By: Reagah
Samwise Gamgee. My Sam. My gardener. My lover. My life. Excuse me, if I'm being too dramatic, but I can't help but love him. He's always done nothing more than love me and want to do all he can for me. He takes crazy risks for me; he even came on the Quest with me.
If I start to get too sappy just stop me. My name is Frodo Baggins. It was during the Quest to destroy the One Ring that I first realized how I felt about Sam. It was also during that quest that we experienced many things, including our first kiss and first experiences with sex.
Forgive me if I blush, but I can't help that. I haven't told anyone about it before. Don't mistake that for me being ashamed of it, for I'm not. I love Sam and if I thought it wouldn't embarrass him I would scream it from the highest mountain. More than once, I have thought of yelling it out of my bedroom window after Sam had spent the night here.
Sam was my first and my only. It'll always be that way. Even if something happens and we can no longer be together, I will be with no one else. Sam is my one and only. Most might think I'm being dramatic, or even wonder if I'm telling the truth. After all, Sam might be another Hobbit, but he's also another male. A lot of people think that its just wrong, that we couldn't possibly love each other, that it's a phase of some sort, that our feelings will pass and we'll fall in love with respectable young hobbit women.
Sam and I both know better. Living in the Shire doesn't give much room for privacy. So, after a while everyone here knew about our romance. And most of the people of the Shire said it was a disgrace to Hobbits. There were some that thought it was sweet. Sam tended to care about what others thought, however, and I knew it hurt him when everyone found out, because of the way most acted.
My Sam is a beautiful being. Yes, most that aren't used to Hobbits say that he's fat, but really he isn't. Most hobbits are his size. I'm the abnormal one, because of how skinny I am. Perhaps if they spent time in the Shire they would see how normal my Sam really is.
But, unfortunately, not everyone feels that Sam is normal, even in the Shire. Everyone had already made up their minds that I was odd, but it hurt Sam when his friends, and even the Gaffer, decided that he was a disgrace. I say that more than once, because of the sheer inner pain it caused him. I can't begin to tell you how it hurt him.
I wish that I could do something about the people that have betrayed Sam. Yes, I say betrayed, and I mean it. It's a betrayal when anyone decides not to be your friend or not to love you anymore just because you're the way you are, and just because they don't like it. It's a betrayal when family doesn't want anything to do with you because of your choice in lovers.
You know, he still calls me "Mr. Frodo" sometimes. I think it's cute. But, others think that it just proves that we aren't going to last, that we shouldn't be together at all. Many are disgusted by us.
As I sit here and watch Sam, I can easily see how much it pains him, it's written all over his face, even in his sleep. If I could, I would stop all of his pain. But, unfortunately, that isn't possible. I can't stop it, only those people can. And, even if they did stop and turn around and love him and accept him again, it wouldn't be the same for Sam. I know it wouldn't. He'd never be able to go back to being friends or part of a family again with his Gaffer or with his former friends.
Don't get me wrong, there are a few friends that he was able to keep, but unfortunately they weren't male friends. He needs male friends, too, I know, even though I am his best friend, he needs more. Merry and Pippin are his only real male friends, now. I can see why most of the men in the Shire don't like to be around him, though I'm sure some of them want to be his friend still. Its because if they hang around with someone that's homosexual, then they might be labeled that as well. And nobody wants to be labeled that now that they know how the Shire will react to it.
Besides Merry and Pippin, his only friends are women. Some are his friend because they feel sorry for him now, others feel that they still have a chance with Sam if they can only get him away from me, and others genuinely want to be his friend. I wish that I could at the very least make them all see that they're hurting Sam. Maybe then they would stop being so mean to him. Some goes as far as to even taunt him. I chase them away, but they just laugh and run off. Especially the children.
I know Sam would make a wonderful father; he does want children even though he tells me he doesn't. I know this, because of the way he looks at children, even when they're mean to him. But, I can't have children and neither can he, so it's not going to be possible, unless some being has the power to make one of us fertile. Which I doubt is possible.
My Sam is waking, now. I have to bid you good night, before he sees you. He would be dreadfully embarrassed if he found out I'd been talking to you about this while he was sleeping…
Author's Note: This is just a little bit of nonsense from me, my first LotR fanfic! Don't be too harsh, please. ^^;