A/N: Hi again, Grey's fans! Thanks so much to everyone who left such nice reviews on my previous—my first, actually—Grey's Anatomy fanfiction. There are a few flaws, but I'm pretty happy with how it turned out. I said before I would be doing some MerDer work, and I promise I will! But I got this idea for a Meredith- and Lexie-centered songfic, and I really wanna write it. I was randomly listening to Spotify the other day and the song "Over You" by Miranda Lambert came on. If you've never heard of it, it's a country song that was co-written by Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert (who were married at the time) about the death of Blake Shelton's brother. Miranda Lambert is the recording artist because Blake knew he wouldn't be able to perform that song over and over without getting emotional, so he asked Miranda to record it. I actually thought it was just an overly-dramatic breakup song for a while because I didn't really listen to the lyrics, but once I heard the backstory, I fell in love with the song again. The one lyric that gets me is, "It really sinks in, you know, when you see it in stone." Even if you're not a country fan, I'd recommend checking out this song. If you don't want to listen to it, the lyrics are in the story.
Also, just to clear up any potential confusion... The bolded words are the lyrics to the song, "Over You" by Miranda Lambert. Anything italicized is a flashback to a previous point in time or a memory of some sort. I know I said before that I prefer first person because it's more personal, I chose third person for this one because I liked how it sounded a bit more detached. Most of the story is more from Meredith's point of view, but the flashbacks/memories are more of an omniscient view (so I can get into all the characters' heads).
Anyways, I'll get on with the story now. This was intended to be a one-shot, but as I kept writing, I kept thinking of more ideas for flashbacks/memories, and it ended up getting way too long. So I am instead splitting up the chapters with a chunk of the song being the main idea of said chapter. It will probably only be 4-5 chapters, but we'll see how it goes. I'm trying to slowly ease into doing longer and longer stories, as I'm still working on getting comfortable portraying the Grey's characters. For now, I hope you enjoy this first chapter!
Weather man said it's gonna snow
By now I should be used to the cold
Mid-February shouldn't be so scary
It was only December
I still remember the presents, the tree,
You, and me
"By tonight, the temperature will drop significantly, and we might even see a bit of snow. Tomorrow should be warmer, with temperatures reaching the mid-40s..."
Snow.
It hadn't snowed in Seattle for a couple months now, not since Christmas time. The voice of the weather announcer faded into the background, becoming no more than white noise to the main melody of her racing mind. She had the day off of work and was, for the time being, alone in her silent, forbidding house. Derek was at the hospital and Cristina—who, despite claiming she "hated everything about kids," was surprisingly good with Zola—had agreed to watch their daughter for the day. The house—previously so alive with chatter and warmth and laughter—was eerily quiet and felt cold despite the heat from the fireplace. She thought should be used to it by now, the unsettling silence and inhospitable atmosphere. And sometimes she did seem to get used to it. But other times, she missed the constant commotion, annoying though it was at the time. Aside from it being her childhood home, that house had seen quite a strew of roommates and visitors: Izzie, George, Alex, Sadie, Callie, that Ava—er, Rebecca Pope—girl, Lexie, Jackson, and April. Some stayed for a few days, some a few months, some a few years. But in the most recent months before the crash, it had just been her, Derek, Lexie, and Zola. Just the four of them, a nice, generally happy family. There were certainly some disagreements, flaws, and occasional tensions, but for the most part, they were happy. It had been several months—almost a year, in fact—since the plane crash, but she still almost expected her sweet, energetic sister to come bouncing down the stairs and greet her with one of those big, friendly smiles. If she went into the kitchen, she could almost picture Lexie rummaging around in the fridge and cabinets, pulling ingredients out to make something far better than Meredith could ever think of making. The best she could do was eggs, and she sometimes even failed at that. The ghost of a smile tugged at her lips as she remembered the first time she tried to cook—if you can even call making an omelette "cooking"—for her sister.
"So why are you cooking again?" Derek questioned, brows furrowed in both confusion and amusement as she scrambled to clean up the egg she had dropped.
