She knows he doesn't love her. Actually, she knows he doesn't even like her.
But now, staring at Anna's portrait on the wall, never wanting to look away, she can't help but think of her husband. The one she married believing that he was the one, that he loved her, and that she loved him, but that she can barely stand, in reality. She could've loved him, if only he wasn't the real cause of her sister's death. If only he wasn't that manipulative stranger, tall and unfair, who had made her feel loved, special, only to one day reach the crown and the competed title of King of Arendelle. She knows she sould've avoided this smirking, defeated Prince whom her sister had fallen for, three years earlier. Many people had tried to warn her, to take her away, like Kristoff, Kai and Gerda, even Olaf, who had never trusted him.
Elsa, you know he ain't right. He has bad intentions, are you blind not noticing them ? All those details that betray what he truly wants ?
Here, in those empty halls, she remembers the time they used to try convincing her about Hans' true character. More particularly, the day when they had come to meet her in her study a few weeks after the incident she still had so much pain talking about, together, hoping to make her realize that she had to send him back to his kingdom. That the place where he sould've remained, that she had thought was here by her side, wasn't, and that he had to leave. That day, she had never let them finish their speech and cut them off, scolding them for pronouncing such word against the 'only one who stayed with her and helped her when she needed it', blinded by the love she was persuaded she was feeling toward him. She was so desperae to find tru love that she had acted exacly the same as her sister. If only they were still there, she would have apologized, told them they were right and that she, only she, was the lonely, naive little Queen who was all wrong, and who had lost the only family member she still had, because of her.
Your sister is dead ! Because of you !
Which lover could tell words that awful ?
She would tell them he had many times given her the proof he was openly lying to her since the very beginning and hiding something weird. He had told her no one else could ever love her, support her the way he did, that except him, no one was capable of such feelings toward the heartless Snow Queen. She would add that she was miles away from being heartless, and that she was all wrong, all wrong, since he had shown his true colors.
She should've told them all this before it was too late, because now that they're gone, it is. Or she should've just listened to them, what would've it done to lose a little of her time to give attention to her friends. How could she had believed that time was more precious than them ? And, now that she's standing there, in the middle of the empty hallway, she bitterly regrets it, she wishes she could turn back time, perfectly knowing that she just can't.
He ain't right. You'll regret not listening to us, Elsa.
Kristoff's words were resounding in her head, and she can't get rid of them because, right at this moment, she is regretting everything. Everything since the day she was born, including that cursed day. She remembers especially the words he had pronounced just before leaving, when she didn't know she was never going to meet them again.
Fine. Since Her Majesty has no time for her friends, because it all goes to her dear best friend, then we are leaving !
Never she would forget the angry-looking Kristoff who had said those words. She had undeniably hurt him. How Olaf, the little snowman she had herself created, had been sad and disappointed. She had carried those images with her since the day it had happened, and they had never left her, though she had tried very hard to fight against them and send them to the furthest and darkest corner of her mind, where all her bad and unwanted memories, her regrets, were sleeping. Till the day it would explode and push her to do things she would regret again, filling this corner even more and pulling her to her loss. How it was complicated ! Why couldn't she be a normal, and simple person, with no powers, and less feelings ?
Some people should've never been born. Kai had muttered to himself, referring to him, the man who had ruined her life just before her, while she was staring at him doing his business, without even acting to try saving herself.
Actually, it could be referring to her, too. She couldn't help but think of everything that wouldn't have happened if she had died at birth. Anna would've been happy, she would've never been struck by her powers and suffer from the isolation she had never understood. The kingdom would've never been set in an eternal winter, her sister would be the Queen and rule over Arendelle perfectly like a great Queen should do, instead of herself ruining the mere word of Queen. But, instead of that, she had died by her fault without even knowing the truth about the story of their lives. What a shame !
When she hears a door opening, she finally looks away to gaze on the person who's leaving the room, at the far end of the hallway, just near the stairs, slowly turning her head toward that direction. He walks away of their quarters, and, barely glancing at his wife, he turns to go down the stairs.
You just can't live without me, darling. Because, you know what ? You're too weak for this title, actually, you need me by your side to handle your role as a Queen.
