This isn't realistic at all, and I don't even know how/why I thought of it.
"Oh my god. Can you believe it? We're parents! Five years later, and we're finally parents," Kelsi mused happily. She laced her fingers with Troy's, "When do you think we get to meet her?"
Troy smiled at his wife's happiness. He was just as excited as she was, "I don't know, Kels," he kissed her cheek, "she just had the baby. I'm sure the nurse will let us go in in a few minutes."
"I wonder what she looks like. Her mom is really pretty."
"Yes, she is," Troy squeezed Kelsi and winked at her.
"Oh my god! I am her mom, aren't I?" She giggled and it made Troy laugh as well. "You think I'm really pretty?" She teased, but before Troy could answer, they were interrupted by the sound of a door opening and closing.
"Mr. and Mrs. Bolton?" The nurse walked into the waiting room. "Are you ready to meet your daughter?"
"Yes! Yes, yes!" Kelsi jumped up from her seat and clapped. "We are so ready!"
Troy jumped up as well, "How is she? What does she look like? I bet she's perfect."
The nurse laughed softly, "She is lovely. Birth mom has requested that you each come meet her separately at first. Mom, she'd like for you to come first."
Troy paced the waiting room as he waited for Kelsi to finish meeting their new daughter. She'd been in there for fifteen minutes now. God he wanted to meet their baby.
"Troy!" Kelsi burst into the waiting room, throwing her arms around Troy's neck and kissing him, "She's perfect," her voice was soft, and her smile was dreamy. "Go meet our baby."
Troy knocked timidly on the door before peeking inside, "Can I come in?"
"Of course." She was holding a tiny bundle in her arms. Her voice was as gentle as her face. She didn't take her eyes off of the baby in her arms. Troy watched her place a small kiss onto his new daughter's head, and a sinking feeling entered his entire body. She loved this baby. What if she decided to keep her?
"Do you want to hold her?" She finally looked up at Troy.
"I would love to hold her, Gabriella." He gingerly took the infant from Gabriella's arms and sat down in the chair beside Gabriella's bed, "She's amazing."
"She certainly is," Gabriella's voice cracked, and Troy looked up to see that she was crying. "C…can I ask you something?"
"Of course," The sinking feeling consumed his gut. He watched Gabriella reach behind herself, and underneath her pillow.
"Will you give this to her one day?" Tears spilled down her cheeks, "You don't have to give it to her anytime soon. Maybe in like twenty or thirty years, or something. I don't care when. Just, will you give it to her eventually? Please?! You can read it. It isn't sealed yet" She was sobbing now, "I…I don't mind if you read it. I just want her to have it one day, because she'll wonder why I didn't keep her."
"Gabriella," Troy began, but he didn't know what to say.
"Can I hold her again?"
Troy nodded, and handed Gabriella the sweet little bundle. Once she was cooing and humming, Troy took the opportunity to grab the letter that she'd laid down.
When Troy finished reading the letter, he took a photo from the envelope that he'd taken the letter from. In the photo, Gabriella was smiling down at her new baby, but Troy could tell she was tired. Dark curls stuck to her face, and her cheeks were flushed – just as they were now. He turned to Gabriella and noticed that she had the same look of adoration on her face. She was nursing the baby now, "I'll give her the letter." He said softly.
"You will?" Gabriella looked up in genuine surprise. Her brown eyes glittered with new tears, "Really?"
"Really," he affirmed.
"Thank you," she reached out a hand to take his, "I love her so much. You'll take good care of her?"
"The best care. I'll make sure she knows that you love her, Gabriella. I'll tell her about you. You won't be a secret."
Gabriella laid the baby down in the crib next to her bed so that she could reach over and hug Troy. She was crying silently but eventually managed a soft "Thank you."
XXX
"She's perfect isn't she, Troy?" Kelsi met Troy as he walked back into the waiting room.
"So perfect. I can't even believe how perfect she is."
"We get to take her home in four days, and we'll officially be parents. God, Troy, are we ready for this? Can we do this?"
"Of course we can." He reassured, "That's our baby in there."
"What should we name her?"
"Let's go to the hotel and think about it."
XXX
Kelsi laid her head against Troy's chest, "Gabriella asked me to give her a letter. Can you imagine what a bad idea that would be? How confused she would be? I don't want that for our daughter."
Troy swallowed heavily, "What did the letter say?"
"I don't know. I didn't read it."
"So you told her no?" He hedged.
"Of course I told her no. I told her that I just couldn't. I'm her mother, not Gabriella," Kelsi looked up at Troy. "I don't want her to have to deal with that. That's so confusing for a child. I think it's better if she just doesn't know about Gabriella. She'll have us."
Troy was glad that Kelsi didn't ask him what happened when he was with Gabriella. They could discuss how they would talk to their daughter about her adoption later. They had time. But he couldn't help but feel sad for the young woman who was probably rocking the baby right now. As happy as he was to make such a precious little girl his daughter, he knew that doing so would deny that to her birth mother.
Troy pushed his mixed emotions aside, instead focusing on how happy Kelsi was – how happy he truly was. Right now they should just think about bringing their baby home. He suggested something before he could process what he was doing, "I think we should name her Camila."
"Oh," Kelsi mused softly, "I like that. How did you think of that?"
"She just seems like a Camila to me." It wasn't a complete lie.
XXX
Gabriella kissed her baby goodbye one last time, "Bye sweet girl."
Troy watched Gabriella's lips quiver and her hands shake as she handed the baby to the adoption agent, but Gabriella didn't cry. Once the baby was out of her arms, she clung to a nearby nurse, turning her face away from everyone else in the room.
"Mr. and Mrs. Bolton? Shall we?" Their adoption agent Amber held their baby and walked to the door. Troy and Kelsi followed her out the door, but as they were leaving, he looked back through the window to see Gabriella doubled over and heaving with tears as her nurse wrapped her arms around Gabriella. In the week that he and Kelsi had been in Chicago, he'd never seen any family with Gabriella. She'd been all alone except for her baby. Now she was completely alone.
XXX
"She doesn't cry very much, Troy. Do you think she's okay?" Kelsi chewed on her thumb as they both stared down at their sleeping daughter.
It was true. Mostly she just ate, and slept, and pooped. Sometimes she would make tiny sounds, or the muscles in her face would pull into a smile, but mostly Camila was a quiet baby.
"I don't think we should worry," Troy rubbed Kelsi's back. "She's only three weeks old. She's got a lot of growing to do. I bet that makes her tired."
"I know, but she's not even ever fussy. Like, most of the time we have to wake her for food. I thought babies weren't supposed to sleep through the night."
Troy shrugged and smiled, "I'm just as new at this as you are, but her pediatrician said she's healthy. She's got another appointment in a couple of weeks. Why don't we ask Dr. Sams then?"
"All right," Kelsi conceded as she reached into the crib, "until then, I want to hold her." Kelsi scooped Camila into her arms, and began to coo to her. Troy kissed the baby's tiny forehead and stared at her lovingly.
He and Kelsi had been married for three years before they started trying for a baby. They both thought that twenty-five was the perfect age to start growing their family. However, after three years of trying everything, it became apparent that biological children were not going to be possible, so they'd started thinking about adoption. Two years later, they were finally parents. And they were parents to the sweetest, most beautiful little girl. Troy thought of Gabriella's words in her letter. He didn't think it was possible to love something so much either, but here he was. He thought about how devastated he was to learn that he and Kelsi couldn't get pregnant, how his life felt like it was falling apart, but now, when he looked at Camila, he couldn't imagine life without her; and though he'd always long for a time and a place where his wife was glowing with pregnancy, he was also happy that they had decided to adopt a baby. He was happy that Camila's birth mother – Gabriella – had chosen them to be Camila's parents.
