Disclaimer:
NoName-chan: Do I look like Katsura Hoshino to you? Do I?
Allen: HOW ARE THEY SUPPOSED TO KNOW? THEY'VE NEVER SEEN YOU BEFORE, YOU DIPSHIT!
NoName-chan: *Hits Allen over the head with a shovel* SHUT UP! Anyways, NO. NO I DO NOT. SHE OWNS DGM, NOT ME. K? K.
…..
*Horrible Game Show music plays. A spotlight moves back and forth along a dark stage until it finally rests on the smiling figure of me sitting comfortably on a red couch. Suddenly, all of the lights turn on, revealing a larger blue couch, where several people are sitting*
NoName-chan: Hello, one and all! Welcome to our first Episode-Chapter-Thingy of D Gray-Show~! I'm your fabulous hostess, NoName-chan, and these are our contestants-
Allen: WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA, wait, WHAT? "Contestants?" You told me that we were going to an All-You-Can-Eat Buffet!
NoName-chan: And I lied.
Allen: *Sighs* Then, what IS this?
NoName-chan: This is D Gray-Show. It's a combination of many things. You see, over the course of the two months that I've been reading fanfiction, I've seen multiple fanfictions that were basically like Game or Talk Shows. I read one that was like a "Wheel of Torture" kind of thing. I read another that was basically a long Interview of the DGM cast. But, then I read one special fanfic: "DGray chat" by jax2468 (btw, if you haven't read that yet, GO READ IT RIGHT NOW OMG IT'S AMAZING.) And that fanfic inspired me to create this Show-Fanfiction-Thingy. Well, that and the fact that everybody seems to love my Cracky Author Notes on my other story, "The Golden Rose"…
Allen: Um…. Okay, but you still haven't explained WHAT this is.
NoName-chan: I'M GETTING TO THAT, SHEESH. Anyways, this is a combination of those many fics I've read. Basically, the rules are like this: Each contestant gets a turn per episode. They'll have to do 5 things: 1. Answer a question from either a viewer, the lovely Hostess, or a person of the Hostess' choice. 2. Perform a dare by one of the same people choices. 3. Spin the Wheel of Torture. 4. Do something of the Hostess' choice. 5. Random~
Allen: Okay, first of all, it sounds like you're trying way too hard to please people.
NoName-chan: That's because I am.
Allen: Second of all, this whole thing sounds like a horrible rip off of other people's ideas.
NoName-chan: That's because it is.
Allen: Third of all, what do you mean by "Random~"?
NoName-chan: I mean that the last thing could truly be anything. It could mean that they have to perform one of the first four tasks again, it could mean that the Hostess is going to do something horrible like the evil person she is, it could mean something truly random is going to happen. I have no way of knowing~!
Allen: YES YOU DO! YOU'RE THE HOSTESS! By the way, why do you keep referring to yourself in 3rd person?
NoName-chan: Because…. Um… *Hits Allen over the head with a shovel* SHUT UP!
Allen: OW! WHAT THE HELL?!
NoName-chan: Oh, and if anyone refuses to complete their tasks or pisses me off, I'll beat them with my trusty shovel that I've overused in nearly every Author Note for nearly every Fanfiction I've ever written.
Allen: *Shivers*
NoName-chan: So, ANYWAYS~! ON WITH THE SHOW! Let's meet our fabulous Contestants: Allen Walker~!
Allen: *Cries*
NoName-chan: Yuu Kanda~!
Kanda: DON'T CALL ME BY MY FIRST NAME! *Unsheathes Mugen*
NoName-chan: *Hits Kanda over the head with the shovel* SHUT IT! As I was saying, Lavi~!
Lavi: Hey there~!
NoName-chan: Lenalee Lee~!
Lenalee: *Gets out video camera* This is gonna be good.
NoName-chan: Tyki Mikk~!
Tyki: *Moans of pain*
Lavi: …..What happened to him?
NoName-chan: *Holds up a package of chocolate chip cookies* He asked me if he could have one of my cookies.
Lavi: And?
NoName-chan: *HIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS* NOBODY TOUCHES MY COOKIES.
Lavi: O.O
Allen: D-Did she just hiss?...
Lavi: I think so.
Allen: I'm scared.
Lavi: I am, too.
NoName-chan: *Smiles brightly again* Anyways, as I was saying, ROAD KAMELOT~! :D :D :D
*Loud applause. Lights shut off. Spotlight shines on Road*
Road: *Grinning and waving* Hey there, everyone~!
*Lights return to normal*
Allen: Wait, why the hell was her introduction so much longer and more exaggerated than ours?!
NoName-chan: *Hits Allen over the head with the shovel* BECAUSE SHE'S AWESOME AND BECAUSE I'M THE HOSTESS AND I DO WHAT I WANT, NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Allen: ASKJFNERIHUFQH4BWIU5GOEIRU5GY!?WP1O3RKIGJ24CX,45 THAT FUCKING HURT!
NoName-chan: GOOD. Now, since this is the first Episode-Chapter-Thingy, I need some help thinking up questions and dares. So, to help me Host, I introduce to you MY BEST FRIEND, BEN-KUN~!
Ben-kun: *Walks onto the stage and sits next to me* Hi, NoName-chan~! ^^
NoName-chan: *Glomps Ben* Hi, Ben-kun~! ^^
Allen: Whoa whoa whoa, wait! WHO THE HELL IS BEN-KUN?
NoName-chan: Ben-kun is my best friend who's going to help me Host today's Episode-Chapter-Thingy.
Allen: YES, I KNOW, YOU ALREADY SAID THAT!
NoName-chan: Then why did you ask?
Allen: *Slams head down on the table between the two couches* I give up…
NoName-chan: Good. Now, how should we do this? Should we do each person one by one, or should we do all the questions first, then the dares, and so on?
Ben-kun: Hm….. Let's do it the second way. *Puts on sunglasses* B|
NoName-chan: *Puts on identical sunglasses* B|
NoName-chan and Ben-kun: *High five* AAAAAWWWWW YYYYYYEEEEAAAAHHHHH!
Kanda: What the hell?
NoName-chan and Ben-kun: DON'T UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP!
Kanda: *Slams his face down on the table next to Allen's* I give up…
NoName-chan: Anyways, let's start with questions! *Digs hand into a large basket of pieces of paper with various questions written on them* OW! PAPERCUT! OW! PAPERCUT! OW! PAPERCUT! Ah, here we go! *Pulls out a slip of paper*This question is for Allen! It reads:
"Hey, Allen.
I dare you to enter any eating challenge.
~Ben-kun"
Allen, Kanda, Lavi, Lenalee, Road, Tyki: *Stare at Ben*
Ben-kun: *Sips coffee that I've only now told you is there*
Allen, Lavi, Lenalee, Tyki: IT'S FROM YOU?
Kanda: Che.
NoName-chan: I DID say that he was partially here to help me think up questions and dares.
Road: Yeah, she kinda did.
NoName-chan: But, one thing: *Hits Ben over the head with the shovel* WHY THE HELL DID YOU PUT A DARE IN THE QUESTIONS BASKET?!
Ben-kun: *Holds head in pain* Why, NoName-chan, why?! DX
NoName-chan: *Facepalms* Anyways, I guess since Ben-kun doesn't understand the difference between a dare and a question, we'll do dares first. Well, Allen?
Allen: *Grins* An eating challenge? I'll do it!
NoName-chan: *Evil grin*
Lenalee: *Gulps* That can't be good…..
NoName-chan: You're eating challenge is that you have to go a whole week without eating.
Allen, Lavi, Lenalee, Tyki: *Gape in shock*
Allen: W-WHAT?!
NoName-chan: Hey, the "question" *glares at Ben* said ANY eating challenge. It didn't state that it necessarily had to be an eating CONTEST.
Road: *Laughs ass off*
Ben-kun: O.O Talk about reading the fine print…
NoName-chan: *Grins* Yup. Anyways, Allen- no food for a week.