"Lexie," she replied quickly, "was having a bad night, and I thought I would do something semi-sisterly." She still wasn't entirely used to the idea of Lexie being in her life, but as Cristina had said, Lexie really had no one. Her mother was dead, her—their—father was a drunkard, and her biological sister lived across the world. That left Meredith as the only blood-related person she really had, and she was a pretty sad excuse for family if she did say so herself. It wasn't that she hated Lexie or anything, she really didn't. She was incredibly nice, in fact, and much to Meredith's initial disgust, she was very hard to dislike. Although she wasn't ready to be all buddy-buddy with her newfound younger sister, she didn't exactly want to entirely isolate her, either. Everybody needs to have someone.
Derek looked impressed. "Really?"
"Really," she confirmed, doing her best to ignore his almost-smug grin and nod of approval. She and Derek talked about the new house—well, Derek talked about the new house, Meredith merely listened—while she finished the omelettes. She put them onto plates and slid one to Derek, who looked at it with the slightest twinge of apprehension.
"Dude, what the hell is that?" Alex asked, suddenly appearing in the kitchen doorway. He scowled down at the plate in front of Derek. Lexie walked in behind him and cast the same, apprehensive and slightly-judgmental glance at what was apparently supposed to be food.
"Meredith cooked," Derek stated simply. Then, wanting to make sure Lexie understood the magnitude of this gesture—unpleasant though it was—said, "She wanted to do something nice for Lexie."
"You cooked for me?" her sister asked, head shooting up to look at Meredith. The corners of her mouth turned upward slightly, but she tried her best to hide her delight. She glanced down at the plate in front of her: An omelette. Eggs. Great. She was allergic to eggs... But she didn't dare say anything. Her sister had deliberately tried to be nice to her. That was really one of the first (and, thus far, only) indicators of Meredith not completely hating Lexie, and the latter was more excited than she should be.
"It's no big deal," Meredith insisted, a bit sheepish. "Just eggs and avocado and... whatever cheese that was in the fridge."
"Oh, I love, uh, avocados," Lexie managed, almost choking on the smell as she took another glance down at the very unappetizing plate of allergy. Man, did she ever have boundary issues. She was about to eat something she was highly allergic to just because she couldn't bring herself to tell Meredith she couldn't eat eggs. Unaware of her allergy, Derek stifled a laugh behind them and picked up his fork, cutting off a piece of the little creation and sniffing it tentatively. Lexie took a bite, chewed, and instinctively furrowed her brow. Not only was she allergic to egg, but this was a very poorly-made omelette.
"Is it okay?" Meredith asked cheerily, a rare smile on her face.
Swallowing hastily so as not to taste it any longer than she had to, she plastered on a grin and nodded enthusiastically. "Mmhm!" Meredith smiled and turned away to clean up the counter behind her. Once Meredith had turned, Lexie quickly looked at Derek and shook her head, silently warning him not to eat it. Derek studied the egg on his fork again before setting it down.
Later in the day, Lexie approached Doctor Bailey, scratching at her enflamed skin. "I think I need some epinephrine," she explained, getting more and more uncomfortable by the moment. Bailey's phone rang and she answered, but Lexie's throat was beginning to close, and she could not wait. "Epinephrine," she repeated in a desperate whisper.
"Cart's around the corner," Bailey replied hastily, turning to the nurse in the room. "Can you give her—" The nurse handed her a set of keys and Lexie gratefully took them, nearly running out the door. She hurriedly unlocked the cart and rummaged around, trying to find what she was looking for without completely destroying the contents.
"Hey, whatcha looking for?" came a familiar voice, one that belonged to George O'Malley.
"Epinephrine," she answered, not bothering to hide her slightly-crazed voice. "I need epinephrine."
"Why?" he questioned, stepping beside her. She silently turned to face him, revealing the rash all over her face.
George instinctively stepped back, face contorting in shock. "What happened to you?"
"I'm an adult child of an alcoholic is what happened to me," she rambled in a panic. "I have boundary issues, so when Meredith made me eggs this morning, I couldn't not eat them. I had to pretend I wasn't allergic to eggs, and now I have a rash covering my entire body."
"Give me your arm," he demanded.
"I'm co-dependent," she gasped, "my throat is closing up." George injected the epinephrine into her arm, and Lexie flinched. "Ow, and now my arm hurts. Thanks," she added, forcing a smile.