XXX
"Hi happy baby," Troy greeted his wife and daughter as they sat on a picnic blanket in the park. He tossed Camila in the air and listened to her giggle delightedly before placing several kisses on her little cheeks. When he sat her back down, she crawled over to Kelsi and waved in her face.
"Hi baby," Kelsi waved back. "Are you hungry?"
"I'm hungry," Troy answered.
"You're always hungry." Kelsi joked before handing him the basket of foods.
The pair chatted and played with their baby until they were approached by a woman and small child.
"Hi there," she greeted with a wave. Then she waved to Camila, "Hi little one. Sorry to interrupt your lunch. My son and I," she motioned to the boy beside her, "are trying to find the pavilion. Do you happen to know where that is? We've never been to this park before."
Camila crawled towards the little boy who stood shyly beside his mother as Troy answered, "Yeah, it's about a fourth of a mile down this trail. Then, you turn right at the fork. You can't miss it."
"Thank you so much! And I'm sorry if this is intrusive, but do you have any Colombian in your family? My husband's side of the family is Colombian, and your little girl reminds me of my niece." She smiled good-naturedly at the couple and their baby, who was inspecting the little boy's shoe strings.
"Aah, no we don't," Troy scratched the back of his neck lightly as he glanced at Kelsi to read her reaction.
The woman didn't seem to notice, "Oh, well she's a lovely little thing. Come on mi hijo. We've got to go meet Tia."
XXX
Two years later
Kelsi slammed the door of the dishwasher angrily, "How could you do that?! You knew I didn't want to tell her yet!"
"Kels," he tried to pacify, "we have to tell her. We can't just keep hiding it. It's easier when they're little. There's less stigma. There's –"
Before he could finish, Kelsi interrupted him, "Don't start that with me," she lowered her voice, but she was still angry, "Don't start with the research, and the child well-being, and all that stuff. I don't want to talk to Troy Bolton, PhD. I want to talk to Troy Bolton my husband, and I want you know acknowledge how I'm feeling!"
"I am," Troy looked at her longingly, "I am. I know that you want the best for Camila. You want to protect her. I know how much you love her. I love her too, and I want to make sure that we're making good decisions every step of the way."
"So are you saying that what I think is a bad decision?"
"I'm not saying that."
"Then what are you saying, Troy? Please explain it to me."
"What I'm saying," he came toward her and placed his hands on her shoulders, "is that we have a delicate situation here. There's not an owner's manual. And there's no way we can predict the future, but I know, I know that one day she's going to ask us about it. She already looks just like her birth mother. She'll be looking in the mirror one day, and she'll notice her dark curls, her brown eyes, she'll see something in herself, and she'll know, Kelsi. Or she'll here some random person comment on the way she doesn't favor either of us, because that's already happening," he emphasized, "and she'll be heartbroken. Then, she'll wonder why we waited so long to tell her; and then, she'll wonder why her birth mother didn't want her."
"But did we have to tell her now? She's two."
"Exactly! It's easier when she's two. There's no stigma around it, there's no feeling like she's unloved or lied to. It's easy. It's just a conversation. Plus," Troy hesitated.
"Plus what?"
"She found this," timidly, he pulled a photo from his back pocket and handed it to Kelsi.
Her eyes filled with angry tears when she turned the photo over and read it:
Birth mother – Gabriella Rivera
Baby born October 15, 2016
"Why do we have this? How did she find it, Troy?!" Kelsi began to shake, and she pulled away from Troy's attempted embrace.
"She's two. She's into everything. I went to the bathroom, and when I came out, she'd raided the storage closet. She must have found it in one of the boxes."
Kelsi bit her lip silently for a moment before emphasizing, "Why do we have it, Troy?"
He signed, "Gabriella gave it to me when she gave me the letter for Camila."
"You took that letter? And you didn't tell me? You knew…" she choked back a sob, "You knew how I felt about it. You knew I told her no."
"But I told her yes."
"Why would you do that?"
"Because I read the letter, Kels. I couldn't read it and then not give it to Camila; and Gabriella was crying, and we were taking her baby."
"Our baby! We were taking our baby. She chose us. She signed the papers and everything."
"I know, but that doesn't mean it was easy.
XXX
Troy was sitting in the glider in Camila's room. Camila was sitting in his lap, sucking her thumb. It was almost bedtime, and as was routine, he was rocking her, and speaking softly to her.
She looked up at him, her curious brown eyes making him smile, "I want to see me and Brella."
"Hmm," Troy teased her as he stood up and danced her around the room. "I don't know where it is."
Her eyes widened and she wiggled in his embrace, "Daddy! Yes!" She knew this game well. Troy frequently pretended to not know where Camila's favorite treasures were, but she was a smart little one. She'd caught on quickly.
"You got me," he sighed humorously, "Here you go, baby girl," he handed her the photo she was fascinated by.
"That me," she looked up at her father for affirmation. Her big, brown eyes made him smile again. Everything about his little girl made him smile. She was sweet and affectionate. She was a happy, easy-going little girl, and he was so proud to be her daddy.
"You're right. That's you. That's from the day you were born."
Camila stared at the photo as she'd done so many times before. She ran her chubby fingers against the image of the woman with long, dark curls who was holding the baby, "That's Brella."
"You're right. That's Gabriella. She loves you very much. She told me so. I think you look like her."
As he finished saying it, he heard a closet in the hallway slam.
"All right, sweet girl. It's time for bed. I'm going to lay you down, and kiss you goodnight."
"Okay," she responded as Troy carried her to her bed. He tucked her in before kissing her goodnight and turning off the light. He left the door cracked open, and he entered the hall to see Kelsi putting linens away.
"You know I hate it when you talk to her about her birth mother."
"But I don't understand why, Kels."
"That's the problem, Troy," she looked up at him, and he realized that she was crying. "That's the problem. You don't realize that it makes me feel like less of her mother when you talk about her birth mother. I feel like her fake mom, because you tell her about this woman who loves her, and wanted her. I feel like the bad guy when I haven't done anything wrong."
Troy brought his wife into his arms, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Kelsi. I didn't know that. I was just thinking so much about Camila and making sure she knew that she's always been wanted by everyone involved." He looked at Kelsi intently, "That doesn't make you less her mother. And it definitely doesn't make you the bad guy. You're Camila's mother. You know that. I know that. She knows that. I'm sorry I didn't think about you when I was telling her."
"But, I just don't understand how you could not think about me, Troy. If it was the other way around, you would be the first person I thought of. Imagine it, Troy. How would you feel if I kept telling our daughter about this man who loved her, and wanted her to have a perfect life?"
Troy didn't know how to answer. He didn't know that what he was doing was so detrimental to his wife. He just wanted to tell their daughter the truth. He didn't want her to grow up with the sense that her birth mother was some bad woman who gave her baby away. He wanted Camila to know that she was never abandoned.
"I'm sorry, Kelsi. What should I do? How can I help make this easier?"
"You could stop. Stop giving her the photo. Stop telling her that Gabriella loves her. Just please stop." She let him pull her tightly into his embrace. She wrapped her own arms around his middle, and rested her face against his chest, "Will you get rid of the letter and photo, please?"
XXX
Kelsi was home alone. Troy was spending the day with Camila at his parent's house, but Kelsi didn't feel like tagging along today. Nothing was the same. She and Troy weren't the same anymore. Of course she still loved him, but she hadn't realized that so much would change once they were parents. Before Camila, it was just the two of them. Troy did little things to surprise her. He thought about her. He didn't not think about her now, but his whole life seemed to revolve around Camila, around being a dad. Kelsi couldn't begrudge him that, because her whole life revolved around that little girl too; and she wouldn't have it any other way. But there was just something that still made her think he was a different Troy. He was as kind and good as he'd always been, but something held him back from being the man she'd married.
