Still I'm With You

"And then you're embraced by a faint illusion
Gazing at a new world
Longing for sweet, bright memories
In the distant future..."

~Still I'm With You by L'Arc~en~Ciel

Brief note: This is sort of like a continuation of my first Gundam Wing story "White Wishes." So to better understand this one, I think you have to read it first. BUT, I also think that this story can stand on its own so just go ahead.

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing. I just love it.

Please let him still be there, Relena Peacecraft half-wished and half-prayed as she ran through the halls of her house. It was still early, the sun himself hadn't even peeped at the night sky. But Relena was fully awake. It was about 4 a.m. in the morning, wearing only her nightgown Relena did not feel the coldness of the morn and continued to run.

As Relena reached the last door of the hallway, she stopped. She tried to catch her breath and steadied herself before she slowly and quietly opened the white door. Relena stepped into the room and quietly closed the door behind her, afraid of waking someone.

It was only at this time when she felt how cold it was. She shivered from the cool air of the night, but ignored it. She had too many things to worry about rather than the cold climate of the holidays. Instead, she slowly walked over to the huge bed at the corner of the room near the glass door that leads to the balcony.

Relena did not even bother turning on the lights, fortunately the moonlight coming from outside the glass door was enough to help the Peacecraft princess make her way towards the bed.

The coldness of the night time was nothing; she did not pay attention to it. But somehow when she reached the bed, she felt like the temperature drop to negative five degrees Celsius. She stood there looking at the empty bed. The bed sheets were neatly folded, and the pillows were well-arranged looking like they were freshly bought from a furniture shop.

Relena shivered once more so she wrapped her arms around herself in a futile attempt to warm herself. Or rather to keep the pieces of herself intact as if she was expecting to see something that can break her. She wondered what was colder –her skin or the climate. He... couldn't have. She closed her eyes. Why am I so surprised? It had always been like this, right?

'Him' leaving without a word,it was normal. It was what had always been ever since they met. He will stay for a while for as long as he needed, and will leave at any time when he needed to. Even when he promised her that he would not leave without a word when he and Quatre were staying at Sanc Kingdom during the war, he still left... without a word. So why was she still not used to it? Why am I still hurting? Relena admitted to herself.

She bit her lip and fought the urge to cry. Relena stared at the empty bed where he used to sleep on for the past few days since he...came back? Was that right? Yes, he did come back. He returned after a year. And then what? He left...again. Who knows how many eternities would pass until he would show up again?

This time, she cannot fight it anymore. She let the tears fall and tightened the grip on both of her arms, hugging herself. It was a safe time to cry at this time. No one was with her. She did not need to put up a strong facade.

How foolish of her to think that he will stay with her for long, she thought. Relena cursed herself for even feeling so euphoric when the love of her life showed up on a snowy night, held her tight, and kissed her. Heck, he even said those three words that she had been wishing to hear from him since they met. He even told her to believe in him. And she did. She always did. Just like when he asked her on the Libra before leaving to fight her brother Zechs. He asked her to believe in him that he will make it through, that he will survive, and that he will fulfil his promise of protecting her. She believed in his words. But what happened now to that trust?

Relena snapped out of her self-pity as she heard someone call her name. She coughed a bit from sobbing and turned around. It was still dark and Relena tried to focus her gaze on the spot by the door.

"You shouldn't enter in any male's room at night or for any season, especially when that is all you're wearing." He emerged from the shadows; arms crossed, and held a serious gaze.

Surprised at the sight, Relena wiped the tears from her cheeks and rubbed her eyes to look at the figure clearly. After she did, a wave of relief flooded her senses when she saw him still wearing the clothes that she lent him. And she felt she stopped breathing when her cerulean eyes met his Prussian blue ones. Those eyes have always captivated her. "Heero," she whispered.

He nodded and stepped closer to the beautiful woman in front of him, gaze still fixed on her. Wearing only a pink translucent nightgown that reached her knees, her long light brown hair cascaded freely on her back, her cerulean eyes that always gave him peace looked like crystals with glistening unshed tears, and with the moonlight accentuating her features, the former Gundam pilot fought the urge to give in to temptation. He had meant it when he said those words. Relena was tempting him, awakening desires that he did not know if he can control or tone down if she stayed with him a bit longer in the room at that very moment.

Relena was the first one to break the uncomfortable silence between them. "I... thought you left." It was almost a whisper. She turned away from him.

"Why?" Heero took another step closer. His tone of voice was monotonous and he gazed at her seriously.

"Because..." Relena tried to come up with a concrete and proper response. What could she say to that? The answer was obvious. It was frequently written in their history together why she thought that he had left. She wanted to say a lot of things, but she had to put her thoughts together.

On second thought, she can't really say it. How can she say that it was because it was his normal routine to leave when he wanted and come back when he wanted? Relena feared that any words that she would say could drive him away even more than she thought she had already done.