How could she be able to one day forget his words ? All those words he had pronounced just after having a good, enjoyable bedtime, in order to destabilize her. They had betrayed him, though he would never have expected that to happen. He had felt so confident, and she had shown herself so naive that he had believed, even if only for a second, that he could say everything he wanted without making her notice that his intentions were falses. And that is what he is still believing, she too had succeeded hiding her feeling and emotions from him not to alert him that she knew, that she knows. He, from his side, didn't and doesn't knows that she isn't as naive and dumb that she had made him believe.
"Wanna know the truth, Elsie ?" he had asked her, as they were finishing dressing themselves, and she hadn't even had the time to open her mouth to answer, he had added "Truth is that, without me, you're nothing but a lost Queen with no family."
Then, he had carried on saying sweeter word to her, noticing how harsh his previous ones had been.
"I think that nothing that ever happened to me before is better than you, my dear."
"I was shut out be everyone, and you shut yourself in, so... We're like, meant to be, know what I mean ?" Those had been the words which had made her melt, another time.
She was totally aware that it was what had her wrapped around his fingers, completely devoted to her husband she considered like God. Whereas she was ready to throw herself between him and a sword at any time, he would've never sacrificed himself for her. She knows that. It was barely understandable that, during three years, he had never got attached to her, never felt anything toward her. How could've she been that naive, not even seeing anything for such a long time ! He had been an incredible actor, it was just undeniable.
And now, in the empty castle of the once fair and joyful kingdom of Arendelle, she feels like she will never get him to admit all the things that she knows. She doesn't want to live all her life her head under a sea of lies everyday. She should do something, but she can't. What would happen if he finds out that she knows his plan, his true intentions ? He would surely get rid of her, somehow. He isn't even interested in her body anymore. She can't even pay her life by making love with her husband. He doesn't even care about her ! There's nothing with what she can guarantee her life.
What can she do ?
Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
She doesn't want to risk her life uselessly, knowing that it won't help at all. Maybe it had to go this way, fate had made its choice for her, and it was just irrevocable.
But what if it was the only solution After all, if they'd find out that he killed or harmed her, they would throw him away of Arendelle and its people. And then ? Who knows who will get the throne... The Duke of Weselton ? No, no way it could be so, it wouldn't even be better, if not worse. She no, they were in a dead-end.
How do you find your new King, my little Queen ? He had asked her, smirking, when he had worn his royal clothes, which looked like her father's, for the first time.
She had never seen someone that self-confident and that arrogant. Never. And she truly wishes she will never meet anyone like him ever again.
"Elsa, my dear !" his voice calls from down the stairs. "Please, come here !"
Heavy breath, gasps, burning soul, and...
What the hell does he want ? She's wondering what she might have done wrong, but she doesn't want him infuriating, so she slowly leaves Anna and crosses the hallway to the stairs. She yells that she's coming so that he won't call her twice, and she walks down the stairs, joining her husband in the hall.
The questions she asks to herself ar always the same, they never change. But now, she has to obey him. At least she can manage not being an extra trouble for him. What would he think of the woman he married thinking she was totally devoted to him ?
So, here they are, facing each other like the day they had connected their lives forever, her husband's eyes darkening at every second. Not saying anything, he gestures her to enter in his study - his, as always. Once they both are in, he quietly closes the door behind them before glancing at the grandfather clock hanging on the wall. She guesses he has enough time left before his encouter with the council members. She knows it because he told her to pretend being ill and unable to attend the meeting with him. The question is Why ? This is one thing she doesn't know. He mutters a few words to himself that she's barely able to hear, then he turns around to look at his wife, a wide smirk acriss his face.
"So..." He begins with that "we need to talk" look on his features, just like the day he had announced her the death of her real friends.
I'm sorry my dear, we found their dead bodies in the forest, near the Fjord.
It was just like he had told her that he was the one who had ended their lives. She had know since the first second that he was the culprit of this crime. He had killed her friends, the ones who were truly here for her were dead. Except Olaf, who couldn't die until she decides to kill him, or leaves the games of life, too. But it was all like, since she had never seen his face again. Then comes the sentence she's so worried to hear.
"We've got something to talk about, Elsie."
If only he knew how much she loath those damn nicknames, his goddamn nicknames.
She stands still, motionless, her expression blank, totally empty. She grips he dark blue skirt she's wearing in frustration. She knows that game won't end until one of them - or both - dies.