She sighed as she continued to tidy Camila's room. Her whirlwind of a little girl was excellent at cleaning up when someone instructed her to do so. The problem was, her father rarely instructed her to do so. As she was gathering tiny pairs of leggings that were peeking from beneath Camila's bed, her hand bumped something hard. Why was there a box under there? Kelsi pulled the box out from underneath the bed. It was painted with Van Gogh's "Starry Night" and on side it said "Camila." Kelsi smiled as she opened it. It was a memory box. Troy must have started one for her. She rummaged through, and her heart swelled with adoration at the photos she found inside, the little trinkets, the cards from family members, dried flowers. It was beautiful. One letter in particular caught her eye, though. It was a small cream colored envelope, and on the front was written Baby Girl. She didn't recognize the handwriting. As she unfolded the letter, and read the first couple of lines, she felt like she was going to be sick. She thought Troy had gotten rid of it. Against everything inside of her, she continued:
Hi my sweet baby,
I want you to know how much I love you. I am so, so in love with you. I love you more than anything in this world. I didn't know it was possible to love something so much. You are perfect. You're only two days old, but I know that I'll never meet anyone as amazing as you. You have ten tiny fingers, and ten tiny toes. Two dark, beautiful eyes and a shock of black hair. Maybe you'll look a little like me one day. I can't believe that I gave birth to you, though. How did I get so lucky?
I don't know what your new mother and father will name you, but in my mind, I think of you as Camila. And my darling Camila, I need you to know that I will always love you. Know that I'll think about you every second of every day. I wish that I could keep you, but that would be so, so selfish. I can't do that to you. I can't give you everything you deserve if I keep you. I don't live in a safe place. I'm not surrounded by safe people.
I want you to have two adults who kiss you goodnight. I want you to live in a place where you can run and giggle as your daddy chases you. I want you to read books as you lean against your mother's chest, and I want you to have bed time stories, and whispered I love yous as you fall asleep. I can't give you that, but I'll do anything to make sure that someone gives you those things.
Know that my heart will never not be broken. I'll find comfort in knowing that you are safe and loved, but I'll cry for you every night.
Please know that I want you. I'm not giving you up because I don't want you. I've never wanted anything as badly as I want you. I want to always hold you in my arms the way I have these past two days. I want to wake up in the middle of the night and nurse you, sing you lullabies, speak to you in Spanish, everything. I want you to be my baby, but you can't be. You deserve more than a homeless, eighteen year old mother; and you certainly deserve more than a life time in foster care.
I will forever think of you as my darling Camila. I know that you won't think of me as Mama, but I hope you can think of me as another person to always love you. And I hope that you can forgive me. I know what it feels like to believe that the person who birthed you doesn't want you. That's not true for you, sweet girl. You are so, so wanted. And so, so loved.
Forever and ever,
Gabriella Rivera
P.S. the photo I included was taken five hours after you were born. I have a copy of this photo too. Besides you, it's the most precious thing I have.
XXX
"Troy?" Kelsi was standing in the adjoining bathroom, but Troy could hear her clearly from their bedroom.
"Yeah?"
"Why did we name her Camila?"
Troy's brow furrowed. That was an odd question. "I thought we agreed that it suited her."
"We did, but I'm just wondering how you thought of that name. It wasn't one we'd discussed before. We'd talked about Victoria, and Anna, and Laurel, but never Camila." Kelsi walked into their room and climbed into bed beside Troy.
Troy listened to his wife sigh as she turned over so that her back faced him, "You didn't get rid of the letter or photo; and you named her Camila because that's what Gabriella wanted." Her voice was quiet. She didn't speak accusingly, just matter-of-factly.
Troy couldn't say anything.
"I know why you didn't get rid of the letter. The letter…from Gabriella. I know why you couldn't throw it out. I read it. I wouldn't have been able to throw it out either, but what hurts the most is that you lied to me. You've lied to me for two years."
XXX
"That's the last box, man." Chad sat down a box of dishes on Troy's kitchen counter.
"Thanks, Chad. It feels so surreal. I haven't lived by myself since I was twenty-two. That was eleven years ago. It's so surreal," he ran a hand through his disheveled hair.
"Cheer up, Hoops. You aren't completely alone."
"Yeah," he huffed, "I get my daughter Monday through Wednesday and every other Sunday. Lucky me," sarcasm dripped from his words.
"I know this isn't ideal."
"No shitting. Divorced and co-parenting a toddler with my pregnant ex-wife and her instant rebound fiancé."
Chad couldn't stifle the smirk that crossed his face, "You're happy for Kelsi and you know it, and Camila is going to be just fine. You both love her. That's the most important thing, right?"
"Of course. I just wish she didn't have to live a life where she splits holidays, and vacations. I don't want her to ever feel like she's put in the middle."
"You and Kelsi wouldn't do that. You've handled everything very amicably from what I've seen."
XXX
"Okay, she should have everything she needs for the next three days. I packed extra socks and underwear. Potty training has been going fine, but just in case," Kelsi fretted over Camila while simultaneously juggling a new infant.
"Kels, you didn't have to do that. Honestly, you don't even need to pack a bag for her. She just needs her bunny. I have everything else here." They'd had this conversation since their custody agreement began.
"I know. Sorry. Camila," she turned her attention to the toddler, "I love you. Be good for Daddy." She kissed her goodbye before leaving Troy's house.
"Oh my big girl!" Troy scooped Camila into his arms and listened to the melody of her giggles. "I have missed you. Let's have lunch and you can tell me about everything you did when you were with Mommy and Ryan."
XXX
"I'm Rebecca," Gabriella's new roommate greeted her politely, extending her hand.
"Gabriella."
"What community college did you transfer from?" Rebecca didn't wait for a response, "I'm from Kennedy-King."
"Malcolm X," Gabriella replied, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and walking over to her closet. She still had a few boxes to unpack, and she didn't really want to make idle chit chat with her new roommate. Truthfully, she didn't want a roommate at all, but her scholarship and state money wouldn't pay for a single room. She'd have to pretend to be normal around Rebecca, and that was exhausting.
"What are you studying, Gabriella?"
"Early Childhood Education."
"Eww. You like kids," Rebecca joked, "I much prefer numbers. They don't talk back. I'm a math major."
"I don't like numbers at all," Gabriella bit the corner of her lip. She hated numbers. They just counted up the number of days since she'd seen her baby, or they counted down the number of days she had left to maybe see her baby again. Numbers weren't her friend any way she looked at them.
XXX
"No, Rebecca, really. It's okay. You go have fun."
"Are you sure, Gabs? We can wait while you change if you want to come out with us." Rebecca stood in the doorway. Her blonde hair and red lips looked perfect for a night dancing. Gabriella smiled. She had to admit, having Rebecca as a roommate wasn't so bad. The first couple of weeks were awkward, but it was February now, and they'd fallen into a nice friendship over the past several months.
"No, Bec. You go ahead. Go have fun. I actually just want to do a little reading and go to sleep."
"Okay, but only because I know you've had a rough week. See you later!"