Allen: THERE'S NO WAY IN HELL I'M DOING THAT DARE!
NoName-chan: *Hits Allen over the head with the shovel* DO IT OR FEEL MY WRATH!
Allen: *Whimpers in fear and pain* Y-yes, ma'am.
NoName-chan: *Bright smile* Good ^^ Alright, next dare. *Sips hand into another basket, this one full of dares written on slips of paper* OWOWOWOWOW FUCKING PAPERCUTS! Alright, I got it! *Pulls out a red slip of paper*
Lenalee: Oh, so you got red paper for all of the dares? ^^
NoName-chan: Nope…..
Allen, Lavi, Lenalee: ….
Lenalee: Then why is it red?...
NoName-chan: I have no idea.
Road: Chill, I've got this. *Takes slip of paper from Road and licks it.* Hm… Yup. It's blood. Geez, NoName-chan, how many papercuts did you get?
NoName-chan: A lot.
Lenalee: O-okay then…
Lavi: Are we just going to completely ignore the fact that Road just licked blood off of a slip of paper and was easily able to identify it as blood?
NoName-chan: Moving on!
Lavi: *Sighs* I guess so…
Tyki: Does this REALLY surprise you?
Lavi: Nah, I guess not.
NoName-chan: Okay! This one's for Kanda! It reads:
"Hey, Kanda!
I dare Yuu (get it? Yuu? Instead of you? XD) to play with Road.
~Ben-kun"
Allen, Lavi, Lenalee, Tyki: *Stare at Ben*
Ben-kun: What?
Allen, Lavi, Lenalee, Tyki: AGAIN?!
NoName-chan: Well, I needed help with both Questions and Dares, so I asked Ben-kun to submit at least one question and one dare. That first dare was SUPPOSED to be a question, but since Ben-kun completely fucked that one up, *glares at Ben* we're just going to have to deal with the fact that he's submitted two dares. Oh, and also: *Hits Ben over the head with the shovel*
Ben-kun: OW! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?! DX
NoName-chan: THAT PUN WAS TERRIBLE AND OVERUSED!
Kanda: Wait, pun?
NoName-chan: *Rolls eyes* Come on, BaKanda! I already read the letter out loud! He used your first name instead of "you" as a pun.
Kanda: WHAT?! *Pulls out Mugen and points it at Ben* YOU DIE TODAY!
Ben-kun: *YELP*
NoName-chan: *Hits both of them over the heads with the shovel* SHUT UP! Anyways, Kanda, you heard the dare. Road?
Road: *Grins* YAY~! I GET TO PLAY WITH PRETTY-BOY~!
Kanda: WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME-
NoName-chan: *Holds up the shovel threateningly*
Kanda: *Mouth snaps shut*
Road: Come on, let's go~! *Drags Kanda off the stage and out of the room by the wrist*
NoName-chan: Have fun~! ^^ Alright, next dare! *Dips hand into the basket of dares* ASDFGHJKLFFFFFFSKDNVSIBJNTRE PAPERCUTS! Okay, here we go! *Pulls out a slip of paper* It's for Lavi~! It reads:
"Dear Lavi,
I dare you to ask out Lenalee.
~WinterPrentice"
Lavi: *Gapes*
Lenalee: *Blushes red*
Allen: OKAY, HOLD ON! Who the fuck is WinterPrentice?!
NoName-chan: WinterPrentice is one of our fabulous viewers~
Allen: BUT THIS IS THE FIRST EPISODE-CHAPTER-THINGY. HOW DO WE HAVE VIEWERS?
NoName-chan: Because….. well…..
Tyki: Because this dumbass got on her hands and knees and begged people for help.
NoName-chan: Yeah….. Wait, DUMBASS? *Hits Tyki over the head with the shovel*
Tyki: ASDFGHJKLSKDJNWEORUIH45G874WNCCOBDJNEKAJN?/!
NoName-chan: Moving on. Well, Lavi?
Lavi: *Whimpers* But….. but…
NoName-chan: NO "BUT"S. DO IT.
Lavi: *Sighs and looks at Lenalee* L-Lenalee, would you like to go out with-?
Komui: *Breaks in* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! STAY AWAY FROM MY PRECIOUS LENALEE, YOU FILTHY OCTOPUS! *Pulls out a large gun*
Lavi: *SHRIEK. Tries to run*
Komui: *Chases after him*
NoName-chan: *Casually sips coffee* So, Ben-kun, how was your weekend?
Ben-kun: *Casually sips coffee as well* Pretty good, yours?
NoName-chan: Eh, it's been average. Hey, I'm kinda hungry right now. Should I order a pizza?
Ben-kun: Sure. ^^
NoName-chan: Okay. *Get's out cellphone* What kind of pizza do you guys want?
Ben-kun: Pepperoni.
Tyki: Cheese.
Lenalee: Hawaiian.
Allen: ALL OF THEM~
NoName-chan: *Hits Allen over the head with the shovel* YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO EAT.
Allen: *Cries*
NoName-chan: Okay, is that all? Should I get some bread sticks? Yeah, I'm gonna get some bread sticks. Okay, hold on a second! *Dials number*
*Ringing*
"Hello?"
NoName-chan: Yeah, hi. Can I get 2 large pepperoni pizzas, 1 medium cheese pizza, and 1 small Hawaiian pizza?
"This isn't-"
Ben-kun: Don't forget the bread sticks!
NoName-chan: Oh, yeah! And some breadsticks?
"I think you have the wrong numbe-"
Tyki: Hey, actually, can I get a large Coke with that?
NoName-chan: *Sigh* Guys, seriously, make up your minds! How about we all just get drinks so that you guys don't bitch at me about it later?
Ben-kun: Sounds fair. I want a large Mountain Dew.
Lenalee: Can I just get a medium lemonade?
"This isn't a pizza pla-"
Allen: Am I allowed to drink stuff?
NoName-chan: *Weighs the option in my mind* Yeah, I guess so.
Allen: OH, SWEET! Then can I get 20 large Powerades?
NoName-chan: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, KID, WE HAVE A BUDGET! *Sighs* I guess…..
Allen: YES!
NoName-chan: Alright, can I also get a medium Coke-
Tyki: Large.
NoName-chan: Sorry, a LARGE Coke, 2 large Mountain Dews, a medium Lemonade, and 20 large Powerades?
"I don't think you understand. We don't serve p-"
NoName-chan: Sorry, Allen! They don't have Powerade!
Allen: Damn it! *Sighs* I guess make that 20 large Pepsis instead.
NoName-chan: Okay, can I cancel the order for 20 large Powerades and make it for 20 large Pepsis instead?
"But-"
Tyki: What the hell is wrong with you, boy? Coke is WAY better then Pepsi!
Allen: WHAT?! The Hell it is!
Tyki: COKE!
Allen: PEPSI!
Tyki: COKE!
Allen: PEPSI!
NoName-chan: *Hits them both over the heads with the shovel* SHUT THE FUCK UP, I AM ON THE PHONE! Okay, I think that's all.
Lenalee: WAIT! Can we get dessert?
NoName-chan: *Angry sigh* I TOLD YOU GUYS TO MAKE UP YOUR MINDS! But, I guess so….
Lenalee: YAY! Can I get chocolate cake?
Ben-kun: Can I get Sour Patch Kids?
Tyki: Can I get tiramisu?
NoName-chan: GUYS, NO, IT'S A FUCKING PIZZA PLACE-
"WE'RE NOT A PIZZA PLA-"
NoName-chan: -THEY ONLY HAVE ONE THING FOR DESSERT! Yeah, can I also get 4 Chocolate Lava Cakes? Thanks. That'll be all.
"FOR THE LAST TIME, THIS ISN'T A PIZZA PLACE!"
NoName-chan: ….Wait, then who is this?
"The Black Ark. Wait, is that… NoName-chan?"
NoName-chan: …...….YOU SAW NOTHING! *Hangs up* Nevermind, guys, no pizza….
