A Will to Stay
Mewmewmemint
Dagger
Big eyes stared up at the young girl's as she held the small newborn in her lap. Not even two years old yet, Lan Fan held her new prince on her lap with her mother's support. The small creature fascinated the young girl. Though not much bigger than him, she held the prince with all her gentle might to prevent him from falling away. As she sat on her mother's lap, the lady spoke.
"I've never seen a bigger baby in my life," she smiled at Lan Fan's mother in the mirror. "Huian, your little Lan Fan was so small. I didn't think it was possible for a baby to be so big. And Ling never stops eating. This has to be the longest he has gone without needing to eat."
Huian smiled.
"I'm sure the prince will slow down when he stops growing as fast, Lady Suyin."
The women share a brief smile as Lady Suyin put her brush down. She turned to watch the two children. The prince's eyes slowly began to fall up and down. Her eye looked towards the small girl as they still shined in awe at the being in her arms.
"What do you think Lan Fan? Isn't he a beautiful baby?" Lan Fan's wide eyes immediately meet the older woman's eyes then looked away. She nodded her head causing her uneven bangs to bounce in her face. "I hope you will be his close friend Lan Fan, just like your mother and I."
The little girl shyly looked up at the woman in front of her. Even at a young age, Lan Fan could tell she was beautiful. Her round face was covered in a pink color that was framed by long dark waves of her hair. Lan Fan never saw hair curve as such, unless it was hair after a braid, no one had the natural movement of their hair as her. Her lips were small yet plump, but her eyes were the prettiest. Unlike any other women, her eyes were strong and focused, not as round as the other ladies her mother knew. Looking at the baby sleeping on her, she could see the same shape in his eyes as his eyes finally settled closed. Not taking her eyes off the children, Suyin spoke again, this time to Huian.
"I hear your husband is being transferred onto my Ling's guard team…"
"He is. His starts tomorrow." Huian smiled as her child struggled to blow her bangs out of her face refusing to let go of the boy in her arms. Huian freed an arm and gently swept the strands behind her daughter's ear. "I couldn't be prouder."
"Huian…" Lady Suyin gave her a sympathetic look.
"My lady, do not look like that, you'll cause premature wrinkles. Besides my Weimin is the best. Prince Ling's safety couldn't be any safer. I know who I married. I would never have fallen in love with him if he had only ever thought of himself. I believe in him." Huian bushed Lan Fan's hair over and over watching the little girl yawn and lean into her hand. "And even if he'll be gone a lot, I have my strong, little Lan Fan to watch over me."
The young concubine stood from her vanity. With grace, she made her way to the center of the room where she placed herself softly on the bed next to the chair Huian inhabited. Huian and the little girl settled on her lap turned to face their lady.
"Huian," she reached out with her soft hands to grab Huian's calloused one. "You are my dearest friend. Between us, rank doesn't exist to me. But I know that that is my luxury. I know these times will be trying. Ling is the twelfth prince, and there has already been a confirmation that 2 more clans have been blessed with royal pregnancies. The fifth prince was near murder just yesterday. And I know there have already been plots against my Ling being formed. He's barely even 6 months now. So, things may not be fine. What are your plans for Lan Fan if… if something was to happen?"
Lady Suyin's hide almost all her emotions. Nonetheless, Huian's trained eyes saw through the mask.
"My Lady, Weimin and I have never regretted this life. We chose this life. We may have been born into the Fa family, but we wanted this lifestyle even more than our blood ties can promise." She squeezed the Lady's hand firmly; her eyes didn't waver as she met Suyin's. "Remember when we were children and your father saved us from that wolf?"
"You were bitten by the wolf protecting me…"
"And your father took care of me. Not only did he send for the best doctors, but he took time to personally check on me" Huian pulled her sleeve all the way up on the arm grasping Suyin's hands. White lumps outlined the where the jaws had once sunk his foul teeth into Huian's shoulder. "You and your family could never treat us kindlier. So, when I say that this is our choice to stay by your side, it's not only for me. I'm sure Lan Fan will also receive the best support here with the Yao family than anywhere else."
At her name being said, the little girl looked up at her mother with her dark eyes. She studied the strong look her mother held.