"Bye." Gabriella crawled beneath the blankets on her bed. Rebecca was right. It had been a rough week; and Gabriella had no idea why, but this week made her miss the daughter she'd never known more than ever. Her tiny baby was three now. Gabriella dreamed of her. She imagined a bright, joyful little girl with dark curls and equally as dark eyes. She wondered if her daughter was shy or outgoing. Whenever she couldn't stop thinking of her daughter, couldn't function in the real world because of all consuming thoughts of her little daughter, she wrote her a letter. She'd written hundreds upon hundreds, and they sat in a hatbox beneath her bed as a reminder that they'd probably never be read.
In the letters, she called her daughter Camila. She pretended they knew one another, that they had a life together. She wrote things like, My sweet baby, today you fell and scraped your knee. You were trying to climb the stairs all by yourself. The look in your eyes broke my heart. I brought you into my arms and held you against my chest as you cried. I sang your favorite lullaby as you sniffed out pitiful little cries of "mommy." You're my brave girl, though, because you got back up, and you tried again. This time you didn't fall.
Or she wrote apologies to her: Darling Camila, you'll never know me as "Mama." For that I'll be forever sorry. I'll always think of you as my baby. Every night I dream of a different life. A life where your birth mother was older, and smarter, and better. I'm comforted in the fact that a couple named Troy and Kelsi are loving you. I just wish I could give you my love too.
Gabriella had written four letters this week. This week she'd broken down. She'd cried herself into exhaustion. She'd forgotten to eat all of Monday. She needed to write this week. She needed to let Camila know how much she meant to the woman who was her mama from once upon a time.
XXX
Gabriella loaded the last box into the moving van.
"I can't believe you're moving all the way to Albuquerque. Why would you want to move to the desert?"
Gabriella hugged Rebecca, "I'll miss you too. Go change the world," Gabriella flicked the tassel of on Rebecca's mortar board affectionately, "who knew math could be a world changer?"
They both laughed, and Rebecca tugged Gabriella's tassel, "Go educate the future president."
Gabriella nodded, "I'll come visit, but I need to be away from Chicago for a while. The memories are still tender."
Rebecca was the only person outside her family who knew about the daughter she'd given up for adoption. She also knew why Gabriella had given her up.
"She'd be really proud of you, Gabriella." Rebecca took her friend's hands into her own. She held them up to her own chest so that Gabriella would be forced to look into her eyes as she spoke, "I know she would be."
"She's only five." Gabriella tried not to cry.
"If she's as smart as you, though, she'd know what an accomplishment it is to graduate from the University of Chicago with a 4.0 and all your distinctions and accolades." Rebecca changed the subject, seeing the hurt in Gabriella's eyes. "Are you excited to finally meet your dad's side of the family? Is your aunt excited that you're moving down there?"
"I mean, I remember them a little bit from when I was a kid, but yeah. She is. She's the one paying for the moving company and my plane ticket."
"Wow. She must be loaded."
"I think she's a dentist."
"You think?"
"I can't remember what she said. I was in too much awe that she wants me to come meet my family."
"They'll love you," Rebecca reassured, "I know you won't believe this, but everyone that meets you falls instantly in love with you, Gabriella. There's something so special about you."
"I don't know about that, but I do know that I love you. You're my best friend, Bec."
XXX
"Gabriella, we are so excited that you've accepted the job offer with our school. I've heard nothing but good things about you and your work. Your references speak very highly of you."
"Thank you," her humility radiated.
"Let's go look at the classroom you'll be in this fall." Gabriella walked with the assistant principal down along hallway decorated with children's art and teachers' documentation. This was by far her favorite school, and she was glad they'd chosen her as the new kindergarten teacher. She looked at all the projects and works displayed for families. It was like a dream.
"Here we are. Room number two. You'll have fifteen children in your class, and a rotating aide will be with you for part of the day. Most of the supplies you need are already here, like paints, and paper, and glue, and all the typical stuff. That's covered as part of tuition for the children who pay to be a part of the school. Children who are here on scholarship or are otherwise covered financially contribute to the classroom in other ways. We've budgeted a bit of money for you to spend to make the classroom your own. Feel free to have a look around. I'll be in my office when you're done."
"Thank you," was all Gabriella could think to say. It was surreal. She was a teacher. This was her classroom. In four weeks, she would have a room full of children.
XXX
"Her teacher is Miss Montez," Kelsi coached Troy on what to expect from their daughter's first day of school. Initially, Kelsi was supposed to take Camila to school for her first day, but somehow their schedules had been rearranged, and now he was left with very little information about school procedures like drop-off and pick-up.
Troy put the phone on speaker while he tried to tame Camila's curls, "I haven't met her yet, but all the other moms say she's great. She's really young and energetic, and she loves kids."
"That's great," Troy spoke around the hair tie in his mouth. He pulled Camila's hair into a haphazard ponytail.
"Ouch, Daddy. Can I just wear it down?" She was sitting on the vanity, looking at herself in the mirror.
Troy easily conceded, "Great idea, baby. Why don't you do your hair however you like while I finish talking to Mommy?"
"Okay!" He helped her down, and she ran off.
"Kelsi, I've got to go, or we're going to be late. I still need to pack her lunch, and traffic is probably going to be terrible."
"Okay, okay. Tell her I love her. Bye, Troy."
XXX
"Daddy, why are we running? I thought you said we weren't late." He held Camila's hand as they jogged down the hallway to her new classroom.
"We're only a little bit late, baby, but Daddy has to go to work, and I'll be really, really late if we don't run. I have to make sure I'm on time for my students too."
"But I thought we weren't supposed to run inside."
"Usually we aren't, and you should listen to your teacher."
Camila stopped abruptly, "Daddy, you just said we aren't supposed to run. What if my teacher gets mad at me?"
Troy rolled his eyes humorously and picked Camila up. He kissed her face, "No one could get made at such a smart, wonderful girl. But if you're worried, how about I do the running and just carry you?" He didn't wait for a response as he continued jogging toward her classroom.
He opened the door and was greeted by a woman with blonde hair milling about a group of children.
"You must be our last friend," she greeted Camila and Troy. "I'm Sonya the rotating aid. Gabriella went to grab some supplies, but she'll be right back.
"I'm Troy Bolton, and this is my daughter Camila. Sorry we're late. Her mom was supposed to bring her, but our schedules got rearranged, so I have her for the whole week." Her beamed at Camila and bounced her in his arms a bit.
"I see. Camila, why don't you go meet your new friends. There are lots of interesting materials you can explore too."
"Daddy?" She looked up at him questioningly.
"It's okay, love. Remember, we talked about this. You're going to spend the day playing, and I'll pick you up after work. I love you." He kissed her and put her down. "I'll be back this afternoon, baby."
"Thanks," he waved to Sonya and left.
Gabriella came back into the room, and noticed a new little student standing at the easel and using the watercolors she'd sat out.
"Is that Camila Bolton?" Gabriella asked Sonya.
Sonya nodded, "She's just been here for about five minutes. Her dad dropped her off. It sounded like he wasn't expecting to have her this week, so they were a little late."
"I'll go say hi." She walked over to the easel, "Hi, Camila. I'm Gabriella. I'm glad you're in my class."
As Camila looked up at Gabriella, the young woman felt like the breath was knocked out of her.
XXX
She couldn't be. She literally could not be. Gabriella flipped through the children's files. She hadn't had time to thoroughly look at them before school started, but she was making time now. She found Camila's file and opened it. Under legal guardians, there were three names: Troy Bolton, Kelsi Neilson-Evans, and Ryan Evans. Her heart raced. It couldn't be.
The couple who had adopted her baby were named Troy and Kelsi. She didn't know their last name, though. And who was Ryan? She kept flipping through the file. She wanted to see the child info sheet. When she got to it, she read through the questions hastily: Describe your child's temperament, Does your child have a difficult time with separation? General questions until she made it to the questions she wanted to know the answers to: Was your child adopted? They answered Yes; and Does your child know that s/he was adopted? They answered Sort of. What did that mean?