"Because?" Heero repeated her words, waiting for her response. He took another step and wished that Relena would look at him. It pained him to see her cry, and he knew that it was because of him that she was feeling miserable. She lost faith in him. Lost because of his selfish and cowardly thoughts. Truth be told, he left because he was afraid to be attached with her. In the first place, he was a soldier trained to fight, not trained to feel these kind of emotions. In battles, he did not have a heart. That was why he succeeded in every battle that came in front of him. But now that there were no more battles to fight, there's no way to throw away his heart.

Relena was all that he had left when the battle ended, especially when the Gundams were destroyed. She was the only one he can consider "home" after the war, aside from the distant L1 Colony in Space. He was well-aware of her feelings for him, and that was what he feared. He did not know if he was capable of feeling such an emotion. He did not know if he can give her what she wanted. And he surely doubted if he deserved someone so pure like her. And so he left, left without a word the night after he destroyed the headquarters of the Barton Foundation.

He originally intended to return to space, to his Colony, to start life anew. But he couldn't. Heero just one day found himself keeping track of the Vice Foreigner's activities just in case that anyone would have the nerve to abduct or hurt her again. He didn't leave. He stayed on Earth to protect her. He could not find himself to leave her completely. That's when he acknowledged the newly found emotion within him.

It also did not cross his mind to show up on that Christmas day. He was contented in just watching over Relena from the shadows. Maybe because he feared that she might have forgotten about him after leaving her for a year. Or worse, she might not forgive him. It was strange. The brave and skilled Gundam Pilot finally feared something. And the enemy was not even piloting a Mobile Suit.

But then he saw her defenseless. So he came up to her. At first he only planned to take her back to the Preventers' Headquarters, but then he touched her. He held her icy cold hand. He touched her cheeks. She leaned on to him. He wrapped his arms around her. And then he kissed her. He even confessed to her. There was no turning back anymore. He had done it. He had said it. And that's when he knew that he could not bear to be apart from her anymore. So he stayed. He had not gone anywhere. Why was she so upset?

"What is it, Relena?" Heero asked when Relena still did not reply. He half-dreaded to hear her words. But his serious expression did not change. It had to.

"What is it that you want me to say? I thought you left. It's..." Relena paused, afraid of continuing. She wanted to say that it was what it had always been with the two of them. What other reason was there? I'm not enough of a reason for you to stay.

"It's what?" Heero pressed further. She still wasn't looking at him and it ached to see her battle with herself on what to say. Relena was shivering, he had no idea whether it was because of the chilly climate or she was fighting the urge to cry. He hated seeing her like that, but most of all he despised himself for putting her under the spotlight like that. But he had to know what she truly feels. He could not guess or assume this time. He had to know straight from her. Why did she think or even assume that he left when he said that he wouldn't? Was that what she wanted? Was that what he wanted? Or was there another man in the picture? Heero decided not to dwell on the third one.

Knowing that he would not be getting any reply anytime soon, Heero took another step closer, and this time they were close enough for his comfort with their bodies only centimetres apart. He can even smell the floral fragrance of her shampoo. It intoxicated him. Get a grip, Yuy.

The former Gundam pilot was trying hard not to touch her, to comfort her, to assure her that he would not leave. Not this time. Not ever again. Heck, he would do that and so much more. But how can he when it was clearly written in their past that it was like his pastime to fly off somewhere to work on a mission. Even if it's not a mission, he tried to keep his distance from her for fear of being attached to her.

But he realized that it was already too late. Relena became his everything that he needed to protect. She was the only one in the whole damn world who made him feel human and not just a weapon of destruction. The moment the war ended, Relena became the symbol of peace and serenity that he needed to preserve, to protect, and to care for – not to love. He convinced himself that that was all she was to him, that was why he stayed on Earth. But eventually, he realized that it wasn't just because of a mission or any duty that made him watch over the Vice Foreign Minister. He knew it was so much more than that.

So he stayed. But she was shutting him out. Did she really want him to go? He had to know. He had to ask. If that was what she wanted, he would respect it. If that was what would make her happy, then so be it. So he asked with a tone of voice that was totally different from the last time he spoke. It was soft, it was tender. "Do you want me to leave?"

Relena kept her gaze towards the balcony, still refusing to look at him. She heard his question clearly. But what to say? She wanted to say yes, but thought that it would be selfish of her to say so. Should she tell the truth? If she told him the truth, she knew that Heero would indeed stay. But she did not want him to stay just because she said so. But if she told him a lie, she knew that she would regret it forever. So she kept silent.

Heero saw a tear fall from Relena's eye, and he instinctively reached out to touch her cheek to wipe the lone tear. He felt her flinch from his touch, but he did not pull away. He used this opportunity to slowly, but gently move her face so she could look at him. To his surprise, Relena allowed him.

For the second time that night, their eyes met again with both pairs searching for unspoken answers from the other.

"I..." Relena began. "I don't want to make you stay."

That was the truth, though not completely.