The younger girl had spent most of the day trying to hide from her sister, but despite her best efforts, she bumped into Meredith in passing. She had taken her hair out of her ponytail in an attempt to hide her still-aggravated skin, and she quickly ducked her head as she saw the older woman approaching, hoping—for once in her life—that Meredith would ignore her. Meredith, however, took one look at Lexie and voiced her clear surprise.
"Lexie! What happened to your fa—... Er, where did that rash come from?"
"What? Oh, I, uh, it's nothing! Nothing, just, uh, I have, er... Allergies, so, uh, I had an allergic reaction, because, you know, that's what happens when you have allergies, you react to, to the allergen." Her sister's expression was one of surprise and concern, and although Lexie was admittedly happy Meredith appeared concerned about her, she didn't particularly want to worry her. "But it wasn't bad! I mean, uh, it looks bad, I know, but it's just a rash. It goes away! And uh, I was having trouble breathing for a while, but it's okay! George helped, he helped me find epinephrine and everything is fine now. Really, it's nothing!"
"An allergic reaction to what?" she persisted, studying Lexie's nervous posture.
"I, er... Eggs," she finally admitted in defeat.
Eggs... She was allergic to eggs, and Meredith had fed her an omelette a few hours ago. "Lexie!" she exclaimed, clearly surprised. "Why didn't you tell me? I would've made you something else."
She suppressed a shudder at the thought of eating anything else Meredith "cooked." She shook her head, trying her best to offer a reassuring smile. "No, it's okay! Really, the rash goes away in a couple hours. And I, uh, they were fine, the eggs were fine, honestly. They won't kill me, at least not as long as I get some epinephrine... Which I did! So it's fine! I just... Didn't want to cause any trouble, that's all," she finished with a sheepish grin.
Meredith let out an exasperated sigh at her rambling sister. "For God's sake, Lexie, telling me you were highly allergic to what I was trying to feed you would not have been any trouble," she scowled, "I was trying to be nice, after all, not kill you."
"Right," she murmured quietly, slightly embarrassed. Had she seriously eaten something she was allergic to because she couldn't break it to her sister? That was a pretty dumb thing to do. "I appreciate it, really. The, uh, being nice thing. I appreciate the being nice thing. But you're... You're right. Sorry... I'm sorry."
Meredith shook her head, still irritated but beginning to feel guilty that she'd caused Lexie an allergic reaction when she had only been trying to be sisterly. "It's fine," she dismissed a bit angrily, "just tell me next time so I don't accidentally kill you, alright? You're lucky you work at a hospital."
"I, I will," she stammered, embarrassment now clear. "I'm sorry..."
Momentary anger subsiding, she felt a bit more guilty now, seeing her drop her head in shame. She hadn't meant to make Lexie feel bad, but she still didn't know this girl—her sister—very well, so the most she could manage was, "It's fine, just warn me if you're allergic to breakfast next time," with what she hoped was a somewhat-reassuring smile. She reciprocated with a sheepish grin before hurriedly ducking her head and scampering off down the hall.
The humorous memory played in her mind, but the slight smile eventually faded. She absentmindedly glanced around the living room where she sat, half-sitting, half-laying on the couch. Her gaze drifted from the pile of Zola's toys in the middle of the floor to the framed photos above the fireplace to the large windows that opened up to the dull, uninviting sky outside. She stood and wandered over to the fireplace, carefully examining each photo. The first was a picture of her and Derek, shortly after he'd moved into the house with her. They stood side-by-side in the living room, not far from the very place she was standing then. Her head was leaned into his chest, and he had one arm slung firmly over her shoulder. Izzie had insisted she take a picture of the two of them. "It's your first house together!" she had cheerily pointed out. She had rolled her eyes—because a house with several other roommates could hardly be called "a house together"—but Derek, the good sport he was, played along. The next picture was an older photo of her, George, Izzie, Alex, and Cristina—the original five, in her mind. She missed George. He was awkward and a bit weird, but he was a wonderful friend, and he was nice to Lexie when Meredith herself wasn't. And he had given up his life in the most selfless act, yet another name on the list of people Meredith missed. Next was a photo of just herself and Cristina, her person. The latter, in a rare show of affection, had her arms around the former. They both smiled widely, seeming so much younger, and far less dark and twisty.