Was this Camila her baby? How was that even possible?
XXX
"Gabriella is my teacher," Camila said as she and her father had dinner.
Troy nodded, "You're right. Her name is Gabriella."
"Do you think she still loves me?"
Troy looked up. That was a strange way of asking if her teacher liked her, "I'm sure she loves you very much, baby."
Camila grinned, "I love her too, Daddy! She let me hold her hand when we went to lunch, and she read us stories, and she smiled all the time. I'm going to show her my picture tomorrow!"
Troy laughed and kissed her, "She sounds like a very nice teacher, and teachers love pictures."
XXX
"Gabriella, Gabriella!" Camila ran into her classroom before stopping and running back to her father, "Bye, Daddy." She hugged his leg.
"Bye, baby," Troy turned to speak with Sonya who was walking into the classroom, "She's been talking about Gabriella all morning. I didn't know she'd make such a good impression in one day. She has some picture she wants to show Gabriella."
Sonya watched Camila run to Gabriella, "She does have a way with children. I think they all like her. She's very gentle and attentive."
Gabriella was sitting on the floor with two other children when Camila ran up to her. She hugged her teacher, "I have a picture of us."
Gabriella held the little girl in her arms a little longer than necessary. This was her baby. She just knew it. "You do?" her voice was soft and tender. "Would you like to show it to me?"
Camila pulled something out of her pocket and unfolded it. When Gabriella looked at it, she audibly sobbed, gaining the attention of both Sonya and Troy.
She was staring at a photo of herself five years ago holding a small bundle. She stood up and continued to sob.
"Gabriella," Sonya and Troy both rushed to her, "What's the matter?"
She couldn't speak. She just shook her head and knelt down in front of Camila. She tried to smile as she stroked the little girl's cheek and pushed hair out of her face. Camila reached up and brushed tears from Gabriella's cheek, "Why are you crying?"
"I'm just very happy to see you. Can I show you my picture too?"
Camila nodded, and took Gabriella's hand as they walked over to the spot where she kept her purse.
Troy and Sonya stared at each other, unsure of what was going on. They watched from afar as Gabriella took something from her purse and handed it to Camila.
Camila stared down at a photo that was identical to her own, just a little less wrinkled and scratched. She looked at her own photo and Gabriella's photo, mentally comparing the images. Then, she ran over to her father.
"Daddy look! I showed Gabriella my picture, and she has the same picture!" She held them up for Troy to see. All color drained from his face as he looked between the photos, Camila, and a teary-eyed Gabriella.
"Gabriella?" he approached her slowly.
She nodded, affirming that it was her.
XXX
Troy had yet to tell Kelsi about Gabriella. He wanted to talk to Gabriella first, so that's what he was doing. It was Saturday, and he'd left Camila with his parents for a couple of hours. He was meeting Gabriella at a coffee shop close to the school so they could talk. He was early, and each ding of the door made him jump, anticipating that his daughter's birth mother would be the person walking through the door.
Finally, she was. She wore a cream colored dress and all her inhibitions. Her arms were wrapped about herself as she scanned the room nervously for Troy. He stood and waved her over.
She looked the same as she had five years ago. She didn't appear to have aged other than the look in her eyes.
Troy watched her sit down, still unable to meet his gaze.
"I'm not surprised you're a teacher," Troy broke their silence, making her look up.
"Excuse me?"
"I…I mean, the last time I saw you, I remember thinking about how selfless and gentle you were. Those are good teacher qualities."
"Thank you."
Troy chuckled quietly, "How on earth is this even possible?"
"You named her Camila," Gabriella's eyes swam. "You read my letter, and you named her Camila."
"I thought she needed something from you. Turns out she got a lot more. She looks just like you, Gabriella."
"When I first saw her I felt like someone punched me in the stomach. I thought that it couldn't be her, but it was like looking in a mirror from twenty years ago. And her eyes. Oh god, she looked just like the baby I held so long ago."
Troy watched the young woman in front of him glow as she talked about meeting the little girl she'd longed for all these years.
"It can't be possible." She finally mused, and then she looked up at him with the saddest expression he'd ever seen. It was even sadder than when she'd handed him a baby five years ago. "It's not possible. She's your baby now." She shook her head, "I have to go. I'm so stupid."
"Gabriella, wait," Troy reached out and grabbed her hand, successfully thwarting her attempt to escape.
"Don't take her out of school just yet," Gabriella pleaded. "Please let me see her one more time." She sat back down and let Troy hold her hand. She placed her free hand on top of his and spoke almost hysterically. "I thought I'd never see her again. I…I have more letters for her. Hundreds actually. Can I give her one? Has she read my other one?"
"Gabriella," she was so young, and she had an intense mixture of terror and hope written on her face.
She bit her lower lip and looked away when he said her name, "I'm sorry. I know I don't know her, and I have no right to ask you to give her something else, or to let her stay at school for one more day. I just love her so much. I know that's crazy since I don't know her, but I can still remember what it felt like to carry her inside my body and what it felt like to carry her in my arms. I think about her constantly, and now I've seen her again, and it's the cruelest joke the universe could ever play, because I know that she's not mine anymore and that you don't want her to have anything to do with me."
It was a strange feeling. He didn't know anything about Gabriella, but she had the same look about her that Camila did, and it made him want to give her anything in the world.
"Why don't…" he licked his lips, "why don't we take it slow? Let me get to know you, and you can get to know me. You'll still be Camila's teacher, but after we know one another better, maybe we can spend some time together with Camila outside of school?"
And that's how Troy began spending every Saturday evening with Gabriella.
XXX
"I thought your last name was Rivera," Troy said as he pulled Gabriella's seat out for her.
She sat down and looked at the menu for a few seconds before answering, "I changed it when I moved down here. My mother is Rivera, but my father's side of my family is Montez."
"What made you want to change it?"
"Just that," she shrugged. "The need for change. Rivera held a lot of hard memories."
This was their seventh Saturday together. Everything was becoming easier. They were more comfortable together. It was less birth mom meets adoptive dad and more Troy meets Gabriella. Gabriella liked him a lot. In fact, she was starting to think that maybe she liked him too much. He was easy to talk to. He was funny and generous. He was charming and handsome. He made her smile a little bit too much. She liked the way his blue eyes sparkled boyishly when he laughed. She liked the way his light brown hair fell across his forehead, or how it looked when he put gel in it, or basically any way he wore it. She wondered if she looked pretty when they were together. She wondered if he thought she looked pretty. Sometimes he would compliment her by telling her that she looked nice, but that was about it.
It was absurd really. What did she care? He didn't have to think she looked pretty. He just had to think she was worthy of getting to know Camila outside of school, so why did she want so badly for him to think she was pretty? She'd never felt like a pretty girl. She'd only had one boyfriend ever, and it was a haphazard romance that ended abruptly when she told him she was pregnant. She'd found out later that he never even liked her. He was just trying to get closer to her older cousin.
"Brie?" She felt Troy's fingers brush against her own as he used a nickname she quite enjoyed hearing. It rolled off his tongue easily and sounded heavenly to her ears.
"I'm sorry. Were you saying something?"
"I was saying that Camila has been asking about you."
"Really?" Gabriella visibly brightened, reaching out to clutch the fingers Troy had just brushed against her own.
Troy stared at her with a soft grin. She looked like Camila did on Christmas, sparkly and breathless with joy. "Yeah. I told her that maybe one day we could all go to the park, and now she hasn't stopped asking when you'll be coming over to go to the park."
