This could easily be canon because it's pretty close, but whatever. A story's a story. Hope you enjoy it.
Pairings: Atobe/Fuji/Yukimura/Tezuka/Sanada. One-sided, but benefits ( I don't mean sex), Sakuno/Ryoma. Kevin/Ryoga. Maybe Sakuno/Tomo, but maybe Sakuno/Hiro? I can't decide. *cries* Eventual OT6.
Warnings: Language. Sex.
Note: There's something about closeted!Ryoma that hurts me. But, writer!Ryoma, anyone?
This is a two-shot. Or more depending.
1
The honest truth was that it wasn't easy.
Everyday there was a person who figured out that instead of being the normality, they were not. There were girls who craved long, soft hair and rosy red lips. And there were boys who liked rough hands, a firmer jaw. Everyday.
Some people drowned in it. Never breathing the way they had before because they forgot how. Some people couldn't hide. They had to be what they were out loud. But through the differences, there was that underlying factor, that everlasting whisper in the back of the head that had you breaking down in the back of your car and your mom asking if you were alright.
Hate.
You.
I.
When you loathed yourself, really loathed yourself, you did it scrambles. Everyone saw something different. But you wanted to bleed from your own nails, choke on the way it felt to be so-
Alone.
But with people. Because that was the kicker, wasn't it? You were all alone in the world with billions of people laughing, talking, and loving, beside you. And you had to hide because maybe what you were, what you didn't have a choice in, could be wrong.
Ryoma woke up to the annoying chime of his ringtone. The petite body beside of him made a soft noise but didn't move otherwise. He sighed and reached his arm over down to the floor. Pretty much already knew who it was anyway.
"Echi-Ryoma," The familiar cheery tone of Momo greeted his ear. They'd known each other five years and his old friend had still never gotten used to his name. "Everyone's going out tonight. Wanna come? You can bring your girlfriend."
Right. Girlfriend. Would he ever get used to that? "Maybe. We'll see."
They took that beat, that awkward feel of a moment, where he knew it was the end of the conversation and Momo knew it was the end of the conversation but they had to pretend like there was something more to say. So Ryoma cleared his throat. "I'll talk to you later."
"Ja ne."
Ryoma rolled to the side, watching Sakuno yawn cutely and turn to him with bleary brown eyes. "What time is it?"
"Time to get a watch."
They looked at each other then. She laughed, the one dimple burrowed in her right cheek flashing. It hadn't even been that funny, but it was early, and they hadn't really spoken at all last night. He rose out of bed to search for his clothes which had somehow ended up under the bed.
"Do you want to go out?" Sakuno tilted her head at his question. Her hair was nauseatingly perfect. "We'll probably go to a club."
"Do you want me there?"
When they did talk, they both spoke in riddles. Neither one ever answered a question. They skit passed it, watching it get away so it didn't have to be faced. Because it wasn't love and they were honest. Ryoma cared, but not enough to lie.
"Do you want to be there?" He asked, and they left it at that.
After Sakuno and him were dressed and eating breakfast (That he'd had no part in) in the middle of his kitchen she pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek. She smelled like vanilla. He turned away.
"Two days, yeah?"
She nodded, tugging on her sleeve. Ryoma didn't even glance back as he left his apartment. There were no such things as goodbyes when you were always coming back.
"Stop, your parents will be back soon."
"Your family too, kid."
"Cheesy. And incestuous."
Kevin laughed when his boyfriend made a face. They were under the covers, huddled together like little kids. Little kids who did very naughty things, he specified. It was a good morning. It was periods of time like these that made the hiding worth it.
Hiding. Like they were playing an innocent game of hide-and-go-seek.
"Hey," His eyes flicked up to meet Ryoga's. They were hazel, not as obvious as his brother's, but subtly brilliant. Just like the rest of him. "Your forehead's getting all stitched up. It's taking years off you."
"Sorry."
"It's not your fault." Ryoga shrugged, brushing a hand against his arm. He shivered at the warmth. But, eventually, pulled back after a minute of silence. They stared at each other under the shade of the blanket shielding them from the world.
"We can't stay under the covers forever, Ryoga."
There was a fleeting expression of sadness and the reply was softer then skin. "I know."
He leaned forward for a kiss that was mint tooth paste and a hand on his hip. Maybe they couldn't stay there forever, but, for now, they were safe.
Ryoma didn't mind seeing his family. Despite the fact that his father was a perverted idiot and his brother ruffled his hair every five seconds, it was nice to know they were there. He was lucky. He'd always known that.
But there were those moments when forgot who he was supposed to be and being around the dinner table watching everyone joke and laugh left him feeling lost. Kevin seemed to pick up on his mood and kicked him in the knee, though not at all lightly. Ryoga laughed when he hissed in pain.
"Oi, brat."
He rolled his eyes, swallowing a gulp of water then crinkling his nose at the bland taste. Did water always taste so clear? "What?"
"How un-cute." His father shook his head, but his eyes were smiling. "Where's your girlfriend?"
"Right beside me. Can't you see her?"
"Ryoma." His mother admonished and Ryoma almost felt bad. Almost.
