She was still there. Had time stopped without any knowledge of her? Was she trapped into her own past?
No, time had not stopped. It just kept on going back to those damned, painful, unforgettable, grieving instants.
She was still there, on Fort Drakon's Roof. He was still speaking with her, and although she couldn't hear his voice the utterly awareness of his words crashed knocked her down like a punch in her chest. He was going to finish the Archdemon off, he wasn't going to let her die when he could avoid her such a wrong destiny. He was going to save her, and to protect his kingdom.
And now, now that these instants were part of her past, even though still the present in her mind, now she had to watch herself sending him to death, she had to look at herself kissing him for the last time, faking a pain she wasn't feeling, feigning a love she wasn't feeling.
She tried to shake her other self, she tried to let out a cry in his direction. But all she could do, was listening to her own thoughts.
"Yes, my hero, my king, go, run die for me, die in my place, that's how you'll atone for your lies, for having made a fool of me! You promised me your love, you told you couldn't stay without me, for any reason, and I trusted you, I believed in you, I always stood by you, I gave you the crown and I was sure you'd have called me by your side, as king. Instead..you deceived me, you fool, you had it all, you had me, and you threw it all to the wind! Damn you, why!"
Then flashes of light blinded her. And Kelsya was back to the present, finally.
Her whole body was shacking, while freezing air was flooding the room.
Yes, the dream spoke the truth. Such had been her thoughts, her real feelings, while Alistair was about to face death. Then, after the blast of light, she had lost consciousness: she opened her eyes only the next morning, without any memory of what she may had done after the light blast or how she had gotten back to the Royal Palace.
She exhaled a brief, tiresome sigh, then closed her eyes again trying to chase away those memories. Sooner as she had thought possible, sleep came to kidnap her again: and in those confused moments between sleeping and waking, she remembered.
She remember herself running towards Alistair's corpse, cradling it in her arms and whispering into his ears.
"What have I done, what..my pain took over my mind, you stabbed me when you left me, you have been unfair with me but, Maker forgive me, you didn't deserve death! But I planned it all, I refused Morrigan's offer just to see you die, I knew you wouldn't have let me inflict the final blow on the Archdemon so I decided to steal your life away in punishment! Forgive me, forgive me, forgive.."
She had repeated those two, last words until Zevran knelt beside her and dragged her away from Alistair's cold corpse. Before losing consciousness, although, she had said so softly that only herself heard those words: "My king..so dear..has left me in the night"