'I woke up only to find myself on the muddy ground. My head was spinning dangerously. What had happened? The grass was painted a deep shade of crimson. When my view finally cleared I had to resist the urge to scream. There were guts as far as I could see, crushed bodies and cold gazes. It was as if everything had become as lifeless as me. Then I remembered; my tiny frame had been smashed by a titan, a 7 meter class. There was no energy to vomit at the sight of my dead comrades in front of me. I couldn't move. Soft drops of rain drizzle on my face were the only things that I felt. The rest felt numbs as if I didn't even have a body anymore. All the light in my right eye had disappeared. My trembling hand reached up to my eye. My breath got audible and a soft sob erupted out of my throat. It was gone. My eye was gone. I could feel the gash in my face and blood coming out of it.

I didn't see, nor did I feel my severed leg that the titan who smashed me to the ground was eating. Everything felt so comatose as if it wouldn't hurt to die. I couldn't move my head anymore. 'Help' I whispered, 'HELP ME! PLEASE!' I screamed on the top of my lungs, 'Please…' All of it was useless. Is this how I was going to end? I was most certainly going to die here, on this battlefield of dead, powerless soldiers. 'DON'T! PLEASE NO!' another cadet pleaded until she was silenced. The loud roar of victory of the titan made me cringe. A remaining finger of the eaten cadet fell in front of me. I threw my hands in front of my mouth to silence myself. Once again these witless flesh-eating monsters had won. 'Useless brat', the words kept on repeating in my head, 'You're worthless!' Tears formed in my eyes. Had I ran away from my family for this? Nineteen long years of living only to achieve this. So many comrades had died already, and there were to come a lot more.

'RETREAT!' a so familiar voice nearly screamed.

Commander?

It didn't really matter anymore. I wanted to go to the place I wanted to go most. All hope was lost. It was all a beautiful lie, an illusion. 'GET OUT OR YOU'RE LOST!'

No, you get lost.

There was nothing left for me to do on this world. Roam around as a cripple in the undergrounds, or dying beyond the walls as if I never existed. I had already made my choice when I entered the survey cops. This is what I've always wanted. Living, or rather dying in this free world, away from all the hatred and dishonesty inside the walls. My biggest wish was to become a titan, so I could be free. I would be able to see the big waters they call oceans and so much more. I would be able to smile once again. My mind wandered off to all these great thoughts.

'Isolda! Where are you?!'

Not here.

I was already drifting off to the afterlife. The rain was pouring down now and the red tainted grass slowly turned back to its original green state. All this blood flowing away as if it was never of any use. 'Erik.' My mouth formed the name of that special person again and again but it was a silent cry. Could I really leave my friend for my own selfish reasons? Could I really just let myself go? How pathetic.

'Isolda!'

He shouldn't see me like this. Face plastered to the ground, covered in dirt and blood. Leg gone and half blind. I prayed to god that Erik wouldn't find me. He didn't deserve this. The squadrons were already retreating and so Erik probably too. I closed my eyes as I felt myself slipping away. There would be no more pain.

Boom boom boom

Enormous tremors neared me in a vast pace. Titans. I was ready to die, but my bloodied body was scooped up by strong arms. Loud roaring of that inhuman, that monstrous atrocity, filled my ears. It was the most horrendous sound I had ever heard in my life. 'Erik?' There came no answer. I was thrown rather roughly on a carriage as we fled back to the walls.

'GET OUT!' At that moment, it was as if my body shot back to life. Unbearable pain made me scream as I had never screamed before. All my comrades were either dead, fleeing or left to die. I tried to take in my surroundings, but all I could see, was dead and pain. I started to laugh maniacally as tears spilled from my eye that was still intact. 'I'm dying' I said, 'I'm really dying! I'm so sorry Erik, please forgive me.'

Then everything went black.'

…

'State your name and business.' A shaky breath left my throat. I had been caught, again. That had led me here, in front of the door of the bloody commander's office. The instructor had wanted to kill me. My heart was racing so fast that I wanted to withdraw, but obligations are obligations. The images of the instructor, Keith Shadis, yelling at me last night, came back to life. He had humiliated me in front of the rest of the 103th training squad, and all of that, in the middle of the night. All due to the diary I had found and read whenever I had had the chance. 'Merle Schlitz, sir. I have been sent here by instructor Shadis' I replied. I then heard a rustle of papers and a heavy sigh, 'come in'. With shaky knees I entered the office. The dark wooden floor creaked beneath my leather boots. It was a beautiful office, far more beautiful than that of squad leader Hanji and Captain Levi. There were old parchments and books stacked all over the place. Did he have to deal with cadets that find old manuscripts every day then? The commander's face was tired looking. He had assumingly worked on paperworks all night, regarding the stack of papers next to his desk. Still, he had this strong and warm aura surrounding him, making me less nervous. I assured myself that it wouldn't be as bad as I originally thought it to be.

'Take a seat, cadet' he said calmly. Once again the blond giant sighed. 'Thank you' he suddenly blurted out, taking me aback. 'I-I'm sorry sir, but I don't quite understa-'he cut me off, 'This diary is belongs to a person that I used to know. May I ask you where you found it?' For a brief moment I thought I had lost my tongue. Here I sat, expecting to get a sanction but instead getting the commander's attention. Dear god, I was such a lucky girl. 'I found it beneath the mattress of my bunkbed' I answered whilst I was celebrating my little victory in my head. The commander frowned. 'How come it just lingered around there for all this time?' 'Actually sir, I sleep in one of the older barracks. Instructor Shadis assigned me there because I'm…well, rude and disrespectful.' Commander Erwin snorted and shoved the diary in front of me. 'I've already read the diary' he said. That explained the tired look on his face. He must have read all night. His other so stern face turned into a softer expression. 'It belongs to you now. I am sure she would have wanted it this way.' You could clearly see the appreciation in his deep blue ocean-colored eyes. It took me by surprise because I had never seen the commander say something that sincere. 'I will tell the instructor that I have given you a suitable punishment. Don't read at night anymore so you don't get in trouble again. Now get going.'

I awkwardly saluted him, took the book and thanked him. I couldn't thank the man enough. As I reached the door I couldn't help but ask it. My curiosity had taken the overhand. 'Commander may I ask you one more thing?' He nodded in approval, 'Are you really the little boy with blond hair and buck teeth?' He looked up in surprise and a dark look plastered his face. 'If you can keep your mouth shut about that matter, then you're getting a better sleeping place.'

I nearly ran out of the building when I had left the office. Today, I'd finally reach the end of the diary. The end of Isolda C. Krüger's life.