Her knuckles turn white as her grip tighten, creasing the skirt he had bought for her a few weeks before and that she was wearing for the first time. This doesn't escape his studying gaze. How could he miss that after almost three years of living together ?
"Any problem darling ?" he inquired, a false concerned voice.
She just keeps staring at her feet, and that makes him pretty infuriating, because now, the only answer he gets is the silence he doesn't want to hear. But what he doesn't know is that, while he desperately tries to make her speak, or at least reply to him, she doesn't listen to a single word he's saying. Her mind and attention is somewhere else, directed toward someone else.
Anna...
The mere thought of her sister right at this moment bring tears to her eyes and they soon start to blur her vision. She guesses he notices it, because suddenly he stops talking for a few seconds and his voice, which seems so far from her, soften.
"Hey..." he slides his delicate hand under her chin and lifts it to his height. As soon as she locks her icy blue eyes into his mesmerizing emerald green ones, she forgets everything, there's just them in a cold room, in an empty castle of a once prosperous kingdom.
She knows that he isn't even a bit sincere, that his eyes are only reflecting her own emotions, although she tries hard to convince herself that there's something more than just that in them, but she can't, she just hopes. His whole life's made on liars and false intentions and feelings. If he comes to learn that she's aware of this, not only his or her life will be affected, but both of theirs. Their whole world will shake. Here comes the answer to the question she's been asking herself since the day she knew about him. The best thing she actually can do is keeping silent as long as she's able to. Because she doesn't knows at all what she is for him, but she perfectly knows what she isn't.
She isn't enough. She isn't beautiful enough, intelligent enough, silent enough, strong enough, naive or dumb enough, she isn't even useful enough for him to keep her forever with him.
"Don't be sad, Elsie ! I can help you, you know..." his voice is gentle, but it sound like a snake as he whispers into her ear, a hand still under her chin while the other one wraps her petite waist and pulls her to him.
She knows he won't listen to her, but she keeps telling him that she doesn't want, begging not to do this because it's not the moment to, just like she's been doing for months, while she recalls the first time he acted this way to ward her, which she had never understood.
She couldn't tell it by herself, but many of the people of Arendelle had reported it as the coldest day ever since the Great Thaw. She had never knew what was the matter with him that day, but he had been pretty rough with her, and he had never been like that before. She was filling papers in her study when he had rushed into the room, violently opening the door and closing it quickly behind him, glancing for half a second at the grandfather clock on the wall.
She barely remembers what had happened next, she just knows that, when she had questioned him about his state, he had never muttered a single word and had walked toward her direction, and seized her shoulders, forcing her to get up. Breathing heavily, he had kissed her fiercely, pulling her in closer and closer while she was begging against his lips to let her go. She knew he didn't give a shit of her whimpering, because he had never stopped and had thrown her onto the sofa, his body hovering on hers and his warm lips still pressed on her icy ones. Even the cold of her skin hadn't prevented him to do what he wanted of her, his burning desire making him forget how cold it was out there and how icy her skin was. Because, that day, he wanted her more than anything else.
She remembers the touch or his fingers burning her and sending shivers down her spine, while snowflakes were swirling around them and frost was covering the wall of the whole room, but it hadn't bothered him. They had stopped moving, hanging in the air, falling very, very, very slowly on their naked bodies, making the smirking Prince shudder while he was cuddling with her, his head buried in her neck. And her, she was staring at the ceiling with dead eyes, tears rolling down her cheek and becoming little ice balls falling on the frosted floor of the room.
They're not meant to be like he took such a pleasure to make her believe. They're just hurting each other, like fire burns the ice, but what can the ice do to harm fire ? Nothing. So this is what they are : Ice Queen and Fire King.
She realizes where she really is when he suddenly crushes his lips against hers, cupping her cheeks with both his hands.
She doesn't even have the strength to shove him away, moreover, it would betray her like this had betrayed him. So she lets his hands grab her hips and his soft, warm lips trail kisses down her jawline and neck.
"So... I was saying we have something to talk about, right my love ?" he asks her, his lips brushing her pale and cool skin while he speaks, and smirks. He sits her on his desk, placing himself between her thighs, his arms wrapped around her waist tightly.
She asks him what he wants to —have to talk about that is so important that it can't wait any longer to be told.