"Besides, Lady Suyin, you are a mother now. I should not concern you. The young prince is who needs the most support at this moment." Huian gave Lady Suyin a gentle smile before removing her hand back to hold the little girl and little prince on her lap. She studied her daughter back before leaving a gentle kiss on her daughter's head. "It's the children who need the most support. They are the countries future. He is the country's future."
Huian met Suyin's eyes once again.
"I hope, one day, Ling will just as kind and tenacious as you."
"I hope not too tenacious, that was a scary night" Huian chuckled.
"I was the one who suggested we tried to find the fairy circles, to begin with! If anything, your tenacity saved us that night." Suyin defended. The two women both laughed together, bring a smile onto Lan Fan's own face before she returned to petting the young baby's head on her lap.
A knock on the door interrupted the group.
"Lady Suyin, Commander Fa is here to check in before changing to the night shift." A soldier announced from the other side of the bedroom doors.
"Allow him to enter." Lady Suyin responded.
Commander Fa swiftly looked around the room when he entered before performing a deep bow.
"Commander Fa, here, to bid you a good night and to announce my departure and change of the men." Weimin Fa straightened his stance again, taking time to note everything about the room. After a few seconds, he met his wife's eyes. Huian smiled at him, a visible blush immediately appeared.
"Thank you, Commander." Lady Suyin said dismissing him of his formalities. "I have to tell you, you and Huian have raised such a lovely daughter. She has the magic touch with Ling. He has been sleeping on and off so peacefully with her for the past hour or so!"
"Thank you," Weimin's blush increased at her praise for his daughter. "But I must say it was mostly Huian's doing. She always has a way with children. She must have inherited it from her."
"Oh? From what I hear, you are a wonderful dad. You're not even against a little dress up and pretend with her. How was your last adventure with Lan Fan? I hear you both saved princess kitty with no problems." Lady Suyin's smile turned into a sly smile as the man's face turned crimson, both she and Huian laughed.
"Papa?" the little girl looked at her father as his embarrassment overtook him. But at his daughter's voice, he instantly turned to her holding the little prince.
Lan Fan lets a yawn escape.
"Well, it looks like these little ones need to head to bed soon. And though it's been nice to have a break from constantly feeding this one, I guess I can't stall it forever." Lady Suyin stood off the bed and crouched in front of the little girl and her son. She placed a hand on the little girl's hair. "Thank you so much, Lan Fan. You protected him very well. But even the best of us can't defeat his hunger. Plus, I am sure you want to spend some time with your papa."
Lady Suyin pressed her soft lips onto Lan Fan's forehead before slowly transferring her son back into her own arms.
"Lan Fan, bid your prince goodbye and then go with papa, mama will be staying here tonight with my Lady and my little prince." Huian placed her daughter on her feet. Lan Fan yawned again and this time, with now free arms, rubbed her eyes. She then turned towards Lady Suyin crouching with the little prince.
"Goodnight, my prince," Lan Fan barely whispered before imitating Lady Suyin's gesture. Her lips met the baby's forehead in farewell before anyone had realized it. Then Lan Fan rushed over to her father's side. Before Huian can correct her daughter, Lady places a reassuring hand on her shoulder as she stood.
"Goodnight, Lan Fan." Lady Suyin gave the two a slight bow. Weimin guided Lan Fan into taking a deep bow along with him before he picked her up in his arms and left. Over his shoulder, the little girl gave her mother a small wave before the doors shut behind them.
That night, the Yao palace had its first attempt on the twelfth prince's head. The guards successfully diverted the attack. Only one casualty was accounted for, a lady-in-waiting.
...
"Lan Fan, I'm sorry," The nine-year-old prince confesses. "I- I am sorry."
The two young children stand together on top of a small hill in the cemetery. Over the years the young 2-year-old grew into a young 10-year-old girl. Her hair now reaching just past her shoulder, its dark color blending into her black hanfu. Behind her stood the young prince, just turned 9.
"I didn't mean for it to happen," the boy tried again. Only to have his words hang on her small back. "I just was having a party. It was only a birthday party… I didn't mean for it."
Lan Fan turned to see tears in the prince's eyes. She briefly glanced back at her father's grave before she turned to walk towards her prince.
"I know, my Prince," Lan Fan didn't meet the prince's gaze. "It wasn't your fault. The system is wrong."
Ling took a moment to study her stoic face. She was the closest thing he could call a friend. She was his friend.
