Issues of Humanity's Imagination

Chapter 1: The Backstory Text-Dump

Humanity's greatest asset has always been its creativity and imagination. They make entirely separate worlds filled with seemingly impossible objects and items, for seemingly no practical purpose at all. Humans, however, also have a bad habit of making those fantasies into realities. Every. Single. One of them. Neither sanity nor reality will survive.

In essence, this is a story where humanity and reality has been formed out of the caricatures that one might get if their only contact iwth humanity was anime and TV tropes, with a smattering of fanfiction. So that means:1) nearly everyone has crazy powers, 2) a near unlimited amount of faceless mooks are always available for every conflict, 3)hero ships are nigh invulnerable, 4) gratuitous artistic license, 5) obligatory harem, and 6) THE MEMES. THE MEMES ARE COMING! Be warned!...

Let's begin...

-A.D. 2157, Relay 314-

Captain Hamilcar Barcus took a deep breath to savor the taste of his own command. It was only a patrol, his own heavy cruiser and a handful of frigate sent out to deter pirates. But if he did his duty well, he would surely be promoted to more active sectors, have the change to engage some pirate scum, and rise in the ranks even more. He was prepared for a long and boring patrol, but he couldn't help but wish for something that could instantly raise his name before the executors, something to really make him known. He couldn't help but dream of being the first one to discover and engage a hostile new species.

"Captain! There are strange readings near the relay!"

"Bring us in closer and get a visual."

He could just imagine it now: One of the recruits would inform his that the sensors had picked up something strange, and it would turn out to be unidentified craft in the process of breaking one of the citadel's laws. Naturally, it would be up to him to enforce order and discipline upon the savages in the only way that they would understand, force.

He could see them already, ten awkward, suit-shaped, mid-sized ships too big to be a fighter, but too small to threaten a capital ship. He scoffed at the imagined stupidity of those aliens. Seriously, who would put legs on a ship? It's a huge weak point. Those savages would surely cower and buckle under the might of his sensibly designed Turian ship! "Tell the fleet to close in as tight as they possibly can. We can't allow them to get between our ships. Once everyone is in position, open fire on the closest ship. We need to make a point, and these savages don't deserve negotiations."

Only once the words left his mouth did he realize that this was reality, not a fantasy.

The second after the slug left barrel of the cannon, Barcus began to think that he had made a very foolish choice. What made him think this? Perhaps it was the way that reality slowed down to highlight the slug piercing the alien ship's hull. Maybe it was the way that he could head the aliens' shocked gasps despite no communication channels being open. Or just maybe it was the way that all of reality warped to display the pierced ship in an artistic black silhouette against the suddenly red background of space before everything reverted and time returned to its normal flow as the ship was engulphed in a fireball.

"What in the name of the spirits just happened?" "Did space just turn red because of that ship?" "Did they just manipulate time?" The recruits were buzzing in confusion and alarm. They had all destroyed pirate ships before, and nothing like that had even happened before. Especially not the fireball: seriously, how was there enough oxygen in that small of a ship to make a fire that large?

But there was no chance to go back on his decision, since dozens of the ships were hurtling toward them faster than any fighter they had ever seen. The Turains barely had time to register or question how the enemy had multiplied their forces before the ships rocketed past them. A few of the suits fired off heavy missiles that blasted apart the fighter bays, rendered the main gun inoperable, and damaged the engines.

"How did those ships get so close without being shot down? Why isn't the GADIAN system firing? Give me a status report!"

The recruit stared frantically at the garbled reading the sensors were giving him. "They can't get a target, Sir! Those ships are emitting something that's scrambling all of our sensor readings! The navigations aren't even working properly, the support frigates are ramming into each other trying to evade!"

Barcus slammed his fist on the railing of his command platform. "Damnit! Activate the emergency external lights, we'll communicate that way. And find some way to link those lasers to manual control! They're our best bet of surviving this!" His left hand clenched into a fist. "This is bad. This is very bad."

Then bad went to worse. He never gave any thought as to how ships that size were able to fly out this far. Their home ship materialized in front of the commander's cruiser with its main cannon glowing. If it were a normal ship, he would have considered it a mere frigate and dismissed it. With their unusual technology, however, it may as well have been a whole fleet of dreadnoughts.

As the new ship charged some kind of weapon, Barcus turned to his crew. "We have tasted defeat this day at the hands of a new and savage race. The Citadel must know about this." His crew stared back at him, eyes steeled with determination. "Communications officers have first priority to use the escape pods. Officers manning any unusable or destroyed systems are next. Everyone else will stay and keep the attention of these barbarians."