Ben-kun: WHAT?! WHY?! DX
NoName-chan: Because… um….
Tyki: You had the wrong number, didn't you?
NoName-chan: Yeah…
Allen: Wait, then who DID you call?
NoName-chan: The Black Ark….
Ben-kun, Allen, Tyki, Lenalee: …..
Allen: HOW DID YOU MESS THAT ONE UP?!
Tyki: I didn't even know that the Ark had a phone!
NoName-chan: *Hits Allen and Tyki over the heads with the shovel* SHUT UP!
Lenalee: Wait, aren't we forgetting something?
NoName-chan: NOPE.
Komui: *Drags a tied up Lavi out of the room*
Lavi: *Screaming bloody murder*
Lenalee: Um….. Should we do something?
NoName-chan: MOVING ON!
Lenalee: *Sigh* That's what I thought…
NoName-chan: Anyways, next dare! *Dips hand into the Dares basket* ASDFGHJKL PAPERCUTS AAAHHAGGAGAHAGHAHGAH! Okay, got it! *Pulls out a slip of paper*Alright, this one's for Tyki. It reads:
"Hey Tyki,
I dare you to become an Akuma.
~Ben-kun"
Allen, Tyki, Lenalee: *Stare at Ben*
NoName-chan: *Hits Ben over the head with the shovel* THAT'S NOT EVEN POSSIBLE!
Tyki: It isn't?
NoName-chan: Well, maybe it is, but we can't have Tyki as an Akuma, so let's try a different dare! *Dips hand into basket of dares AGAIN* OMGWHATTHEFUCKERMEHGERDPAPERCUTSOW! Okay! *Pulls out slip of paper* As you know, this one's also for Tyki. It reads:
"Hey, Tyki.
I dare you to spend some time with Bookman.
~Ben-kun"
Tyki: *Stares at Ben* DUDE.
NoName-chan: *Hits Ben over the head with the shovel* HOW MANY DARES DID YOU SUBMIT?!
Ben-kun: OW! DX
NoName-chan: *Angry sigh* Okay, well, you heard him, Tyki. Go find Bookman and spend some time with him.
Tyki: Okay. *Leaves room*
NoName-chan: *Looks around* Wow, where IS everybody?
Ben-kun: Well, Kanda's still off somewhere doing his dare, Road's with him, Lavi's still facing the wrath of Komui-
*Loud screams come from the next room over*
Ben-kun: -and Tyki just left to do his dare.
NoName-chan: *Hits Ben over the head with the shovel* IT WAS A RHETORICAL QUESTION, YOU DIPSHIT!
Ben-kun: OWWWW! DX
Road: *Bursts into the room* WE'RE BACK~!
NoName-chan: YAY~! *Glomps Road* THANK GOD YOU'RE BACK ROAD THESE PEOPLE ARE TOTAL DIPSHITS OH ROAD PLEASE SAVE ME!
Ben-kun, Allen, Lenalee: HEY!
Road: Ah…. Okay. Well, I finished playing with Pretty-boy~! Take a look!
Kanda: *Walks into the room. Is dressed in a frilly pink Lolita dress, black Mary Janes, and white gloves with his hair done in two curly pigtails. Is pale as a ghost*
Allen: *Laughs ass off*
Lenalee: OH MY GOD, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?! O.O
Kanda: No words….. could truly express….. the horrors….. I just witnessed…
Road: Oh, come on, we just played Dolls. I was the person, and he was the Doll.
Lenalee: *Shudders* I have bad memories about this kind of thing….
NoName-chan: Ok, next dare! *Dips hand into the Dares basket* OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWWPAPERCUTPAPERCUTPAPERCUT! Okay, I got it! *Pulls out a slip of paper* This one's for Road~ It reads:
"Road,
I dare you to say "I love you" to Allen.
~Ben-kun"
Allen, Lenalee, Kanda: ….
NoName-chan: *Hits Ben over the head with the shovel* BEN-KUN!
Ben-kun: OOOOOWWWW WHAAAAAT? DX
NoName-chan: First of all, HOW MANY FUCKING DARES DID YOU SUBMIT?! Second of all, THAT'S HARDLY EVEN A DARE FOR ROAD!
Road: *Smirks* Whatever, I'll do it. Allen, I LOVE YOU~! *Kisses Allen*
Allen: MMMMPH!
Road: *Pulls back*
Allen: THAT WASN'T PART OF THE DARE!
Road: Oh, I know. *Grins*
NoName-chan: O-kay then…..
Tyki: *Bursts into the room, screaming* AAAAHHHHH! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! HE'S SO BORING, I JUST… I CAN'T…..
Allen: O.O Oh my god…..
Road: What was his dare? O.o
NoName-chan: To spend time with Bookman.
Road: Well, how long has it been?
NoName-chan: *Looks at watch* 2 minutes.
Lenalee: Wow.
NoName-chan: Anyways, take a seat, we still have one more dare!
Allen, Lenalee, Kanda, Road, Tyki: *Sit on the blue couch*
Ben-kun: *Sits on the red couch*
NoName-chan: *Was too lazy to ever even get up in the first place* Alright, here we go! *Dips hand into the basket of dares* CIOWNEOCMHTSO4MRUJ4RG9C0C48U38U5CHM3XM43?/1 PAPERCUTS ERMEHGERD! 'Kay, got it! *Pulls out slip of paper* This one, as you've probably all guessed, is for Lenalee~ It reads:
"Dear Lenalee,
I dare you to go on a date with Road.
~Ben-kun"
Lenalee and Road: *Gape in shock*
NoName-chan: *Hits Ben-kun over the head with the shovel* DID YOU SUBMIT EVERY DARE EXCEPT ONE TODAY?!
Ben-kun: OOOOWWWW! YES, BUT I DIDN'T MEAN TO! DX
NoName-chan: AND WHAT ABOUT THIS DARE?! THIS IS DGM, AND YOU BROUGHT YURI INTO IT?!
Ben-kun: HEY, I AM A RARE DGM FANBOY, LET ME DREAM! DX
NoName-chan: *Angry sigh* Whatever. Well, Lenalee, Road, you guys have a date tonight!
Komui: *Bursts into the room* WHO'S DATING MY LENALEE?!
Road: Yo~
Komui: *Gapes in shock* M-MY BABY SISTER I-IS-?!
NoName-chan: *Magically appears behind Komui and knocks him out with the shovel* NO, SHE'S NOT! IT'S A DARE!
Lenalee: o.o W-was knocking him out really necessary?...
NoName-chan: *Ties up Komui* Yes, because we need Lavi back in order to move onto the questions round. I'll be right back~ *Leaves the room*
Kanda: Wait….. she's gone? MUAHAHAHAHA! *Pulls out Mugen*
NoName-chan: *Magically appears behind Kanda with unconscious Lavi over my shoulder* LIKE HELL I AM! *Hits Kanda over the head with the shovel*
Kanda: ASDFGHJKLASKJFHR4IDXM303RJX2FI3OX4RJX,?/! *Puts Mugen away*
NoName-chan: Now~! *Puts Lavi's unconscious body on the blue couch* Where were we?
Ben-kun: The questions round?
NoName-chan: *Hits Ben-kun over the head with the shovel* IT WAS A RHETORICAL QUESTION!
Allen: …Aren't they supposed to be friends…?
NoName-chan: *Hits Allen over the head with the shovel* SHUT UP! Now, onto the questions~ Let's start with Allen. *Slip of paper from the questions basket magically appears in my hand*
Tyki: WHOA WHOA WHOA, WAIT, IF YOU COULD DO THAT, THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU DO IT EARLIER?!
NoName-chan: Because…. *Hits Tyki over the head with the shovel* SHUT UP! Anyways, the question reads:
"Hey, Allen! ^^
Do you think you can win me some money? I need to go shopping.
~WinterPrentice"
Allen: Well, the answer to that, WinterPrentice, is yes. Yes I can.