Moving on, her eyes rested on the next picture. The dull ache she constantly had in her chest spiked slightly, a pang of sadness hitting her. In the frame was a picture of her and Lexie just a couple short years ago. It was taken by Derek inside of Joe's on a night she remembered clearly—well, as clearly as one can remember an evening following a few glasses of liquor. It wasn't a typical drinking night—it was a Wednesday, actually, and it had been one hell of a past-48 hours. So much had happened for all of them—crazy patients and insane surgeries and very little time to relax—so they'd decided to grab a drink before retiring to bed. Alex, never one to pass up booze, had been there, and Cristina even came for a short while. They were both a few drinks in by the time that picture had been taken, and thanks to the alcohol, Meredith's happier, more affectionate side was beginning to emerge. She and Lexie had been talking and joking about nothing in particular, conversation varying from work to their personal lives and back again. Lexie's head was resting on her older sister's shoulder, dark eyes fixed on her with a look of pure affection glinting in her eyes. Meredith looked at her sister with the same expression, her arm slung affectionately around Lexie's shoulder. She didn't remember the night perfectly, as an alcohol-induced haze tossed a light blanket on some of it. But she remembered it well enough, thankfully, because that night and this picture would be two of the biggest things she'd cherish about her relationship with her younger sister.
"Derek, stop taking pictures!" Meredith laughed, slightly dizzy from the side-effects of booze. She tried to lunge at Derek and grab his phone from his hands, but the alcohol slowed her down and she just ended up stumbling forward. Had Derek not caught her, she probably would've fallen on her face. "Seriously," she added, doing her best to scowl, "what if those somehow get back to the Chief or someone at the hospital?"
Derek smirked and held the phone out of Meredith's reach. "Like the Chief will care that a bunch of grown adults are having a little liquor-related fun after two full days of work," he pointed out sarcastically, thus earning an eye roll from his girlfriend. Try as she might, her slightly-drunk self couldn't help the smile that found its way to her face.
"Whatever," she laughed, lightly shoving him backwards. Stumbling slightly, she returned to where she had previously sat beside Lexie. They began talking about something insignificant, and Lexie threw her head back laughing at something Meredith said. They continued chatting and laughing about both everything and nothing, minutes turning into hours as the night flew by. At one point, their conversation came to a short lull and they just stared at each other for a few moments. It would have been a little awkward if they were completely sober, but in their slightly-impaired state, it was nice—A silent moment between the two siblings, a moment of appreciation for the relationship that had taken so long to build. Lexie leaned her head on Meredith's shoulder, smiling widely as she looked up at her older sister, affection and warmth clear in her eyes. Meredith happily wrapped her arm around Lexie's shoulder, giving it a quick squeeze as she returned the endearing gaze. Lexie closed her eyes for just a moment, contentment taking over her emotions as she nuzzled into her sister. After months of feeling like she had no one, she finally felt like she did have somebody after all.
Neither of them had noticed Derek taking the picture, but the day after, when he showed them, they were both glad he hadn't listened to Meredith's request to cease the picture-taking. Lexie had let out a big "Aww!" when she saw it, immediately asking if Derek could print it out for her. Meredith had just stared at the photo and smiled, and even Cristina had admitted—all but quietly and certainly not in front of ever-excited Lexie—that the picture was cute.
Unable to look at the photo any longer, she turned away from the mantel and surveyed the room again. She wasn't looking for anything in particular, but her gaze eventually landed on the corner of the room where the Christmas tree usually sat. It was now mid-February, and of course the tree had been taken down over a month prior. But as she stared at the corner, she could almost see that big tree with strings of lights and countless ornaments. If she concentrated hard enough, she could see presents under the tree wrapped in shiny paper; she could almost smell the aroma of coffee and hot chocolate wafting through the air; and she could almost hear the cheerful chatter of everyone she loved and Lexie's jovial voice and laugh rising above the others.