"Are you doubting my love for you ?"
She gasps for fresh air when she hears his words coming as harsh as a slap across her face. This is a question she thought he would never have asked before long. All this time she was sure that he hadn't even noticed that she wsn't as dumb as before. Now she knows that she was once again wrong, but she doesn't know what to answer. And this silence is betraying her, killing her as she looses more and more self-confidence at every second.
"You really are... aren't you ?" he demands her, tilting his head, and the sound of his voice makes her flinch as she searches for her words, despite all the efforts she provides to hide her nervousness. Her voice cracking, all she's able to mutter is a timid no, that she doesn't, but she's sure she isn't convincing and that he knows she does.
"Tell me what's bothering you, then." he orders her. She has nothing to reply to him, once more. She feels like she's falling deeper and deeper underground.
"Are you ever going to tell me what's the goddamn problem ?" he asks, infuriating, accenting each word in anger.
She's now looking at the floor, and he's holding her shoulders at an arm's length, studying her face, her every frown, single move, gaze, shake of her hands, everything. She feels it. She finally decides herself to talk to him, but his only able to speak a few words to herself that he can barely understand, more like barely hear. He guesses she's saying something like there's nothing bothering her and that she's perfectly fine.
"Please, stop, just stop muttering, I can't understand anything !" he yells at her, so she repeats clearly that everything's fine, trying to seem convincing, and adding that there's no need to shout.
"I don't believe you. And there's a need, because it looks like you only understand me when I scream, but don't think that I like that !" he states, his voice loud but not yelling anymore. She wonders since when he's become that suspicious.
She guesses he's aware that she won't talk to him. She looks up into his dark emerald green eyes, his threatening eyes but which make her fall again. She knows she can't let down her guard, not now, nor ever again. The silence once again remaining his only answer, he leans in closer, trailing kisses on her jaw while he unzips her dress and let it fall on her hips before he seize her small waist and put her on her feet against his muscular body.
"Fine. Less talking, then." he says coldly as he pulls away, glancing at the gown sliding to her ankles. She's now standing in front of him, her corset and underwear being the only barrier between him and her nudity.
She sees him shudder as the room's temperature dramatically drops and frost covers the walls from the floor to the ceiling, and the pictures that have been hanging there for decades. A hand remaining on her collarbone, he paces behind her, his fingers running on the back of her neck, untying her platinum blonde hair and placing it on her shoulder to clear her back.
Ice sharps suddenly appear from the walls when he begins to untie her corset and she tells him to stop because it won't resolve anything, but he doesn't listen.
"Shhhh... My Queen..." he whispers in her ear, removing his hand from her collar and placing a finger on her mouth to cut her off. "You don't even need this." he adds, throwing the corset away.
She covers her bare chest with her arms hugging herself to protect her chastity from this evil King.
By playing with fire, you end up getting burnt.
She can't help but repeating those words over and over again in her head. She's now paying the price of her stubbornness Even Olaf had been more clear-sighted than her. She was the one who had created him, she should've listened to him. She feels like she's shipped out on a clipper, and that she's meant to sink without even being able to act. Now, considering the position she is in, this feeling is only increasing as she hugs herself tighter, so tight...
"Since when have you started being shy ?" he inquires, his widest smirk on his face and grabs her wrists, pulling her to him and placing both her arms alongside her waist, his gaze studying her whole body.
She gasps, she just wants to leave this place and go to the far end of earth, and to kick him out of her life to make him become a mere bad memory. Her chest is burning as she tries to hide her nervousness. She keeps on telling, more like begging him to stop, while he wrap her arms around his waist and bury his head at the base of her neck and shoulder, his sideburns brushing her pale skin. She tries as hard as possible to hold back the tears that are threatening to fall and to relax her muscles not to show him how tense she is.
She tries not to show herself too reluctant, she knows he will think that she's discovered something and won't understand that she simply doesn't want. She has to reassure him, not to be caught because he has already slightly noticed something. Who knows what might happen...
"Hmmm... You're so beautiful my Queen." he whispers against her skin, a hand running in her blonde locks, another caressing the low part of her stomach that he notices fuller than usual ; she guesses it at the look on his face he has suddenly removed from her neck.
When he takes a step backward, she at last opens her mouth to speak, slowly and timidly, but at least she says something.