Ling took two steps forward until he was close enough and then enveloped her in a warm hug.
"Ling- My Prince! What are you-?"
"It's okay Lan Fan," the young prince interrupted the blushing girl, "Mother said the best thing you can do to help someone how sad is to hug them."
"But-" Lan Fan tried to pull away but failed.
"Come on Lan Fan, I'm trying to help you!" Ling hugged Lan Fan tighter, swaying side to side to show his control over the hug. "Ha! For once I beat the almighty Lan Fan! And Master Fu said you were always going easy on me. Now look who's going easy!"
"But-" Lan Fan attempted to resist again.
"Just give up already!" Ling squeezed her tighter causing the young girl to finally laugh.
"Fine!" Lan Fan shouted. "I said fine!"
Ling gave a brief squeeze before letting the girl go. Stepping away he grinned at the blushing girl.
"I finally won!" Ling exclaimed.
"Only once…" Lan Fan pouted, pursing her lips.
"Come on Lan Fan, you have to smile! Don't make me squeeze you again." Ling joked as he poked at her side.
"My Prince, stop," Lan Fan grabbed the boy's hand, preventing from another jib. In turn, Ling's hand held onto her back. Though Lan Fan was taller than him now, Ling's hand was much bigger and warmer than hers, both equally calloused. Lan Fan turned her head to blush. She knew he'd refuse her if she told him to let go. "We should go back. Fu wanted us to be ready to train tomorrow morning."
"Only if you smile one more time before we go!" Ling demanded, watching the girls face turn brighter. It was his favorite pastime. According to Ling's mother, through Lan Fan looked a lot like her mother, her whole being was just like her father's. Once again Ling walked closer towards the girl, keeping her hand firmly in his. "Lan Fan, I'm sorry."
This caused Lan Fan to look directly into his eyes, a rare moment. She opened her mother to respond but was interrupted by the arrival of her grandfather.
"Master Ling," Fu swiftly bowed and acknowledge him. He hadn't missed his granddaughter quickly taking her hand out of the Prince's own hand. "The Lady would like to see you. You as well, Lan Fan."
Both children nodded and followed closely behind the older man. No one said a word on their way back. There was only glance from Ling towards to older girl. They were dangerous glances according to Fu.
...
As the two children entered the room, warmth from the fire instantly warmed the two up. Neither had realized how cold it was standing outside in the middle of January was until the warmth hit them. A shiver ran through Lan Fan's body.
"Thank you, Fu," Lady Suyin dismissed the older man. She stood from the vanity and made her way to the young children. Lan Fan had almost forgotten herself as she saw the lady gracefully make her way towards her. She quickly bowed. "You two must be freezing! Hurry up, sit by the fire."
Suyin guided the two with a light hand on their shoulders. She did not miss the subtle flinch from the girl when her hand first touched her. She ordered the two to sit on the floor. Both scooted close to the fire welcoming the warmth and soft pillows they sat upon. Lan Fan watched as Lady Suyin peeked out her doors, ordering for oolong tea to be brought to the room. Turning back, Lady Suyin met Lan Fan's eyes. Lan Fan automatically lowered her gaze.
Suyin made her way around the room gathering more pillows and blankets before making her way back to the children. She set a stack of pillows beside them. Then took a large thick blanket and wrapped it around the two younger ones. Lan Fan blushed at the warmth of such a luxurious blanket. Ling moved closer to her, closing the blanket around them to keep the heat.
Lady Suyin sat close after arranging the pillows sit on. She wrapped another blanket loosely around herself.
"You two were out there for a long time." Lady Suyin said. She watched both their reactions become solemn. "It was a beautiful service. No noble could have had a better one."
She waited for any comments.
"Little Lan Fan," Suyin said. The younger girl automatically flinched as she looked up to meet her Lady's eyes. "Your father was more than a mere soldier and guard to me. I hope you know that. He was the bravest man I knew."
She paused letting the words sink slowly in. Ling watched Lan Fan as closely as his mother was.
"I loved your mother." The older woman watched the little girl's eyes widen and her face to flush. "Your mother was my closest friend. We had known each other since we were little girls. Since we could barely walk. She was there for me as I was given to the emperor. I watched her and your father fall in love. She comforted me in my worst times and I supported her through her pregnancy. Let me say, you were quite the feisty baby in your mother's stomach. Some days we were scared you'd kick your way out."
