This is a CRACK FIC!
Warning: swearing
Interviewer: Okay, this first question is for everyone. Who do you think would be the best boyfriend material?
Coulson: obviously me
Fitz: I would buy my girlfriend a pet monkey.
Ward: I think me
Skye: if you were a boyfriend, your girlfriend would love you so much and then one day, you'll be like "Yo betch I'm HYDRA" and then ditch the poor girl.
Ward: IT WAS ONE TIME
Simmons:hmm…
Triplett: I think I'd be-
Fitz: absolutely horrible
May: Coulson? I guess…?
Fitz: but my monkey…
Fury: I am the fuckin director! Vote me or I'll fire you!
Hill: all due respect, sir, but you gave your directorship to Coulson
Fury: fuck
Simmons: I think I'd say…
Fitz (thinking) : little betch you better say me
Simmons: Fitz would be okay.
Fitz: I KNOW YOU LIKE IT SWEET, SO YOU CAN HAVE YOUR CAKE! GIVE YOU SOMETHING GOOD TO CELEBRATE!
Simmons: okay, maybe Triplett
Fitz: ohh hell no
Interviewer: Okay, next. Who would be the best girlfriend?
Ward: SKYE SKYE SKYE SKYE SKYE SKYE SKYE SKYE SKYE
Skye: in your dreams
Ward: *'Fitz' accent* I know you care about me, Skye!
Skye: *deep voice* yeah but Imma throw you into the ocean
Ward: IT WAS ONE FREAKING TIME
Fitz: … Jemma.
Simmons: aww, that's so sweet, Fitz!
Fitz (thinking): betch I ain't sweet. i'm a bad boy…
Simmons: I'll go with Skye… in a non-lesbian way
May: *fangirls* SKIMMONSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS *waves Skimmons poster*
Coulson: what
May: *puts away poster*
Skye: #SKIMMONS
Ward: BETCH NO *throws Simmons off plane* AND I AIN'T GONNA SAVE HER THIS TIME *does Harlem shake
Interviewer: Okay. Now, who do you think is the most valuable member of the team?
May: Well, I'm the pilot, so y'all are going nowhere without me.
Coulson:I'm the leader and highest level... I think I'm more valuable than all you lower levels.
Skye: Um excuse moi, but the hacker with the Trojan horse is RIGHT HERE
Ward: I would say myself, but im not technically on the team. So Skye. *blows kiss*
Fitz: hmm I think moi because MY ACCENT BRINGS ALL DA GIRLS TO DA YARD AND I'M LIKE-
Ward: excuse me no
Fitz: hell to the yes
Simmons: Okay, well. MEEEE because I'm the science person wooo
Skye: You go, babe!
May: *whispers* skimmonssssss
Skye: omg calm down may. It was girl-talk
May: skimmons ftw
Ward: NO *shoots May**puts May in oven* *feeds May to the team*
Coulson: omg this is so good, Ward! Where did you learn to cook?
Ward: in the kitchen you idiot
Fitz: is this Chinese food? It tastes like Chinese food.
Ward: *sweats* *shoots Fitz* *puts Fitz in oven* *feeds Fitz to the team*
Triplett: hmm… it tastes sort of European
Simmons: Maybe Scottish?
Ward: *shoots Triplett and Simmons* heil hydra betches
Ward: cmon Skye let's get some froyo *leaves with Skye*
Coulson: well thanks for the invite *le sob*
If you have any questions for the team, leave them in a review or PM! They can me serious or funny and they can be directed to a certain person if you want.
Thanks for reading!