rated m for reasons! you are warned....and NO. i'm not JKR. stfu and go sue ur own ass.
Chinah and Phee were an inseparable pair. Having met each other on a website, they quickly became friends, bonding through their love of music and, of course, Harry Potter.
When they found that they lived near each other, they immediately sought each other out, and became a force to be reckoned with. Supporting the Dark Side, they would often prank unsuspecting Muggles and create new spells to be used against foes.
It was one day as they were terrorizing a small freshman student when they felt like something had hooked behind their navel and was dragging them away. Of course, they'd never felt it before, but knew exactly what it was.
Landing with an "oomph!" they toppled over, Phee landing on Chinah. Chinah grinned up at the blue sky.
"Was that what I think it was, dearest Phee?"
"I do believe so, sweetest Chinah." They stood up, and locked their gazes on a large castle, with a lake nearby, and an ominous forest...and a Quidditch pitch.
One Severus Snape was staring into the lake when he heard high pitched screams coming from the gates to Hogwarts. Scowling, he stalked towards the two girls, who were screaming hysterically in joy.
One girl had curls reaching down to brush her shoulders that was brown at the roots and dyed blonde from there down. She wore a tight corset, her breasts smushed together. Wearing the shortest miniskirt he'd ever seen, she had the decency to wear thin, tattered, skinny jeans underneath. Then she had stilleto Converse knee high boots. The other girl seemed to have bandaged her chest down, and wore a velvet suit, her dark brown straight hair pulled back into a low ponytail, with some chunks left to fall in her face.
Both turned and started screaming even louder, rushing towards the gate. The one with the corset dropped to her knees staring in awe. "It's him! Oh my Dark Lord, Phee! It's Severus Snape!"
Severus arched an eyebrow, and that threw them into a fit of giggles.
"Oh, Chinah, he's sexier than I had imagined! I wonder what Lucius and Bellatrix look like!"
"Mmm, Trixie, that hot slice of evil cake." Severus' eyes almost bugged out, and he growled.
"Who are you?"
They gasped, as if awed that he would talk to them. Finally, Chinah cleared her throat.
"Well, Professor Snape, I'm Chinah, and this is my sister in crime, Phee. Can we come in? Please?" They both gave him the most adorable puppy dog pouts. He stared, fighting with himself. They were better than even his godson...
Letting out a long-suffering sigh, he flicked his wrist, and the gates swung open. They screamed and rushed past him.
Linking arms, they began to sing. "The Order said: Death Eaters scare the living shit outta me!"
Severus watched them skip along up to the castle. Who the hell were they?
----
Albus Dumbledore was daydreaming. Well, that's what he liked to call it. Technically, he was tripping on the moonweed hash brownies he'd made and the absinthe laced lemon drops.
It was as he was stretching out a hand to pet the rainbow and very obviously gay baracuda swimming next to him that the door to his office banged open and Severus Snape walked in with two unfamiliar girls. He quickly shoved the hash brownies into his desk.
The girls looked at him and ran over, each taking a lemon drop. "Are they laced with absinthe? I bet they are!" Phee cried, shoving it in her mouth. She reeled backwards. "Whoa...that's some heavy duty lacing!"
"Really?!" Chinah ate hers, eyes actually crossing. "Damn! Sour too...I guess it's to hide the flavor of alcohol."
Dumbledore was painfully sober now. How had they known? Clearing his throat, he gave them a stern look. "Who are these young ladies, Severus?"
"WE ARE CHINAH AND PHEE! LORDS OVER THEE!" Phee broke into peals of laughter and Chinah grinned, swaying.
Severus sighed. "They showed up outside of the gates, Albus, and were screaming shrilly."
"Ay! Ay!" Chinah scowled, stumbling. "AY!" She paused, as if she'd lost her train of thought. "Bitch, you'd scream too if you Portkeyed in front of the coolest magical place ever..." She fell into a chair, grinning at Severus. "By the way honey, Phee and I would love to visit you for some private tutoring, if ya know what I mean."
Severus nearly choked on his spit, while Phee nodded enthusiastically, sneaking another lemon drop. She was, apparently, able to hold her liquor much better than Chinah.
Dumbledore stared. But as he opened his drawer to get his wand, he caught a whiff of the hash brownies, making the moments of sobriety leave as fast as they'd come. So, when Chinah and Phee suggested that they enroll at Hogwarts, he signed them on happily.
Oh, what a big mistake.