Bruce had been hunting for a simple, European teapot. He hadn't been expecting to find such a beautiful, authentic Chinese tea service set. Reluctantly, he went to Tony in his workshop and asked if it was okay to use it, explaining that he'd had a lot of experience using them.
Tony had looked at him as if he had asked permission to take his pet dinosaur for a walk in Central Park.
"Chinese Tea Service?" Tony's face contorted in a perplexed scowl.
"Maybe it's Pepper's?" Bruce suggested in milder confusion.
"Eh-no. Pepper insisted she had everything she'd brought in here taken to her place when she was done moving out." Tony declared with certainty. "Tell me what it looks like."
"This long. This wide. This high. Bamboo lattice top—-" Bruce motioned the dimensions with his hands. "—-Wrought iron kettle and burner stand. Traditional clay pot. Ceramic tea holder. Bamboo scoop—-" and made gestures of shape and size for the other items…
Tony watched Bruce's hands with growing amusement, the words, "…and mark it with 'B', and put it in the oven for Brucie and me—" taunting his tongue and lips, which he bit to restrain himself, because immediately after that an image of him and Hulk facing each other as he taught Hulk the Paddy-Cake game flashed through his mind. He held his breath, about to lose it, and looked into Bruce's face with wide, blinking, clueless eyes.
Bruce offered one last description of the only item he'd left out, holding up his thumb and index finger in front of his face about two inches apart. "Small, handle-less porcelain cups that look almost like the ones for sake—"
The light-bulb went on and Tony snapped his fingers loudly, pointing to the side of him, "Very bottom shelf, black lacquered dinette cupboard!"
"Yes!" Bruce confirmed with a smile of relief.
"Go ahead and use it," Tony waved his hands at Bruce magnanimously. "Was a Christmas gift from Obedia before the first time he tried kill me," he said casually, and grabbed a radish from a dish next to him, popping it in his mouth and chewing with pleased enthusiasm.
"The first time?" Bruce's eyes went wide, although his voice remained at a conversational tone.
"Mm-hm," Tony nodded, adding another radish in his chewing-noise arsenal. He swallowed. "Well, technically, he hired someone else to kill me the first time, but the second time was up-close and personal when he paralyzed me and yanked my arc reactor out of my chest," his facial features flinched into an expression of deep thought, "It was actually kind of sexy when it was happening. He tried to kill me a third time, but Pepper evaporated him," he shrugged, dismissing the memory, and decreasing the radish population by yet another.
Bruce was suddenly overcome with horrified guilt. "Maybe I should just forget—"
"It's okay," Tony reassured quickly, "I had it thoroughly checked for toxins…and explosives."
"Tony! That's not what I was going to say!" Bruce nearly yelled…for someone who spoke as quietly as Bruce did. "I'm immune to those things anyway," he grumbled.
"What? Are you afraid it's haunted?" Tony dropped his chin and studied him suspiciously.
"No!" Bruce insisted, looking like he'd just been offered a french-fried mouse to eat.
"Well, what the hell's the problem, then," Tony demanded, raising his arms in the air and then dropping them in his lap with a smack.
Bruce's eyes darted around the room and then he was shaking his head, lost for a reason. "Nothing, I guess," he admitted with a resigned huff.
"Cool," Tony chirped, "Can I come watch you do the tea mumbo-jumbo thingy?" he asked, grabbing a fourth sacrificial radish.
"The tea ceremony?" Bruce corrected subtly.
"Mm-hm," Tony oscillated his head happily, chewing the most recent radish victim.
"Would you like to join me?" He invited dramatically.
Tony did a very convincing impression of a rabbit enjoying its favorite vegetation, looking at Bruce serenely, until he swallowed. " d'love to!" He pushed himself up from the chair and looked at Bruce expectantly.
Bruce regarded him for a moment and then chuckled. "You're such a brat," he stated fondly.
"I know. Right?" Tony flashed a flirtatious grin, raising on his toes briefly.
Bruce huffed a single laugh, nodding in amused confirmation. "Then, let us go do the tea mumbo-jumbo-thingy—" he lifted his chin and turned on his heal to lead the way to the door…
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