NoName-chan: Okay, now go~
Allen: Wait, WHAT?! I thought this was the Questions round, not the Dares round!
NoName-chan: It is. But WinterPrentice was kind enough to help me by submitting a question in the first place. NOW GO!
Allen: *Grumbles* Fine… *Walks out of the room*
NoName-chan: Alright, next one's for Kanda~! *Slip of paper magically appears in my hand* It reads:
"Hey, Blue-Haired Guy.
Why do you always do the thing?
~Jen-chan"
Tyki: Wait, what?
NoName-chan: I don't even know….
Kanda: Wait, who the hell is Jen-chan?
NoName-chan: Jen-chan's another one of my besties. I asked her to think up at least one question to help me. Though, she doesn't actually watch or read DGM, so I think that may have been a mistake….
Tyki: You THINK?!
NoName-chan: Moving on. So, Kanda, why DO YOU always do the thing?
Kanda: I always do the thing because the thing is what I want to do.
Lenalee: Huh? O.O
NoName-chan: Moving on~ Okay, next one's for Lavi!
Lavi: *Still unconscious*
NoName-chan: ….Okay, we'll come back to that one. Next one's for Tyki~!
Tyki: Fuck you.
NoName-chan: Gladly~ Anyways, *Slip of paper appears in my hand* It reads:
"Oi, Tyki,
Why do you always come across as a rapist and/or pedophile in my mind whenever I try to ship you with someone?
~NoName-chan"
Tyki, Ben-kun, Kanda, Lenalee, Road: *Stare at me*
NoName-chan: …
Tyki, Ben-kun, Kanda, Lenalee, Road: IT'S FROM YOU?!
NoName-chan: …Well, I have questions, too…..
Tyki: *Sigh* Well, to answer your question, I have absolutely no clue why you see me as a rapist and/or pedophile.
Road: *Cough*Maybeit'sbecauseheisone *Cough*
Tyki: I HEARD THAT.
Road: Do I look like I care?
NoName-chan: Moving on! The next one's for Road~ It reads:
"ROAD-CHAAAAAN~!
Wanna go out and kill innocent people with me later?
~NoName-chan"
Kanda: I knew who wrote that one from the second she started reading…
NoName-chan: ANYWAYS, Road?
Road: Sure~! We can go after my date with Lenalee.
Komui: *Suddenly shoots awake and starts thrashing in his ropes.*
NoName-chan: It's a good thing I gagged him…
Lenalee: ….
NoName-chan: Anyways, next question~! This one, of course, is for Lenalee! It reads:
"Lenalee,
What kind of dye do you use on your hair? I mean Kanda is fine the way he is, and Lavi? Self-explanatory. But Green? And with so much sheen? You have a secret.
~WinterPrentice"
Lenalee: Well, to answer your question, WinterPrentice, I don't use any dye on my hair.
Road: Really? Then what's your secret?
Lenalee: My brother is a crazy scientist who creates giant robots and crazy chemicals for a living. Enough said.
Road: Oh… Yeah, that makes sense.
Komui: *Still squirming in his ropes on the floor*
NoName-chan: Anyways, we need to wake Lavi up~!
Ben-kun: Well, how do you propose we do that?
Lenalee: Maybe we can get an alarm clock, or we can try talking to him, or-
NoName-chan: LOOK OUT BELOW! *Throws an armful of water balloons at Lavi*
Lavi: *Shoots awake* AH! WHAT THE HELL?!
NoName-chan: We need you to answer your question.
Lavi: Um, okay…
NoName-chan: *Slip of paper magically appears in my hand* Alright, it reads:
"Hey Lavi,
Once in your life….. have you ever said, "IT'S HAMMER TIME!" to your enemies? X3
~Ben-kun"
Tyki: Wha? That's stupid. Of course he's never-
Lavi: Actually, yes, I have. The akuma was SO confused, it was hilarious! XD
Lenalee: Oh yeah, I remember that! I was laughing for hours!
Lavi: *Smirks* Yup. 'Twas a fun day~!
Ben-kun: I FUCKING KNEW IT~! XD
NoName-chan and Road: *Laughing asses off*
Allen: *Walks back into the room, hauling a huge bag of money* Okay, I'm back!
NoName-chan: Good! *Takes bag of money from Allen and throws it to an audience member* Here you go, WinterPrentice~!
WinterPrentice: *Was that audience member. Now holding money bag* WOO HOO~! TIME TO GO SHOPPING~! *Leaves the room*
NoName-chan: Alright, now for The Wheel of Torture~! Allen, since you missed most of the Questions Round, you're going first~! SPIN THE WHEEL! *Points to a colorful Wheel of Fortune-style wheel that's suddenly on the table between the two couches. Each section of the wheel has a folded up piece of paper tied to it*
Allen: *Sighs* Let's just get this over with….. *Spins the wheel*
Wheel: *Spins for about 10 seconds until it lands on one of the sections*
NoName-chan: *Picks up the folded piece of paper for that section and unfolds it* Alright, your torture is:
"Spend time with General Cross."
Allen: *Gapes*
Road: *Laughs ass off* Wow, that one was just too perfect! Who wrote that?
NoName-chan: *Smirks* I did.
Allen: *Soul leaves his body*
NoName-chan: Alright, Allen, Go~
Allen: *Doesn't move*
NoName-chan: I said GO! *Picks up Allen and throws him out the window, where he "coincidentally: lands next to General Cross*
Cross: Eh? Oh, it's you Idiot Apprentice. Come, I need some money. *Drags Allen away*
Allen: *Screaming* NOOOOOOOO!
NoName-chan: Alright, who's next~?
*Silence*
NoName-chan: How about Kanda?
Kanda: Che. Fine. *Spins the wheel*
NoName-chan: *Picks up the paper from the section the wheel landed on and unfolds it* Alright, Kanda, your torture is:
"Take Kanda's rose away."
Road, Tyki, Lavi, Lenalee: …
NoName-chan: ROSE?!
Kanda: WHO THE FUCK WROTE THAT?!
Ben-kun: I did ^^
NoName-chan: *Hits Ben over the head with the shovel* IT'S A FUCKING LOTUS, YOU LITTLE SHIT! And, NO, we're not taking it away! SPIN THE WHEEL AGAIN, KANDA!
Kanda: Che. *Spins the wheel again*
NoName-chan: *Unfolds the paper* Okay, the torture is:
"Make Kanda hang around with that one finder that pisses him off."
Kanda: ….Which one?
NoName-chan: I have no clue. I guess that muscular guy from Episode 2(ish)?
Ben-kun: Yeah, that guy~! ^^
NoName-chan: …You wrote this torture, too, didn't you?
Ben-kun: Yup ^u^
NoName-chan: *Sighs* Whatever. *Throws a shouting Kanda and that one Finder into an empty room together along with a camera to record Kanda's suffering and locks the door* Alright, next torture: Tyki?
Tyki: Might as well…. *Spins the wheel*
NoName-chan: *Unfolds the paper* Alright, Tyki, your torture is….. *Laughs ass off*
"Chain up Tyki in a dark basement by himself with a shovel that plays a nonstop recording of the Millennium Earl's chatter."
Tyki: *Gapes*
Road: *Laughs ass off*
Lavi: Who wrote that? O.o
NoName-chan: WinterPrentice. Anyways, here we go! *Puts Tyki in the position that the Torture specified, along with a camera to record his suffering.* Alright, we'll check back on both Tyki and Kanda in about 10 minutes. NEXT! Lenalee?
Lenalee: *Shrugs and spins the wheel*
NoName-chan: *Unfolds paper* Alright, your torture is:
"Let Komui give you a death hug"
Lenalee: *Pales* Oh no…..
Lavi: Who wrote THAT?!
NoName-chan: I did. Now, RELEASE THE BEAST~!
Road: *Unties Komui*
Komui: *Glomps Lenalee* OHMYDEARBABYSISTERDON'TDATETHATOCTOPUSLAVIORTHATLI TTLESLUTROADPLEASESTAYWITHME~!