She chuckled at the memories.
"I loved her." Suyin paused at her own words. "I nor Ling would be here today without your parents love for their duty. The only thing they cherished more was you."
Lan Fan was tense. No one ever spoke of her mother that way. When she used to ask her father, she would notice how sad her questions had made him as he'd reluctantly answer them. Gradually, she stopped asking. She wished she knew more now but it was too late.
Fingers wrapped around hers. She felt Ling's comforting look. She couldn't look back at him or else she would lose it.
Suyin saw the turmoil running through the young girl's face ease after sudden but brief glance turn toward her son. She then looked towards her son. His face full of concern for the girl. He cared for her like no other.
"Ling," Ling's eye reluctantly left Lan Fan to find his mother's strong eyes. "What happened, the night of your birthday celebration, was because people want to kill you."
Ling flinched at the harsh truth she displayed to him. He knew he was a target. He knew people were after him. For as long as he could remember someone always was. But he had never had someone so important to him die before. He died for him. Ling let his eyes lower and his grip on Lan Fan loosened.
"But it is not your fault," Suyin spoke. "Our society is corrupt."
Both children flinch at the treasonous words.
"The system has forced mothers to lose the children, cousins to kill one another, countless to die. It is this that caused Weimin and Huian's death. We can't continue on living in such a state."
Ling looked up at his mother, searching for the meaning behind her words. This time Lan Fan's gaze fell on the young prince, fingers still loosely connected.
"Ling, you must become the next emperor. You must end this battle amongst brethren. You are strong and smart. Your wit outmatches many much older than you. I know one day you will be able to create change. I know you will find a way to stop this bloodshed." Suyin watched her son feel the weight of her words. She hated putting the world on her son's shoulders. But as he was getting older, she struggled to support her ideals of the future all alone.
Ling's jaw was clenched. He mulled over his mother's words, dissecting every word. He hated how much Lan Fan hurt. Not only losing a parent once but twice. They gave their life for him, for the future he could create. His whole childhood had been surrounded by death. The cousin who once befriended him once was killed in front of him when he tried to kill him first. The girl he had met one year at the emperor's gathering didn't show for this years. Only 13 of his cousins were still around. Why? Why must this be the tradition? As his mother said, the bloodshed was unnecessary. But could he really make a difference?
Lan Fan's fingers gently tightened on his. His head turned towards her. If he did nothing, would that mean one day her blood would be next? All the people he cared about would keep dying if he did nothing. He intertwined his fingers with hers. He looked back towards his mother.
Suyin saw the determination mask his face.
"I want to do it." Ling began, "I want to be the emperor."
Lan Fan studied his face. She had never seen the younger boy look so serious. He almost looked like any other adult. It was shocking. And yet, for some reason, she could believe it. His word sounded like the truth to her. He would one day bring change to their country. One day he will be on the throne. He will one day stop this feud between clans, stop the untold number of casualties. He could do it. He was a Prince after all.
A knock at the door followed Lan Fan's realization.
"My Lady, I have the tea ready," two servants entered the room. One set up a low table near the room's occupants, the other set up the tea and cups. Both quickly disappeared as quickly as they had appeared.
"Now let's get you two something warm in your stomach before you turn in for the night." Suyin stood and began arranging the pillows closer to the table. Ling was first to feel the transition away from their previous conversation. He pulled back his side of the blanket to briefly reveal his hand holding onto Lan Fan's. She made no comment when Lan Fan withdrew her hand as she stood up with the prince.
The three settled around the table and slowly drank the fragrant liquid. They allowed the silence to fall over them.
The fire crackled as Suyin added more wood to their fire. She watched as the flames engulfed its proprietary. She looked at the children now on the floor by the fire.
After tea was finished the three took their places back by the fire. Ling took the initiative to wrap the blanket around Lan Fan and him, letting the blanket drape open with the warmth gained from the tea. They had conversed about their future. More tutoring for Ling, upping his training and plans to start working on his poison tolerance.
Now the prince had fallen asleep with exhaustion, resting his head on the older girl. Lan Fan watched the fire as Suyin went around the room looking. When she had finally found what she was looking for she sat back in front of the fire. She held a golden dagger close to her heart. She let the silence sit for a moment before breaking it.
