CeCe Jones. Her name was all I needed to get my heart pumping wildly. She was perfect in every aspect. Her hair was a beautiful, fiery red that flowed down her shoulders in a blazing cascade; it fit her personality perfectly. Her skin glowed and her eyes were a beautiful chocolate brown that sparkled in the sun. She was crazy and fun, and I loved her.
It saddened me deeply to know that she would never feel the same. I loved her so much, it hurt. Whenever she hugged someone else, I died inside, even if it wasn't an affectionate one. Oh, but one she talked about her crushes…. That's when the real pain set in. I wanted to kill each and every one of them. They couldn't steal my CeCe away from me!
Even though we'll never be anything more than best friends, I like to think that someday I'll tell her I'm in love with her and she'll confess her undying love for me too and we'll have a happy ending. But happy endings don't exist and CeCe Jones would never be in love with a mess up like me.
A few months ago, my parents had a huge fight and my dad decided to stay in a hotel for awhile. I haven't talked to him since and I'm afraid something bad has happened to him. I've been diagnosed with depression and I know its true because I always have the urge to cut, but I'm too cowardly to actually do anything. Maybe when things get really hard, I'll do it.
Anyway, CeCe has been there for me every step of the way and every second I fall in love with her even more so than before, which seems pretty impossible to me. I just wish people wouldn't judge me if we ever did date, because we're the same gender. Yes, Rocky Blue, the nice girl, is into a girl. I'm not that ashamed, surprisingly. I am what I am and I'm not going to change that.
I want to tell CeCe so badly that I'm undoubtedly in love with her, but I'm afraid she'll hate me and find me disgusting. I know if she really is my best friend, shes supposed to accept me but I always have those thoughts. I would never tell her, anyways.
"Rocky, are you okay?" My mother's voice sliced through my thoughts.
"What?" I looked at my mother, noticing she was sitting across from me, giving me a puzzled stare.
I looked down and realized I had two waffles on my plate. How long did I zone out? Gosh, I need to stop that.
"You're acting strange," My mother gave me a skeptical look. "Hurry up and eat your breakfast before it gets cold!" she demanded, finishing hers off before placing her dish in the dishwasher.
I shot my waffles a disgusted look. They were already cold and soggy, due to the maple syrup. "Uh, I'm not hungry anymore." I said, pushing my plate away.
My mother sighed. "Okay, well go meet up with CeCe and get to school, then," she gave me a small smile.
I shot my mom a bigger one and headed out the door, grabbing my book bag. I felt really bad for my mom. She hasn't been the same since my dad left and I think she knows something has happened to him, and that thought makes me sick.
I usually just go down my window to CeCe's apartment, but today I don't feel like doing anything "extreme". Besides, I'm wearing a dress.
I knocked on CeCe's door, plastering a smile on my face. My heart was already racing at the thought of looking at her angelic face and I cursed myself for being so vulnerable.
"Hey, Rocks," Cece greeted me with a wide grin as she opened the door. "Why didn't you just come through the window?" she questioned.
"Oh, because I'm wearing a dress," I twirled around to show her and she gave a nod of approval.
"Nice," She said. "Now, lets get to school before we're late. I don't want another detention! I already have five this week." She rolled her eyes as she walked out the door, looping her arm with mine.
"Wow, is that a new record?" I joked, giggling.
"Nope," Cece answered, popping the "p". "I had ten in one week before."
"Oh, CeCe," I sighed, shaking my head teasingly.
We were in English and had a bit of free time, so I was writing in my diary. I know, I'm 15 and I have a diary. It helps with my problems, though. I don't usually bring my diary to school and I was a little nervous. I didn't want it to get lost, because someone could read all of my personal things! I spilled my feelings about CeCe in there and it covers a good five pages.
I put my diary back in my bag and walked to the teacher's desk. "Can I go to the bathroom?" I asked politely.
The teacher nodded and I made my way to the bathroom, walking back to the classroom in a matter of minutes.
When I got back to the class, CeCe was holding a notebook, reading it with intense interest. Wait… Is that my… Diary? My heart fell sixty feet and I could feel myself starting to sweat from panic and nervousness. How far did she get?! Oh no… she has to know I'm in love with her! Oh god…
"Rocky, please take a seat," The teacher said and I noticed I was frozen in the doorway, a panic-stricken look on my face.
CeCe looked my way and said quietly, "Rocky…"
I gulped and turned around, bolting to the bathroom. I had to get away from her. I didn't want to hear her harsh words of judgement. I knew our friendship had to be ruined now and I didn't want to lose someone so precious to me…
I closed the bathroom door behind me and sank down against the wall, hugging my knees and crying softly. How could this happen? I didn't want to lose my best friend. I didn't really have anyone else. CeCe was the only one who was willingly there for me and I loved her so, so much.
"Rocky?" I heard a soft whisper and instantly recognized it as CeCe's.
I started shaking from anxiety and didn't look up to see her gorgous face, I just started crying harder.
"Rocky, shh," She coaxed me, sitting down next to me and rubbing my back. "I don't care if you're in love with me, I'll still always be your best friend, even if I don't feel the same." She informed me calmly.
I froze. She doesn't feel the same way? I knew it. I know I said she wouldn't feel the same way before, but I always had a small, lingering thought that she might say yes and now I felt utterly rejected.
"I-I…" I tried to choke out, but my voice gave way to another miserable sob.
"Calm down," CeCe continued to rub my back slowly. "I know you're probably sad I don't feel the same way, but at least we'll still be sisters forever, right?" she tried, giving me a squeeze.
"Right," I sniffled, not wanting to say much. "I just really love you, CeCe…" my voice cracked.
"I know, I read all five pages," She tried to turn it into a joke by giggling. "You're an amazing person, Rocky, and if I was a guy, I'd be all over you!"
"Thanks," I looked up at her finally, smiling slightly.
CeCe wiped my tears away and stood up, holding out her arms. "Give me a hug, Rocks." She demanded.
I obidently did as she told, stepping into her warm embrace and wrapping my arms around her. "CeCe Jones, you're the best person ever." I whispered. Even though I felt defeated and depressed, she managed to make a smile appear on my face.
"Rocky Blue, you're the bestest best friend ever and I love you, as a sister," CeCe hugged me tighter, and I could smell her perfume that seemed to engulf me like her hug.
I let go of her and sniffled one last time, wiping the remaining tears away. "Can we stay in here for a bit? Class doesn't sound too great." I admitted, sitting on the bathroom counter.
"Rocky Blue, skipping class?" CeCe gasped jokingly and gave me a smile. "Of course. Anything for my best friend."