Everyone nodded grimly and a handful of officers stood and marched to the escape pods. Even in defeat the Turians maintained their discipline.

Not that their discipline mattered when a blast of light lanced through the ship and everything was consumed in a blast of heat.

That was the Turian's first contact with humanity. It did not go very well.

-One Week Later-

General Oraka took another heavy drink as he read over another patrol report. Nothing, nothing, pirates destroyed, nothing. Everything was standard and in order, nothing to worry about. "Though… That new commander should be reporting in soon, and my daughter is commanding one of those ships… Ah, here it is… a Video file? Now this is interesting."

The general opened the file and was shocked to see a fabled albino Asari with a painted face. It opened its mouth and spoke in a rough, unflanged Turian. "Greetings. I am human, alien outside Citadel. Meet Turians, Turians attack. Break front ship, others crash so we help others. Meet daughter of you, know her. Permission for courtship?"

The general's head was spinning. This was a whole new species? What happened to the patrol? What did they do to his daughter?

Then, as if to answer his fears, his daughter entered the frame laughing. "That was so rough! Still, I'm impressed that you did so well for your first week." The Asari look-alike had a pout on its face as his daughter said something in a foreign language. She rubbed her head against his, then turned to the camera. "This is Commander Dinara Oraka, reporting in place of Captain Barcus. One week ago, Captain Barcus encountered a group of human scientists in Mobile Suits studying a Relay. Assuming that they were attempting to activate it, and assuming that diplomacy was impossible, he opened fire and destroyed one of the ships. The humans retaliated, and destroyed Barcus' ship in clear self-defense. Their technology interferes with sensors and communications, and the other ships in the patrol were damaged by debris and collisions. The humans took us on their ship, and took care of us. They even figured out that we were dextro!" She reigned in her growing enthusiasm with a deep breath.

"To summarize the rest, I was appointed the diplomat to this new race and have been working closely with Rear Admiral Hackett to develop translation between our languages and make sure that our people are well cared for. With the Hierarchy's permission, I shall continue diplomatic endeavors with the humans, up to and including courtship… with your permission, Father. Wider contact should be feasible within the month. Oraka out."

The general stared at the screen in utter shock. "I should report this… But first I think I'll need a stronger drink and a visit to the Consort to deal with this…"

-One Month Later-

General Oraka stood next to the trio of councilors, Waiting for the human's entrance onto the galactic stage. Everyone on the Citadel, it seemed, had turned out for the event. The Salarian councilor was talking his fringes off, asking question he couldn't answer. "How big are their ships? What is the average composition of their fleets? How did they manage to destroy a Turian Cruiser? Are they Dextro or Levo? What will be their relationship with the Hierarchy? What are their security systems like?"

The answers started with the appearance of the majestic White Base. Most civilians were looking at it in awe, the Salarian was already analyzing it. "It measures two and a half hundred meters. It would be a mere frigate by our standards. While aesthetically impressive, it is rather poorly designed. Perhaps this is a sign that they are rather more artistically inclined, rather than military. Though that does raise the question of how they were able to destroy a superior ship if that were so…" He frowned as his omni-tool beeped angrily at him. "And it appears that they have somehow installed measures against scanning. Intriguing. But I believe that we can safely deduce that this is one of the larger ships in their fleet. They likely focus on swarming tactics to overwhelm their enemies, like many lesser species."

Oraka dearly wanted to punch the Salarian in the face but was spared the effort when the rest of the task force did the same metaphorically.

The second ship in the small fleet was where fear began to set in. The ship was easily dreadnought size, topping a kilometer long and bristling with weapons. It was much more sensibly designed, with a more compact and stout frame supporting two hangars on the side. It was marked "Battle Star class - Galactica V"

The third ship gave everyone significant pause. This dreadnought was over double the Citadel's largest ship, the Destiny ascension. It roughly resembled the barrel of a gun with a main cannon that seemed to match its size. A race with the means the build ships like that was at least equal to the best of the Citadel. It was marked "UNSC Class - Infinity +1"

But it was the last ship that caused a sense of silent dread to settle over everyone in the Citadel. The ship was enormous, nearly half as long as one of the arms of the Citadel and it even contained an entire city on top of its hull. It was ten times larger than anything they had ever seen before. Just this single ship could likely challenge the entire Citadel. It was dubbed "Imperial Executor Class - Vader's Fist."