"You don't have to make me stay." Heero's expression softened. Was that what she had been thinking? That she was just making him stay? That he was staying not because of his own accord? "I'm staying because I want to, Relena. That's the truth. I'm staying because I want to. And I'm not leaving until you tell me to." He removed his hand from her cheek and placed both of his hands on her shoulders. "If you want me to leave, then tell me."

Is he for real? He really wants to stay... with me? After all this time, he wanted to stay with me? "Why?" asked Relena. It was her turn to know his answers. "Why?"

"Because I love you." Heero answered immediately. It was something that he had been thinking of for the past year, and he finally came to the conclusion that he does love her. He was sure of it now.

Relena felt her knees wobble from his answer. He said those words days before at the park, but did not really believe them for the thought that it was just because of pity or what regarding her condition at that time. But now, it was different hearing it from him again. "You what?"

"I love you," repeated Heero.

Since when did he learn to say those three words so easily?

Relena just stared at him, disbelief evident on her features. She had already stopped crying. He really...loves me? The princess lifted her right hand to touch Heero's cheek. "You love me," she stated.

For the first time that night, Heero not only smiled but also chuckled at her response to his confession. "You really don't have to sound so surprised."

Also for the first time that night, Relena smiled, with newly formed tears on her eyes. "This is a dream."

Heero shook his head. "It's reality. It's not a dream. I'm not leaving you."

Relena cried again, touched at his words. If this indeed were a dream, then she did not want to wake up ever. This was too good to be true.

"Come here." Heero whispered and grabbed Relena's arm, while his other hand reached for her waist to pull her against his body.

The princess allowed him to do so and leaned her head on his shoulder as she closed her eyes. It was comforting to be held in his arms. She even felt like surrendering to sleep when she did so. At that time, at that moment, her fears were chased away. She did not care about anything. She did not care if Heero would leave the next day. At least for this moment, they were together. That's all that mattered. If he were to leave, she would have this memory imprinted in her mind forever. It will be enough to keep her going.

It was just the two of them standing in a dark room with the moonlight being their only source of light. They stayed like that for who knows how long, but it seemed like eternity. It wasn't until Heero noticed through the glass door by the balcony that the sun was already rising. How long had it been? To be honest, he didn't want to end that moment. He simply wanted to keep holding her for as long as he can. But when she made no sound or whatsoever during their embrace, he thought that she might have fallen asleep.

Hesitantly, Heero let go of her slightly and stood away from her to look at her face. "Hey."

"Hmmm?" Relena was indeed half-asleep. She lazily opened her eyes when they broke off the contact.

"Let's get some sleep," Heero began. "You're tired."

"I don't want to sleep. I..." she protested, but Heero cut her off.

"I promise I won't leave. You have my word," the former Gundam pilot explained.

Relena searched Heero's Prussian blue eyes for an answer. He no longer had the serious gaze he had earlier. She saw through his eyes the look that she had been dying to see since they first met. She saw the concern. She saw the worry. She saw the love. It was all she wanted.

She reached out her hand to touch his cheek and nodded. "I believe you."

For the second time that night, Heero smiled. It was beautiful. He was so much beautiful when he smiled. Relena felt like kissing him right then and there, but she fought the urge to do so.

"I'll go back to my room now. Good night, or should I say 'Good Morning, Heero'." Relena removed her hand from his cheek and headed for the door.

She was taken aback when Heero's hand grabbed her arm which made her turn to face him. "You're not going anywhere."

Before she could respond, Heero stepped closer to her and lifted her from the ground. His hand was placed below her knees, while the other was on her back – a soldier carrying his princess.

He placed her on his bed carefully, and tried not to look at her almost revealing nightgown. He followed suit, lying on the bed beside her. Heero then reached for the comforter at the end of his bed and covered both of their bodies.

"You sure have changed. The Heero I know wouldn't do this in a lifetime," Relena began.

"I did when I met you," Heero responded as he made himself comfortable.

Since when had he been this straightforward and romantic? Relena thought.

Relena was surprised when Heero's hand reach for her waist and pulled her against his chest.

"I'll still be here when you wake up," said Heero as he rested his chin on her head.

"I know." Relena closed her eyes. "I love you, Heero."

Heero also closed his eyes and kissed the top of her head. "I know. I love you, too."

And they both surrendered to sleep.

Author's Note: How was it? I wrote this since I've been too busy with school works lately and I felt like I need to get a hang of writing again, so this is more like of an exercise for me.

Also, I realized that I've always been writing AU stories. I thought that it may be a change for me to continue Heero and Relena's romance and "White Wishes."

I'm still deciding if this will be a one-shot or not. I think I will also base my decision on reviews. If you guys think that this is already a good closure between Heero and Relena then I'll leave this as a one-shot. But if you guys still want me to continue their romance, then I'll go with it. ^_^ But most probably I'll continue this. Hehe.

The story title by the way is from the "heavenly" album of L'Arc~en~Ciel. 3

Until my next work or update! Please do leave a review ^_^

P.S. Anyone here who's reading Gundam Wing Frozen Teardrop?

Anyhoo, bye! ^_^