A.N:
This fic takes place after Clint comes to know what he did when Loki controlled him.
I wrote this listening to "Hide & Seek" by Imogen Heap.
I own nothing.
English isn't my primary language so please forgive me if there are any mistakes
Where are we?
What the hell is going on?
The dust has only just began to fall
Crop circles in the carpet, sinking, feeling
Spin me around again and rub my eyes
This can't be happening
- Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap
Natasha hesitated, just a moment before she opened the door of Clint's room. That was a bad idea. She knew it. But she also knew he needed her, he would never say it out loud but he needed someone, he needed someone right now because it happened too much and too fast and even if he didn't want to admit it he was just a man.
She opened the door slowly. Clint was on his bed, sitting on the stiff mattress, showing her his shoulders.
He was shirtless and even if she saw him like that a hundred times she couldn't avoid staring at his perfect back, following the lines of his body.
She didn't make a sound but Clint knew it was her. He would always recognize her, she was the closest person to him in the S.H.I.E.L.D
He turned out a bit, staring at the floor.
"Clint?" she asked softly, making a step in the room.
"What did I do?" he whispered lifting his head up to look at her.
She never saw him like that.
There was something in his eyes that destroyed her: desperation.
She knew that feeling too well.
She always knew he was broken as much as she was, she could see it in his eyes under the tough wall he raised, but seeing the true Clint, seeing the pain and the agony shining in his eyes so directly… that was different.
She closed the door and moved towards him.
"Clint it's not your fault"
"It's easy for you to say that. You didn't kill the people you knew, you didn't kill the people you lived with everyday, the few people who trusted you… it's not like going in a mission and killing a random stranger" there was anger and frustration in his voice.
She sat on the bed next to him keeping the distance.
"It was Loki. You couldn't control it-"
"You should've killed me" he interrupted her, his voice suddenly tired and with no emotions.
They were side by side, both staring at the floor.
The silence was marked just by their breathes.
They stayed like that for a few seconds that seemed endless.
She looked at him and said with a bursting strength:
"You saved me. You believed in me when no one did so if you expect me to give up on you… you're wrong. I knew I'd save you. I owed you that and I don't give up so easily, you know. I don't trust anyone on this world but if there's a person I'd trust my life that is you Cliff Barton and there's nothing you can do to push me away"
He lifted his face up to stare at her.
She was so strong and beautiful.
Their hands slowly touched.
Their fingers crossed.
His hand was rough and hers was scratched.
Both damaged… like them. Clint and Natasha.
It was so natural like their hands belonged together, like it was meant to be.
Carefully she moved closer, like she was trying to approach a wild animal.
Now the distance between them was just a few inches.
Her lips were slightly open. She couldn't breathe. She was waiting for him to make a move.
Thinking about that moment none of them would say what happened exactly.
A moment before they were standing still in that cold room and a moment after their lips were meeting, his lips against hers, her chest against his.
At the beginning it was just a soft touch that tasted bittersweet.
He whispered "That's not right"
She answered breathing heavy "Then why does it feel so good?"
And then it happened.
They kissed.
A full, strong, passionate kiss.
Their tongues twisted and their lips pressed, hungry for each other.
Her arms behind his neck, stroking his hair.
His hands on her back, wrapping her tight with his strong arms.
She was shivering under his touch, gentle and resolute at the same time, and that was all.
Even the screaming doubt shut up because even if that was wrong it was the only good thing in that land of pain and blood.
She bit his lower lip while he was sucking her upper lip.
They could both feel the blood on their tongues while they were lying on the bed.
It was a mix of rush and gentleness, an unexpected combination that was… perfect.
She was sinking her nails in his shoulders and he was kissing her neck tickling her with the tip of his tongue.
"Clint I" she moaned.
"Say it" he whispered full of hope.
Love is for children.
That's what she knew for sure, that's what her Russian origins taught her.
But she never felt a stronger feeling, the connection she had with Clint was more then a simply attraction.
Then I want to be a child she thought.
He was waiting those words, he knew her feelings but he wanted to hear her say those 3 words, those 8 letters that would've change their relationship forever.
"Clint I love you"
He was on her, looking straight in her eyes, their noses were touching and he could feel her breath on his mouth.
She never felt so undefended but for the first time she wasn't scared of her feelings because she knew he'd never hurt her.
The only thing that could scare her was his silence.
He waited for that moment for a long time.
It took a while for him to realize that but he always loved her. He wasn't a sentimental, he never believed in love at first sight.
At the beginning it was just an attraction, a sparkle he could see in her.
She was brilliant and different. Different from any other person he'd met, she was complicated but he always loved challenges.
And Natasha was the biggest challenge for him.
The thing that killed him inside the most wasn't the fact that he killed all those agent… no, it wasn't that.
It was that he could hurt her, that he could've killed the person he loved the most.
Natasha was waiting, the suspense was shaking her.
She could go in the most dangerous missions without any fear or doubt but the only thought of being rejected by the man she loved…
She didn't even finished her thoughts when he said the most beautiful words he could ever say:
"I love you"
And that changed everything.