"Lan Fan," She called the girl out of her thoughts. Suyin saw Huian's eyes in her daughter. "Has your father ever told you how he met your mother?"
The girl thought briefly before shaking her head.
"Your mother once saved him. At that time, he was only your grandfather's apprentice. He was an orphan before he took him in." Suyin let her eyes drift to the fire as she continued her story. "She was your grandfather's only daughter. She was his everything. He couldn't bear to have her train. She was always angry at him for that. But she still loved him. Anyways, your grandfather, refusing to train Huian, decided to take in Weimin. And for their first training, he was sent out in the woods alone to survive for several months alone. It was a challenge, but you father had safely made it back once his time was up. Weak from malnourishment."
Lan Fan watched her Lady's face softened with her memories.
"Your mother was furious at your grandfather for sending him. Fu had intended to continue his training as soon as his return but Huian convinced him to let him rest and recover. Unfortunately, that night, a riot took place at the Yao palace. All men were summoned to subdue the clash. Fu and Weimin both came through. Most of the people were pacified with a few days but your father had yet to have any sleep. He was the walking dead at this point, many of the soldiers were. Huian and I both decided to support the troops with nourishment. This was the point where Weimin feel deeply in love with Huian. I could see it the way he reacted when his fingers accidentally brushed hers while grabbing the plate of food she handed him. He swore that he was going to die that day until he saw her, and she gave him food." Suyin laughed. Huian had shared many secrets with her about Weimin.
"Huian and Weimin starting courting not long after that day. Although, it was your mother who had to make the first move on the idea. And then two months later, your father proposed." Suyin took the dagger away from her chest. She held it out in both hands for Lan Fan to inspect. "Your father knew your mother so well. He knew that it killed her not to be by his side while he faced danger. So, when he proposed her presented her this dagger. He knew that if she was to ever accept his proposal, he would have to have her by his side no matter what. So, he proposed that, with this dagger, he would grow with her. That together they'd fight together to protect the ones most important to them. Huian said yes without even a batting an eye. She the only person I knew who would have taken a dagger over a jewelry at his proposal."
Lan Fan's eyes roamed over the daggers detail. Flowers were embroidered into the sheath's leather. The same design was also on the handles leather. The crossguard was made of a golden metal rounded into a curl at each end. It was unmistakably beautiful. Lan Fan had never seen something made to be strong be just as beautiful.
"The night Huian was murdered my heart shattered," Suyin said. "I did not know what to do. On the floor next to the haunting beautiful woman was also a beautiful weapon tainted with blood. I just could not stand to see it in that state. I took it."
Suyin let her eyes stay on the dagger.
"I should have done this a long time ago, but it was difficult for me to let it go." Suyin brought the dagger close again. "But this has been long overdue. I cannot hold onto something that was never mine, to begin with."
Suyin sighed as she took the dagger away from her chest. The Yao Lady took Lan Fan's hands and placed the dagger firmly in them.
"This is yours." Suyin's hands lingered before letting the dagger out of her grasp.
"But-" Lan Fan's hoarse voice spoke for the first time in hours only to be halted by a shake from Lady Suyin's head. Lan Fan clutched the danger to her own heart, feeling its solid form against her. Lan Fan bowed, "Thank you, my Lady."
"No, thank you," Lady Suyin bowed towards the little girl keeping her head to the ground as she spoke, causing the darkest of flush to appear on her cheeks. "I see how you support him. Ling has always looked towards you for reassurance. You have always given it to him. He has the weight of the country on his shoulders now. Could you continue to support him? Could you help him shoulder the weight?"
"My Lady, please sit up. There is no need to strain oneself for me. I am not worthy!" Lan Fan's voice was frantic. Suyin kept her forehead to the ground waiting. Lan Fan was forced to reveal her thoughts, "I will forever support him! He is my Prince! I believe he will one day change the country as well!"'
Mirroring Suyin, Lan Fan's head bowed low with her words. This was a great shock for the sleeping form that had suddenly lost his support.
"Ow!" the prince cried. Immediately, both female's attention turned the disgruntled boy.
"Ling- My Prince, I'm so sorry, are you alright?" Lan Fan releases one hand from the dagger and grabbed ahold of the prince's head, inspecting the area.
Ling met Lan Fan's concerned look. A flush appeared at her proximity. He quickly pulled away.
