This is my first piece of MASH fic so be kind! I admit I am not too up to date on all the terms - like for example names of places. This fic begins at the end of 'Abyssinia Henry' and continues straight after, before the fourth season begins as it were. I have the next chapter written but would love feedback so I know how I am doing. Author: Elanor
Pairing: Hawkeye / Radar
Rating: PG this chapter
Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to anything and I am making no
profit from this story.
Archive - yes please!

Radar shuffled his papers and hesitated at the office door, nervously hopping from foot to foot. Taking a deep breath he pushed open the door and scuttled over to the filing cabinet, resolutely hiding his face from the rest of the room with the folder he was carrying. He quickly filed the papers according to his own idiosyncratic system and jammed the drawer closed. He steadfastly kept his eyes closed on the way out and immediately tripped over the waste bin, sending himself and the contents flying. Muttering one of Hawkeye's curses he bungled the contents back in the bin.

Henry Blake's Japanese doll rolled at his feet and he picked it up, cupping it gently. He sat back against the cabinet and reluctantly lifted his eyes to survey the room: Colonel Blake's office, now sanitised to resemble every other colonel's office. The notice board was cleared of the masterpieces coloured in by Henry's children, the desk (not oak and not an antique) was clean and tidy, scrubbed of coffee rings, the in and out trays empty. Even Blake's glass cabinet stood devoid of its usual liquid inhabitants. Blinking back tears, Radar dusted off the Japanese doll affectionately, the contact seeming to bridge the gap between him and the man who had been his superior officer and surrogate father all rolled into one.

Quite at home talking to inanimate objects like teddy bears and the radio, Radar addressed the doll, "Oh, don't worry. I know you'll miss him – I miss him too – but you mustn't be angry with him for leaving you behind." He gulped and scrambled to his feet. He carried the Japanese doll to his cot and sat her next to his teddy bear, cranking up a watery smile for the pair, lest they should feel gloomy.

"Everything's going to be okay," he said, giving the doll one final pat – and instantly the premonition hit him. He lost his balance and fell heavily to the ground, the doll gripped between his fingers. He took a ragged, deep breath and fumbled for the telephone before it rang, listening dumbfounded to the news he already knew.

Blinded by the vision and needing to be near living human beings rather than at the bottom of the sea with a meatballed corpse that had once been his friend and mentor, Radar ran for the O.R..

Ignoring Frank's hysterical order for him to return to his table, and Trapper's concerned inquiry, Hawkeye pushed past nurses and orderlies on his way out, his fingers dripping blood from some kid's spleen. He found Radar grasping hold of the door support, holding his belly. Hawkeye stripped off his surgical gloves and approached. Before he could say anything, Radar doubled over and was heartily sick. Hawkeye crouched next to him, reaching out for him but the younger man avoided him.

"Leave me alone! Don't touch me!" Radar leapt to his feet and ran for the latrine tent, one hand stuck over his mouth, the other warding off Hawkeye.

"Radar! – "

"Leave him." It was Margaret and she was blocking his way.

"Get out of my way," Hawkeye ground out, his eyes still following Radar's departing figure.

"You disgust me!" Margaret spat.

"Funny, the war disgusts me. Radar needs me."

And suddenly Margaret pulled back and slapped him hard across the cheek. Hawkeye stared at her, a thousand emotions going through his brain.

"And those soldiers in there need you more. Radar can wait," Margaret said. "You have a job to do or are you going to condemn another man to death?" Margaret's eyes were swimming with tears. When he shook his head unable to speak, she grabbed his shoulders and shook him violently - and the small part of his brain that wasn't howling with misery noticed both that she had some wiry strength and that this was probably the closest he had ever got to her in months of determined flirting.

He grabbed her close for a second and wiped his face on her shoulder. "Why Margaret, you know how I love a dominant woman."

She let him go with a gentle shove and together they returned to the O.R., calling for fresh gloves and gowns.

Fate had robbed Hawkeye of one of his closest friends in a senseless, unnecessary act of violence and then to add insult to injury it had imprisoned him in O.R for five hours as he patched together kids barely old enough to shave. As he walked out, Hawkeye wiped at his streaming eyes and tried to contain his sobs. It was only the second time he had cried since arriving in the cess-pit known as the Korean War. He was a doctor, he was supposed to be able to save lives; this was the second friend whom he had not been able to patch back together.

He breathed in a few deep breaths of the cold air and headed, tiredly, for Blake's office, looking for Radar. Radar wasn't in his office nor in Blake's. Hawkeye scrubbed weary fingers through his hair and checked all the other Radar haunts, including his zoo. Still no Radar. Irritation warred with genuine concern – if Radar had done something stupid†He cast a nervous glance at the mine field. He saw Father Mulcahy emerge from the Post-op ward and beckoned him over. The Father squeezed his arm gently and Hawkeye had to close his eyes to stop himself breaking down right there and then.

"Father, have you seen Radar?"

"I'm glad I've caught you, my son. He's up on the chopper pad. He won't come down."

With a backward wave, Hawkeye ran as quickly as his exhaustion would take him to the chopper pad. Radar was hunched against a rocky outcrop, staring up at the sky with unseeing eyes. He was clutching something; it took a second for Hawkeye to identify Henry's doll. He folded his aching body next to Radar's and again reached out to comfort him. Radar evaded him.

"Don't touch me," he said dully.

"Understood - I'm not feeling very sociable either. Mind if I stare at nothing with you?"

Silently the two man watched the sky turn to deepest night.