Lexie had loved holidays and celebrations in general, but she especially loved Christmas. She loved the bright, colorful lights and the time with family and the chilly breeze and undeniable joy in the air. She had always loved watching as her family and friends opened the presents she had bought for them, and her own eyes would light up whenever she opened a gift, regardless of what it was or if she actually liked it. To her, it truly was the thought that counted. Meredith could've given her a pair of socks and she still would've acted overly-grateful, jumping up and giving her a huge hug as if she'd just received the best gift on the planet.
The Christmas before had been one of the best she could remember, though thinking of it now was always accompanied by a bittersweet feeling. Nothing especially spectacular had happened, but the joy and contentment in the air was enough to satisfy even the darkest of souls. Nobody had known—or even thought—that it would be any of their last Christmases, let alone Lexie's. It had ultimately ended up being Mark's last Christmas, too, and although it saddened Meredith to dwell on, the thought hurt Derek more. That last Christmas with all of them together, they had gathered at Meredith's and Derek's house to eat dinner and exchange gifts. Lexie, April, and Callie had done most of the cooking, and they made sure Meredith stayed far, far away from the food preparation.
She turned to look at the bookshelf where a leather-bound scrapbook rested, and her hand unconsciously lifted to touch the rectangular pendant hanging from her neck.
"C'mon, guys, hurry up!" Lexie squealed impatiently, "We're gonna open presents!"
They had just finished Christmas dinner, and while dessert was in the oven, they decided it was time to open gifts. Mark and Derek were already seated in the living room, reminiscing about a Christmas so many years ago when they were just kids. Callie and Arizona were nuzzled together on the couch, both smiling broadly and speaking quietly to each other. Jackson, April, Alex, Owen, and Cristina—an odd group if there ever was one—sat on the floor near the fire exchanging crazy hospital stories and stories of their own personal lives. Until Lexie announced they were opening presents, her and Meredith were cleaning up the kitchen, talking all the while, and putting the pies in the oven. Even Bailey and Richard appeared to be having a good time.
At Lexie's beckoning, everyone began breaking off from their little groups and merging together in the warm living room. Meredith took a seat beside Derek and Lexie plopped down next to Mark, each of their arms instinctively wrapping around the woman next to them. Pure joy was written across Lexie's face as she glanced around the room, taking in the sight of everyone together and the feeling of contentment warming her heart. Everyone took turns going around the room and opening the gifts they had given each other. With each present opened, Lexie's grin grew wider (if that was even possible). Receiving gifts was great and all, but Lexie was one of those people who genuinely got more joy out of watching someone else open a gift than she did receiving one herself—though if an outsider saw Lexie opening a present, he or she would have a very hard time believing that she truly got more excited about gift-giving. Her reaction to a present, no matter what it was, always resembled that of a young girl who had just received the toy she had been wanting all year.
That year in particular, Meredith wanted to give her sister something that would convey how much she cared about her. She had asked just about everyone she knew for opinions, and she searched countless stores for just the right gift to give her. Lexie would be thrilled about anything, quite honestly, but considering Meredith had given Lexie fairly generic gifts the past three years—new scrubs; a sweater and scarf that matched her coat; and a CD of a band she liked with a bottle of her favorite wine. Each year had been progressively more personal, but this year, Meredith really wanted to make sure Lexie knew she had spent time picking out the gift. With Derek's help, she had finally settled on a necklace. It was a simple, silver chain with a matching silver bar connecting the ends of the necklace. On the silver bar, the nickname "Little Grey" was stamped into it, creating a tangible indent into the metal. She had also gotten one for herself that said "Big Grey." Though jewelry wasn't really her thing, Lexie had always liked it, and Meredith thought her sister would love that they had "matching" necklaces.
"All right, Lex," Meredith said after Derek had opened his gift from Mark, "your turn." She stood, grabbed the silver-wrapped gift, and handed it to Lexie.
Grinning up at her sister, Lexie took the package and unwrapped it, eyes lighting up in glee as she opened the box and saw what was inside.
"Oh my gosh, aww!" she exclaimed, gingerly removing it from the box and holding it up in front of her and studying it. "This is so cute!" She smiled widely at Meredith with one of the most genuine grins that had ever dawned her face. She stood from her place beside Mark to give her sister a hug, and Meredith stood as well, returning the embrace.