"I'm fine." The Prince sucked up his pain to put on a strong face. Regret registered with him as soon as he saw Lan Fan pull away. He watched as she slowly masked her concern as she stood up tall.
A knock came to the door.
"Lady Suyin, I have come to gather my granddaughter." Fu's voice came through the wood. Suyin beckoned him in. He bowed. Then addressed his daughter. "Lan Fan, it is about time we head home. Go gather your father's respects from the kitchen."
Lan Fan followed orders, only leaving with a brief glance towards her prince.
"Ling," his mother spoke up, making and keeping eye contact with Fu. "You should prepare for bed. Tell your guard you will be going to the bath first. I will need you to up early tomorrow to start our lessons."
Ling looked at the two adults before silently making his way off.
"Commander Fu," Lady Suyin tactfully began, "You seem to have words on the tip of your tongue. I would like to hear your thoughts."
"My Lady, putting such a weight on a child so young can be very dangerous," Fu said.
"Ah, so you heard our conversations." Suyin sat at her vanity and started unraveling her bound hair. "My son may be young, but he is already in a dangerous position as is."
She took ornament after ornament out of her hair she lied them one by one next to each other until her hair was completely free. She looked back into the mirror meeting Fu's eyes.
"I was not referring to your son," Fu stated. "Lan Fan is too young for this world to begin weighing her down."
Suyin put the brush she had been using down then stood back up. She turned to face the commander.
"She is stronger than she looks. You may not see it, but I can." Suyin commented. The two pairs of eyes clashed. "You greatly misjudged Huian. And this is where it got her. Maybe if she had simply known how to fight she may still be alive."
"Huian should never have been placed in that situation, to begin with!" Fu lost his anger. They let a silence sit between them as he gathered his temper. "And Lan Fan isn't Huian. She is just a child."
Fu made a quick bow and left before Suyin even had the chance to dismiss him.
Fu knew his granddaughter. She was only a child. She wasn't made for discipline and hardship. She had already suffered enough.
Deep in thought, Fu made his way to the kitchen. When he got there Lan Fan had just finished packing the gifts into a sack. Fu spied the dagger strapped around her waist.
"Let's go home."
"Yes, grandfather." Lan Fan followed him. After leaving the gates of the palace, the two headed for their small cottage bordering the Yao Palace's lands.
"Grandfather," Lan Fan spoke as the two had walked side by side. Fu acknowledged his granddaughter with a simple look. Lan Fan continued, "Lady Suyin says Prince Ling has a good chance at becoming the next emperor. She believes he can end the feuds between the clans."
"The Prince is a very intelligent child. He has the wit to be able to take the throne." Fu said. Lan Fan pondered on his words.
"I think so too," Lan Fan said. Her grandfather stopped in his tracks. Lan Fan followed his lead. "I want to help him."
Lan Fan turned to her grandfather with a determined look was too familiar. And yet the look on this little girl caused his stomach to turn. Huian had the same expression.
"One day I want Prince Ling to be on the throne," Lan Fan stated. "I know there are going to be a lot of obstacles. And I know it won't be easy, but I want to help."
Fu didn't want to hear it.
"Grandfather, can you train me to become stronger? I want to be able to protect the prince with all the strength that I have. I want to keep him safe. I can't imagine my world if anything was to ever happen to him. Will you please teach me?"
Fu stared at his granddaughter. Her words were numbing. She was going down the same path as both her parents. And she knew. He felt his whole world begin to shift for the 3rd time in his lifetime.
But he knew he couldn't stop it.
Lady Suyin was right. Lan Fan was very much like her mother. If she had her mind set on something, she would do it. He knew she would find a way whether he refused or not.
There was no helping it.
Tonight, the palace had two children shift into adults in the blink of an eye. Both children carving paths towards the future. And Fu knew there was no turning back for them. It was there that Fu realized if he could not stop them on their path, then he'd just have to join them.
Thank You for Reading!
I hope you were able to figure out Suyin's feelings for Huian. I think her love will be a motivator for Lan Fan and her.
Also, let me know if you understood the dagger metaphor in relations to Huian. At first, I didn't realize how well it works as a symbol of Huian and Weimin's love and Suyin's figurative dagger to the heart.
I hoped you enjoyed this.
Don't be afraid to leave a review!
Minor Editing: 2/12/2018