"We can?" Gabriella asked hopefully. "That's okay, I mean?" She was trying not to get her hopes up, but Troy could feel the excitement as her grip on his fingers tightened.
"I know this has been hard for you, Brie," to her surprise, he caressed her cheek. "I can see how much you love Camila, and I'm sorry it's been such a slow process."
"It's okay. I'm okay," she closed her eyes and leaned into his touch, "I understand why we have to move slowly, and I know it will be a little while longer. You still have to talk to Kelsi. She doesn't even know I'm me. She's seen me at school. I've even heard Camila yell Look it's Gabriella. But she hasn't connected the pieces."
XXX
Gabriella was holding a sick Camila. All the other children were having lunch. However, Camila was running a fever and had a stomach ache, so they were sitting in the nurse's office.
Gabriella rocked her and cooed to her, "It's okay, sweetheart. Daddy will be here soon to pick you up."
"I don't want you," Camila cried and held her stomach. "I want my mommy."
Gabriella nodded, keeping her voice soft and even, "I know. I'm a poor substitute."
XXX
"Daddy?"
"Yeah, baby."
"Does Mommy still love me even though she has Claire?"
"Of course she does."
"Do you think Gabriella loves me?"
"I know she does. I saw the way she looked at you when you were born. That will never go away."
"Do you think she loves me more than Mommy loves me?"
"Honey, what's going on?"
"Sometimes I just feel like Mommy doesn't love me as much as she loves Claire. She doesn't play with me the same, or she doesn't sit with me the same."
"Well, Claire is only two. She's little. Maybe that's why Mommy does things differently with her. Little kids need different things."
Camila frowned, "I don't think that's it." The way her eyebrows knitted together in thought made Troy think about Gabriella.
"Come here," Troy brought his daughter into his lap and rocked her, "I love you more than Van Gogh loves a starry night."
"And more than Da Vinci loves Mona Lisa?"
"And way more than Frieda loves herself."
This made Camila laugh as she snuggled against his chest and eventually fell asleep.
XXX
"I talked to Kelsi. She's livid."
Gabriella winced, "I know. She visited me at school yesterday. The only reason she was civil was because she had to come see me in the classroom, and when she entered Camila saw her." Gabriella recalled seeing Camila bound up to her mother and exclaim, Mommy! This is my Gabriella. She's in my picture and I'm in her picture.
"I know," Troy pulled Gabriella into a hug as they waited in line for movie tickets. "Camila called me and told me that she introduced Mommy to her Gabriella." He smiled down at her, "she calls you my Gabriella now."
"I kind of love it," Gabriella admitted.
XXX
"I thought that you and Kelsi adopted Camila because you couldn't have children, but Camila has a sister?"
"Yeah. It's strange. Kelsi and I couldn't have children, but we could get pregnant. She got pregnant three or four times, but they were all miscarriages. All the doctors said it was a combination of our genes. Together we were at a higher risk for chromosomal abnormalities, and that it was likely she would never carry a child we created to full term."
Gabriella nodded, and laced her fingers with his, "I'm sorry."
"Don't be. It just means I'm the father of the most phenomenal child in the world."
XXX
"I'm going to kiss you," she could almost feel his smile against her lips. "Is that all right, Gabriella?"
"Yes," she breathed out before she could stop herself. They'd been spending time together for nearly six months, and he had yet to make any sort of move. Gabriella thought she just had a silly school girl crush on an older man, but tonight had been different. He held her hand. He told her she looked beautiful. He whispered silly things in her ear. And now he was going to kiss her. Finally!
Troy brought her into his arms, and he slowly began to kiss her. First, he brushed his lips across her forehead, then down her nose, over each of her eyes. He pressed gentle kisses to her cheeks and her chin, then his mouth hovered over her own. She could feel him breathing, and it taunted her. She'd never wanted anyone to kiss her as badly as she wanted Troy to kiss her in this moment.
Before his mouth was properly on hers, he whispered, "I'm falling in love with you." And then he kissed her before she could fully register his words or say anything. Troy hugged her closer, and Gabriella wrapped her arms around his neck, her fingers shyly playing with his hair.
XXX
Kelsi was sitting in the floor with Camila and Claire. They were molding play dough into shapes and discussing what they should do for the weekend.
"Do you need more purple, Camila?" Kelsi asked as she watched the little girl shape the purple material into what looked to be petals for a flower.
"Yes," she didn't look up, but continued to work, "Mommy showed us how to do this when we were at school."
"What?" Kelsi's stomach flipped. She wasn't at Camila's school.
"At school," Camila emphasized without looking up, "Gabriella showed us how to make the play dough in a ball and then smash it with our fingers to make a flower."
Her oldest daughter had just called another woman – her birth mother no less – Mommy. Kelsi's whole being felt numb. She wasn't sure what to do. Camila clearly didn't realize that she'd just called her teacher mommy. She was now showing her younger sister the flower she was working on. Kelsi tried to think logically. Children commonly called people they were familiar with, or comfortable around by the names the people they loved most. However, she'd never heard Camila accidentally call Ryan daddy. She'd never called her grandparents by any other names. This was the first time she'd heard Camila call another person mommy, and it hurt so badly.
"Mommy are you listening?" Camila patted Kelsi's hand to get her attention.
"What were you saying, baby?"
"I said can I keep this one to give to Daddy?" She held up the flower she'd created.
"Of course."
XXX
"I haven't had sex in years," Gabriella admitted as she and Troy kissed desperately and fumbled their way to his bedroom.
"Neither have I." He hoisted her up so that she could wrap her legs around his waist. Then he pressed her against a wall. He loved the feeling of her soft curves beneath his hands. He loved the way she tasted, the way she sounded as she panted out his name and the little mewls she made. He loved everything about her. His pelvis rocked against hers and her body responded to each sensual meeting.
Gabriella relished in the way Troy was currently loving her body – the way his hands held her and the way he licked and sucked at her skin.
The only sex Gabriella had ever had was when she was seventeen, and it was with an equally as young partner who only knew to stick his hand between her legs and poke and prod until he'd provided enough stimulation for Gabriella to orgasm. In general, sex wasn't really as enjoyable for her as she saw that it was for him, even though he'd always just climb on top of her and hump for a couple of minutes before it was all over.
Sex with Troy was proving to be different than that. Even if he hadn't had sex in years, he was older and surely more experienced than she. As frantically as they had been acting when taking each other's clothes off, he was actually a really slow lover once they entered the bedroom. Troy laid her down on his bed and hovered over her, "You're so beautiful, Brie. So beautiful." Her hair was fanned out across his pillow.
Gabriella pulled him up her body so that they were face to face, "I love you."
"I want to show you how much I love you." He knew how to touch her everywhere. The nerve endings in the entirety of her body were on high alert waiting for his next move. He explored her body with his hands, with his mouth, and with his tongue. Her toes were curling and all she wanted to do was make love to him, feel him settle securely and comfortably between her warm thighs.
"I find it," she moaned, "I find it hard to believe that you are years without practice."
"Mmm. I've been saving it all for you," he flirted as he twirled his tongue against her breast.
"I need you to kiss me again," she all but begged.
Troy hovered over her for a minute, the dopey smile on his face making her blush. "You wouldn't believe how much I love you." He finally told Gabriella.
"I think I can." Gabriella panted and pulled him in for a kiss.
XXX
"Are you seriously sleeping with her?" Kelsi saw several pieces of women's clothing as she walked past Troy's room on her way to Camila's. "Of all the women in the world, it has to be her? Let's ignore the fact that she's our daughter's BIRTH MOTHER. Did you think about the fact that she's young enough to be one of your students?"