The Salarian councilor was stunned into silence, and was barely even aware that a trio of ships had landed from the smallest of the four vessels. Three humans and one Turian were making their way to the assembled politicians for Humanity's grand reveal.

"Greetings. We are humanity. We come in peace." Hackett approached the general and held out both his hands face up. "Father General Oraka, I humbly beseech the hand of your daughter for bonding our Spirits in Marriage. It shall be as a sign of peace between our peoples for the building of a greater future." When the general didn't say anything, the admiral slipped into English and turned to his Turian girlfriend. "Is that right? I didn't accidently say we're potatoes again, right?"

Dinara bit back a chuckle at Hackett's attempts at being formal and responded in English. "No, it was very good for a month of study. But just in case, let me translate please Dear?"

The Salarian found his voice before anyone else had the chance to speak. "How could you possibly have constructed these ships!? Your empire cannot be more than a handful of system without the Relays linking them together, there is no way you could have gathered the materials for this! The required Element Zero alone would make construction on this scale unthinkable!"

As Dinara did her best to translate the question, Hackett pondered how best to break the news of humanity's true abilities. "Yeah, about that… Things like limits and practicality don't apply when you're talking about humans. We discovered that limits were illusions long ago. It is said that the gods no longer dwell among humans, but instead they dwell within humans."

The Asari Councilor looked scandalized. "What are you saying! That's absurd!"

Hackett considered his words very carefully. "Humanity can do whatever it wants, and reality just has to deal with it."

Pandemonium erupted as a pair of dark glasses descended onto the Admiral's face from nowhere. Maybe that could have gone better.

-Codex: Humanity-

Humanity is the newest member of the Galactic community. The first thing that most note about them is their similarity to Asari, which holds true in a startling number of instances. Humans, however, do exhibit a greater range of variation than any known species yet encountered. Almost every feature that could be characteristic of humans is either changed or negated in one of their sub-types, yet those beings still classify themselves under the banner of humanity. Therefore, what is said in this article will be in reference to "Mainline" or "Pure" humans.

Humans are bipedal mammals that breath oxygen and give birth to live young. Their skin tones range from white to dark brown, with the color of their fur generally being either black, brown, yellow or white. They possess two arms, two legs, and two eyes (notable exceptions: Monster-men/Monster-girls). Their average height ranges from 1.5 to 1.9 meters (notable exceptions: Dwarves and Giants). They are divided into two sexes, male and female at a ratio of four to five. They are based on Levo Amino Acids, but were discovered to be able to digest Dextro amino acids due to a prank that spiraled out of control (Link: Hackett Wedding).

In many ways, their society is a study in opposites. They despise war yet are eager to fight. They consider life sacred but elevate strong fighters capable of untold destruction. They consider the two genders to be equal but they are treated very differently; e.g. Strong males are encouraged to gather a harem of women as wives, and the women are expected to eagerly join, yet still compete with the other women in their family. This leads to their astounding population growth. It is greater than any other civilized race's, barring only the Rachni and the Krogans before the genophage. In addition, they have shown the ability to breed with most sentient species that possess a female gender (Link: Populcana Hackett).

Human's most potent advantage is their ability to impose their own reality on the universe. The explanations vary, some claim that they are pulling power from the Warp, other claim that they are harnessing Spiral Energy, the very power of evolution. In general, these abilities are called Esper Powers. They are sorted into six ranks based on their strength.

Level Zero of Null Espers display no powers of their own, most often because they have traded in the intrinsic powers for greater scientific knowledge or have devoted themselves to a deity who then enacts miracles which function much the same as higher level ESPers.

Level One Espers have no personal control over their abilities, and only have the ability to subconsciously warp reality to fit their expectations. Alone, a single Level One can do things such as keep an object in their hands at a constant temperature, or allow women to pull large blunt object from thin air. In large groups, however, even level One Espers are capable of unconsciously creating of a legion of fully armed and sentient soldiers if they all believe that a band of reinforcements are on their way. This is why battles between human factions are primarily decided by single combat between their leaders.

Level Two Espers have control over their abilities, but are limited to materializing or utilizing things from a single other universe that other have imagined. For example, a Level Two might be able to summon a fully functioning rifle if they have seen it being fired in a vid, but could not create a new gun from their imagination. This applies to abilities as well. One of the most common types of Level Two Espers is the Jedi (Link: The War of the Stars). They are space monks wielding laser swords that exhibit many abilities similar to a biotic. However, to repeat, a Level Two is restrained to a single "universe" which they draw from.