"I have one, too," she added with a smile as they pulled away, gently tugging the chain out from under the collar of her shirt. Reading what it said, Lexie's hand flew to her mouth in surprise. Her already-wide smile grew even more, and happy-tears pricked her eyes.
"Oh my gosh!" she repeated, throwing her arms around Meredith once again. "That's so sweet, thank you so much! It's so cute!" She was genuinely touched by this gift, as Mer had clearly put some time and thought into it. She appreciated the past Christmas gifts Meredith had given her, of course, and trust her when she said that she really appreciated that bottle of wine after a long day. But she knew her sister wasn't a huge fan of jewelry, and she certainly wouldn't care if they had matching anything; so to her, this gift meant a lot more than just a silver bar on a chain. She undid the clasp and struggled for only a moment to fasten it behind her neck. "Aww, now we match!"
Meredith grinned widely. "You're welcome, Lexie!"
A couple more people opened gifts, and Lexie waited impatiently, leg tapping up and down. She liked watching others open gifts, of course, but after Meredith's gift to her, she was really itching to give hers to Meredith. "Okay, I'm sorry, but I can't wait any longer!" Lexie burst out, jumping up from the couch and grabbing a rectangular-shaped box wrapped in childish Santa paper with a bright red bow on top. "I want Mer to open mine!" Everyone laughed as the girl vehemently shoved the package into her sibling's lap.
"All right, all right," Meredith laughed, beginning to tear the wrapping paper off the box. Lexie sat down on the floor in front of Meredith, not wanting to miss her reaction. A few of their friends chuckled at her over-enthusiasm, but she didn't mind. Meredith finished tearing off the paper and opened the box, revealing a leather-bound book with a cheesy-yet-still-cute quote about sisters on the front. She opened the front cover, revealing that picture of her and Lexie at Joe's, the same one that sat in a frame on the mantel. The picture was dated in Lexie's handwriting, a much neater version of what she scrawled on charts at work. Underneath the picture, Lexie had written a note in black Sharpie:
"Mer,
We both know I kind of suck at talking in a way that easily conveys my point, so I figured writing it down would work better. Plus, this way, when we're both old and GREY (haha, see what I did there?) we can look back and laugh at all of these pictures of our younger selves while we race our wheelchairs down the nursing home halls. Thanks for being a great big sister, I love you!
Love, Lexie"
Meredith smiled widely at the animated girl in front of her.
"Keep flipping the pages!" Lexie prompted enthusiastically, earning another round of chuckles throughout the room.
"Hold your horses," Meredith laughed, eyeing her sister with amusement. "I'm working on it!" Obeying Lexie's ardent command, she continued flipping through the book, revealing page after page of photos and notes written in the same black Sharpie. Most photos were just her and Lexie, but a few featured some of their friends. Lexie wasn't a particularly artsy person, but it was clear that she had tried exceptionally hard to keep everything looking neat. Her handwriting—usually a messy mix between cursive and normal penmanship—looked as though she had taken extra precautions to keep it nice and legible. Each piece of colorful paper she had used to frame the pictures had been methodically cut out using those craft scissors that make a funky edge. Where she had gotten them, Meredith wasn't sure, because they definitely didn't come from her house.
"Oh, Lex, this is so sweet, thank you!" she gushed, and Lexie's eyes lit up in joy and she blushed slightly.
"I know it's not the best scrapbooking job, but I—"
"No, Lexie, it's great," Meredith interrupted, admiring the hard work that had clearly been put into it. No, it wasn't the absolute greatest scrapbooking, but it was from Lexie, and between the unusually-neat handwriting, carefully-cut paper, and meaningfully-placed decorative embellishments, she had clearly put a lot of thought and heart into it. "I mean it." She paused for a moment, suddenly remembering something. "So is this why you've been getting so jumpy and irritable every time I've gotten near your room for the past month?"
Lexie blushed as everyone in the room laughed. "Heh, well, that might have had something to do with it. Sorry," she laughed, "I didn't want you to see it before today."
"I guess I'll let it slide this time," she laughed jokingly, both sisters standing to give each other another hug. "Seriously, though, thank you. This is so thoughtful."