Troy didn't answer. He already knew his love for Gabriella was complicating everything, but who was to say that was anything new. His feelings for Gabriella had been complicating things from the beginning.
XXX
Gabriella came out of the adjoining bathroom holding up the stick she'd just peed on, "I think I'm pregnant."
"Let's give it one more practice round just to make sure," he twirled Gabriella before gently tossing her on the bed. The melody of her giggles spurring him to pepper her face with kisses.
"What kind of crazy world do you and I live in that we're having a baby?" Gabriella brushed her knuckles against Troy's cheek. "You're going to love both babies that I give birth to?"
"It blows my mind," he whispered against Gabriella's lips. "Two babies." The way he signed the realization made Gabriella's heart flutter. She loved this man so much.
She told him, "I love you. I didn't think I'd ever love anyone the way I love you."
"I love you too. I'm going to love you forever, Brie."
XXX
"Oh! Kelsi," Gabriella opened the door of Troy's home expecting the pizza they'd ordered. All she was wearing was one of Troy's shirts that came mid-thigh. She blushed and ran her fingers through her hair so that she didn't look as guilty as she felt, "I thought you were the pizza delivery person."
Kelsi's brow rose skeptically, "Do you usually answer the door for people like this?"
The redness of Gabriella's cheeks deepened, "I just…I thought…uhh do you want to come in? Troy is just in the shower." As Kelsi walked in, it was only then that Gabriella looked down to see Camila hugging her bunny.
Gabriella knelt and smiled lovingly at the little girl once they were all in the living room, "Hi there, darling." Without thinking, she held out her arms and welcomed Camila into a hug, "Your daddy will be so happy to see you. He wasn't expecting you until tomorrow."
"She said she was missing Daddy and that she really wanted to come stay with him," Kelsi supplied. Gabriella looked up at Kelsi and offered a timid, reassuring smile that meant to act as pacification, but it went unnoticed.
"Sorry to ruin the festivities." Kelsi didn't seem very sorry at all, and it made Gabriella even more embarrassed that Kelsi knew what they had been doing. Though, with her growing stomach, it wasn't very hard to figure out.
"You aren't ruining anything," Gabriella's soft, teacher voice and gentle stare were directed at Camila. "Your daddy is going to be so excited to see you. Did you thank your mommy for listening to your feelings and bringing you over?" She might not be able to be Camila's mother, but she could still be her sweet teacher.
Camila nodded and stayed in Gabriella's arms, "But you're my mommy too, aren't you? Daddy said I came from your tummy. Babies come from their mommy's tummy."
Gabriella heard Kelsi's sharp intake of breath, and she felt Camila being pulled from her embrace. She looked up to see anger and sadness flitting across Kelsi's face, but as she looked at Camila, she saw genuine curiosity – and maybe even a little bit of hope.
Gabriella's heart raced. She wanted to scream yes! Yes, I'm your mommy too. I was your first mommy, but she didn't. She composed herself and fought back tears, "I love you so much, Camila. You know that, right? I hope that we can learn more about each other and be together for a long, long time. You did come from my tummy, but that isn't the only thing that makes a person a mommy. Honey, I don't know if I can be your mommy too."
Camila's small lips quivered, and it was like looking into a mirror, "Don't you want to be my mommy? Daddy said it's okay to have two mommies, just like James from school. It's okay if you're my mommy too if you want to be."
Gabriella smiled as it became harder to hold back tears, especially as she saw the tears forming in her daughter's eyes, "Of course I want to be your mommy too, sweetheart. But we have to talk about it with your daddy and mommy." Gabriella wanted to bring Camila back into her arms. She wanted to kiss her cheeks and coo sweet things in her ear, but Kelsi held her out of Gabriella's grasp.
"Daddy already said it is okay!" Camila beamed, and her sadness dissipated, "He said two mommies is okay!" Then, she looked up at Kelsi, "Mommy, can Gabriella be my mommy too? I want her to be my mommy too."
"Yes," Kelsi answered, but it sounded like she was being punched in the stomach.
Gabriella turned her head to look at Kelsi so fast that she almost gave herself whiplash, but she didn't have time to question Kelsi, because Camila rushed into Gabriella's arms, knocking them both onto the floor, but Gabriella held her tightly, and she didn't realize that she was crying until she heard Troy's voice.
"Oh my god!" He came bounding into the living room, "What's going on? What's wrong? Brie, you're crying. Are you okay? Is the baby okay? Camila, why are you on top of Gabriella?"
"It's okay. We're okay," Gabriella said through soft sobs, "We're fine. We're happy."
"Gabriella is my mommy now," Camila climbed off of Gabriella so that she could hug her father.
"What?"
"Mommy said that Gabriella could be my mommy."
"That's great, baby," his words were hesitant. "Why don't you play with Gabriella while I talk to Mommy in the next room?"
"What's going on, Kels?" Troy closed the door to his office. "What's Camila talking about?"
"She loves her, Troy," Kelsi hiccupped, "she loves her so much. She even called Gabriella mommy the other day when she was talking about her. She didn't even notice. She was telling me a story and she just called her mommy. And I know you love Gabriella, and I know that she loves Camila. I can't keep them way from each other forever. I mean, god, she's carrying your child. She practically lives with you when Camila isn't here, and I'm sure she'll be living here with Camila soon enough. She even answers the door wearing your clothes." Kelsi continued to ramble.
"She must have thought it was the pizza," Troy explained with a smile that he didn't even know he was doing. He sobered and looked at Kelsi again, "Camila is your daughter. Gabriella knows that. She isn't trying to take her from you."
"I know, but Camila wants her. I can't deny that to her."
"Did you know that Camila thinks you love Claire more than you love her?"
"That's ridiculous."
"Really? Because to our daughter it isn't. Maybe she feels like Gabriella's giving her something you aren't."
"Ouch, Troy." The sting of that comment, as unintentional as it was, had Kelsi's eyes watering.
"I didn't mean it like that. I just mean that. I don't know." He sighed. "I don't know."
"Do you really love her?" Kelsi asked him after a moment of silence.
"Yeah. She's amazing."
"Then she's going to eventually be Camila's stepmother anyway."
"But she doesn't have to call her mommy."
"She doesn't have to, Troy, but she wants to."
XXX
"You can't be Camila's mother too," it felt like Troy was slapping Gabriella in the face.
"I…I'm just making pancakes," she held the spatula up guilty, and the look in her eyes made Troy regret the harshness of his words. "I know I can't." She turned away from him so that he couldn't see the tears in her eyes.
"Baby," Troy pulled her into his arms and let her cry.
"What do I tell her? I love her so much, Troy. She can't think that I don't want her, especially when this other baby comes," she pressed her hand against her stomach. "How's she going to feel when he or she is calling me mommy, but she can't?"
XXX
"You're stupid, and I don't like you!" Camila yelled at Gabriella.
"Camila," Troy reprimanded, "apologize to Gabriella now. If you don't like what she packed you for lunch, you can pack your own.
"It's okay, Troy," her voice wavered, telling both Troy and Camila that it actually wasn't okay. "I'm going to go help Finn with his shoes, or we'll be late for school."
Troy followed after Gabriella and caught up with her in the hallway. Camila could hear them speaking softly.
"I don't know what to do," Gabriella was crying. "I don't know what happened or what I did. She used to be my sweet girl, but it just changed so suddenly. She's always so angry with me. I can't do anything right anymore."
"Shh. I'll talk to her," he promised. "Something's got to be going on."
"I can't even kiss her or tell her goodbye anymore, and I thought she loved the lunches I packed for her. I ate lunch at school with her two weeks ago and she showed all her friends the things she had to eat."
