Dan Enchanted
Ever since Dan was an infant, he was blessed with a gift…more like a curse, of obedience. Dan had to do everything he was told to do.
"Dan, wash the dishes!" Dan would run to the sink to wash those dishes.
"Dan! Go pick flowers for you nanna." Dan followed those orders and picked the flowers for his nan.
"Dan honey, please go get your mamma some tampons, she is bleeding out of her vagina!" Dan ran to the corner store to get his mamma some tamps.
Dan's chinchilla died when Dan was 12. Right before his chinchilla died, his chinchilla spoke to him.
"Dan. What's inside you is so much stronger than any spell. And I'm not talking about your guts and blood, I am talking about your heart. Dan, there is a lady, the same lady who put this curse on you, find her. She can reverse the curse, Dan. Live long and prosper."
Dan dramatically stared out his window at the rain for 3 long hours questioning his existence. He always knew he was different from the other kids. When the kids told him to "EAT DIRT!" he would do so, and they would laugh. A single tear rolled down Dan's glistening cheek. There was a piece missing in his life, his other half. He needed to find himself on this adventure, but also find a hunky other half. Dan farted. "oops" Dan thought. Dan went to bed and mentally prepared himself for this great adventure.
"SQUEEE SQUEEE SQUEE!" Dan had awoken suddenly to the sound of his step-chinchilla's squeeling about the new prince Phillip Lester. Dan thought that it would be much cooler if his first name was Mol, haha, Mol Lester.
Dan packed up his thing, his trusty iphone with data and set off on his adventure. Five minutes later, Dan was already lost since he left his bedroom.
"Siri, show me to fairy Tyler Oakley" Dan told his bestfriend.
"Calling Jack Harries" Siri responded.
"NO YOU FUCKING IDIOT I SAID SHOW ME TYLER FUCKING OAKLEY WTF IS UR PROBLEM! /3" Dan cried and stumbled across a ralley for Prince Phil.
Dan rolled his eyes as the girls fangirled over Phils gorgeous emo hair and round soft butt.
"EAT POOP PRINCE MOLLESTER!" Dan cackled. Phil caught Dans eye. They shared a seductive glance. It was alamost like that time when he shared a seductive glance with Niall, but it felt..different…warm almost. Well maybe it was because he was starting to urinate.
"Phil! Are you a fast runner? ;)" asked one of the ugly fangirls.
"haha, no man, its real hard to see through my gorgeous locks of manly hair" Phil winked at her.
At once all the fangirls screamed and ran towards Phil. Dan ran the opposite way and headed off to meet his fairy.
Dan ran while flailing his arms in a girly manner. Phil ran while flailing his arms in a girly manner.
Phil jumped over a small bridge, tackling Dan. The fangirls ran off in a different direction, looking for the prince.
"Oi, im Phil, im posh" said the brooding prince.
"Fuck you bitch. Im Dan, and I can take care of myself, peace out bitchez!" said Dan
"no STOP WAIT!" said Phil
Dan, having to do everything everyone says, stopped walking.
Dan turned toward Phil and said "I am going on an adventure, Phillip. And I need to get going on my merry way"
Phil cackled and spoke "Please, call me Phil ;)"
Dan thought, how the hell did Phil say ";)" out loud? "uhh, I'd rather call you Mol Lester" cackled Dan.
"what?" said Phil
"none of your orange rotten butt sniff beeswax" cackled Dan.
"Daniel, I saved your bloody life! Im posh! Are you not going to curtsy for me?" asked Phillip
"what the fuck is a curtsy?" asked Dan
Phil showed Dan a curtsy while pulling up his robes a lil too far.
"Do he got a booty?" Dan thought.
Dan took a closer look.
"He doooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo" Dan thought.
"Well I best be on my way, I would love to stay and chat…NOT. Bye lozer xD!" said Dan
Dan wandered into the forest of ogres, "I wonder why its called the forest of ogres" Dan thought to himself. An ogre wandered passed him through the trees. "well, that answers that question" thought Dan. Suddenly, Dan was knocked out, grabbed by the leg, and hung over a fire. Dan awoke to himself in immense heat, and not in a kinky way. The ogres were poking him with a stick in the belly button.
Suddenly, Phil ran up and screamed, "RELEASE THE PEASANT!"
The ogres ran away in fear of Phils dreamy hair.
"I didn't need your help Mollester!" screamed Dan.
Phil broke out into the song "That's Not My Name" by The Ting Tings.
"Let me join you on your journey" Phil said
"Ok" Dan said
As Phil got Dan down from the rope, he burnt his arm on the hot stuff (fiyah).
"you're bleeding through your shirt. You should take it off so I can fix you up. Muah baby." Dan cackled.
Phil took off his shirt in slow motion to reveal his pecks and glistening three and a half pack. "Damn boy" Dan thought to himself.
Dan and Phil romantically rode eachother down the beach. Oops typo, they rode their horses down the beach, side by side.
"Soooooooo" Phil said, "How's your boyfriend"
"Im a feminenist" said DAn.
"So you got a boyfriend?" Phil licked his lips seductively and spanked his horses booty.
Dan started sweating and said "Do you have a girlfriend? Or boyfriend? I don't judge, man."
"I have many ;), haha" said Phil
"oh" said Dan, looking down at his horse as a tear was welling up in his eye socket.
"hehe jkidding! Xp. Don't be so gullible Danny!" cackled Phil.
"heheh. Call me Danny and ill shove a steak knife up your butthole" cackled Dan.
"Kinky" said Phil
"If you want it to be kinky, it will be kinky." Said Dan.
Phil stared at Dan
Dan stared at Phil
Dan and Phillip decided to go to a little giant bar where they sang and dance to a duet of somebody to love. Later, Dan and Phil sat by the giant fire.
"Kiss me" said Phil
Dan leaned in, "That wasn't an order" said Phil
"I know" said Dan
Dan and Phil exchanged a loving handshake.
The next day, Phil almost became king but than his uncle ordered Dan to shove a dagger up Phils ass during intercourse to celebrate their engagment (Phil proposed). Dan cried and chained himself to a bedpost. Unfortuntely the fairy, Tyler Oakley, found him and unchained him.
"No! DON'T DO THIS! I CANT KILL THE MAN I LURV!" CRIED DAN
"pce mutha fuckah!" cackled Tyler.
Phil came into the room.
"Ready for a super great intercourse, my love?" asked Phil.
"NO! WE CANT BE TOGETHER, PHIL!" cried Dan
"But baby, We're All In This Togther, like the High School Musical song" said Phil
Dan dropped the dagger and finally refused to do something he was told. Phil ran away cryhing with no broken skin, but a broken heart.
"Phil!" Dan ran after him
"WHY DID U TRY TO KILL ME? IM POSH!" cried Phil.
"Phil you don't understand" Dan explained everything to Phil.
They got married and had a huge group number to Don't Go Breaking My Heart by Elton John.
The End