Lexie smiled contentedly, eyes sparkling in triumph. "You're welcome, Mer."
The most recent Christmas had come and gone, but none of them had really felt the full "Christmas spirit" like in years past. Everyone again gathered at Meredith's house, but this time, Lexie and Mark were missing, and it just wasn't the same. The holiday that Lexie had loved so much was just another stinging reminder that she wasn't there to spend it with. She gingerly pulled the scrapbook off of the shelf and slowly began flipping through the pages, a bittersweet smile finding its way to her lips as she looked at picture after picture of her and Lexie over the past few years. She hadn't noticed when Lexie originally gave it to her, but most of the pictures—all but one, actually—were of the two of them in normal, every day clothes. In this book, they weren't two doctors who happened to be sisters—they were two sisters who happened to be doctors. Their professional relationship was on display for everyone to see, and while at work, they really only had time to be co-workers, not sisters. There wasn't much room for sisterly bonding when people's lives were on the line. But when they weren't at work or on call, when they were allowed to change out of those blue scrubs and relax, they were sisters again. Their personal relationship had taken a while to build—a regrettably long while, mostly due to her own reservations—but in the most recent years, they had become closer than either of them would have ever thought going in. Hell, they had gotten so close that Meredith even gave Thatcher—their father, a drunkard, the man who had walked out on Meredith and her own mother when she was only a toddler, a man she had spent much of her childhood and adult life resenting—a piece of her liver so her poor, sweet sister wouldn't lose the only parent she had left. The one picture where they were in their scrubs had been taken in the resident's locker room, shortly before Meredith was to be prepped for the liver transplant. Meredith and Lexie had been arguing, and Derek stood just outside the doorway listening, out of sight but still within ear-shot.
"Are you sure you want to do this, Mer?" Lexie asked for probably the tenth time. A liver transplant wasn't a rare surgery by any means, but it was a complex operation, and there were some risks (which, as doctors themselves, they were both well aware of). Any slew of complications could arise, and the worst case scenario could result in death. Even with a successful surgery where everything goes smoothly, significant pain for the donor—Meredith—would be inevitable for at least a couple weeks following the procedure. She had practically begged Meredith to do the surgery—the teary-eyed, please-do-this-for-me type of begging—but as the days before the surgery grew closer, Lexie began to realize just how much she was asking of her sister. Though a liver transplant wasn't classified as particularly high risk, it was a complex, five-hour surgery, and her older sister was all-but putting her life on the line for her. Not for the man receiving the liver, the one whose only childhood memory of him Meredith held was of him pouring her cereal in the mornings. No, Meredith had made it very clear that she was going through with the operation for Lexie's sake. Although she was truly touched that Meredith would give a part of herself to the man who had hurt her so badly, all so she didn't have to lose her father, that was also a cause for anxiety on Lexie's end. What if something went wrong and Meredith got really sick, or even worse? She would never be able to forgive herself, she decided, if anything went wrong. Considering it was her idea in the first place and she had so feverishly pushed for it, it would truly be her fault if something happened.
"Yes, Lexie," Meredith answered impatiently, beginning to get irritated. "I am sure."
"Because I mean, this is a complex surgery, and what if something goes wrong? Like really, really wrong. It's, it's a risky operation, you know, and you'll be in pain for weeks and you won't be able to do surgeries, and other bad things could happen, like what if—"
"LEXIE!" Meredith snapped, brow furrowing in frustration and interrupting her mid-ramble in a voice slightly louder than she was intending. Lexie immediately stopped, visibly shrinking backwards. "What is this all about? You were the one who came to me crying and begging me to give that man part of my liver. You even played the family card, so why on earth are you just now trying to change my mind?"
Lexie looked away, eyes beginning to fill with tears. "I... I love my... our... dad, I really do. I know he was a crappy father to you, and I'm sorry, I honestly am. I'm sorry that the only thing you remember about him is that he poured your cereal, because that's really, really terrible, and I can't even imagine that. But he was an amazing father to me, and I want him to live more than anything, but I... I wouldn't be able to stand it if something really bad happened to you, because it would be my fault. You said yourself that you're not doing it for him, and that makes it my fault if anything goes wrong. It took so long for us to get to... Here, where we are now, you volunteering to give a man who abandoned you part of yourself, and I just, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if you... If you die during this." The brunette stopped, unable to say any more without her voice breaking. She looked away again, blinking furiously to fend off the tears.