Road and Lavi: HEY!
NoName-chan: Okay, that's enough. *Pries Komui off of Lenalee and reties him*
Lenalee: *Gasps for air*
NoName-chan: This show is taking too long, so NEXT! Road~!
Road: *Smirks* Bring it on. *Spins the wheel*
NoName-chan: *Unfolds paper* Alright, your torture is:
"You can't glomp Allen for the rest of the Episode-Chapter-Thingy."
Road: WHAT?! NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
NoName-chan: I'M SO SORRY, ROAD, I DIDN'T THINK YOU'D ACTUALLY GET THAT ONE WHEN I WROTE IT~! DX
Lavi: You wrote that? O.o
NoName-chan: Yes.
*Elsewhere*
Allen: Huh….. For some reason, I have the sudden urge to hug NoName-chan….
Cross: GET BACK TO WORK, IDIOT APPRENTICE!
Allen: *YELP*
*Back at the show*
NoName-chan: Anyways, now for Lavi~!
Lavi: *Sighs and spins the wheel*
NoName-chan: *Unfolds paper* Okay, Lavi, your torture is….. *Eyes widen*
Lavi: What?
NoName-chan:
"Let me slowly cut Lavi while he begs for mercy :3"
Lavi: *Pales* Who wrote THAT?! O.O
Ben-kun: *Grins* I did. Now, come on~ *Drags Lavi away*
Lavi: *Screams*
Lenalee: S-Somebody's going to stop him, right?
NoName-chan and Road: *Hold up knives and grin* HEY, WAIT FOR US~! *Follow Ben*
Lenalee: Poor Lavi…..
Random Camera Guy: Um….. Should we break for commercial?
Lenalee: YES. YES WE SHOULD.
*~COMMERCIAL SEQUENCE BEGIN~*
"RABBIT KILLER~!" *Kanda orders*
"KANDA REPELLENT~!" *Allen orders*
"ALLEN/KANDA/LAVI/TYKI BAIT~!" *99.9% of the fangirl population orders*
"SHOVELS~!" *NoName-chan orders*
*~COMMERCIAL SEQUENCE END~*
*We return to the stage, where Ben-kun and I are sitting on the red couch, triumphantly grinning. Allen, Kanda, and Tyki are still gone while Road, Lenalee, and Lavi are sitting on the blue couch. Road is grinning, Lenalee is calm, and Lavi is crying and wrapped head-to-toe in bandages with a look of pure horror on his face*
NoName-chan: AND WE'RE BACK~ Now, should we move onto the Hostess' choice round or the Random round?
Lavi: NEITHER!
Road: BOTH!
Lenalee: U-Um... Shouldn't we check on Tyki, Kanda, and Allen?
NoName-chan: Oh yeah~! *Looks at the monitor for the Kanda Torture Room*
*Kanda is meditating on the floor, and the finder is….. well….. "not alive anymore."*
Lenalee and Lavi: *Gape*
Road: *Laughing*
NoName-chan: Huh… Maybe we should have taken Mugen away from Kanda before we started that torture…..
Ben-kun: That would have been smart…..
NoName-chan: *Sighs* Well, now we need someone to go fetch Kanda and clean up the body. Any volunteers?
*Crickets*
NoName-chan: Hm….. *Lightbulb* I've got an idea~! Alright, everyone, this is going to take very careful planning….
*5 minutes later*
NoName-chan: Alright, everybody ready? Good. On the count of 3! 1…. 2…. 3…. RELEASE THE BEAST~!
Road: *Unties Komui*
NoName-chan: HEY, KOMUI, LENALEE IS GIVING FREE HUGS TO THE FIRST PERSON WHO FETCHES KANDA AND CLEANS UP THE DEAD BODY IN THE KANDA TORTURE ROOM!
Komui: WHAT?! *Sprints to the Kanda Torture Room* THOSE HUGS WILL BE MINE! *Throws the dead finder out the window and throws Kanda over his shoulder*
Kanda: WHAT THE HEL-
Komui: FOR LENALEE~! *Sprints back to the stage and dumps Kanda on the couch* LENALEE~! *Lunges for Lenalee*
NoName-chan: *Hits Komui over the head with the shovel mid-lunge*
Komui: *Falls to the floor, unconscious*
Lenalee: *Sighs in relief* That was a close one!
NoName-chan: Yeah! But don't worry, he'll be out for a couple hours at least.
Road: *Grins* Hey, I think I saw him move!
Lenalee: What? No he didn-
NoName-chan: WHAT?! HE'S AWAKE?! DIE! *Repeatedly whacks Komui with the shovel*
Lenalee: *Glares at Road* You're evil, you know that?
Road: *Grins* Of course I do. But, hey, you have to admit: watching NoName-chan beat the shit out of Komui with a shovel is pretty hilarious.
Lenalee: *Grins* Yeah, I guess you're right.
NoName-chan: *Finally stops beating Komui with the shovel* Okay, he's out~! ^^ Now, let's check on Tyki. *Looks at the monitor for the Tyki Torture Room*
*Tyki is screaming and crying while pulling harshly on his chains. The shovel is STILL playing the recording of the Earl's chatter*
Road: *Laughs* THIS IS AWESOME.
NoName-chan: I know, right? XD Alas, we need to move on to the next round, so somebody needs to go get him. Any volunteers?
*Crickets*
NoName-chan: *Sighs* Okay, then, let's do Eenie Meenie Minie Moe. *Starts pointing from person to person* Eenie Meenie Minie You. *Points at Ben*
Ben-kun: What? Why me? DX
NoName-chan: *Hits Ben over the head with the shovel* BECAUSE I FUCKING SAID SO, NOW GO!
Ben-kun: OWWWW FINE DX *Goes to the Tyki Torture Room and unchains Tyki*
Tyki: *Immediately sprints out of the room and to the stage and starts kissing my shoes*
NoName-chan: What….. the fuck…..
Road: Oh, I know what's going on.
NoName-chan: Mind sharing?
Road: Sure. Well, while you guys were plotting to trick Komui into cleaning up corpses, I was watching the Tyki Torture Room monitor, and at one point, I heard him scream, "OH DEAR GOD, MAKE IT STOP! PLEASE, I'LL DO ANYTHING! HELL, IF I GET OUT OF HERE, I'LL EVEN KISS NONAME-CHAN'S SHOES!"
NoName-chan: *Laughs* It was that bad, huh?
Tyki: *Nods his head grimly*
Ben-kun: *Walks onto the stage to see Tyki kissing my shoes* What….. the fuck…..
NoName-chan: Yeah, I know. That was my reaction at first, too.
Ben-kun: Mind explaining what's going on here? DX
NoName-chan: Road ignored our Komui corpse-cleaning plots, Tyki got desperate, he promised to kiss my shoes.
Ben-kun: Wha? o.o
NoName-chan: *Hits Ben over the head with the shovel* NO REFUNDS!
Ben-kun: OW! DX
Kanda: THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENS-
NoName-chan: *Hits Kanda over the head with the shovel* SHUT UP! Anyways, I'll tell Cross to bring Allen back. *Takes out cellphone and dials number*
*Ringing*
"What the hell do you want?"
NoName-chan: Hey, Cross! Allen's torture is over, so you can bring him back now.
"Torture? What are you talking about?"
NoName-chan: You know? Allen's torture? For D Gray-Show? The reason that you've been tormenting Allen for the past 20 minutes?
"That was for a show?"
NoName-chan: ….Just bring him back.
"But-"
NoName-chan: BYE~! *Hangs up phone*
Lenalee: So, when's he gonna be back?
NoName-chan: I'd expect in 3…. 2…. 1….
Allen: *Comes flying in through to window, crashing into the wall on the other side of the room*
NoName-chan: *Yelling out the window* THANKS, CROSS!
Cross: *Yelling from the ground several floors below* YOU OWE ME A BOTTLE OF WINE!
NoName-chan: UH, YEAH, SURE, WHATEVER, BYE~!
Cross: *Walks away grumbling*
Road: ALLEN~! *Tries to flying glomp him*
NoName-chan: *Catches Road mid-fly* Sorry, Road, you can't glomp Allen for the rest of the Episode-Chapter-Thingy, remember?
Road: *Pouts* Oh yeah…...
Allen: *Moans of pain* Wait, what?
NoName-chan: Road's torture was that she isn't allowed to glomp you for the rest of the Episode-Chapter-Thingy.
Allen: WHO WROTE THAT?
NoName-chan: I did.
Allen: *Starts kissing the shoe that Tyki isn't kissing* OH, THANK YOU, GREAT AND POWERFUL ONE~!
NoName-chan: *Kicks Allen in the face* OH MY GOD EW GROSS ALLEN SPIT!
Lavi: Wait, how come you don't have a problem with Tyki kissing your shoes?
NoName-chan: Because Tyki spit is way better than Allen spit! Allen spit is gross, but Tyki spit is awesome!
Lavi: …..I'm just going to pretend that I never heard that…..
NoName-chan: You do that. Anyways, Tyki, you can stop kissing my shoes now.
Tyki: *Stops* OH THANK GOD.
NoName-chan: Alright, after very little thought and consideration, I've decided to go ahead and do the random round~! So, take your seats, everyone, and I'll bring out the box of RANDOMNESS~!
Allen and Tyki: *Sit down on the blue couch*
NoName-chan: *A colorful box filled with popsicle sticks magically appears in my hands* Alright, let's start with Allen~! *Picks up a popsicle stick from the box and reads the writing on it* Alright, Allen, today's randomness for you is… ANOTHER QUESTION~! It reads:
"Hey, Allen.
Why do you hate the nickname "beansprout?"
~myangelicladyofdarkness"
Kanda: OKAY, HOLD ON! Who's "myangelicladyofdarkness?"
NoName-chan: She's another person that I asked for help with this~
Kanda: More like "begged"…..
NoName-chan: *Hits Kanda over the head with the shovel* SHUT UP! Anyways, Allen?
Allen: Well, I hate being called a beansprout because I'm NOT one! Seriously, I'm not THAT short!
Kanda: Che. Yes you are.
NoName-chan: *Hits Kanda over the head with the shovel* HE'S TALLER THAN ME, SO SHUT IT!
Kanda: That's because you're short, too.
NoName-chan: I AM NOT! I'M ACTUALLY VERY TALL FOR MY AGE!
Lavi: Wha? O.o
Allen: How old ARE you? O.o
NoName-chan: 13.
Allen, Kanda, Lavi, Lenalee, Tyki: *Spit out coffee that I'm just now telling you is there* WHAT?!
NoName-chan: Well, YEAH. How old did you think I was?
Lavi: I was guessing around 15 O.O
Lenalee: Same here O.O
NoName-chan: Ha. Dumb bitches.
Tyki: Well, you look like a short(ish) 15-year-old, and you have a very….. "mature" attitude.
NoName-chan: Once again, I'M JUST TALL FOR MY AGE. And the fact that I'm a sadistic perverted bitch doesn't mean that I'm not 13.
Road: Yeah. Though, she even surprises me sometimes. I mean, she's the youngest one here, and yet she still somehow manages to control you all.
Allen, Kanda, Lavi, Tyki: THAT'S BECAUSE OF HER SHOVEL!
Lenalee: Wait a minute, hold up. Let's go ahead and establish you guys' ages now so that we're not confused later. You guys all already know our ages, and we just found out that NoName-chan is 13. So, how old are you, Ben-kun?
Ben-kun: 18.
Allen, Kanda, Lavi, Lenalee, Tyki: *Spit out randomly appearing coffee again* WHAT?!
NoName-chan: Duh -.-
Allen: HE LOOKS LIKE HE'S IN HIS TWENTIES!
NoName-chan: CAN WE JUST GET ON WITH THE RANDOM ROUND ALREADY?! Alright, Kanda's next~!
Kanda: Che.
NoName-chan: *Attempts to select popsicle stick, but ends up pulling up two that are stuck together*
Kanda: ….
Lenalee: So how do we handle this?...
NoName-chan: Easy. Kanda will have to do both.
Kanda: WHAT?!
NoName-chan: *Hits Kanda over the head with the shovel* NO OBJECTIONS! Alright, the first one's a question. It reads:
"Hey, Kanda.
Why do you keep your hair so long?
~myangelicladyofdarkness"
Kanda: Because of Alma….
*Sad silence…..*
NoName-chan: Um, okay~! Moving on~! The other one's a request from one of our lovely viewers~! It reads:
"Hi, Kanda! ^^
Will you come ravish me?
~WinterPrentice"
Kanda: WHAT, ARE YOU CRAZY?! OF COURSE NO-
NoName-chan: He'll be right over~
Kanda: WHAT?!
NoName-chan: WINTERPRENTICE WAS KIND ENOUGH TO HELP ME IN MY HOUR OF NEED, SO IF SHE WANTS A GOOD KANDA-RAVISHING, SHE'LL GET ONE. NOW, GO!
Kanda: *Storms off of the stage, grabs WinterPrentice (who has now returned from shopping) from the audience, and carries her out of the room, muttering evil things under his breath*
NoName-chan: Have fun~! Okay, while Kanda's ravishing the viewer, let's move on to our next Randomness victim~!
Tyki: …..Am I the only one who's concerned about the fact that Kanda's still wearing the dress that Road put him in earlier?
Allen: At this point, the rest of us have just given up and accepted it, so yes.
NoName-chan: Alright, Lavi's turn~! *Selects a random popsicle stick* This one's a dare~! It reads:
"Lavi,
I dare you to tell Komui that you're dating Lenalee.
~myangelicladyofdarkness"
Lavi: Didn't I already do something like that today?
NoName-chan: Yes, but I refuse to disappoint a viewer! TIE HIM UP!
Lenalee and Road: *Tie up and gag the unconscious and heavily beaten Komui*
NoName-chan: Alright, Lavi! Your cue!
Lavi: *Sighs* Komui, I'm dating Lenalee.
Komui: *Snaps awake and starts thrashing and screaming in his restraints*
Allen: NoName-chan, I thought you said that he would be out for hours. O.o
NoName-chan: Allen, with the beating I gave him, he should've been out for DAYS. O.O
Allen: O.O
Lavi: *Hiding behind Lenalee* WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE KNOCK HIM OUT AGAIN?!
NoName-chan: My pleasure. *Knocks Komui out with the shovel* Now, Moving on. Tyki's turn~! *Selects a random popsicle stick* Well, Tyki, it looks like you get: ANOTHER TORTURE~!
Tyki: *Pales* o_o
NoName-chan: Alright, it reads:
"Let me hit Tyki repeatedly with a shovel, then stab him a few times with a rusty knife."
Allen, Lavi, Lenalee, Tyki: *Gape*
Tyki: WHO WROTE THAT?!
NoName-chan: myangelicladyofdarkness. Speaking of which, in order to complete this torture, we need her to come on up here~!
myangelicladyofdarkness: *Walks onto the stage*
NoName-chan: *Grins.* Here, you can even use my trusty shovel. *Hands myangelicladyofdarkness my trusty shovel as well as a rusty knife* Have at it~!
Lenalee: OH MY GOD COMMERCIAL BREAK COMMERCIAL BREAK COMMERCIAL BREAK!
Random Camera Guy: OH MY GOD I GET IT I GET IT I GET IT! Geez, lady…..
*~COMMERCIAL SEQUENCE BEGIN~*
"POINTY CANDLES~!" *Road orders*
"CIGARETTES~!" *Tyki orders*
"BIG BROTHER REPELLENT~!" *Lenalee orders*
"HAMMERS~!" *Lavi orders*
"MORE SHOVELS~!" *NoName-chan orders*
*~COMMERCIAL SEQUENCE END~*
*We return to NoName-chan and Ben-kun talking casually on the red couch. Allen, Lavi, and Lenalee are on the blue couch, staring in horror at Tyki, who is unconscious on the floor, bleeding heavily, while myangelicladyofdarkness walks away, smirking. Road is just laughing her ass off about all of this, and Kanda is still nowhere to be found….*
NoName-chan: *Cleaning Tyki's blood from my shovel* Alright, we're back~! Now, Lenalee, would you mind bandaging up Tyki? I don't want to have to clean his blood off of everything later.
Lenalee: Sure, no problem. *Starts bandaging up Tyki*
NoName-chan: Okay, while she does that, why don't we let Road have her turn for the randomness round? *Picks up a random popsicle stick* Alright, Road, your randomness is….. Viewer Words~!
Road: Huh? What's that?
NoName-chan: Well, two of our fabulous viewers each have something to say to you. It reads:
"Road:
Back off of Allen because he's making me money, and his adorable face is mine! And nobody wants to play with you!
~WinterPrentice
You are my favorite Noah. You are sadistic and childish.
~myangelicladyofdarkness"
Road: Alright. WinterPrentice, HE'S MINE, BITCH! You can have the money, though. And I don't really give a shit if people want to play with me; I play with them anyways. *Grins* And, myangelicladyofdarkness, glad to be of service~ *Bows*
NoName-chan: Okay~! Lenalee, you done bandaging up Tyki?
Lenalee: *Lifts a heavily bandaged Tyki onto the couch* Yup!
NoName-chan: Then it's your turn~! *Selects a random popsicle stick* Alright, Lenalee, your Randomness is: another question~! It reads:
"Hey, Lenalee.
Are you worried that you will never have a date because of Komui?
~myangelicladyofdarkness"
Lenalee: *Looks at Road* Well, I kind of already have one, so no…
Ben-kun: YAY FOR YURI~!
NoName-chan: *Hits Ben over the head with the shovel* SHUT IT!
Kanda and WinterPrentice: *Burst into the room*
WinterPrentice: *Blushing madly and smirking. Walks back to her seat in the audience*
Kanda: *Now wearing man clothes again. Walks onto the stage and sits on the blue couch*
NoName-chan: Good, Kanda's back! Now we can move on to the final round: HOSTESS' CHOICE~!
Allen, Kanda, Lavi: *Gape in horror*
Lenalee: *Shrugs* Nothing too bad has happened to me yet…
Road: I'm ready for anything~
Tyki: *Still unconscious*
NoName-chan: Okay~! I'll start with Allen: GO GET ME A SANDWICH!
Allen: ….That's it?
NoName-chan: Hey, I'm hungry. Don't judge.
Allen: *Sighs* Whatever…. *Leaves room to go get me a sandwich*
NoName-chan: Alright~! How about Lavi next? Lavi….. hm… How about you do me a fanservice-y favor and go kiss Tyki awake?
Lavi: *Gapes* WHAT?!
NoName-chan: You heard me. Now DO IT OR FACE MY SHOVEL!
Lavi: *YELP. Leans over Tyki's unconscious body and sighs* Here goes nothing… *Kisses Tyki and pulls back quickly*
Tyki: *Eyelids flutter open very princess-like. Sees Lavi and smiles* OH, MY PRINCE~! *Pulls Lavi down into a long deep kiss*
Lavi: MMMMMMMPH?!
NoName-chan: *Grinning with a nosebleed* You're getting all of this, right, Lenalee?
Lenalee: *Has a nosebleed as well. Grins and holds up her video camera* Yup.
Road: Huh….. So Tyki's gay after all…..
Kanda: Apparently…
Allen: *Bursts into the room* Hey, NoName-chan, what kind of- *Sees Lavi and Tyki* WHAT HAPPENED.
Road: NoName-chan's choice for Lavi was for him to kiss Tyki awake, Tyki pulled Lavi in for another kiss afterwords, and middle, middle, middle, now they're making out.
Allen: Huh….. So Tyki's gay after all…..
Road: THAT'S WHAT I SAID.
NoName-chan: *Rolls eyes* Whatever. Now, what do you want? Can't you see that you're interrupting a perfectly good yaoi make out session?
Allen: I came back to ask what kind of sandwich you want, NoName-chan.
NoName-chan: Peanut butter and jelly, whole wheat bread, creamy peanut butter, apricot jelly. Any more questions? No? Good. NOW GO MAKE ME MY SANDWICH.
Allen: *Rolls eyes and leaves*
Tyki: *Finally releases Lavi, grinning*
Lavi: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THA-
NoName-chan: MOVING ON~! How about….. Lenalee~! All I want is for you to send me a copy of the videos you've taken today~ *Nosebleed*
Road: Can I get one, too?
NoName-chan: Oh, and one for Road, too?
Lenalee: *Grins* No problem.
NoName-chan: Alright, moving on~! Next, let's have….. Tyki! *Evil grin* This idea was given to me by WinterPrentice. Tyki, I want you to choose a shovel: *Holds up a shovel covered in spikes* this shovel with a decent amount of spikes on it, *Holds up the shovel with the recording of the Millennium Earl's chatter on it* this shovel with a nonstop recording of the Millennium Earl's chatter on it, or *holds up my trusty shovel* the shovel that I've been beating you guys with all day?
Tyki: Um… I guess the first one since it has yet to cause me any trauma?
NoName-chan: *Grins* Excellent choice. Now, for the second part of my request: *starts beating Tyki with the spiked shovel*
Tyki: *Screaming* I SHOULD'VE CHOSEN THE EARL SHOVEL, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, I SHOULD'VE CHOSEN THE EARL SHOVEL!
Lenalee: *Pales* I can't watch….. COMMERCIAL BREAK!
Random Camera Guy: I'M ON IT!
*~COMMERCIAL SEQUENCE BEGIN~*
"BREATH MINTS~!" *Lavi orders for Tyki*
"POISONOUS CARROTS~!" *Kanda orders for the rabbit- er, I mean, Lavi*
"NONAME-CHAN SANDWICH SUPPLIES~!" *Allen orders*
"LENALEE'S TYKIxLAVI MAKEOUT TAPE~!" *NoName-chan, Road, Lenalee, Tyki, and 99.9% of the DGM fangirl population order*
"EVEN MORE SHOVELS~!" *NoName-chan orders*
*~COMMERCIAL SEQUENCE END~*
*We return to me and Ben-kun casually talking on the red couch, Road, Kanda, Lavi, and Lenalee casually talking on the blue couch, Tyki unconscious and bleeding on the floor again, and Allen still off somewhere trying to figure out the concept of a sandwich*
NoName-chan: Alright, we're back~!
Lenalee: *Looks at the bleeding Tyki* Um…. Should we do something?
NoName-chan: Probably…. *Grins* Lavi…?
Lavi: I'M NOT KISSING HIM AGAIN, SO DON'T EVEN ASK.
NoName-chan: Oh, well I was GOING to ask if you wanted a sandwich, but I guess not…
Lavi: God Damn It.
Kanda: Che. Well, will someone get Tyki out of here? He's starting to smell.
NoName-chan: I'm on it. *Throws Tyki's unconscious body out the window* Okay, next?
Lavi, Lenalee, Kanda: O.O
Roads: My turn~!
NoName-chan: *Grins* Alright, Road. All I want from you is some flying pointy candles that I can maim and/or kill people with.
Road: *Grins* Done. *Gives me some candles*
NoName-chan: Yayz~! Now, finally, we move on to our last Hostess' Choice Contestant of the day: Kanda~!
Kanda: *Rolls eyes* Che. Just get on with it.
NoName-chan: *Grins* Oh, I've been waiting for this moment for almost the entire Episode-Chapter-Thingy. Kanda, I want you… to become a stripper.
Kanda: *Gapes*
Lavi and Ben-kun: *Laugh*
Road: *Grins*
Lenalee: *Takes out video camera*
Kanda: WHAT?!
NoName-chan: You heard me.
Kanda: THERE'S NO WAY IN HELL I'M DOING THAT.
NoName-chan: Hey, it's either that or the shovel. And even if you choose the shovel, you're still going to have to do it eventually. Your choice.
Kanda: *Growls* Che. Fine. Where and when do I start?
NoName-chan: *Grins* Here and Now.
*The table between the two couches suddenly becomes a risen platform with a stripper pole on it. Stripper music starts playing*
Kanda: *Sighs in defeat and climbs up onto the platform, where he begins his strip dance*
Every female within a 30 yard radius: *NOSEBLEED*
NoName-chan: *Starts throwing $1 bills at Kanda* COME ON, SHAKE IT~!
Allen: *Bursts into the room* Hey, NoName-chan, I got your sandwi- *Sees Kanda* JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED THIS TIME?!
NoName-chan: None of your concern. NOW WHERE'S MY SANDWICH?!
Allen: Here. *Gives me my sandwich*
NoName-chan: FINALLY! *Takes a bite and immediately spits it out* WHAT THE FUCK?! THERE'S MAYO ON THIS!
Allen: So?
NoName-chan: I ASKED FOR A PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY SANDWICH, AND YOU PUT MAYO ON IT?!
Allen: That's how I eat mine….
NoName-chan: *Hits Allen over the head with the shovel* TAKE IT BACK AND TRY AGAIN! THIS TIME A NORMAL PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY SANDWICH, PLEASE?! *Throws the Peanut butter, Jelly, and Mayo Sandwich at Allen*
Allen: *Gets hit in the face with the sandwich* AH! FINE, FINE, I'LL TRY AGAIN! *Leaves room*
NoName-chan: *Angry sigh* HOW DID HE EVEN MESS THAT ONE UP?!
Road: *Pats my shoulder gently* Shhhh it's okay. Just relax and enjoy the naked Kanda~
NoName-chan: Yeah, you're right. *Once again starts watching Kanda's strip dance*
*20 minutes later*
Allen: *Bursts into the room* I'M BACK- …..huh?
*The entire audience as well and Lenalee are unconscious from nosebleeds. Road and Lavi are laughing their asses off, and Ben and I are both throwing $1 bills at Kanda, who is still strip dancing*
NoName-chan: *Notices Allen and rolls eyes* WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN, MAN?! I'M STARVING HERE!
Allen: Making you sandwich -.- *Gives me my sandwich*
NoName-chan: *Takes a bite and immediately spits it out* WHAT THE HELL?! I SAID APRICOT JELLY! THIS IS STRAWBERRY!
Allen: *Angry sigh* Look, I didn't put mayo on it this time. That's the best you're getting, so can you suck it up?!
NoName-chan: Eh? Of course I can. I like strawberry, too. But, still. *Hits Allen over the head with the shovel*
Allen: *Gets knocked unconscious from too many head wounds*
NoName-chan: *Eats my sandwich like a badass* NOBODY talks back to NoName-chan.
Road: *Finally stops laughing and looks around* Oh, wow. Hey, NoName-chan, our entire Audience is unconscious from blood loss, so we should probably end this Episode-Chapter-Thingy.
NoName-chan: *Looks around* Wow, you're right! Alright, Kanda, you can stop dancing now.
Kanda: *Stops dancing and puts clothes back on before collecting and going through the money that was thrown at him* Wow, $600. I should strip more often…
NoName-chan: You're damn right you should. Anyways, before I end this Episode-Chapter-Thingy, I just want to give a special thanks to WinterPrentice and myangelicladyofdarkness for helping me with today's Questions, Dares, Tortures, Randomness, and other ideas, even though I literally just PMed you guys out of nowhere with "PLEASE HELP ME!" I really appreciate your help, and I'd like to present to you the gift of SHOVELS~! *Gives Winter Prentice and myangelicladyofdarkness each a shovel*
WinterPrentice: This is going to come in handy….. *evil grin* And you're welcome!
myangelicladyofdarkness: I will need this….. My other shovel might get broken on Tyki's thick skull…..
NoName-chan: *Grins* Have fun with your shovels, my Lovelies~ Anyways, I'd also like to thank my dear friends, Jen-chan and Ben-kun, for their help~! I really appreciate it, and-
Ben-kun: You're welcome, NoName-chan ^^
NoName-chan: *Hits Ben over the head with the shovel* DON'T INTERRUPT MY SPEECH, YOU LITTLE SHIT! Anyways, thank you all so much for your help in getting the first Episode-Chapter-Thingy of D Gray-Show up and running~!
Road: Can we wrap this up? I'm not trying to rush you or anything, NoName-chan, but I have a date with Lenalee tonight.
Ben-kun: *Fanboy squeal and nosebleed*
NoName-chan: *Hits Ben over the head with the shovel* NO FANBOY SQUEALING! And, yes, Road, I'm almost done. I just need to say one more thing to the unconscious audience: PLEASE HELP ME~! I can't think up this random shit on my own! DX I need help! So, if you have any suggestions, questions, dares, tortures, randomness, ideas, or anything else that I can use on the Show-Fanfiction-Thingy, please tell me via Review, PM, or even email (address is on my bio,) I don't care~! Just please help me before I die of awful Allen PB&J&M Sandwich poisoning! If you do, I'll love you forever, and I'll give you a free shovel!
Road: Anything else?
NoName-chan: Yeah, just one last thing-
Lavi: THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID LAST TIME!
NoName-chan: *Hits Lavi over the head with the shovel* ZIP IT! Anyways, I'd also like you guys to tell me whether I should let Ben-kun continue hosting with me, or if I should just kick him off of the Show-Fanfiction-Thingy.
Road: Alright, is that it?
NoName-chan: Yup.
Road: Okay. I've got a date to get to~ *Drags Lenalee's unconscious body away*
Ben-kun: *Skips after them happily with a video camera*
NoName-chan: Well, 'Til next time~!
Episode-Chapter-Thingy 1 End
…..
Extra: Lenalee and Road's Date
Road and Lenalee: *At Ruby Tuesday's*
Lenalee: *Studying the menu carefully*
Road: *Eating a biscuit*
Ben-kun: *Filming everything from a few tables away*
Lenalee: ….He DOES realize that we know he's there, right?
Road: I honestly have no idea. So, do you know what you're getting yet?
Lenalee: *Shrugs* I'll get a burger, I guess….
Road: 'Kay. HEY, WAITER!
Waitress: I'm a girl, and I'm right here. You don't need to yell.
Road: Whatever. I want chicken tenders and she wants a burger! NOW, GO!
Waitress: *Walks away*
Lenalee: …...
Road: …..So…
Lenalee: *Sighs* This is really boring.
Road: Yeah, I know. I wish NoName-chan was here….
NoName-chan: *Jumps up from under the table, flipping it* WHAT'S UP, BITCHES?
Entire restaurant: O_O …
Lenalee: …HAVE YOU BEEN THERE THE WHOLE TIME? O_O
NoName-chan: Yes. Yes I have.
Road: *Grins* YAYZ~! IT'S NONAME-CHAN~! :D
NoName-chan: *Grins* 'Sup, Road.
Some Random Waiter We Don't Care About: Hey, isn't she that chick that got banned from the restaurant for beating the manager with a shovel? What's she doing here?
Lenalee: Yeah, why ARE you here, NoName-chan?
NoName-chan: Because Road promised to go out on a killing spree with me after your date, and I got tired of waiting! Now, let's GO!
Road: *Grins* Gladly~! Bye, Lenalee~!
NoName-chan and Road: *Skip off into the sunset, arms linked, while killing random people with pointy candles and shovels*
Lenalee: Well, thank god THAT'S over. *Suddenly looks exactly like Ronald McDonald* Now I can go off to my secret life~ *Runs to McDonald's*
Ben-kun: Well, my DGM yuri dreams are crushed…*Throws camera in the trash and leaves*