"I'll ask Kelsi if anything is going on at her place. Maybe that's why she's acting so strange."
"I just want her to know I love her." Gabriella sniffed, still in the safety of Troy's arms.
XXX
Dear Camila,
You're growing into such a bright and beautiful young girl. I can hardly believe that you are ten now. I remember when you were five years old and you called me my Gabriella. Whenever we went somewhere, you would always say, This is my Daddy and this is my Gabriella. I loved it when you did that. I felt so special. I know I'm not your mom; and I know that right now you don't like me. That's okay. You don't have to ever like me if you don't want to, but I want you to know that I love you. I love everything about you. I love the way you help your little brother tie his shoes in the morning, and the way you hold your Daddy's hand when you walk to the car. I love the way that I get to watch you grow. I want you to know that I'll always love you, and even though you may never think of me as your friend, I'll always think of you as my first baby. My baby girl.
Love you always,
Gabriella.
XXX
"Gabriella?" Camila walked into the living room.
"Hey. Do you need something, honey?"
Camila sat down beside her. Gabriella couldn't believe how smart, and kind, and brilliant she was. At fourteen years of age, she'd grown into the loveliest thing Gabriella had ever seen. She watched as Camila peered at her seriously.
"I don't really need anything. Can I sit with you?"
"Of course," Gabriella outstretched her arms and welcomed Camila into her embrace. She was eternally grateful that even as a teenager, Camila would let her hug her. "I'm just watching tv."
Camila nodded. After a few minutes of comfortable silence, she asked Gabriella, "Do you remember when I was little and you said you couldn't be my mom?"
Gabriella swallowed the lump in her throat, "Yeah. I remember that."
"Why did you say that?"
"It was the second hardest thing I ever had to do," Gabriella admitted quietly. "The first was giving you up. It felt like I was giving you up again."
"All those years, and I never understood why you said you couldn't be my mom." Gabriella could tell from Camila's voice that she'd been thinking about this for a while, and that it was accompanied by raw emotions.
"You already had a mom, honey."
"Were they afraid that you were trying to replace her," she referenced her parents.
Gabriella shrugged, "I suppose so. Your mom loves you. I gave you up. It wasn't fair for me to take you back." She held Camila against her chest as they spoke. She stroked her hair and kissed her forehead.
"But I wanted you to take me back," Camila's voice cracked with unshed tears, and she looked up at Gabriella. "I wanted you to be my mom."
"I know you did."
"I wanted to call you mommy, and hold your hand, and always be with you. I wanted us to be a family."
"We are a family, honey."
"I know, but I just wanted you to be my mama."
"You have a mom that loves you." Gabriella reiterated, but the only thing she wanted to do was confess how much she wanted to be Camila's mother, how much she would have loved to be called mommy by the little girl.
"I know, but it felt different with you. It still feels different. Like, no one will ever love me the way you do."
Gabriella closed her eyes and held Camila even more tightly in her embrace, "I've never loved anyone the way I love you," she whispered to her.
They were quiet for a few minutes while Gabriella held Camila. She stroked her daughter's hair – the same rich brown almost black curls that she had.
"Sometimes I tell people that you're my mom, and I saved you in my phone as Mama." She admitted.
"Oh, Camila."
"Please, Gabriella, will you be my mama? I feel like I just need you to be my mother too. You feel like my mama." She emphasized.
"Yeah, I'll be your mama." There was no way she could say no a second time.
XXX
"Mom," Camila waited for Kelsi to put her book down before continuing, "Can I talk to you?"
"Sure. What's going on?"
Camila sat down beside her at the table. She fidgeted with a napkin nervously, "Do you remember when I was little and I asked Gabriella to be my mom?"
"I do."
"I know that really hurt you. When I asked, I didn't' know, but as I grew up, I realized that it did."
Kelsi patted her daughter's hand, "You're right. It did hurt a bit.
"I never meant to hurt you. I just wanted Gabriella too."
"I know, Camila. You were little. You didn't know any better." Kelsi hugged her. "Gabriella is a special lady in your life. She was your teacher, and then she was your father's partner."
"I know it hurt you," Camila continued, and Kelsi could feel her trembling, "because it felt like Gabriella was taking your place." She looked at Kelsi seriously, "No one could ever take your place, Mom. I didn't mean for it to feel like I was trying to replace you. I love you."
"I love you too."
"But I still want Gabriella to be my mama too," Camila sniffed, "And I know it will make you sad, and I'm so sorry. I've been trying so hard to not want her, but I think maybe I always have. I can't not love her, Mom. You even said it. She's special. She's a part of me, and I'm a part of her. Please don't be angry." Camila was so scared that her mother wouldn't want her any more. That she'd be too upset to listen to her.
Kelsi let go of Camila and paced the room, "I don't understand, Camila." Her voice was laced with injury, "I…I'm your mom. Aren't I?"
"Of course!" Camila cried definitively, "You changed my diapers, and made my bottles, and kissed every scraped knee. You've loved me from the beginning, Mom. I can't explain how much I love you," she wanted desperately for Kelsi to understand, "but I love Gabriella too. I know that loving her isn't fair to you. And I've tried so, so hard not to love her because I thought it would be better to just love you." Camila was trying hard to explain this all to her mother.
"When I was ten I decided that it would be easier if I didn't love her anymore," Camila confessed to Kelsi, "and the easiest way to do that was to make her not love me. I was so mean to Gabriella, Mom. I even made her cry, but she never stopped loving me. Every morning she would tell me she loved me and try to give me a hug or kiss goodbye, but I wouldn't let her. Then, I would get to school and cry too because I was being mean. Finally, Gabriella stopped telling me she loved me, and I thought it worked, but then she started handing me notes. One every day where she'd write down what she loved about me; and it made me love her even more, and it made me want her to be my mama even more."
XXX
"Mama? Do you remember when I was ten, and I was mean to you all the time?"
Gabriella sighed, "I do. That was a rough few months."
"I never meant any of it. I've always loved you. Since I was, like, two years old."
"Two years old?"
"Yeah. That's when Daddy gave me our picture and your letter."
"You know, I have more letters for you," Gabriella smiled, "Hundreds actually. From when we weren't together. You can have them if you want them."
"I have letters for you too."
XXX
Mama. That's what I wish I could call you. Sometimes I pretend that I can. I like when we go out together and people say we look the same. I liked when that man said that the hospital certainly gave you the correct baby, because we look so much alike. I like when this happens, because then people know that you're my mama even if I can't call you that. You wrote me a note last year that said you would always think of me as your first baby. I'll always think of you as my mama. I know I have a Mom already, but I'll think of you as Mama.
Also, I'm sorry I was so mean to you last year. I think I was just sad.
XXX
Mama,
I've officially stopped referring to you as Gabriella in these notes and in real life. I think I've broken Mom's heart by telling her that I've wanted you to be my mama since I was a little girl. She doesn't understand. That's okay. I wouldn't understand either. I suppose it will take time. She thinks that by you being Mama it means that she wasn't good enough. I've tried to reassure her that I'll always love her and that she'll always be Mom.
But I need you too, Mama. I need the woman that gave birth to me. The woman who was brave enough to give me to someone else. You're my history and my strength. With you as my mama I feel ready to truly build a future with you, and Daddy, and Finn, and Mom, and Claire, and Ryan. I don't feel stuck in the middle of two families. I feel like embracing you has helped me embrace myself.
I love you,
Your first baby.
XXX
"Why did you decide to tell me about Mama?" Camila asked one night at dinner.
Troy looked up at Gabriella before answering his daughter, "Because Mama is a part of you."