D is for Digglyheimer
Disclaimer: No. Just, no. I don't own any of this. It's the sad, sad truth.
A/N: This is just something silly I came up with. Enjoy.
Sirius was grinning at him and frankly it was creeping Remus out. Remus had been sitting in a secluded spot reading up on his Transfiguration homework (and certainly not reading the latest Batman comic book) when Sirius had waltzed in and sat down next to him. Remus had raised an eyebrow in query but Sirius just smiled at him and propped an elbow on the table. That was fifteen minuets ago and Sirius hadn't left. He was just sitting there. Grinning. Something was most definitely up.
Remus almost didn't want to ask but curiosity was the bane of his existence and he put down his comic book, er, textbook. "Sirius, what are you smirking about?"
Sirius looked exaggeratedly around the deserted library before motioning with his hand for Remus to lean in. He leaned in cautiously before Sirius dragged him by his sweater vest until Sirius mouth was right by his ear. "Your digglyheimer is showing," he whispered lasciviously before shooting up and exiting out of the room.
"What!" Remus squawked. His face flushed as he clapped a hand to his butt looking around the room in case anyone else had noticed. That was until he replayed Sirius' words in his head. "Wait…what?" he asked confused to the empty room, save for Madam Pince who was bearing down on him for his outburst. What in Merlin's beard was a digglyheimer?
Remus had almost forgotten about the incident that morning and was busy in Potions slicing beetle wings for the latest charm when he overheard two Ravenclaw girls talking. "Oh Milly," the brunette said to her friend, "do you like my new haircut?"
The blond nodded and gave an admiring look. "I do, it looks really cool."
"I'd say it's more than cool, ladies," Sirius cut in leaning back to look at the table of girls behind him. "It's really digglyheimer, if you know what I mean." He grinned and winked at the girl who blushed and giggled.
Remus almost missed the next step in his potion at the word. What did it mean?
Remus was nearly at his wits end flipping through dictionary after dictionary in the library. That word was everywhere and rapidly gaining popularity as it was used. In the hallways Remus had overhead two girls describe a wizard in "Witch Beat" as 'digglyheimer' and before that McGonagall had given out a detention to a Slytherin who had yelled out 'digglyheimer' when he'd scraped his knuckles. It was a noun, it was a verb, and adjective, an adverb and it was driving Remus crazy not knowing what it meant.
He sighed and closed his latest book when his stomach growled signaling it was time for dinner. He made his way towards the Dining Hall hearing the chatter around him when he was knocked into sending him sprawling towards the floor. "Oh digglyheimer, Remus. I'm sorry." A Hufflepuff fourth year exclaimed.
"Mr. Cecil!" Professor McGonagall snapped, suddenly looming above the pair. "Five points from Hufflepuff, you know that word is banned from Hogwarts."
Howard Cecil winced and ducked his head as he brushed off his robes. "Sorry, Professor McGonagall," he apologized. "It won't happen again."
"See that it doesn't," she murmured tightlipped before walking towards the Dining Hall.
"Sheesh, what a digglyheimer," the Hufflepuff muttered once she was out of earshot before walking on leaving a very confused Remus behind.
"What's up Remus?" Sirius asked as his friend plopped down on the seat next to him. He looked a little frazzled and just a bit tetchy.
Remus sighed and grabbed a plate to fill it with food. "It's that word of yours, Sirius. I can't figure it out and it's being used everywhere."
Sirius smirked looking very pleased with himself. "I know, isn't it great? Here, take a look at this." He handed a folded up paper to Remus urging the boy to read it.
It was the school newspaper the Ravenclaws had started last year in an effort to keep the school educated on worldwide news. The only section that got the most attention and the least space was the gossip section. Normally Remus wouldn't notice it but the title caught his eye. "'The Word That Must Not Be Named?'" Remus asked quickly scanning the column. "Where did you get this?"
"It's tomorrow's newspaper I acquired early. It's all about digglyheimer and the controversy surrounding it."
"What controversy?" Remus asked frustrated. "Digglyheimer isn't even a word."
"I know," Sirius stated simply taking a sip of pumpkin juice. "I made it up."
"What?" Remus shot a blank look at his friend.
Sirius looked particularly smug as he leaned in close to Remus. "I said I made it up. People are always following the latest fad and they would die than admit they wouldn't know about it. So, I decided to test that theory. As you've noticed I'm rather popular and people usually follow me on what's in or not." Remus nodded. As arrogant as it sounded it was the sad truth. "I mentioned digglyheimer to a few people and it took off."
Remus looked amazed. "But what does it mean?"
"That's the beauty of it." Sirius smiled. "There is no meaning, people will use it in any context to keep up with the fad and no one will say anything to contradict it for fear of not keeping up with what's in."
"So it's not an insult." Sirius shook his head. "Or a compliment?" Sirius shook his head again. "And everyone uses it thinking it means something." Sirius just shot him a superior look and leaned back in his seat. "I'm not sure if that's just stupidity or you being a genius, Sirius."
"Please, Remus. You act as if this is a surprise," Sirius scoffed. "I've created something out of nothing and shaken up the students and professors alike. And the best part is that I can't get in trouble." He popped a grape into his mouth and hummed to himself.
Remus was silent taking it all in before a slow grin spread across his face. Sirius was a genius. "So what happens after this all dies down?" he asked.
"Why don't you tell me?" Sirius arched a brow before turning back to his food.
It was a week later and everything had settled down from the whole 'digglyheimer' episode that had swept throughout the school. The ban on the word had been repealed under Dumbledore's insistence but by that time it wasn't that used anymore. Like Sirius had predicted, the word had gone out like any passing fad that everyone boasted they knew about to hide the fact they didn't.
It was another dinnertime and Sirius was eating his ham with an insane grin on his face that Remus had recognized from earlier. He didn't have time to question it when Sirius suddenly shot up and rammed right into Snape causing the boy to drop his books. There was silence around the boys as the crowd waited for one of Sirius' theatrics. What they didn't expect was for Sirius to jump back on top of his seat and yell, "Snape touched my wollolock!"
There was a wild murmur as people pointed and laughed at the blushing Snape, quickly growing in noise. Sirius was looking smug as Professor McGonagall stalked towards him with a furious expression on his face. "Let the games begin, Remus," Sirius murmured happily.
"Oh, wollolock," Remus muttered.