Level Three Espers, then, are similar to Twos, except that they are able to draw from multiple universes.

Level Four Espers are aware of and have near total control over their own universe called a "Pocket Dimension", with the ability to create and pull things out of it. Physics of that reality is different, and the object acts with the physics of its own universe. This has been used for a great many pranks, such as the infamous "Sturdy chair" which breaks whenever someone under a certain mass sits in it.

Level Five Espers are the pinnacle of control over reality. Not only do they have near absolute control over their own "Pocket Dimension" but they also have the ability to draw other objects and people into that other universe as well. Almost all of their greatest artists, writers, and visionaries were of this level, and would partially draw people into another universe through their works. These would then go on to inspire others to create an ever-expanding arsenal for humankind.

These abilities can make humans an unparalleled ally… or an unstoppable foe. Only a fool would provoke them without a well laid plan and overwhelming force.

-Two Months Later, A Group of Fools, Mindor-

Eluam Ran'perah was an ideal Batarian. He helped crew a pirate vessel for five years, and just last year he saved up enough to pay for his own ship and crew and started raiding colonies for slaves. When he heard that the Hegemony was paying top dollar for any group that could successfully get their hands on some human slaves, he took the initiative.

So why was he now leading a fleet of stolen ships, manned by freed slaves, in order to take down the Hegemony?

It began when the attack on Mindor actually launched. It seemed like a full half of the pirates in the Terminus had shown up for the party, a fleet equal to almost anything the Council could put together. It almost seemed laughably like overkill when they jumped into the system and found only a handful of ships opposing them. They actually did laugh when they saw the design of the ships: bulky with guns sitting on top of them like someone lifted a sea-faring vessel right into space.

"Unknown vessels, this is the SA Yamato 2099. You are trespassing on human space, turn back or we will be forced to fire."

The Batarians didn't even bother to respond. They felt invincible.

That feeling died when the humans started to open fire and decimated the Batarian ships with lasers and missiles that traveled at a full half of the speed of light. Each salvo of fire from the human ships left swathes of destruction in their wake. By the time the once terrifying fleet had reached the atmosphere, less than a tenth of the original ships remained while the Human ships were largely undamaged.

But just because they were too close to the planet for the space captains to dare fire on them, didn't mean that they had reached safety. No, their trials had only just begun. A number of the ships were yanked right into the ground, pulled in by a group of humans in brown robes. Those that weren't immediately trashed had to contend with the fighters that were swarming the landing party. Attacks on the human's ships quickly proved to be pointless, as they were easily dodged by the nimble human ships. One frustrated pirate was so fed up with the situation that he tried to turn his weapons on the colony, but the cannon exploded rather than firing, destroying the ship.

Finally, Eluam's ship managed to reach the ground in one piece, with the few other slave transport ships that were left. Landing brought no comfort however. When they left their vessels, they were nonchalantly greeted by a tall man wearing a tight muscle shirt and long scarf. The pirates raised their guns to shoot him, but were struck by clackers sparkling with some kind of energy which let them tear through bone and flesh like it was nothing. Soon, only a handful were left from the original hundred strong crew.

The man casually walked up to the Batarians, deflecting any bullets shot at him with that same strange energy. He locked eyes with Eluam. "Let me guess," the human began "the next thing you're going to say is 'this is impossible! We should be superior!'"

"This is impossible! We should be superior!" The moment the words left his mouth, Eluam knew that he was utterly beaten.

The Batarian captain did the only sensible thing left. He ran for his life. He dropped his overheating gun and ran into the woods, not caring where he was going, only that it was away from that human. He forgot his comrades, his rank, his race, his name and even time itself as he ran for his life.

The next thing Eluam was aware of was the sound of children arguing as he lay face down in some bushes.

"But Ashey, you always get to be the mommy! You have to be the baby this time, otherwise it's not fair!"

"It is fair Talitha, I'm older than you so I get to be the mommy. Besides, you get to play with John all the time when you're at home. You can be the mommy then."

"You're only older by a year, it's not fair. I'm not gunna play house if I have to be the baby again! Onii-chan, tell Ashey she has to be the baby this time!"

"Maybe we can find someone else who wants to play, and our house will have two mommies; like my Mommy and Talitha's Mommy are both in our house."

The Batarian tried to tried to quietly crawl away from the humans, but the rustling of the bushes caught their attention.