Meredith softened, anger immediately draining away to be replaced by a sense of sadness. She understood now, why Lexie was suddenly so worried. She felt personally responsible for the outcome of this operation, and if something did happen, Meredith truly believed her little sister would fall apart. It had taken months of awkwardly evading each other—okay, mainly Meredith evading Lexie—to get to that point, the point where Meredith put her sister above her own dark past. Lexie just didn't want to lose that. But Meredith had to do it, she had to go through with the procedure. While she wasn't exactly looking forward to the several weeks of sitting in a hospital bed in pain, she refused to let Lexie lose one of the only parts of her family she had left. Thatcher had merely been the man who poured her cereal to Meredith, but to Lexie, he was the proud, loving father who took her to the park and put her up on his shoulders and went to every dance recital and came to her fifth grade graduation, and it would absolutely break her heart if he were to die. Meredith was just about indifferent on Thatcher's well-being, but she cared deeply for Lexie, and she would do anything she could to preserve her from any further pain. And Lexie had been so, selflessly ready to undergo this operation herself. She didn't care that the merger was coming up and recovering from a liver transplant would bench her from the OR for a dangerous amount of time, thus interfering with her chances of job retention during the merger. She didn't care that he was a recovering alcoholic or that she would be in pain for weeks after—she only cared that her father would be able to live.
"Lex..." Meredith murmured sympathetically, taking a small step towards her and resting a hand on her arm. Lexie quickly wiped her eyes and sniffed. "I am going through with this because I want to, for you. You are not forcing me to do it, I want to do it so you don't have to lose your father. I lost him long, long ago, but he's been a good father to you, and I want you to have that. And I am not going to die today," she added confidently, "so don't worry about that, okay?"
Lexie sniffled again and looked at her older sibling for a moment. "I... okay," Lexie complied, seeming to have accepted it. "But I swear on my life, you need to make it through this. I... I need both you and dad, you're the only family I really have left."
"I will be fine," Meredith promised, despite knowing making promises in a hospital was a dangerous practice.
"Thank you," Lexie stated simply in a quiet voice, reaching over and wrapping her arms around her sister. Meredith just smiled and wordlessly returned the embrace.
Apparently at some point in that locker room when they were both smiling at each other, Derek had silently taken a picture that he didn't show Meredith until she was in a hospital bed recovering from the transplant. She didn't know Lexie had even seen the picture, let alone had a copy of it, until she had opened that page of the scrapbook for the first time. She continued flipping through the book, each carefully-made page featuring pictures of Lexie and Meredith sharing memories that she would hold onto for as long as she herself was alive. Some were posed, with both of them smiling at the camera or their arms around each other, but some, like the one at Joe's and the one in the resident's room, were candid. It was those candid ones that Lexie had always liked the most, and Meredith liked them best, too. They looked so natural and real, like a true representation of each of them as individuals, and both of them together as family.
Sighing wistfully at the memories, she left the book open on the coffee table and slipped a sweater—Lexie's sweater, actually, her favorite one—over her arms and slid out the front door, into the chilly outside air.
A/N: Alright, well that is it for the first chapter! It ended up being a lot longer than I thought, but as I said, I kept thinking of more ideas mid-chapter that I really wanted to include. This is a sad story overall, but I'm including happier flashbacks, so I'm hoping it's not entirely depressing. Oh, and I know there might be some continuity issues between this and the show, but I did the best I could to match the show's plot to this. I'm not actually sure if Lexie and Mark were together the Christmas before they both died, but for the sake of the flashbacks, they are. Anything that's different is basically just to better the plot of this story.
Also, I apologize for any typos in this. It took quite a while to write, and I've read it over so many times that at this point, I'm reading what I meant to say whether or not I actually wrote it that way (if that makes sense). Anyways, please leave a review and let me know what you thought! Or if you have any ideas that I might be able to incorporate into it. Thanks for reading! (: