In the mirror, there was very little difference she could see. Externally, at least, Regina Mills still shared the dark, mysterious features that had adorned her face since she was Queen. Softer, yes, but there all the same. The difference lay not in her slightly lower heels, nor her newly chopped hair either - but in her heart. Because try as she might to conceal her blush under slightly frosty banter, or blame her shiver on the cold rather than Emma's fleeting touches, there it was. Brooding, poisoning and, to her dismay, growing.
She was in love with Emma Swan.
Yet, this still doesn't stop Regina choking on a mouthful of croissant when her son asks her, ever so nonchalantly how long she has been in love with his birth mother for.
"Excuse me?"
Henry raises an eyebrow, "Mom, don't pretend."
She's not pretending. She's just not… thinking about it. Ever.
"It's so obvious, Mom. Literally. You two are so obvious."
Are they? Is there even a 'they'?
The brunette shakes her head (as if trying desperately to rid her mind of these persistent thoughts), and smiles softly at her teenager. Henry was growing so tall now, it was getting increasingly harder to remember a time when his head lay upon her abdomen when they hugged. His large brown eyes narrow in criticism (completely Regina) and yet within his lips hangs a slight grin (definitely Emma). And Regina tries not to melt a little.
"Henry… Emma… she's with Hook." It comes out a little (a lot) more defeated than it should and droops uncomfortably over the table. She squirms under the heaviness of it all.
Her son, however, is just smirking now and all too late, Regina realises her mistake.
She didn't deny the question.
(Because she can't).
"Look, Henry, let's just not do this right now. Or ever. You need to get on and tidy your room, like you should have done last night and I need to prepare for- "
She's interrupted with a dancing knock on the door. Not an average knock, oh no, God forbid Emma did anything average. Henry laughs out loud at the blonde's choice of song for this Sunday morning and pretends not to notice his other mother's accusatory glare.
"What?" he shrugs, "I invited her for lunch." But there's that irritating (and slightly adorable) little smirk still teasing his mouth.
"You are impossible Henry Daniel Mills," she sighs, pushing out from the table (and the slight tremor in her hand is from the coffee, definitely).
Emma is smiling awkwardly in the doorway, her hair curled at the edges from the rain and green eyes whispering of adventure. And, like every time, it makes Regina's breath hitch.
"Aren't you coming in?" she rolls her eyes, slipping back under the mask. Emma notices the small smile though and positively grins in response, shaking her blonde curls and slipping past Regina in to the hallway.
"No idea why Henry invited me but Hook's out on the Jolly Roger, mum and dad are out with Neil so I had nothing planned anyway," she pauses at Regina's slightly dented look, "and I love coming to the mansion."
The brunette stiffens. Suddenly the hall way is too hot and Emma is too Emma. "Right, well, we all know you come for the food, dear."
Emma's laugh stings, "Oh well, that too, of course."
There's an awkward pause and Regina can feel her cheeks pinkening (an annoying habit entirely inaugurated by Emma) so she turns in to the kitchen, expecting Emma to retreat to the living room and turn on the TV, like she usually does. But there is nothing usual about this Sunday and the blonde follows.
"What are we making?"
"We?" Regina quirks an eyebrow in surprise.
"Hey! I cook," Emma pouts.
"Making a grilled cheese does not count, Emma."
"The way you say my name is like I'm a naughty child," the blonde rolls her eyes, yet the characteristic Henry grin can be seen poking at her cheeks.
"That's because you are a naughty child," Regina chuckles, turning to the knife drawer. It's just as well she did turn because there's a very un-Regina like smile on her face that she is doing a very poor job of repressing.
"Oh, is that so?"
They're flirting. It's harmless.
(But it's not. It's dangerous.)
And she can't stop.
"Yes, dear. You are a complete child."
"Oh, but Regina, you're not the Mayor or the Queen anymore… there's not a lot you can do," Emma smirks, entirely unaware of Regina's proliferating heart- beat.
"I guess I'll just have to tell Hook, then."
She gauges with interest Emma's reaction, expecting an eye roll or a snide comment. And yet instead, the blonde looks momentarily disappointed, before changing the topic completely.
"Why do you not wear heels anymore?" she remarks, suddenly.
Regina straightens, determined not to unpick the mystery of Emma's green eyes. "I do wear heels."
"Not like you used to. You used to look so terrifying."
"Terrifying?"
"Yeah, I mean, they were hot but very intimidating."
Oh. If there is ever a need for regal composure, it is now. Hot. It is not a word anyone had ever called her before… The myriad suitors she had back in the enchanted forest, well, they would use words like 'magnificent' and she was known among the servants as a 'powerful seductress.' And Robin would say 'stunning' as often as he said Regina. But 'hot.' It's demeaning, completely, and hardly Shakespearean and yet, coming from Emma's mouth…
"Would you like me to start wearing them again?"
Emma's eyes widen (as do Regina's). Now it's the blonde's turn for her cheeks to shift to a red hue and Regina is reminded of the power she once had over her subjects. It's a little intoxicating.
"I… er…"
Regina watches Emma's stammer with a delightful anticipation.
"Shit, Regina, why are you looking at me like that?"
"Like what?" She asks innocently, yet her gaze remains intense and predatory.
Emma runs a hand through her blonde curls and shakes her head awkwardly, smiling lightly at her feet. And it's so beautifully raw that Regina has to look away (because she learned the hard way that there is nothing worse than watching someone you love fall in love with someone else).
Hook did not deserve Emma Swan, that much was obvious. No one deserved Emma Swan, but if someone did, she could sure as hell bet that the pirate wouldn't make the list. She'd told her once, over coffee.
To be honest, you're too good for Hook.
She must have loved her then, too because it hurt so damn much to see her hand in his. A cage. Yes, there was Robin. Lovely Robin who looked at her like she hung the stars. There was no fault, nothing he could have done any differently but, try as she did to love the man, she couldn't (because he wasn't Emma). Regina had learned to match Robin's affectionate gaze and to find excitement in his kiss. For a while, it didn't bother her that Emma went to sleep with a pirate and she a thief; after all love is weakness, Regina. And if the blonde hadn't existed at all, she would have happily spent the rest of eternity in his solid, warm hug.
But she does exist. And she's standing in her kitchen, catching upon her heart like she has done since hi on her doorstep all those years ago.
"Like you're thinking about more than what you're cooking for lunch," Emma eventually supplies, lifting her eyelids in a delicate flicker.
Tell her.
She thinks of King Leopold and his angry brush, the smile that screamed only of possession- not love. She thinks of Robin and his light caress that failed to set her on fire. And she thinks of Daniel, her everything, and how only Emma has ever been enough to make her forget him, if only for a second.
"Emma… I…"
"Oh, hold on Regina, sorry. Killian has just texted me. He's so bad at predictive text, let me call him to ask what the hell 'cheese mine London' means."
"No."
Emma looks up in confusion at Regina's sudden interjection. The brunette looks almost scared and Emma places her phone carefully on the side. "Are you okay?" she asks softly.
"I'm not sure. I'm scared," Regina whispers honestly. Emma stays silent but her green eyes are pooled with concern and Regina doesn't think she has ever loved anyone more.
"You're Henry' mother. At first, that frightened me and, I guess, I was right to be frightened because you're the most incredible mother I have met," she pauses to glance again at the blonde, "Henry loves you, immensely so, and somehow- no, I know exactly how- I've come to… love you too."
She isn't sure what she expected but Emma's reaction was nothing like it.
"I knew it! I knew you loved me," Emma grins, ignoring or oblivious to Regina's agape mouth, "And it just so happens, I love you too."
She says it as easily as ordering a hot chocolate from Granny's and Regina stills.
Emma pauses, "What? We're family. I- "
"I don't think you understand," the brunette whispers (and this is hurting more than watching Emma reduce herself to the pirate).
The blonde continues to look puzzled before suddenly gasping. "Oh."
Oh.
"But… how?"
Regina smiles softly, "Really Emma, how could I not?"
"You're in love with me?"
It is impossible to read Emma's eyes hidden by disbelief and Regina prays it is interest and not disgust. She clutches on to the kitchen sideboard, steadying herself physically as her heart shakes and screams.
"Yes. So much so. Too much so."
And it's terrifying to say it out loud. (But liberating because suddenly, breathing comes more naturally).
"I always thought it was Robin, your soulmate… and that Hook, he was my-"
"Your what? Your true love?"
(Because with freedom comes truth and Regina doesn't think she is going to be able to stop this one).
"Emma, if only you could see how brilliant you are and how Hook isn't even a fraction of your worth," Regina sighs heavily. Angrily.
"Why have you never told me before?" Emma is whispering, her green eyes glossing over with misty tears.
Regina bites her lip, "It's not something you can easily bring up amongst our bickering, Emma. I had Robin, you had the pirate. Have the pirate."
"So why now?"
She says these next words with an intensity that shakes her body, "Because it was torturing me. Seeing you with him, I- "she feels her voice shaking too and she closes her eyes, "- it just hurts too much."
There is a long aching pause, unspoken words swelling between them.
"I'm scared," Emma says at last.
Regina sighs, "I know. I'm sorry. If this will ruin our friendship, make things awkward between us… I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen, you're just…," she swallows and glances at Emma, "It doesn't help when you look at me like that."
"No," the blonde says slowly. "I'm scared because I'm in love with you too."
And just like that, everything changes. No, not just changes. Reinvents, redefines, dances wildly around her clean kitchen until her world is messy, complicated and full.
"Hook was enough for me because I thought I could never be enough for you. It frightened me too much to try so I settled. I found a comfortable happiness with Killian and somehow managed to- "
"Forget," Regina supplies.
"Forget? Oh, God no, Regina you're pretty bloody unforgettable. I guess I gave myself a reality check. You were with Robin. But when I saved you from the darkness… that was me loving you. Loving you so fucking hard."
"Emma," she says it so delicately it barely lifts off her lips.
"Then Robin died and you were so broken. I couldn't take advantage of that, especially because I assumed I'd be rejected. And Hook, he just fitted. If I couldn't be with who I loved, at least I could be with someone who loved me. It's a mess, I know. I was a coward. I spend so much time being brave for other people and I couldn't even be brave for myself."
"I would have rejected you. Even when I was drowning in it, I would have rejected you because it was too hard. Too painful. Losing Daniel ripped my heart in two, I couldn't risk the woman who had so fiercely sewn it back together destroying me completely," Regina breathes, shocked at her own honesty.
Emma blinks, and then there's that smile. That ridiculous smile that enchants Regina every time. "Say it," the blonde whispers.
"Say what?"
"Say what you couldn't say."
"Why?"
"Because I'm in love with you Regina Mills and I want to know if you are too."
Regina, characteristically, rolls her eyes, "You know I am."
"Then say it," Emma challenges.
Regina takes a step forward and finds Emma's hands. Green eyes aren't just screaming adventure anymore but hope and happiness and so much love its radiates. The brunette laughs softly, at Emma's smile, at their hands, at their timeline, at their silent kiss.
And she's laughing as she whispers, "I'm in love with you, Emma Swan."