perfect hand writing: I am so sorry, Mikan. Just remember: I love you. Always. Yours truly, Natsume.

Just remember I always love you, he had said. What an asshole. If he loved me, why would he have left me like that? I cried that entire morning from the moment I found that note to when my best friend in the whole world, Hotaru Imai, and her boyfriend, Ruka Nogi – who happened to be Natsume's best friend – came over for dinner, and I even cried myself to sleep for the next week. I just kept hoping – praying – that he would come home to me.

New Years was a tragic time too, if not worse than Christmas. We started dating January 1, 2004. It was almost my seventeenth birthday. It was possibly the best night of my life. That day he left – January 1, 2009, was supposed to be our five year anniversary being together. We were to get married that following March. We planned to start raising a family in the following year or two. Who knew that in the end, he would leave me to raise a family by myself.

Unknown to the infamous Natsume Hyuuga, I was two weeks pregnant the night he left. I wasn't even aware of it. I didn't find out until a week after New Years. Thank God I was too depressed to want to go out and drink with all my friends, so my baby was safe. Our baby was safe.

No one heard from Natsume. He did not tell his best friend, his mother, or his sister he was leaving. Apparently, I was the last one to see or hear from him. I was the only one who got some form of goodbye, even if it was in some stupid note he left on our table. I always wonder, how long had he been planning to run out on me? How long did he plan to wait it out? Would he leave me at the alter? Cold feet. Was that his original plan? Would he have still left if he had known about Yukiko?

Yukiko is my wonderful two year old daughter. She was born on August 26, 2009. She was born with her fathers dark raven hair, but she had my big hazel eyes – though hers were more blue than green, my cheek bones, my lips, and my small frame. She has as much of her father's personality, which is weird considering how little she looks like him. She's quiet, but strong and smart. She learned to walk and talk much earlier than most toddlers. She most definitely has a Hyuuga brain.

I am actually glad she doesn't look much like her father. I think that would only make looking at her that much harder, missing him even more every day. I have learned to replace my sadness with hate, which I don't think is all that much better. I don't take it out on random people or anything; just him. I hate him. And I hate myself. I hate myself for missing him so much.

But I am stronger now because of him. This coming January would have been our eight year anniversary of dating. But I cannot think about the sad things in life, not with Christmas right around the corner. I have a child to think about. She needs me to be happy and there for her.

"Momma?" I look up from my spot on the ouch in front of the television. This is where I spend most of my nights since I have developed insomnia almost three years ago now. I get up and walk over to my daughter standing at the corner of the hallway to our bedrooms. I pick her up in my arms and smile as she rubs her eye sleepily.

Since Natsume left, I changed the place a lot. For starters, our guest bedroom is now purple infested with stuffed animals everywhere – perfect for a little girl. I changed all the furniture in the apartment except for the bed in my room. New wall colors which I painted myself with the help of my friends, new kitchen appliances, new television, new computer desk for my laptop, new couch, new bookshelf, but not a new bed. It's a king sized bed, too big for just one person. But it still smells like him. No matter how many times I wash it.

I moved the pieces of her bangs that covered her face out of the way and kissed her forehead. "What is it, pumpkin?" I asked using my nickname for her.

Yukiko smiles at me with her tired smile. "I wanna sleep wit' you." She says laying her head against my chest. I rock her in my arms softly, walking back to the couch. I sit down, holding her closer to me.

I run my fingers through her hair, something that always puts her to sleep, and get myself comfy on the couch. Softly, I hum the same lullaby my mother always sang to me when I was younger. Sadly, I was not gifted with the voice my mother had.

My mother. I thought about her a lot lately, which is always good – just sad. She passed away only a year and some months ago. I miss her terribly. She helped me raise Yukiko on my own. She taught me what to do, how to raise a baby. When she died, I cried for the first time since the week after Natsume left me. Explaining to a one year old that her grandmother or gammy was gone was challenging. She didn't understand the concept of death, and she shouldn't have to. "She's in heaven now with your grandfather." I had told her. "She's in a better place." I think in all actuality I was soothing myself, not Yukiko. And I think Yukiko knew this too because she just rest her head against me when I told her.

My mother was Yuka Yukihara, well known by most people. She was a famous singer, which is where I got the money for all my new furniture. It was all her doing. She said the place needed a makeover. When she died, I got everything. I didn't touch a penny though. I placed it all in a savings account for Yukiko when she grows up. After all, I survived well off a teacher's salary for just Yukiko and I.

After I was sure Yukiko was asleep, I stood up and walked to her room. I laid her down in her bed, tucked her in, kissed her hair, and walked to my room. It was roughly three in the morning now. I should have been asleep hours ago with work in only three or four hours, but somehow I learned over the years how to work without any sleep. It's become a natural thing for me now. No one can even tell that I don't sleep.

I lay in bed with my eyes open, starring at the empty spot beside me. After a couple minutes, I finally close my eyes. I won't be sleeping, I know this, but I can try. If he was hear, I would have been asleep hours ago. "I miss you, Natsume." I whisper to the dark room. No one answered me.

No one ever answers me.