Okay, so I've been watchin a lot of FMA lately and I decided to try my hand at an FMA fic. I'm going to post the prologue I wrote to see if it's even worth writing. I'll leave that up to you guys. Just, no harsh words please. Positive reviews and positive help though is welcome. Nothing too negative. If anybody thinks its good, but has ideas on how I can improve, then let me know
Prologue:
"Erika!" My sister screamed my name. When I looked at her, I saw the pure terror in her eyes. The tendrils held on tight to her body as they pulled her closer and closer to the gate.
"Jenna!" I yelled, making a move to grab my sister and protect her from what we had done. As I reached for her, I felt something stop me. Looking down, I saw my right leg in the clutches of the very tendrils that now held my sister. I screamed in pain as I felt the tendrils severe the skin between my hip and the top of my right thigh. I collapsed onto my stomach and looked out, still reaching out a hand for my sister, who vanished right in front of me. "NO!" I screamed, slamming my fist onto the floor.
I moved to get up, my right leg screaming in protest. I reached a hand down, grabbing my leg, or what was left of it. Warm blood spilled between my fingers, dripping to the floor. If I didn't think my leg was gone before, I did now. Tears sprang to my bicolored eyes, but it wasn't from the pain. My sister was gone and it was all my fault.
See, a few years ago, mine and Jenna's parents died, leaving us in the care of our older sister, Mikayla. As terrible as this may make me sound, their deaths didn't really make a dent on me or Jenna. They hadn't really cared much for us. If anyone had taken care of us, it was our sister. Mikayla was, to us, the best sister we could have hoped for. She didn't get angry with us very easily and she always praised us. Eventually, Jenna and I took up learning alchemy. That seemed to make her happy too. Then, just a little over a year or so ago, Mikayla left us like our parents had, but, unlike with them, her death greatly affected us. Jenna and I refused to talk to anyone that wasn't close to us.
We eventually started trying to learn better on alchemy. I had read somewhere that there was a type of transmutation that could be used to bring back the dead, though it was forbidden. I'm very stubborn, so forbidden didn't stop me. After learning from a teacher, we came back home and went about trying to bring back our sister.
Which is how we got to the point we were at now, 8-year-old Jenna completely deconstructed by the transmutation, and 9-year-old me lacking a leg.
I growled as I clenched my fists. "Jenna," I muttered. I clenched my fists tighter. No. I refused to give up on Jenna. Looking around, I saw what looked like the mannequins Mikayla had used in her hobby of sewing clothes, whether it was for us or someone from town. I didn't even think. I didn't have time to think. I pulled myself over to the wall and reached out, knocking over the mannequin that had a physique like Mikayla herself had had. Opening up the mannequin and holding out a bloodstained hand, I began drawing a seal on the inside of the mannequin.
"I want my sister back." I growled. "I won't let you take her from me!" And I clapped my hands together.
Okay, so like I said, this is the prologue and it's rather rough. If it could use improving. i'm welcome to suggestions. Erika has actually been created before, but I somewhat modified how things happened to her. One of the only reasons Jenna was created was because I like my central characters having a younger sibling, most times its a little sister. I used the mannequin thing because I wanted Jenna to have an easier time blending in then Al ever does plus a mannequin would be an easier thing for me to draw.