Dear Gilbert,
I never thought it would happen to us; the immense pain that consumed our lives as we slowly but surely found ourselves drifting further and further apart. It was weird, we weren't even properly divorced yet, but I was so glad for that to be completely and shamelessly honest. Once I had laid eyes on you for the first time in three long, agonizing years, my body started to ache with a certain familiarity. It quaked at the vibrations that erupted from your voice and shivers seized my spine as those piercing red orbs of yours trailed along my being. I had still wanted you- needed you to be more precise. I still needed you, but it was already too late. We had drifted so far apart, we had ensnared our consciences into different world and it was now impossible to set them free. We had found completely different people to fill the gap that swallowed our hurting hearts.
Don't ask me why, don't ever ask me why I did this. I can't give you a completely honest answer and nor do I want to. I didn't mean to hurt anyone or keep anyone in the dark but it just happened. Everything I did, everything I felt, everything I said, it was instinct. I was scared, and I was silently hurting, so there was no recovery from the instincts that had kicked in and filled in all the holes in my plan to erase everything between us. I wanted to set you free; I wanted you to be happy without having to deal with the burden that was my undying love for you but like every plan with no thought put into it, it had failed. Once I was safe enough from having my heart completely crushed, I released all those emotions. I released them and it was still smashed to billions of sparkling tears that I'll never get back. Like a thief to diamonds, they started to gradually disappear until there was eventually a big enough whole to fit your whole hand through. Its remarkable enough how I'm still alive and breathing though.
Please, with all your heart and the experience we had with each other- please! Don't think for a second that I had never loved you to begin with because I had loved you with every fiber of my being- with every blatant cell that made up every piece of flesh in and outside of my body. I had loved you more than I could have ever loved anyone, and I had to let you go. It wasn't for the sake of our beautiful daughter that I solely regret keeping from you, not at all. I did it because I was so frightened, please understand that. Nothing good ever comes out of things being absolutely perfect… and everything was perfect between us. I'm so sorry. No, I am more than sorry that I did this and I would jump at the opportunity to have you back in my arms- never forget that. If only you'd do the same, though. I miss you, I love you, I need you back with me. I need you! But I don't want to be the cause of your downfall if you decide to leave the person you're with. I don't want to be the reason their heart has been shattered. I don't want to cause any more damage to the heart you're so desperately trying to mend by forgetting about me. But the only way you're ever going to truly get over me is if you come back to me. We are each other's worlds, we complete each other and that is a fact that you can't deny is true, so let's start over. Lets go back to the very beginning where we start with a simple "hello" and let everything blossom into something that will be absolutely inseparable. Let's be strangers that become the best of friends, and the greatest of lovers all over again. That's all I ask. Let's start our life all over again.
Blah, usually I'm never this sappy with my writings. It's kind of embarrassing but if I had the courage to say all this to you, I would. Without a doubt. I would say this to you over and over if I were able to- hell, I'd scream it at the very top of my already raw lungs. I don't want to make the same mistake twice.
Love, Lovino Romano Vargas~