"Yes. We definitely have something to talk about."
But now that his eyes are fixed on her, she doesn't know how to announce it to him. He hasn't even seen it for the past few weeks, and she totally ignores what will be his reaction. When she looks at him, those words come almost naturally. She's so afraid of him, so afraid of his reaction that she closes her eyes tightly as if she was never to open them again. Her brain is a total mess. Because things aren't what they should've been, she's just not ready for motherhood. Also, it saddens her to know that her baby won't have any family from her side except her. Only two grandparents, and no aunt, only twelve uncle who hate their brother, and her, too. She doesn't even want a child from him. He will only consider him or her as an heir for the kingdom's crown. The only good thing is that, with his child in her belly, she's quite sure that he won't harm her. But is it really a good thing ?
A tear rolls down her cheek at this thought, wiped away immediately by his finger. She glance up at him with eyes now filled with tears. She's suddenly pulled against him by strong arms behind her back, and he places a hand at the back of her head, bringing it under his. It's the moment when she finally lets it go. She had promised herself she wouldn't break in front of her, but now, she's crying all the tears she can shed in his arms, while he's trying to calm her down, apparently not understanding the real reason of her tears.
"Shhhh... It's okay Elsa, it's okay." he says softly, rubbing her back and hair gently.
Her name feels so foreign in his mouth, she always thinks she's dreaming when she hears his voice whispering it. It's actually so rare that he calls her that.
Sometimes, they had talked. Together. Talked about their tough childhoods, how he had been shut out by the whole world, and how she had shut herself in, how they had shut her in. Then, she had understood why Anna had fallen for him. Beside his handsome face and muscular body, they had both lived the same life : shut out by the ones they'd have given all they had to get noticed by. The ones they loved. She knew they were both so desperate to find true love, or just love, so desperate that they both were all wrong on their relationship. There were actually nothing real and true between them. It's by the same manner she has understood that, she too was desperate, and that there's nothing real and true between them two, except sex, and a ring crowning her left third finger, and his, too.
Now, she's afraid of the life they both will give to their child. She's terrified that she might accidentally give him or her the same childhood as hers, and it's the last thing on earth she wants to do. She feared neither of them would be able to cherish the baby enough, like he or she deserves it. Or worse, what if their kid inherit her powers she rather see as a curse ? She won't make the same decision as her own parents', but what if they don't choose the right thing to do and they change his or her lie for ever like hers ?
"You know, we will give him such a beautiful life We won't make him suffer as us, I promise you he'll be happy. Happy like we've never had the chance to be, but he will be." he assures her while he carried her bridal style and walks to the sofa.
He ? Him ?
How can he be that certain about the gender of their to-be-born baby ? Because this will be their heir for the throne ? So, she asks him, too harshly, maybe, but she asks him. And this makes him completely speechless. But she knows he won't admit he could be wrong. He's too proud for that, and it's been like this since the Fjord. It's the name she's given to this dreadful day. And this time she's right. Instead of recognizing that his child could also be a cute little girl, he push the discussion to later, sitting on the sofa and her onto his lap.
"I need some time to think of this, my lady. I'm going to be a father !" he adds, in a lack of arguments and trying to seem a little excited. But she can feel that he's just embarrassed by her question and that he has nothing else to answer to her, and nothing else to say to justify his need of talking of this later.
He steals her a kiss he wants passionate, but he quickly pulls away when he notices that none of them wants it in the slightest. He looks much more thoughtful than usual, he isn't the type of guy to overthink situations, but now... it looks like he's lost in his thoughts. Maybe this is beause of what she announced, but what if it was about their whole situation ? It's incredible how he doesn't let show a single emotion while it's so tough for her to do the same.
His touch is becoming more and more unbearable with the time passing, it sends countless shivers down her spine, and as she's not accustomed to shudder - because, after all, the cold never bothered her, anyway - she just hates this sensation. Her blood is boiling, running in her veins and burning them, burning her from the inside, and she feels hot, way too much hot...
She can't stand his manners anymore. It didn't bother her that much at the beginning, but now... She doesn't want to let him take advantage on her like he does since the fateful day they married. If only he wasn't that strong, she could shove him away and tell him it's clearly no. Then, he would ask her to repeat, because he 'wouldn't have heard well', and instead of saying that it's nothing as she usually does, she would yell a him NO.