It wasn't exactly a topic he took to very well. People were always asking him how Sakuno was doing, why she wasn't there, if he would bring her around soon. Maybe it would have been different if they were in a real relationship. But they weren't. Talking about her just made it worse.
"I think she's studying."
Kevin nudged him again. "Excited about starting University?"
"Mada mada dane." He muttered leaning back in his chair casually.
"Which is Ryoma-speak for; he's ecstatic."
"Who asked you?"
"You just did."
He cursed the united front that his brother and Kevin made. They always set him into those damn traps. Ryoma frowned.
"Aw, look, little Ryoma's pouting." Ryoga smirked at him over the table.
Definitely hated coming home.
Yukimura leaned against the bar watching everyone dance. Ryoma was being interrogated at a table nearby by Momo and Eiji. He couldn't have looked anymore bored.
He marveled at the boy's accomplishments. He'd come back to Japan two years prior with Nationals under his belt and sharp intellect that he seemed to keep hidden unless it was needed. Ryoma had done so well in school he'd been accepted into Tokyo University a year early at just seventeen. But he wasn't surprised, really. They'd always known the boy would do great things.
But, was he the only one who had seemed to notice how isolated Ryoma had become? They're were times when he catch a familiar look and he'd want to scoop it out with his fingers and analyze. Fuji would have said he was rubbing off on him, though more literally than anyone would guess. Yukimura flushed at the thought. There was a hand on his back and he startled.
"Keep staring at him and he'll say something."
He smiled. Usually, Fuji would have been affronted by him staring at anyone else that wasn't one of their lovers. But it was Ryoma. They'd always held a huge appreciation for the boy. Not that it would ever go anywhere. Straight as a ruler, he sighed. Such a waste.
He leaned into his lover's hand. "He's so pretty."
Fuji smiled- amused by his fascination - but it thinned and he knew there was a plan brewing somewhere. "He'll be prettier in our bed."
"It's not going to happen."
"Mhmm."
Yukimura shook his head. "Keigo is going to slay you."
"I'd like to see that snob try." His lover purred and he mourned for the loss of sleep that was to come. When his lover's fought, they fought. Even Tezuka couldn't break up it up. Though, Sanada always gave him the best massages to lull him to sleep. "We've wanted him for a very long time."
He breathed deeply, conceding the point. They hadn't even tried. Only then would they know. He bit his lip and waved a lazy hand. "What's the plan?"
Sakuno didn't know. About life, about anything. She didn't even know how she felt, really. Her every movement was Ryoma. Her day dawned on those eyes and her sun rose with that smile. She'd worked her life around him like a Rubik's cube until every side was color match perfect. Sadly, sometimes, effort rewarded you more effort.
It wasn't his fault. She understood and she didn't blame. But it hurt. Because she loved him. And she didn't deserve the acid rain of nights spent with her hand reaching for his. The hand that was tucked under his body for protection. But she loved him enough not to be honest.
"You're moping." Tomo said as soon as she reached her. They were going to be pretty early for school but she was glad. She hated being late.
"Sorry."
"Don't apologize for the way you feel." Her friend chastised. "What's wrong?"
Sakuno shook her head. "Nothing."
"Ryoma's already started University, right?" Tomo's eyes just knew. It was great for her because she still had no clue. She played with charm hanging off her bag in hopes of avoiding the conversation.
"Sakuno." It wasn't an inquiry. It was now, child, or else. People made her sick somedays with their casual use of control just because she didn't like to assert. She wasn't that kind of person. That wasn't her fault either. She didn't get mad, though, even though she wanted to. Tomo was the way she was and there was no use getting upset over it.
"Yes."
"Well," And Sakuno blinked because she'd never heard her friend's voice that soft. "Not everything can stay the same forever."
Classes were challenging, but Ryoma found that he didn't mind it. That had always been the problem with school. It'd been too easy. But here, in University, he'd finally something to keep him thinking. Still, he was hesitant about his major in architecture.
After Drafting, he didn't have anything until the evening. People were huddling outside on the quad and he only turned when he heard his name. Then rolled his eyes and paused in the middle of the grass.
"Stalking me, Fuji?"
The man sighed, holding a hand to his chest. His smile was almost cheesy. "Why, Echizen, I'm shocked and hurt that you'd think I'd do something like that."
"Are you going to start crying or is that not in your acting reach?" He couldn't help the smirk that stretched, though.
"Speaking of writing-"
"Which we weren't."
Fuji didn't seem to hear him. "-You were good at personal essays in school, correct?"
"I was good at everything in school." He snorted. Because it was true. People tended to think he'd managed to get even more arrogant while he was away. Which wasn't true. He was just honest. Fuji's eyes peeked through, tearing through him.
"Hmm. Yes, I guess that's true. Anyway, we started a literary magazine and I was wondering if you'd like to get involved?"
Writing. He could do that, he could that well. Plus, it wasn't like he any other pressing engagements. Ryoma shrugged. Let that speak for itself.
"Good. Welcome to In The Closet."
He stared at Fuji's retreating back in horror.
Pretty sure that's not the name of the magazine.