The male spread his arms wide and placed himself in front of the two girls. Eluam took the opportunity to throw his hands out in surrender.

The two men stared at each other. John dropped his guard first and grabbed the Batarian by the arm. "You're perfect! We needed someone to be the baby, and here you are! Now Sis 'n Ashey can both be mommies!" the boy was beaming, and tugged the Batarian over to the tree stump where the two girls were seated. "We're playing house! I'm the daddy, Ashey is mother mommy, Sis Talitha is second mommy, and you'll be the baby. We'll call you Eli!" The frightened Batarian was barely paying attention as he noticed the forest around him shifting into a cozy house. Images of grown women superimposed themselves on the girls, and then became reality. The boy himself was replaced by the image of the man who had slaughtered the rest of Eli's crew.

Eluam tried to shout, run, do anything, but his body wasn't responding. He realized that he himself had been reduced to the body of a child, being cooed and coddled by the two women. His mind overloaded with information as knowledge of this other life flowed into him. Then he was lost as time leaped forwards and backwards, his mind flooded with days at school, family dinners, birthday parties, trips with his human father; five lifetimes of living as a human child filled his mind by the time they stopped playing ten minutes later so John could use the potty.

With the boy gone, normal reality resumed, and Eluam was harshly ejected into his adult, Batarian body. His hands shook as he realized what he had done in his life. He thought that he was so smart, so superior to anything else in the galaxy that he was justified in the monstrous things he had done.

He stood up. No longer would he be Eluam the Slaver. Now he would be Eluam the Liberator, a man on a mission to atone for his sins. And he knew just how to begin. A few simple commands from his omni-tool gave him the location of the closest slave processing camp. It wouldn't be standing for long when his access codes turned the automated security on the slavers…

-One Week Later-

The Shepherd family sat down to dinner with the news playing the background. "The Vol protectorate is still protesting the entrance of human companies into the galactic economy. They are pushing for a boycott of human made products, claiming that, quote 'they violate all known principals of conservation of matter, and invalidate every tenant needed to maintain a stable galactic economy.' The Human Economic Council will be meeting with Vol leaders to try to resolve their differences.

In other news, the Batarian Hegemony has released its statement saying that it will not surrender to the demands of Eluam the Liberator. Eluam the Liberator was a former slaver who had a change of heart after realizing the horrors that the Hegemony inflicted and has since been working to free all the slaves previously held by the Hegemony and to create a more peaceful government. In a recent interview he told our reporter, 'The Hegemony has always been flagrantly breaking both the laws of the Citadel, as well as all laws of decency and morality. I contributed to the pain and misery, and it has become my mission to atone for my sin. I intend to end this evil, if I have to take this fight all the way to Kharshan itself.'"

John pointed to the screen with a wide smile. "Hey, it's baby Eli! I hope he had fun playing house with us. Maybe he'll play again the next time he visits."

Joseph Shepherd looked between his son and the famous freedom fighter on the screen. "Johnathan, you brainwashed another sentient being so bad that he would eagerly kill himself if he could meet the him before the indoctrination... Good job. You get extra desert tonight."

Talitha latched onto her brother's side. "Yay! Onii-chan did a good thing!"

"I'm not sharing my dessert just because you're cute, Talitha."

The girl pouted, before gaining a devious smile. "What if I eat it out of your mouth? Then we can both enjoy it!"

As John tried to fend off his desert crazed step-sister, Suzie Q leaned over to whisper to her sister wife, "We're trying to raise them like real siblings, right? They're still brother and sister, even if they aren't related."

Holly gave a beaming smile. "Of course. They siblings in all but blood. Which is exactly why I'm trying to set them up. Won't they just look so cute together? And she'll make the perfect girl to sharpen his skills before he gathers his own harem, just like his dad."

As the two women looked at their happy little family, both of them had the distinct thought that the galaxy wasn't ready for John to grow up.

Chapter 1 Done. This is going to be a parody romp with as many references and tropes shoved in as possible. It started with the thought, "What would aliens think of humanity if all they knew was anime and TV tropes?" It's not that every single human is capable of beating gods, but even normal humans in a group can warp reality to the point where they are undefeatable. It's almost like the placebo effect taken to its logical extreme. Then you get level twos and the fun really begins, until Level fives are pretty much basically gods. They can still be beaten by psychological assaults and surprise attacks, but good luck getting them off.

If you couldn't tell, this story is not serious, and is basically a parody of all those over-powered humanity stories. I hope you enjoyed, and leave a review if you want to see this story keep moving.