Sometimes, it happens to him to give her attention. But most of the time he's just so wrong with her, so rough, so possessive, jealous, also. When people are jealous, doesn't it mean that they care, somehow ? So, maybe he's kinda... right kind of wrong.
His fingers run over her whole body, fix it, and this makes her so embarrassed. Each tear rolling down her cheek is immediately wiped away by hands cupping her cheeks. She feels like he just doesn't want to see that she's not happy with him now. Knowing this only increases the pain pressing on her beating heart, burning her chest, and it makes the room and her own body grow colder and colder, snow covering the floor. It looks like they're in the middle of winter in her ice palace, remaining still on the North Mountain since the last time she went in. Even his auburn hair is studded with snowflakes.
"You've got to stop this, Elsie..." he states, shuddering and out of breath as he gently grabs her breast and buries his face in her chest. She notices that the cold is starting to become a problem for him, she feels that he's having trouble keeping his hands on her.
There's one thing on her mind. How can he even expect her to stop this ? She's wondering how, in three years, he haven't got the time to notice —to understand that only love can allow her to get a total control over herself, her own feelings and emotions, and, consequently, over her powers.
She feels his body tremble with desire as he slips two fingers in and out of her, and she doesnt even understand how he has got rid of her underwear without her noticing it. She jerks her head backward and glances up at the frosted ceiling, her snowflakes delicately falling on her nose, soft lips and cheeks. The blizzard that was reigning in a few seconds ago has let its place to a slow snowfall and this has made the sharps melt. The question playing in her head hit her as she tries to explain him that he should better let her go.
Does she want him ?
She shouldn't, that is the answer, because of all he has done to her, to Anna, of all she knows. She's quite uncertain of her feelings right now. People do things that aren't right, that they know they shouldn't do, but they keep on doing, it's a human matter. And she's human. She has ice magic in her, but she's still a woman. And people make mistakes, even when they're aware that what they're doing right at the moment is one.
She doesn't want this to happen, it has already happened too many times for her to allow this one more time. Her brain is telling her this this can't continue any further, but as he plays between her thighs, her body isn't following her mind and her hips buck against him, betraying her thoughts and what she just said.
"Are you sure you wanna stop ?" he smirks while he asks her this and removes his jacket and shirt, throwing them across the room.
God, she had completely forgotten how muscular he was ! Now she understands why she had tried her best not to look at hil when he was shirtless in bed with her for the past few weeks. She remember the reason that had pushed her to disinterest herself in him. She can feel the warmth of his body in her, thawing her heart, and skin. At last the temperature becomes hotter and bearable for him.
"I'll take this as a no, then." he simply says while he removes his pants and turn to hover on her as she lays on the sofa.
Though she tries so hard to convince herself that she doesn't, she knows she still desires him, even if his touch do the same as burns on her cold-as-ice skin. Moreover, the truth makes it so painful for her, hurts her so much. Everything would be so easy if she still believed that he was the kind and warm-hearted guy she thought she knew when he held her hand instead of ending her life on the Fjord. The only one who was truly here for her, when she has her friends too, before they left, because of her, too. But she doesn't. She has discovered a truth she would've better never learned. She regrets not being as dumb as she made him think she was. She can read into him like an open book because he hasn't been careful enough. Or maybe she should've showed him how she really was. Miles away of being dumb or stupid, or even naive, although she knows she has been. But unluckily for her, nothing depends on what she should have done, but on what she has done. So, she guesses that she too is an incredible actress.
She wraps her arms around his neck and herself brings his lips to hers. Maybe this will lighten the burden she carries with her everyday since the day her sister left forever because of her. Having some free time with her husband can do no harm, fun never harm anybody. And she hopes it'll make him less suspicious toward his wife.
Anna.
You're sister is dead ! Because of you !
How harsh his words had been. This should've alarmed her since the very beginning, she should've never trusted him. Never.
He's the one to pull away and trail kisses all over her upper body. He lets out a moan of pleasure, his lips murmuring her name while he starts slowly, pushing away the fabric of his underwear, and fastening at every second. She wants to feel the same as when they were just starting doing these kind of things, when he was still acting romantic with her, and gently, too, because those are things she badly misses. She asks him to be gentler and to slow down. She's slightly surprised when he immediately agrees and continues slowly, like when he began. She moans as she wraps her legs around his waist and makes him smirks, proud of his countless victory over her.
A detail seems to come back to his mind as he hurriedly glances at the grandfather clock, his eyes opening wide. A last kiss on her lips and he stands up, looking for his clothes all over the room.
"Goddamn it, I completely forgot the meeting with the council members." he exclaims as he seize her blue gown and throws it to her, running to his pants he puts back on his underwear.
When he finally sees his shirt and his jacket, he almost falls on her corset he takes in his left hand before collecting his clothes and her underwear, too.
"Sorry, my dear, but I have to go, I'm already late." he declares, handing her her under wears and giving a chaste kiss on the back on her hand.
He finishes dressing himself and rushes out of the room , only saying her that they will meet each other at dinner, because he'll be busy till then. She contents herself of nodding to answer, though she's sure he haven't even seen her.
The wooden door closed, she's now alone in his study still warm of his presence. She can still smell his scent as she tries to tie her corset, but obviously fails. She decides not to keep it and puts her dress on, unfolding it at her best. She makes her way to the door and slightly opens it to check if anybody's coming down the hallway. Seeing no one, she walks out and closes the door behind her, bouncing up to the stairs to her room. When she finally closes her door, she is glad she has met nobody during her way back to her room. What would they have thought of her if anyone had seen her her corset in her hands ?
It takes her a few seconds before she realizes what has happened when she slides to the floor, her back against the door like she always used to do when Anna was calling for her from the other side of the closed door.
Anna...
She brings her knees to her chest and encircles them with her arms, burying her head in. She starts sobbing quite loudly, but tries to make it silent when someone calls her name from the hallway. She recognizes Bulda's caring voice, and it breaks her heart a little more not knowing what to answer.
"Queen Elsa, is everything alright ?" she inquires, clearly hoping to receive a reply this time.
When she understands that she won't get any, she slowly walks away, muttering some few words she can't hear.
She's left alone with herself to think, again. The thing that bothers her is that she always overthink things, situations, relations with other, and often overreact, too ; and this doesn't make her feel any better, and she wonders if it doesn't make things worse than they already are. If only she could just stop thinking. Life would be better. But she knows she has to focus on what happened, and not what should have happened.
She knows that everything that occurred was there for a reason or another. Maybe there's really good things in bad ones. But fate had knocked to her door, so all that happened, had to happen. She can't help but thinking this way.
Sometimes, she feels like she wanna die. She often thought of killing herself to light off the pain that is already killing her from the inside. She thinks that it's not suicide, if you're already dead inside, after all. But she knows something else, something that somebody once told her.
Life's given to us to live it, not to take it away. And there's one more thing : how could she leave Arendelle in his hands ? She has to stay if only for her people if not for her. She can't be that selfish. And somehow, she thinks of this one more time. Maybe the goddamn problem is that people go on because they have to, because they can't go back, and not always because they want to. And maybe it's not only the goddamn problem, maybe it's her goddamn problem. But she remains. She remains here even if she knows that, one day, he'll be bothered by her talking, staying with him and taking decisions, not always letting him do what he wants. After all, she too is ruler of Arendelle, and she was the heir of the throne ! And this might put her in troubles when he won't have a need of her. So she hopes the child she carries will prevent him of following his mischievous plan.
She's so tired of all this bullshit. She knows that it might cost her life, but she has to accomplish her destiny like he has to accomplish his. But she doesn't care. Her whole family's gone, her friends, too, and she has absolutely nothing left to fight for, except a kingdom which is meant to sink, and a to-be-born baby. Maybe that the only things left worth fighting for are her people, and her baby, though she doesn't think he would harm their child even if she was gone, she can't be that sure about her kingdom She can't let them down.
She knows he doesn't love her. She knows he doesn't even like her. But she doesn't give a shit, because she doesn't love him, either. Actually, she can barely stand him.
She knows many things he doesn't knows she knows though he has noticed some things, but she won't say anything, because it's not wort it and it has to be like this. It had, and has to end like this, and there's nothing she can do to change it, now.
She knows, but she wishes she didn't.
If you could've only loved me, I'm sure I could've love you back, things could've been different, and I bet we could've lived happily ever after.